Break The Chain:: Verse - Tumblr Posts

“Funny you should mention that. She started turning grey as she started getting bigger. She used to be pink when she was little,” She remarks. She found that part interesting, and amusing to imagine her as a snatcher. Though it is concerning to think of her snatching people and bringing her to their home.

Lucie falls back flat on her yelping in surprise. But she gets back up quickly shaking off any rubble or dust. She bounces back and walked back to Grin inspecting him, before giving him a cheerful trill. She’s making sure he was ok. She sniffs over JD, finding out where he’s been, she knows it all through the scents as she tries to learn it all through her curious nose.

Upon all this, Shima sits down on a broken, fallen wall chuckling. On one hand, she’s happy to have Lucie found her own little friend to rough play with. On the other hand the two of them 

"I think you played a little rough in that tug-o-war eh?” She quips as she smiles at Lucie. “You should be careful, you don’t know your own strength.”

Lucie huffed in affirmation, half confident half proud of it.

“Uh... I don’t think that’s a good idea for a number of reasons,” she responds hesitantly. As soon as she hears the word ‘Lab’, Lucie looks up letting out a whimper before scampering away to an area where she digs underneath the rubble before hiding in it. Looking back at Lucie before looking at Wade confirms what would happen if they did.

“One of them being she hates going to the doctor’s office. Or to anything relating to a lab. I’ve tried and it ends up with kicking and screaming,” She answers. 

“And secondly,” She adds pointing at herself. “I’m the Magpie. You know the enemy of the COG, self-proclaimed vigilante with a knack for anarchy. I’m pretty sure I don’t have classified clearance.”

“Or that I’m allowed anywhere near COG areas period.”

“I should’ve probably explained that it wasn’t impossible, just that it would be difficult,” She responded looking back at JD. Although it was her fault for becoming an enemy of the COG, it wasn’t Lucie’s fault for being so afraid of medical faculties. 

“I am considered such, even after what I did before this.”

“On top of that, you guys seem nice and the last thing I wanna do is get you in any trouble,“ she added shrugging. It was a rare thing to say coming from her.  

She walked over to the pile of rubble where Lucie was hiding, and from her cloak, she extended a black cybernetic hand and began to pull out some of the heavier rubble. It encouraged Lucie to come out herself, standing up and then shaking off the smaller bits of rubble herself.

“I don’t know what his issue is though. Does he get like that often?”

“How long have you known him?” She inquires, “You seem to know each other a little well.”

She’s reminded of the times with Jean, how they picked up the little quirks from one another as time went by. She used to find that cute, even after Jean died in her arms in that time ago.

Something in the air changes, Lucie can smell that. There’s someone else here, but she stays at Shima’s side. But she keeps smelling the air, even in the soil, trying to identify whether or not they’re friend or foe.

Immediately her lips are seal to hide her presence here. Shima signs to Lucie to do the same. Lucie sits down, keeping her mouth shut as well, although she tilts her head in curiosity from hearing this new voice coming from the strange box.

She thought Grin, Wade, and JD were the only ones in the area on patrol. It seemed that he failed to mention that of another. Either way, she needs to leave before this gets worse. 

Lucie, being bored from her silence, gets up, only to accidentally step on broken glass, causing both her and Shima to freeze-up while Shima’s eyes widen in panic.

Shit. She looks back at Lucie and then at JD. Then back at Lucie in disappointment as she realizes they’ve been caught, causing Lucie to whimper in disappointment as well. Eyeing the sniper sight, she feels the impulse to pull out her sniper and load a bullet into him. It’s already gotten worse so why just take him out?

No, there was still a chance to escape. To knock him out then run, provided she got the chance. But for now, she’s stuck in a backed-up corner with no way to run.

She can only hide her fearful anger and just keeps silent as inside of her cloak she traces the engravings of Jean’s tags as a way to keep calm and focus on her plan of escape.

“You’re not trying to blackmail him, are you?” She accuses upon hearing these words. 

“Cause that’s fucked up if you are, and this is coming from me.”

 And for the record, he hasn’t ‘fraternized’ with me. We met accidentally. I was just in the area at the same time JD was patrolling,” She explains shrugging. Lucie gets out of her disappointment stupor to slowly walk to Shima’s side keeping her eye on the man with the hidden eyes. Her tail slowly swishes towards the ground ready to defend if necessary.

“I don’t really think you should point fingers at him and hold his job at hand. That’s just what a bully would do.”

“Not really for me, but you should give a damn about who they belonged to. They were the reason why I stuck my ass out trying to help other COGS like her, JD and hell maybe even you.”

“They belonged to somebody. Her name was Jean Grey. She fought for the COG and it killed her. She died trying to shield me and even then I lost my fucking arm and her. And I had to watch her die alone in my arms. Nobody came for either of us,” she admits her story of the day she died. The day she lost her. The day whatever world she had to crumble. 

