Oh This Hurts

oh this hurts

day 9283 of waiting for a drabble of reader dying and satoru is trying to bake treats that they used to make and breaking down when he just can't get it right i've been craving satoru angst sm

— angst (no comfort <3 ), character death (reader), satoru x reader (established rs), kinda proofread

satoru’s bottom lip trembles as he stares at the half-eaten cookie in his hand. too fucking salty, he thinks. first it was too much baking powder, then too much flour. somehow he burned the bottoms but not the top. now they’re too bitter. he has to spit it out in the trash and satoru glances at the salt and sugar right next to each other amongst the mess he’s made on the counter.

he slams the cookie down, spraying out crumbs to scatter onto the floor, and satoru heaves a large sigh as he leans against the wall. baking is hard, he’s never been a good cook. that was your expertise. he loved to come home to new pastries and desserts you were excited to show him, shoving brownies and cookies and tarts between his lips as soon as he was settled after work.

to say he misses you is the understatement of the century. satoru damns the tragedy that took you away, because now he’s pathetic. he’s stuck sitting alone on the floor, chest stuttering and teeth sunk into his lip, holding back tears because it’s so fucking hard to just make a cookie how you used to make it.

the frustration finally boils over. satoru buries his face in his palms, leaned forward against his knees. the tears are endless, streaming down his cheeks. he feels inadequate and defeated. it’s been three months since he started trying to bake, and a year after your death. satoru regrets not doing a number of things before you passed, but one of them is not learning to bake with you. maybe if he spent less time sneaking chocolate chips from the bag and focusing on your measurements, how much of this or that that you used to sprinkle in, it wouldn’t be taking him god damn forever to learn how to bake chocolate chip cookies. not just from scratch, but exactly how you used to do it.

it’s all bullshit. it’s unfair. you didn’t deserve to be ripped away so soon. satoru didn’t deserve to have you taken from him so soon, in the blink of an eye. you were supposed to still be here, squeezed between his arms and helping him laugh away his mistakes. if you were here, it wouldn’t hurt so much that he couldn’t get these cookies perfect. in fact, it wouldn’t hurt at all, because you’d be thumping him on the head before he poured too much salt. you’d be here to wrestle the chocolate chips from him because ‘he’s using them all’. you’d be here to guide his hand and show him how to do things.

but you’re not here. the knowledge of your recipes has died with you. he sniffs and he whimpers and he cries, but you won’t be coming to tell him it’s alright. satoru can only sit and stare at the complete disarray of the kitchen. all with nothing to show for it.

🍪: @anthoosies @staryukis @deepenthevoid @bubblez-blop @luvvmae @risuola @bunnymacaron @hellkaiserinphoenix @lxnarphase @cinnamoneve @satoruxsc @rosso-seta @angelina7890 @starlightanyaaa @domainexpansionmypants @neptuneblue @biscuitsngravie @babytoshiii @kissesfrombelle @v0ctin @purplegemadventures @luvvforliaa @apatauaia @sataraxia @leilalilox @sugu-love @manyno @the-monster-under-the-bed @kisstoru @blindbabycadder

The Best of My Heart

Word Count: Just over 6.8k

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: hallucinations, blood, character death, brief mention of religion (no details honestly), brief mention of pregnancy, disgusting fluff, not edited

Currently Listening To: In the Stars by Benson Boone

Keep reading

a love unrequited

tw: angst

summary: you’re desperately in love with gojou satoru, but you’ll never let him know, because you’ll always be his best friend.

a/n: smthn quick idk i’m sorry for my inactivity

a disease that ate away at you slowly, your remnants crumbling into what could only be deciphered as a smile

“this is keiko.” his bare face exposed to the unfamiliar girl before you, blindfold nowhere to be found. a state of himself he only let those dear to his heart see. a state of himself that he let her see.

you watch as your best friend gently grasps the woman before him as if she were the sun — his eyes admiring her every movement.

oh, how you wish it was you with gojo satoru wrapped around your finger.

how you prayed to the deities above that some day, maybe, possibly, you had a chance to show satoru what true, real, burning love from you was like.

but alas, you couldn’t dare to step out of the boundary he so clearly marked for you: the best friend. you couldn’t destroy his happiness, his wishes, his dreams.

you could only fantasise a future of being mrs. gojo. nothing more.

please do not plagiarise my work or share it on any other social media platform, thank you :).

reposts are appreciated!

