Age Gap

Age gap

▫️summary: your parents get you forcefully married to a guy who’s eight years older than you. And the problem is he doesn’t know it.

Pairing: doctor Jungkook x female reader

Rating: 13+

Genre: angst

Word count: 2.3k

Warnings: deep love stuff, soft romance, hella angsty.

“Have a good night” Jungkook closed the door of his bedroom and sighed exhaustively, leaning his back on the door as he rubbed his face with his hands. He doesn’t know what he’s gonna do now. He opened his eyes and felt a knife against his throat and hands against his mouth. “You let out a single noise and your grave is ready at twent-eight.” You brawl in his ear as his eyes almost popped out in fear. He was particularly screaming silently. “You’re so overdramatic.” You say as he stood there stunned. He joins his hands, asking for forgiveness as you leave his side and make him breathe in terror.

“You’re my wife, how can you do this?!” He started lashing out walking inside the bedroom. “If I can’t kill my step mom. I might kill my husband.” You said monotonously making him choke on water. “What did I do?!” He yells, “you married me. And that’s your fault.” You walk closer to him and lay out the map. “You will help me sneak out.” It was all happening so fast that he glitched. “Hold on. We are married. Husband and wife. Like actually committed to each other.” He danced his hands around trying to explain to you as if you’re a child. “Dude. How can you be so fucking dumb? Isn’t it obvious that I’m saying to run away and I don’t want this committed thingy?”

You say as he scratches his head in confusion. “Then why did you agree to this?” You rolled your eyes and sigh. “I was forced. And I can’t tell how.” The seriousness in your voice made him bite his lower lip. He can’t believe that the first actual conversation with you would be this. “You should‘ve given signs. Or something.” He was heartbroken. Not because of you not wanting this but because he thought he’s doing the right thing although he trusted his parents in the matter. “I wasn’t allowed out of my room. And I’m fucking twenty one how can you agree on marrying me!?”

He let out an audible gasp. “They said you’re twenty six!” You monotonously clap your hands, “congratulations.” He fell onto the bed. “Don’t get traumatised please I still need to go.” You say before you go inside The restroom to remove your wedding dress. Your age was a new piece of information which he wasn’t ready for. “How can she be younger than my sister?” He whispered to himself and held his head.

You exit the washroom with your casual clothes on and walk to the bed. You took the laid-out map and folded it. “It’s okay,I can help myself.” He looked at you. “My life is ruined.” He says as you sigh and turn to him. “So is mine.” You said as he removed his coat making you lower your eyebrows. He threw it aside, took a pillow and screamed. He pulls out his head from the pillow with tense breathing. “I married so I can get over my ex.” You rolled your eyes so hard that you saw your skull. “You proved you’re a man.” He looks at you as you click your tongue. “Be fucking for real man, why would you do this to get over an average girlie?” he wipes his forehead.

“I don’t know what to do anymore. Should I divorce you?” You shake your head instantly. “No no, don’t do that.” You fold your hands and walk around to think. “You help me get out of this household some way, like help me escape.” He licked his bottom lip. “I can do that. But where will you go? You have a place to stay?” You blinked and looked down, slowly shaking your head. “Then how can I just…” he shrugs. You exhaled and sat on his bed. “What about you? Does your family treat you well?” You asked as he sat beside you with a safe distance. “They forced out a medical degree inside of me so…” you chuckled and gaze outside the small window which displayed the full moon. “Why don’t you run away as well?”

He chuckled, “I’ve been away from home for eight years. Two months ago I moved back in to get married.” You nod your head. You’re lost again. You don’t know If there’s an End to this. If you’ll ever get your freedom. “Can you do a job?” You look at him. “What?” He nods his head, “you can work at my hospital. How much have you studied?” He inquired, “high school. Wasn’t allowed after that.” He takes his bottom lip in his teeth. “You can work as a receptionist right?” Your eyes lit up as you nod like a child. “I can!” He hums, “okay then. You can stay with me if you wish until you get enough money to pay rent every month.” You nod your head, “thank you.” You say genuinely as he smiles back. “You’re welcome.”