“The COG is supposed to bring everybody together and keep everybody together. So why did she get left behind? I was screaming for somebody, anybody to come help as she bled out,” She grits between her teeth. 

“I wasn’t always a terrorist, but I wasn’t an Outsider or a COG either. So why did someone like me end up living and someone like her loyal to the COG end up dying alone with me of all people?”

Her calm composure was replaced by emotions long buried soon bursting at the seams, her hands balled in a fist as she looks him in the eye as she tells him. Looking back at JD. He was right. It wasn’t safe here to start a fight. She sighed and backed up to try and breathe. Her hands fall to the side not looking at either Fahz nor JD.

“Why did she die so I could live?” She mumbled to herself.

 With that, she takes her cloak and gestures Lucie to follow her. She picks up her mask and starts to walk away.

As she’s about to put on her mask and leave the ruins, she pauses when she heard Wade speak.  Her expression is that of shared sympathy. She nodded to confirm the agony she felt. She knew how he felt. 

“You weren’t prepared. That wasn’t your fault. This fighting between them and the COG has to stop. It’s hurting more people than it is helping. I want it to stop so that nobody has to endure what I did. Or die alone like Jean did.”

Hesitantly she places a hand on his shoulder, as a form of comfort.

“I guess...people like us should stick together then. So that way this doesn’t happen again. Or to help each other in our moments like this one.”

She listens to his story. As she does, her expression changed from solemnness to that of subtle shock and horror. 

“That terrible thing Fahz mentioned. This was it, wasn’t it?” She softly asked. The cup she held in her left hand started crack as she held onto it tighter. There was anger, knowing all of this now. So many questions swirl around her mind, most of them equating to ‘why’.

At the end of it all, it always equated to human error and emotion. Something no one has no control over.

She remembered what she said at Fahz, that whatever terrible thing, she would make sure he earned her trust all over it and that he would have to tell her on his own time. And this was the time. Setting the cup aside, her expressions softened as she asked him.

“How long... would you have kept this buried deep down? How long would have allowed this to eat you up knowing this.”

“I have to tell you what happened at Settlement 2. I kept it secret from Del and Kait and… look where that got me.”

“I was running a squad of Deebees, trying to keep the peace. There was a protest. It started out peaceful, but then they started throwing firebombs. I panicked, and… ordered my Deebees to open fire. By the time I reined them back in, Fahz’s squad had opened fire, too.”

“People died. Because of me. That’s what happened, why Del and Kait hate me now. Not to mention the Hammer incident at the evacuation before my coma…”

The buried feeling reminded her of Jean. How much she loved her, but always keeping that hidden, even to a point of disguising those feelings in the form of providing the support to not only her squadron, but to others that weren’t even related to her missions. All for her, never for herself. She’ll never see her smile, or her vibrant red hair. Never telling her how strong she was, or how kind she was.

All that time she never told her how she felt. And now she’s dead and now Shima’s forever burdened with them. 

“Even though it may seem easier, it’s not. Take it from someone who constantly helped someone so different from her, that it was only because she had feelings for them. But she never told them because not only was she scared, that person ended up dying without ever knowing. It eats you up and kills you slowly until there’s nothing left.”

“Do you ever think that what happened at the Hammer of Dawn was a culmination of that?”

She’s told him about Jean but never to an extent like this, and this whole venture as the Magpie is part-culmination, part-determination to never let this happen to anyone else

“But I think instead of letting it eat you up, you decided that was enough, and you told someone like me. Doing this now and telling me, is a  good step if anything. To have had enough of hiding it.”

“With my experiences, I don’t know how to fix anything. But that doesn’t mean you can’t fix it. At least not by yourself,” She offers, reaching out to place a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.

“Sometimes we tend to do things either knowingly or unknowingly whether we want to or not. The mind is funny like that.”

“One way or another we have to face them, and deal with the aftermath after it’s all said and done,” She added. All of this is a lot to take in for her, but it’s important for him. So she doesn’t react or say anything. Even though she also shared her experiences, at the end of this conversation she was going to take a nap.  A long one at that.

But she does tilt her head in question. “Yeah, I guess you could if you want. Depends on how comfortable you are about it. But either way I’ll be happy to listen. What is it?”

Whatever it may be she honestly hopes it isn’t as heavy as what she’s had to hear.

Her eyes widened a little but they softened as she listened more. There was...relief on her face. Like she found someone like her for the first time in so long.

“I’ll be honest, I never really agreed with that. The whole ‘repopulate’ thing. I think that should be done out of love, never necessity,” She says shrugging. “It should be of choice, and you should never do something that you didn’t choose.”

Growing up away from those two opposing sides, she didn’t really have a mindset to base her opinions off of. Or a place to shut her ability to express herself. To find out who she was as Shimabukuro, not as a COG or an Outsider. She found out that she liked both girls and boys but not like other ‘normal people would. But there was also something she found out as well.

“And I did. She was a girl named Jean. She was in the COG as well, but I never really cared that she was. I wasn’t really into anybody, you know, sexually. Later I found out that’s what it’s like to be asexual,” She admits. Emotions swell in her throat as she continues to open her secret heart.