©️tora-ken 2024

sukuna ryomen // fic recommendations

note: remember to read the tags! + i do not own any of these works

on your life (and for the rest of mine)

the odyssey

blackmail

then and now

the death sentence

hell is still in session

chained

like warmth to the freezing

you're mine

in the plain cold night

downfall

playful interruption

nearly a blip in time

the offering

dire straits

a lesson in paradise

unlikely reunion

somewhere only we know

gingerbread

double trouble

annoying brat

not many women

little spider

a curse left behind

unholy

lifetimes

the pact

sukuna + glasses

woodsmoke and toasted marshmallows

bells

no name romance

only yours, forever

got a youth of may inspired angst kinda rant with gojo if anyone wants to know hehe

(tw. cheating? (not on mc) death, injuries, kinda toxic idk)

Gojo’s a Lieutenant General in military and you’re his favourite nurse, obvious reason, you’re his girlfriend of 3 years. You both met during your stay in medical school and his 3 week training for medical assistance - dates and hard fucking were what sprouted this love. Your the first nurse he calls when he’s injured, he always comes to your office during your lunch break if he has time, and he always kisses you and his promise ring when he leaves for a mission domestically or internationally.

But things started to change when your branch was sent to a city where martial law was declared, and Gojo had to stay because a Lieutenant General was already placed for duty there. You both did your best in keeping contact, but with the amount of shifts you were put on due to military violence held you back in the hallways of the hospital. Misunderstandings happen as Gojo worries over your long absences and you worry during your shifts at the hospital on whether or not if you should talk to him - would it end up being an argument? You stop texting and he’s at his wits end. That’s until your cousin, also a nurse back at home, started becoming your emissary because of your turmoil.

It hurts me but Gojo starts to become attached to your cousin, starting to enjoy her company more than what she initially came to tell him about you. But Gojo wouldn’t pursue her if he was still with you - you’re still precious to him, you’re still someone he loves, so he breaks it off over the phone.

“Is it her?” - “…Yeah,”

“Why her?” - “She’s here.”

You don’t hear from her or him after that, you figure she feels out of place to talk to you now that she’s somewhat got feelings for her cousins ex boyfriend. And Satoru, you figure he’s wallowing in a pit of shame, although it must not as deep as you expect since he wasn’t scared to say it over the phone, or keep it secret for a bit at home (you don’t think you want to call that city home anymore)

“Shoko told me there’s not much they hide over there,” Suguru’s voice is soft, you don’t want his pity - but you rethink it when his next words come out cautiously it sends an uncomfortable tremor in you.

“…She also said he doesn’t wear his ring anymore,”

Blah Blah Blah, time goes on. You try to work on yourself but with such little time on your hands, there’s only so much you can do for yourself. But Suguru helps the best he can, he’s a good friend - almost too good that your chest doesn’t tremble with sadness when he starts to talk about Satoru and your cousins status (he only does it when you ask, and he makes sure to double check if you’re really sure he can talk about - ‘she’s ranked up, she sits in your old office now’ ‘Shoko growled them off the other day for spilling disinfectant over the infirmary floor, she called them ugly hounds’)

There’s a big city commotion that happens, and martial law calls for back up. Overnight, reinforcements are sent over.

Gojo happens to stumble into your infirmary with a dislocated shoulder, his head held down low as he sits on the bed, his mind screams about the nostalgia of it all. You walk in and grimace a bit, then heave out a sigh. It’s silent on your part, you only give him sharp answers when he asks how you’ve been and if you’ve been doing ok. Satoru feels his stomach backflip when he feels your touch across his shoulder, collarbone and chest, your hands feel like fire but so soft simultaneously. He also feels something cold, and it makes him shiver, he looks down - your promise ring.

