I Miss How Interested You Were In Me

i miss how interested you were in me

Men finding out that I’m disposable, no longer wanted nor worth being interested in, and not having to let me know a thing

I hate how perseverant I am. I am that unwanted street-dog that you have to nudge away over and over with your leg. I am that needy friend glued by to you at a party, understanding that it’s embarrassing for you but not being able to face being caught alone. I am that one muted contact in your phone. I am that one movie-extra that keeps pushing for a bigger role. I am that one chore you’ve avoided doing for days. I am that one person who will try so hard to be loved but will never be looked at as more than a friend. I am that person who uses their one good trait of determination to burden others, I am that person you feel guilty for not caring enough about, I am that person who’s eager to spend time with you and is under the naïve, dead-wrong impression that you feel the same amount of passion. I am that one person, I always have been that person, and I will always be that person.

Me: *jokes and talks with adult male customer*

My trauma hell brain: this person might be a child molester and you touched his hand while giving him his change. You just touched a monster you should be scared