HELLPPPP ANON ABOUT KEYS BEING INEXPERIENCED??? IMAGINE HIM HAVING A STRAP ON TUCKED AWAY BECAUSE HE'S

HELLPPPP ANON ABOUT KEYS BEING INEXPERIENCED??? IMAGINE HIM HAVING A STRAP ON TUCKED AWAY BECAUSE HE'S WANTED TO GET PEGGED FOR SO LONG BUT HE'S TOO SHY TO ASK. BUT THEN YOU FIND IT. AND CONFRONT HIM ABOUT IT. OHHHH MY GOD

“what’s this?”

when keys turns, he expects to see, like, an ironic hawaiian shirt you found in his closet. instead, he fumbles with his bowl of cereal.

you found the strap.

“um.” he doesn’t know what to say. he hasn’t thought about how to approach you with it in a while, too busy with work to really divulge in thoughts like getting his ass fucked. “m-mouser? yeah. mouser got it for me. dumb gag joke.”

you furrow your brows. “and you kept it?”

he shrugs and forces a smile. his face is crimson. “yeah?”

you purse your lips. your hands running over the material has him tenting. “he brought you a dildo with a strap for a stupid joke?”

he falters a little “uh-huh.”

“so you didn’t buy it yourself.”

“no.”

“keys,” you sigh, nearly rolling your eyes. “i found this in your room in a bag. with a receipt.”

“w-“

“you could have just said something.”

he’s a little confused here. “huh?”

and then you’re dropping your pants, and even though keys has seen you naked about three dozen times, he still looks away to give you privacy.

“look at me, pretty boy,” you coo, stepping into the harness. his eyes are wide as he watches, shocked at the sight. a sight he never thought he’d see. “think it’s a little big for me to be realistic,” you say, stroking it. christ, you’re stroking it. he swallows hard.

“sorry?”

“you think you can take it?”

“well, um,” he says carefully, “i already have.”

your eyes widen. “when on earth did you have time for that?”

“when you went on vacation whenever - two months ago - right?”

he’s so silly. chest heaving, glasses fogging, hands gripping his cereal like a vice.

“how about you come show me how you take it?”

the cereal is discarded.

mombin pt 2 because we're committed now

(part 1 is here)

i'm sorry but steven going 'uwu its just 6 dollars, everyone can afford it' made me want to whack him with a stale baguette filled with lead, like how tone-deaf can you be, you silly little tesla-driving man

just some of my favorite hozier pics :)

can i get permission to say something that could potentially get me killed here and would DEFINITELY get me killed on twitter. am i safe with you here

My favorite funny moment that came out of the Watcher streaming announcement was people asking Miles (from the Try Guys) about the Watcher streaming service while he was live on YouTube and as he was about to speak a whiteboard fell directly onto his face and he took it as a sign from the universe not to speak