Veyavey - Untitled - Tumblr Blog

real

i would die just to know if my mother will cry at my deathbed or spit on it. i would die just to know if my mother loves me at all.  (mine)

Old Friends..

My freshman year was actually ok but I kind of attached myself to someone and I feel pathetic if I beg for her to talk to me. She was the only person who liked me and my stupid ass pushed her away. She would always be smiling when she was around me and she let me come to her house when we first met. Its like we were inseparable. We were always together and we always hung out at her house or the park. It was really nice but the thing is, I wasn't vulnerable with her. I just kept a certain emotionless composure all the time and I feel bad because she actually cared about me. She asked if I was ok a lot and she even tried to convince her mom to let me run away to her house and live with her because my mom sucks... I feel really bad... I've changed and matured in the last year.. I wanted to talk to her but she just left me on seen. Another girl I know said she thought I didn't like her or she did something. no.. I just didn't know how to express my emotions because when I did, they were always brushed off or I felt like I was being annoying or overwhelming. I can't talk to her in person because she avoids me. I don't know what to do... I feel so lonely... I have a gf but she lives far away.

My mom fucking sucks

My mom sucks balls, as the title suggests lmao. I'm really starting to hate her more and become more angry at her for having 3 other kids with an idiot who is good for nothing and isn't a good father at all. He was racist towards me for about 4-5 years and made me suicidal at 10. My father passed when I was much younger and I really wish it was her instead. She doesn't care about me or my mental state at all. ignorant bitch. I'm not gonna hurt myself because I know I'm not the problem. I did nothing wrong but want support and unconditional love, Motherly love. I look up to older women because of that fact but most of the time I just feel annoying. I met my gf on a lesbian 18+ discord server that I had no business being on. I don't relate to anyone my age at all, I don't use TikTok, do drugs or bad stuff. All of that stuff just makes me feel miserable. Idk who I could relate with on a more emotional note because I'm the oldest out of all the kids in my family. No older siblings or cousins to look up to. I had an older friend but she was mentally slow as hell, she had no common sense at all and I'm pretty sure she was a cigarette baby. Not to be... arrogant? but I feel like everyone around me is dumb and depressed or severely mentally ill. I'm more mentally unstable and I feel like if i was taken out of the environment, then I'd be much better. There's nobody in this world for me and everyone always slips away from me.