“If it wasn’t for your urgent work, I would’ve kept my daughter in law as my own daughter.” His mother pinched your cheeks. “It’s not a huge deal, we’re coming back anyway sooner or later.” We’re not. You smile nervously. “Y-yeah. He’s right.” You say as you bid your goodbye and sit in the taxi with your luggage. “Yes yes!” You screeched In excitement.

Your eyes widened at the sight of the hospital. “Woah this is bigger than my neighbourhood. You own this?” You asked as he chuckled. “No, of course not. I work as a lead assistant under my professor. I’m an ophthalmologist.” You blinked, “what’s that?” He points his two fingers at your eyes, “an eye specialist.” You nod in realisation. “Damn, you must be good at reading people.” He chuckled and shook his head, “surprisingly I’m not.” “Hi dr.jeon!” He smiles at the nurse, “hello” he bows as you lower your eyebrows. Everyone seems to know him well. He guided you around and made you sit in the lounge. “Sit here, my friend is coming. He’s in the hiring department.” You nod your head and sit quietly in the luxurious hospital lounge for doctors. Never in your dreams did you think you'd be able to sit at such a place.

“Jeon!” You looked up to see a tall figure running towards your husband while his white coat and id pass flared in the air. He takes Jungkook in a bone crushing hug. “How was the wedding?! And why are you back so early?! Where's my new bestie?! How is your wife!? You?” He asked you as you subconsciously nodded. He sprint beside you, “oh my god, you’re so pretty! I’m Dr.jung Hoseok. Been with Jungkook for five years. What’s your name, pretty?” You smiled shyly, “y/n.” He claps his hand. “You look so young for your age!” His spirit was so high you could fly in the air. ”yeah thanks, I’m twenty one.” You say with a small smile as he halts and drops his smile.

“You’re what?” He blinked and removed his glasses. “You’re twenty one?!” The spirit might start burning you. He scratches his head and walks to Jungkook. “You were into young girls? I never knew..” Jungkook inhaled in temper, “jung Hoseok. Hear me out.” Hoseok scratched his upper lip gently. “Yeah you must explain your creepy ass.”

“Done. Think as If your work is done. It will maximally take me a week.” Hoseok says as he slurps his noodles. “I’ll try my best to get you as high a salary as I can. But the most you can get is around five hundred dollars a month.” Your eyes showed dollar signs. “That’s more than enough! Just get a job, I’m okay with anything.” He cracks a smile, “that’s good then. Good luck, I’ll get going now.” You smiled sweetly at Hoseok and waved him goodbye. “Come on, let’s get you home.” Jungkook offers, standing up and wearing his coat as you stood up as well. Seoul is big, Seoul is pretty. It’s just that breathing is tough here. Beautiful people, beautiful architecture. It’s your first time here and it’s marvellous. Jungkook scans his card and enters his passcode while opening his front door.

It’s a really small apartment. “It’s so small.” He scratched his head, “wellll, try to fit in? Rent prices are crazy here, and I was alone. So I find this the most suitable for me, I almost don’t come home often so you can be pretty comfortable here.” You look at him, “why?” He plops on his bed. “Because I’m really busy. Most of my nights in the early days were spent in icu. Gladly I come here at night to sleep and leave at eight. So you have enough time to be comfortable.” You nod and drop your bag at the corner. “Is this a washroom?” You asked as he nodded. You went there to freshen up as he ordered some food through his phone. He also opens up the curtains and windows to let the air in. You come out and your eyes wide enough to tear. “This is so pretty!” You say walking to the almost full size windows.

“Ah yes.” Jungkook says laying down while staring at the white ceiling. “The landlord made me pay a hundred dollars more for this. Especially for the view.” He slightly scoffed as his doorbell rang. “The food is here.” And you spent your evening slurping black bean noodles. And within a few days you get your own hospital pass as a worker. That was the best day of your life yet. You felt so independent all because of Jungkook. You don’t think you can possibly ever thank him enough. You started going to the hospital daily and received your first paycheck. Hoseok and Jungkook helped you a lot in that. The first thing you did was give both of them a dinner treat. You also paid a small amount to Jungkook to add in the monthly rent.