“Don’t feel so special, I wasn’t going to let this dust up in my drawer, it’s a nice ring.”

When you leave, you bump into your cousin who looks frantic. It’s awkward until she asks where he is, you point to the closed curtain and she leaves with a bitter taste in her throat (she was there on sight ready to help him, but he had already asked for your assistance out of instinct)

Gojo resumes his duties, but this time, he stays here. Suguru says it’s because the other Lieutenant generals wife just had their first born so he went back home.

After the first city commotion, more happens, the people are restless. You understand them, it’s not nice law abiding a more corrupt ‘government.’ Gojo too, he doesn’t like how the higher ups order so much violence against the public, but to save face for his position he stays quiet. You don’t. You join the people and Satoru watches.

It’s now routine to always bump into him. Your cousin now works at your hospital, so you’re bound to see him when he comes to visit and pick her up if he can. He tries to befriend you, but you don’t want that.

Satoru sees you forget your ID one day when entering the hospital in casual clothes, the soldiers at the door must be new because they start to become aggressive. You’re shoved on the floor and before you could be slapped, Gojo steps in and takes it on his shoulder - his injured shoulder.

And that’s how you end up hold an ice bag on the swelling area of his shoulder. Satoru uses his thumb to smoothe out your eyebrows, saying how you’re scary with a glare. And when you finally look up, you see his dog tag is paired with his promise ring, when you ask about it he says, “Didn’t have the heart to throw it in my draw as well,”

This is where things start to get confusing with our lovebirds? Gojo is being confusing; he likes you cousin, he really does, but he thinks he still loves you, and Y/N won’t open up to him about the possibility of dating him again because of how poisonous it is to think about how they ended before.

Satoru decides for the both of you when he comes back for a checkup and lets it slip that he misses you, and when you look up, he kisses you, his hand cradling your hand with the promise ring and pulling it against his chest to connect it with his.

However, you don’t take kindly to his actions and slap him after. He whispers he loves you when you leave. After leaving himself, he goes over to his girlfriend’s apartment and apologises.

“Why?” - “She’s here now, and that’s all I needed”

You do your best at pushing him away, but he’s persistent. It starts to annoy you that you beg your superior to change your shifts, but no matter what, he’s always there like shadow.

“Y/N,” he says sternly, but you don’t falter in your haste to seem against the idea, “7PM, tonight,”

“I can’t leave until 9,” - “7PM, I’ll carry you if I have to,”

You get carried out at 7PM but the date is cut short after a curfew was set at 8PM, Satoru says he didn’t know about this. The 2 dates you go to after the first is not out of your will, but you would say the ones after aren’t.

It’s after a month when Satoru says he loves you again, and this time to your face. You think it’s because of how damn serious everything is starting to crumble, he came back to the infirmary a week ago with a very nasty concussion and gashes and there was a sliver of panic in him that he wouldn’t make it without telling you how much you meant to him. So he confessed to you the week after.

“I know you don’t have the answer right now, come back to me tomorrow night and I’ll wait for you, always,”

You don’t give him an answer, mind too muddled after a change of events these past couple of months, but you give him your ring as a promise that you will come back if not tomorrow, and he gives his to you as a reminder that you always have a part of his heart. You leave his room after that, and when you do, you notice it’s past curfew. The rural areas of the city are quite scary to walk by, especially the trees.

Long story short, you see a kid in the woods afraid of making their way home because of how brutal they’ve come to realise the military men were, you do your best in walking them out but get shut down when a soldier drives past and sees your white uniform in within the trees. He’s yelling, calling you a traitor for conspiring with the public with such suspicion. You tell the kid to run when you stand up and he does, your hands are lifted and you turn around when the soldier spots the kid disappear into the trees.

