Im Not Having Any Fun, Happy Thoughts In Fact, My Thoughts Are Just In A Loop And I Feel Like I Cant

I’m not having any fun, happy thoughts in fact, my thoughts are just in a loop and I feel like I can’t escape my mind like I’m a prisoner help between these fleshy little walls. I know how to escape the prison, but everyone else who is not in the prison Will kind of be like oh that’s sad and say it was good prison .. good to keep prisoners at and keep them around. did you know the rate of suicide in prisoners is very high so that’s why they monitor them so closely, crazy. I know I’m not a real prisoner, but sometimes I feel like someone should watch me.

Idk maybe it s my brain, im stuck in here against my will. Maybe my brain will get better one day but today it’s hard.

You are one of the few beings who think while they have the chance, and it’s a beautiful thing watching your thoughts take form in a word soup you’re afraid to offer the world.

“Sorry I’m rambling”

No, you’re existing out loud in a world full of the mute, and I can’t stand the silence.

so please, continue….

I was listening.

Jan 20, 2024

You dance around the outskirts of my .. heart

so close .. yet ?so? far

And You could breech the distance if you ever wanted too

But I have this sneaking feeling/ you’re afraid.. to

Like you’re a doctor and I’m a patient in a covid room

The kinda of wimp who won’t do what they set out to do

So you Peak through the door, talk through a crack

A disembodied voice of a ghost

I can’t haunt back

I give to you my notes app special of the day …

Are special interest for autistic people all the time? Like do you have a hyper fixation special interest that they run through all forms of content for said special interest for like say a month and doesn’t obsess over the content anymore but if anyone asks me a question about it, I would know it extensively or is it kinda like you just have the same special interest forever like birds?or something

Not trying to be rude I wanna know if I need to get tested……

…?

So We’ll have rerun conversations

Credits to shows we already know

We’ll fight the same boss fight

A million times

I just wanna make sure we get it right

And I’m sorry Deja vu costars in our lives

When I bring up the same thing for the millionth time

Sorry I get caught up in my mind

Tangled in self doubt vines

strangled by my anxiety snake

The nine foot python that drives me insane

I know it’ll eat me whole one day

So How many strikes till I’m out of the game?

How many times can I say the same thing?

A broken record isn’t fun to dance to

So honestly I’d leave if i was you

And I’d understand it too

For anyone who is turning 25 this year.. I need you to let me know if that frontal lobe kick thing is real. Like some people say like you just wake up on your 25th birthday and your like Einstein up in this bitch and you’re like why did I make those choices? I need you to let me know if that’s real please and thank you.

Xoxo