What Kind Of A Stupid Question Is That? Just 5 Short Hours Ago You Sent Your 170 Lbs Roommate In There

What kind of a stupid question is that? Just 5 short hours ago you sent your 170 lbs roommate in there and you think you can pass it off as you being empty? It’s so obvious that’s someone’s in there; you’re freaking huge, man. This is what happens when you eat a whole man. The folks on the ISS can see that there’s someone in there! Did you seriously think you could hide this?

Do I look bigger?

In that case why not come a little closer. A bit closer than that, don’t worry you can touch it. Yeah, that’s right. Pull that down while you’re at it. Yeah, that’s it. Go ahead, enjoy it. Caress it, lick it, whatever you want, I want you to savor it, yes. Why not feel between? Yeah, that’s feeling great. Your hand is stuck? Good. Stop freaking out, a lot more than your hand’s gonna be stuck in a moment. Yes, that’s right, in you go. Hope you’re enjoy my ass ‘cause it sure is enjoying you. I forgot to tell you, more nice butt equals no more of you. Thanks for your donation, sir. Even if you won’t see it, hundreds of guys will be grateful before they too help the cause. Beautiful cycle isn’t it. Welp, sweet dreams; enjoy the rest of your life inside my ass!

Any guesses on how many couples ended up inside this couple? Gotta be an interesting experience, especially if you believe in vicarious observation after digestion.

A couple that gains together stays together 😤❤️

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I know you’re the driver, so I’m not gonna attempt anything now, but damn. When we reach our destination and I don’t have any gas money it’ll be fine because in exchange for this one ride I’ll carry you around myself forever. Eh, who am I kidding. Feel free to blame me for not being able to control myself when we reach our destination and you take the one way trip down my throat. It won’t matter once you’re in me anyways. I’ll let you hate me all you want as I repurpose your muscles as my own, but I’ll know the truth; that your ultimately to blame for your impending doom for simply being too damn delicious to resist.

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Just another Physics Lecture

"How do you find the cumulative force with two coplanar but noncollinear forces acting on the same point?"

A hand shot up from the back row.

“Yes?”

“I would make a triangle using the tip to tail method.”

“Care to demonstrate, Derek?”

The student sprung from his seat. Reilly, the resident twink, was clearly entranced by Derek’s trademark ass, jiggling as he bounded down the stairs. I had to admit his infamous derriere didn’t go unnoticed by me, but I knew how to keep things professional. Besides, him swaggering around, shoving his massive domed belly in people’s faces as though he were a star quarterback was a near instant turn off for me. In quiet he was a joke on campus for this reason. Save a few, like Reilly, his fraternity allure faded the second he left Greek row to mingle with the unimpressed engineering students. Nevertheless, we all gave him the attention he so craved, not for his self-proclaimed charisma, but rather for his other abilities.

Arriving at the front board he turned to show off his belly to the Lecture Hall, or rather lack thereof. Eyes grew wide across the room; he was empty! Had Robin really “gone missing” that long ago? I mean, I guess it could’ve been weeks ago, but it didn’t really matter, it was too late for him. The real question was, who is going to be next?

As he returned to his seat, I realized his master plan. Sitting right next to the door, he watched over the hall like a hawk. This was a classic strategy on campus. Predators would perch themselves at the doors of the longest and busiest lectures at our all male school and wait for an unlucky student to leave and enter a secluded space like the restrooms where they could swoop in and claim their meal. If that didn’t work they’d follow someone out of the lecture and pick them off once they left the crowd. Leaving with a group of friends was usually a deterrent. Not that someone as brazen as Derek would mind an audience, but rather there was at least a loose hope that someone in your group of friends would be able to free you from the greedy jaws of doom. Unfortunately for me, sitting not even a quarter way through a 3 hour long lecture, I had to relieve myself badly.

I keep looking back at the door, frantically checking to see him still staring as if daring someone to go out alone. At risk of wetting myself, I sat patiently until finally Hasan rose to the exit doors opposite from where Derek was rubbing his empty stomach. Certainly this was a fatal mistake that would at least let me go in peace once Derek returned with a Hasan sized belly. But he didn’t budge. Was Derek not hungry?

Hasan returned safely to his seat some five minutes later all while Derek remained unmoved. I waited for another student to take his leave, just in case, and quickly scurried out after him. Reaching the restroom I soon found myself alone. My classmate had gone somewhere else. Before I could do my business, I heard someone coming down the hall. The footsteps felt too light to be Derek or Steven, the other notorious predator likely to strike. Juan, the third and final predator in that lecture of 80 had not even started processing his prey he sweet talked into taking the ravenous water slide the night prior. But not wanting to take chances, I scampered to the stall and crouched atop the toilet seat not to be seen. But alas, I hear harmless Kyle mumbling to himself so I jump down from my perch. Leaving the stall and rounding the corner to the sink area I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Derek staggering in.

