To My Old Self

To my old self

Se dovessi scrivere qualcosa alla me del passato inizierebbe così

Non riesco ad odiarti, o a condannarti o a dimenticarti. Quando si tratta di te e dei tuoi grandi occhioni neri, anche se solo per secondo, riesco a perdonarmi. Capisco che non è colpa tua, e sono è colpa tua allora non è nemmeno mia. E forse sei l'unica persona in questo mondo, che invidio. per te vivere e sognare erano la stessa cosa. Mi ricordo, sai? Ricordo quanto ti era facile scivolare dalla fantasia alla realtà e avevi sempre quel sorriso innocente, pure. Sincero.

Poi, ovviamente dovrei elaborare e allora andrebbe così:

Per te, a differenza mia, vivere era facile. Avevi il sorriso facile, la risata facile, , la lacrima facile. Riuscivi a sentire tutto e niente ti fermava. Non una caduta dalla bici, non una sgridata dalla mamma, non una giornata di pioggia, non un chilo di troppo. Vedo le foto, e non mi capacito di quanto potessi essere forte ancora così piccola. Non scappavi dai problemi. No, tu gli abbracciavi perché pensavi che tutto si potesse risolvere con l'amore. E non hai sbagliato più di tanto, sono io che me ne sono dimenticata.

Aggiungetei ancora qualche dettaglio:

Tu amavi amare, eri fatta per quello e in cambio non volevi niente se non protezione. Forse sono stata io, forse è stato il mondo, forse siamo stati entrambi ma ti sei trovata a dare, dare, dare per non ricevere nulla, per essere lasciata sola contro demoni che non dovevano essere tuoi. È qui che finisci tu ed inizio io. Ma non morirai mai, non finché ci sarò io, non finché mi ricorderò di te e per la cronaca ho una memoria di acciaio. Hai amato un tempo, ti sei amata un tempo, hai smesso ora, quello che posso fare per te è riniziare a vivere. Forse, un giorno, facilmente.

-the sun will shine on us again

A.Z

Cry Me A River | Masterpost

— summary: forever is just an illusion, nothing lasts forever. don’t make me a promise that you cannot keep. please...it’ll break my heart

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: angst, slight fluff, poly!au, mafia!au, arranged marriage!au

— status: ongoing

— word count: 100k+

— warnings: (triggering topics! please read at your own discretion) childhood trauma, mental abuse, physical abuse, child neglect, manipulation, gaslighting, violence, mentions of assault, implied sexual assault, hurt and comfort, divorce, emotional neglect, minor character deaths, kidnapping, some emotionally unstable scenes

↳ there will likely be more specifics in certain chapters. just know that this series highlight some things that can be triggering to some

— please don't go into this thinking it'll be a light read. don't estimate the warnings

— if you happen to read this series despite the warnings and if there are certain chapters you wish to skip rather than reading because of the warnings, feel free to send me an ask if you ever wish to know the gist of certain chapters and i will gladly catch you up so you don't get confused on anything

one. the breaking | you tried so hard to be enough

two. the lie | a house made of cards, they lived in your beautiful fairytale

three. the promise | if you told them about the darkness inside of you, would they still look at you like you're the sun?

four. the gentle heart | keep your heart warm, no matter how cold they have been to you

five. the void | no matter how many times you read a story over and over again, it always ends the same

six. the puppeteer | father wanted perfection, you fell in love with disorder

seven. the trial master | the only way to get rid of a buried memory is to face your past

eight. the scarlet drop | you can wipe someone's tears but not their memories

nine. the game of chess | everything's burned down into flames and all that's left is you right in the center, unable to escape

ten. the abuser and the bystander | it hurts just as much knowing someone could have stopped it all but chose to stand by and watch instead

eleven. the thorns of a rose | loyalty means to have full allegiance and faithfulness owned by a duty, a pledge, or a promise. and the reapers' loyalty lies much deeper than that

twelve. the black rose | he loved you once, so hard, but taehyung has no right to begin caring for you now

thirteen. the broken | once someone's been taught to stay quiet their whole life, how do they learn to scream and shout for help?

fourteen. the hurting | you can break something in two seconds but it will take forever to heal

fifteen. the cruel and the fool | nothing hurts more than trying your absolute best and still not being good enough

sixteen. the second choice | an illusion of free choice, it will always be namjoon in the end

seventeen. the liar | hoseok lied about choosing you, namjoon lied about leaving you, but the biggest liar of them all is you

eighteen. coming soon...

Tell me he's not the cutest

jimin and taehyung are only two months apart but jimin sounds like hes 12 and taehyung sounds like he’s gone through puberty twice and this is why i have trust issues 

I hate writing advices.

I'm writing my first book. It will be full of errors and plot gaps. It won't be anything special or unique. I will probably -subconsciously- take words from other books and quote other people.

So I don't need to be told how mediocre my book will be. I know it, and I like it anyway. Because it will be MY book.

Keep your advices to yourself. Thanxxx