Funniest Possible Stance For Brucie Wayne To Publically Take Is A Firmly-rooted Belief That Batman Doesn't

Funniest possible stance for Brucie Wayne to publically take is a firmly-rooted belief that Batman doesn't exist.

"I've never once been rescued by this so-called hero and I've been kidnapped 14 times already this year."

"Why would the police summon him with a giant lantern? Wouldn't that make more sense for Mothman?"

"I know what you can do with Photoshop, these doctored pictures can't fool me! Tim's a whiz with photos, have you seen his latest exhibit..?"

"Vigilantism is illegal, you can't do that."

“Bruce Wayne goes prematurely grey at 39; What does Gotham’s Prince have to be stressed about?”

There’s so much identity porn potential in that question. Unless Bruce starts dyeing his hair, it’s a fair question — why did he go grey so young? Thomas didn’t. He’s a billionaire, so what could honestly be so stressful?

(To be extra cruel, maybe he goes grey when Jason dies but the death isn’t announced to the press until a few months later, just to get the story in place)

Batsitting is a full time job

Headcanon that when Superman is daydreaming he starts to float.

The Justice League is having a meeting and Clark is thinking about cinnamon rolls and he just starts slowly floating away like an untethered balloon. Someone has to grab his foot and pull him back down.

Your headcanon about Bruce killing previously is parallel to one of mine where someone watches him like casually dismantle a dead body -for whatever reason- and are horrified by how casual he is about it and he’s like, the reason I don’t kill isn’t cause I can’t handle it it’s cause I’d be realllllyyy good at it

Bonus points if that horrified person is Clark, who has to watch Bruce break down a body piece by piece (for case reasons).

Clark: wait…why do you know how to do this?

Bruce, shrugging, blood streaked across his face: after a while it just becomes routine

Clark: after a WHILE?

but in all seriousness, I’m chewing on the headcanon that Bruce killed a lot with Ra’s and the League of Assassins before forming his own no-killing code. and the batkids always think he’s never killed anyone and doesn’t have the stomach for it, but the opposite is true. he had the stomach for it and he was good at killing people. and if he didn’t have his code, his rules, he would simply never stop killing bad people who deserve it.

I’m imagining some sort of visit from Ra’s or Talia where they tease/allude to this right in front of the batkids and everyone just goes quiet. because Bruce? killing people? but there was always a reason he was going to be heir to Ra’s. they wouldn’t have chosen him if he didn’t have that kind of potential.