“S’up Kyle”

Derek was menacing even if he wasn’t trying to be,

“Hey man, I was just heading back to lect–”

“C’mon, tell me how you’ve been”

“I better get back to class”

Kyle’s responses continue growing more and more uneasy,

“What’s the rush? Afterall, you’ll have nothing to do from now on”

Derek says maniacally while pulling the back of his black shorts down to free his billowing ass.

Kyle takes this as his cue, not wasting a moment to muster all his strength to sock the aggressor in his growling abdomen, bringing the feared devourer of men almost to his knees. Trailed behind by a clearly disoriented Derek, Kyle sprinted out the building as fast as his legs could carry him.

“You can’t escape me, Kyle!”

He screamed. Seeing this as my opportunity to escape being Kyle’s substitute, I try to take my leave but am stopped in the doorway by an angrier and hungrier Derek.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Back to lecture.”

“Good guess, let me give you a hint.”

He says, pulling off his shirt to reveal his very sweaty and only slightly pudgy torso.

“But you can’t let Kyle get away like that.”

“I don’t intend to, but Kyle will have to wait because my hunger does not.”

The warm feeling of his breath on my forehead begins to induce a panic.

“Please don’t eat me, I’ll do anything you want!”

“Then let me shove you up my ass! That’s all I want from you. Look,”

He grabs my shoulders and starts leading me as his tone suddenly changes from threatening to gingerly,

“I don’t mean to impede on your plans so I respect the same courtesy. You came here to pee and then swiftly return to class and I’ll graciously accommodate that. Just do what you were gonna do, wash your hands and then I’ll escort you back to the lecture hall. Heck, I’ll carry you around all week!”

I reach the urinal and feel his hands slip off my shoulders and down to my hips. Without a chance for me to react he removes my belt and ties it tightly around my knees. His warm breath creeps down my neck as my pants fall to the new position of the belt. I feel a pressure against my back. I can’t think. I don’t want to know what that is, I can’t know. I stand frozen desperately praying for a miracle as I stand between a wall and a hard place.

After what feels like hours, the silence is broken by someone yelling.

“Derek, what the fuck are you doing in here!? Using class time to sexually assault a classmate!?”

I immediately recognize the voice as Frederico, our Calculus TA. Feeling both the physical and metaphorical pressure lifted off my back I turn to face the graduate student. I was so relieved that I had forgotten my legs were tied together and promptly fell on the floor.

“Oh my God! Let me get you freed.”

I try to scream but I struggle to make a sound, as he bends down and undoes the belt.

“Frederico”

Is all I’m able to murmur, allowing him just enough time to look up and see Derek’s cheeks descend upon him. Before he could even react, his head had been completely engulfed. His hands shot out to feel where his head would be, but rested short against the 2nd year’s muscles he now knew would seal his fate. After initial shock and panic, he went limp. Knowing full well that struggling at this point it was too futile to be worth attempting, he tried to find some peace as he was slowly delivered to his final destination, all the while Derek moaned with immense pleasure. I couldn’t move, staring in horror as my tutor of three semesters slowly disappeared. Completely disassociated, I didn’t recognize this was even real life until one big toe was all that remained and Derek’s abdomen was adorned with a yoga ball sized mass of flesh.

He burped and chuckled a little to himself as he helped me off the ground.

“Funny, I guess we both ended up getting what we wanted in the end.”

I was too dumbfounded to answer. Pulling up his pants he waddled out, giving a nod with his backwards cap as he left the restroom.

“See you around, snack”

Putting on my clothes I returned to my seat.

“What happened, you alright” my lab partner asked

“I’ll tell you later, I don’t want to talk about it now.”

“Shout out a property of gravity, class”

“The factor of mass”

I hear an all too familiar voice from the back yell out.

“What do you mean by that?”

“The more massive an object, the bigger the pull.”

The class erupts in murmurs as he leaves his seat to parade his new addition.

“You see for instance I’m pretty massive, so my pull is stronger than most can resist.”

“But, the further the object, the weaker the pull.”

Eli from the second row retorts.

“Oh, delicious little Eli, I’ll always be close.”

The class murmurs turn into all out yelling

“CLASS! Please, let’s just get on with the lecture.”

Poor Eli would follow in Frederico’s footsteps in the restroom next to calculus class just over 3 weeks later.

Somehow I survived Physics with a B as it seemed Derek somehow forgot about the experience which haunted me every night.

As for Kyle, his fabled escape had saved him from Derek and made him a local legend. Unfortunately, just 8 days later fate led him to an almost empty social lounge where Steven’s belly claimed him for itself. College was no friend to the unfortunate.