 “I used to think that something was wrong with me, because I didn’t feel the same things as normal people did.  I was afraid if I told someone, even her, she’d look at me the wrong way, and confirm everything I thought to be true about myself.”

“But I love being with people, and I care for them so much. I still feel, and I don’t feel that way about myself anymore

“I guess...Maybe that’s why I never really cared about the physical aspects of anybody. Maybe that’s why I just care and feel so much more than other people do. Just like you do with Wade. That’s such a human thing and that’s not your fault. Just as much as it isn’t mine.”

                                     Sometimes the ONLY pay off 

                                     for having any FAITH,

                                                      is when it’s tested 

                                                       again 

                                                              &&

                                                                   again 

                                                    EVERYDAY

“I agree. That’s what I try to do as the Magpie. Be something they can’t ignore and make them think. Just make them think if that mentality’s such a good thing and everything else about the COG. That and so that no one like Jean suffers dying alone.”

She feels that a burden had been lifted as her secrets and heart’s open. To find someone in her situation who doesn’t fit into the mentality. To pour out her vulnerability in an environment where she’s not afraid to say it. It’s a relief to get all the stones out of her stomach.

“I think that’s a valid thing to feel. You don’t know how they’re gonna react. You care for him, and you’re scared to never see him again right? So that’s normal to think that. I used to be scared shitless thinking of Jean rejecting me.”

 “I don’t know enough about him so I couldn’t give you an answer. But I know he cares. He wants to make things better. So I think there’s that chance. I didn’t get the chance to tell Jean how I felt. But you do, and I think you should tell him.”

“And I’m willing to help with that, if you’ll allow me to.”

“I think that sounds like a good idea. We should probably make a plan ‘cause I also have no idea how to confess ‘I love you’ to someone either,” she says chuckling nervously. “Don’t worry I’m still gonna help.”

She feels this overwhelming sensation wash over her, from having to learn what happened at Settlement 2, to this. It was a lot to take in and frankly before she went off playing wingman, she needed some time to process what happened today before she does anything else.

“But first I need to get some sleep. Cause I didn’t get any last night. And the last thing I need right now are a lack of brain cells from me. You should probably get some rest too,” She sighs ruffling her hair. 

She breaks out in a chuckle. “I hope so too.” Internally she hoped the same thing, a plan to come up with. 

But before she starts to leave, she reaches out to him again placing a hand on his shoulder. “Hey. Thanks for telling me the truth. That means a lot to me. I want you to know that.”

She finds he’s the bravest person alive right now. Having this talk, seeing him spill his vulnerability out in front of her and having herself do the same for him. Even though it was draining, it was definitely worth this outcome. To find someone she could relate to. Together right now, they’re probably the bravest people alive right now.

She nodded, full of exhaustion and overwhelm. “You’re welcome.” She watched him walk away until she could no longer see his faint silhouette.

She makes her way to back to her temporary place of stay, her first action is to run the sink and plug it. When it was full, she submerged her head in, screaming her head off, letting out those overwhelming screams drown in the water. That was a conversation that had too much going all at once. Even though it was important for JD to talk to her, to allow every secret to spill in the space they shared, he really needed a filter to say things one at a time.

She screams until she’s out of breath. She pulls her head back, taking deep breaths. She pulls the loose strands away from her vision and takes a moment to breathe. Drying it with a towel on the counter, she makes her way to her bed and collapses. Crawling she, pulls the blankets over her, and lays there until she sleeps, thinking about just how they were gonna pull it off. 

On top of that, she thinks of whether or not there’ll be someone who’ll love her one day. She keeps thinking until her conscious state slips into that of dreaming and wondering one thing: 

Will people like her and JD find their happy endings in this life?

End

“See nothing to--Wait, what?” She looked back at Wade in confusion. “That’s really weird...”

She wasn’t going to judge whatever’s on the paper. Whatever he used to find the results were obviously smarter. It could explain why her heart would suddenly start rapidly beating out of the blue. It could explain why her eyesight’s starting to blur recently, and the headaches that have plagued her these years. 

“I don’t understand...dopamine?” She looked down to see her right hand trembling, and held it steady with her left mechanical hand. She was fine. She had to be, right? That’s all she’s ever known is ‘fine’.

“I-I feel fine. That can’t possible. Is there anything that you can do?”

“Oof...I... haven’t had any of that since...” She hesitated uncomfortably as a possible realization dawns on her. It made sense, why there were always those things in the house provided by the father she had known.

Could that be why? Because there was none to sustain, none for her to make on her own, except it was possible to be sustained by others. Something that hadn’t happened in so long.

“I haven’t had any of that since...Jean died...When I became the Magpie.”

Her discomfort of the memory was notable, her fingers nervously fidgeting. It wasn’t the best thing to happen, a reason why she constantly fought, never taking a break to think or to grieve.