Men Finding Out That Im Disposable, No Longer Wanted Nor Worth Being Interested In, And Not Having To

Men finding out that I’m disposable, no longer wanted nor worth being interested in, and not having to let me know a thing

i miss how interested you were in me

I hate how perseverant I am. I am that unwanted street-dog that you have to nudge away over and over with your leg. I am that needy friend glued by to you at a party, understanding that it’s embarrassing for you but not being able to face being caught alone. I am that one muted contact in your phone. I am that one movie-extra that keeps pushing for a bigger role. I am that one chore you’ve avoided doing for days. I am that one person who will try so hard to be loved but will never be looked at as more than a friend. I am that person who uses their one good trait of determination to burden others, I am that person you feel guilty for not caring enough about, I am that person who’s eager to spend time with you and is under the naïve, dead-wrong impression that you feel the same amount of passion. I am that one person, I always have been that person, and I will always be that person.

Things about sibling abuse:

-They tell you it’s childplay or sibling rilvary, nothing serious. They don’t fuckingn understand

-How the fuck are people friends with their siblings?

-It’s such a rare form of abuse, never spoken about, never taken seriously. It’s the most isolating fact of your world

-You feel guilty for valueing friends over family. Or you don’t.

-People tell you you’ll eventually choose family over friends, that “blood is thicker than water”. They can go fuck themselves

-If it’s sexual abuse, it’s subjectively the most shameful way to be touched

-If it’s sexual abuse, you masturbate to porn that mirrors your trauma (incest), or masturbate to the trauma itself. When you’re done, you feel so guilty and dirty that you dissociate.

-If it’s abuse committed by an older sibling, you count years until they move out.

-It quite possibly creates boundary issues where you forgive people on the spot but forever hold resentment toward your sibling(s)

-If it’s emotional or mental/psychological abuse, you feel uneasy even on their days where they’re not being manipulative and whatnot

-If it’s physical abuse, you hide around the house, having panic attacks in every corner

-If it’s physical abuse, you don’t take the “physical discipline” discourse lightly, done by parents to their children. It’s just fucking evil and no one understands

-You fear having friends over. Either because it’s embarrassing to witness, or because they’ll see your sibling(s) acting all nice and sweet, and never believe you. They’ll take their side and befriend them.

-You (might) have the dilemma of wanting people to like your siblings because you know they’re not monsters and that they changed, but you also want people to know what they did and take your side.

-If your sibling has a disorder, your parent probably defends them for it and says that it’s not their fault, even though your abuser’s illness should NEVER excuse what they did/do to you

-You are insulted and disgusted and want to cry when your parents accidentally call you by their name or vice versa. You’re terrified of becoming them/being like them/being compared to them.

u ever remember how badly someone broke u and get angry again lol 

Isolation