He shoots you in the chest, you think it pierced your lung, and you drop to the ground. He leaves you in that woods but you’re just thankful he didn’t pursue that precious child into the woods. Your chest heaves with heartbreak each shallow breath you take - Satoru, your eyelids feel heavy the more you take a breath. You love him, despite it all, you love Satoru - always have, always did.

Your eyes reach the sky, it’s flimmering with birght stars. You think if you concentrate hard enough, it’ll show you the cosmos that are in Satoru’s eyes. You take the ring out of your pocket and do you best with one hand to slide it on your ring finger.

“I do, Satoru, I do.”

You do love him, and you think broadly if he had asked for your hand you would’ve replied the same as well.

It’s 4 years after you disappeared - only Satoru thinks that, but others beg to differ. After the martial law was overrun in that city, violence was eradicated and Satoru decided to no longer pursue his fight as a military man - that time of his life showed him that being a part of the military wasn’t what his morals were - plus it wasn’t what you wanted too.

After you hadn’t showed the night after, he clutched your ring tightly to manifest that you would come back to him someday - but he didn’t mean 3 years later.

“It’s - It’s her, they found her,” Suguru whispers, and Satoru stops. Time stops for him, everything stops.

Satoru is brave, the bravest soldier his superior would preach about, but he isn’t brave enough to see what was left of you. So he clutches the ring that was found with you, his wails come violently like his soul is being ripped from him. Your cousin is the only one to comfort him, she’s no longer bitter about everything because if that didn’t happen she wouldn’t have met her now husband and son. So she comforts him as a thank you.

After a month, Satoru visits your grave. He weeps at your photo, his body curled on the grass; he’ll never see you again, he’ll never remind you how his love bleeds for you every time, and he’ll never know what you wanted to say that night.

He loved you for three years, still loved you for another and will forever love you until he gets to greet you again.

His dog tag dangles with both your rings.

“I’ll keep these clean for you for the next time I see you, my love, wait for me okay?”

satosugu strikes again…?

It’s no surprise that Gojo had his first love before you. You didn’t mind at the start, having fallen for each other in your mid 20’s, it was only natural that you wouldn’t have been his first.

They do say however, that you never forget your first love. Which is proven to be true, especially in your case. And you try your hardest to fight for a place in his heart, scraping and digging to find yourself a place in his ice cold heart like a dog. You want him to love you the way you love him, the love you’ve craved from the start of your relationship. That pure, unconditional love. Don’t misunderstand him, he does love you, but you’re not who he truly wants you to be. It has you so torn.

Having witnessed his first love bloom while you were a young sorcerer alongside him, you couldn’t have been more hurt. You know you shouldn’t be, but you’re oh so jealous.

And oh my god, you reminded him so much of him. But he just couldn’t love you the way you wanted to be loved, because you are not and never will be him.

Betrayal comes in all forms, everyone has experienced it. The way gojo’s first betrayal happened the moment his first love turned his back to him, it happened to you when your first love only ever loved you because you’re so similar to his first love.

When you silently and slowly grew into a different person with time, as one does, you noticed your boyfriend growing more and more distant. You were no longer a piece of him. You were you.

Gojo was selfish, as much as he was aware. He knew the real reason behind your relationship, but he just couldn’t let go of you. The moment you changed however, it’s like it was his primal instinct to leave. You were no longer a patch suitable for his wound.

That’s until the moment you took the final blow instead of him. You couldn’t handle seeing him suffer, nor could you handle suffering further yourself. That’s when you allowed yourself to bleed out on the ground in front of him, with no return.

And he finally realized. He loved Geto more than anything, but he also eventually learned to love you for you, even if neither of you knew it. When he finally realized, however, your last breath grazed his skin oh so gently, like you always treated him. He was so unfair to you. That’s when he finally realized he ended up killing both of his best friends, his loves.

As your crimson blood stained his shirt, and his salty tears warmed your cold, lifeless face, his own demise came from around the corner.

And he promised to make it up to you, to him, to both of you. But even in the afterlife, both of you knew you would not come first. Even after death, he could never bear to put you first.