You made new friends slowly, everyone is nice and friendly and very welcoming. Everything was nice except one thing. You never heard Jungkook say anything about your divorce in fact, he dodged the topic multiple times. You place the envelope on the kitchen counter, “add this in the rent.” He shakes his head, mixing something in his bowl “I told you before, you don’t have to do all this. You’re my wife.” You sighed, “I won’t from next month. I’m moving out. And, please get us divorce papers.” You say as he stops and looks up at you through his bangs. “Why are you moving out? And you didn’t even tell me?” “I did just now.” He shakes his head. “What do you mean, Jungkook?”

He removed his gloves and washed his hands. “What’s the point of moving out? We can get a big apartment if this feels small.” You lowered your eyebrows, “what? You want me to stay with you forever? Like a real partner would?” He thinks for a moment. “Maybe.” He himself is unsure of the answer making you scoff. “No, like, isn’t it better? We’re splitting In everything. We will eventually get pretty comfortable with each other and life will be good!” You can't believe your ears. “Eventually not willingly. Just because you helped me, which I’m very grateful for, doesn’t mean I’ll do as you say. In Fact that’s the reason I wanted to leave.” There’s tears in your eyes.

He deep down got the point but doesn’t want to admit it. It makes his heart heavy, you’re such a nice person and he might not be the one for you at all. “Can’t I just see you grow?” You shake your head. “You possibly can’t. I've been here for two months with you, and you already seem to get attached. If I stay longer, I won’t feel that good.” He lowered his lashes, how are you supposed to tell if he’s attached or is he in love? “Fine. Good luck on your journey, I’ll find a way out of my situation and try to help you as much as I can.” He forcefully smiled.

Years later, when Dr.jeon Jungkook; Head opthamologist in Seoul hospital, is sitting on a hill in jeju. He finds out he was in fact in love with his ex-wife. Not the kind of love to which he’d send cliche confessing texts. But the kind of love and adoration of seeing someone grow, seeing someone become close to him. Being a part of their journey. He smiled as light air kissed his skin. The sun peeking as it dissolves in the sea ahead of him. He has believed his whole life that you were right. He was just attached to you, being around you and your presence. But his heart still flutters whenever he hears good news about you.

Recently he got to know you’ve got a boyfriend and he smiled so wide hearing that. It's the kind of love he’ll never let go of. Even when he is in his eighties, with wrinkled skin and low deficiency of hearing. When his grandchildren are messing with his stuff, He’d still smile wide hearing you’ve lived another year.

Life’s been good to him. And he hopes it’s good with you too. And he also hopes you experience the kind of love he has with you. It’s good. Real good. And it taught him quite a few things. He takes a Polaroid of the setting sun and sticks to his journal.

‘I love you. Just like how the sea loves the sun. Watching it rise and fall. Pushing it up and drinking it down. Every evening, and never getting tired of it. I’ll never get tired of you, and I’m so proud of you.’

#jeju22

i miss reading angst matt 😢😢😢

Enduring | Matt Murdock x AFAB!Reader

Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x afab!Reader

Warnings: Angst, chronic (lower abdominal) pain, mentions of spotting (blood), self-loathing, allusions to Doctors Not Listening To Patients With A Uterus, health anxiety (warranted), non-sexual intimacy, hurt/comfort, self-indulgent, not proof-read

Summary: You’ve been experiencing chronic lower abdominal pain for years regardless of the point in your menstrual cycle. Some days, it’s worse than others, but when the first heatwave of the year hits New York City and you have another flare-up, your day takes a sudden turn for the worse. Thankfully, Matt is there to comfort you in any way he can.

WC: 3k

A/n: Even though I tagged my tag list, don't read if this could be triggering to you! So, I know pain is a very sensitive subject and everyone experiences it differently. I used my personal experience with pain and chasing a diagnosis to write this. That doesn’t mean it’s the only experience. Lower abdominal pain can have many causes, which is why advice from a medical professional is often necessary. That being said, I know how hard it can be to have been born into a female body and be treated like my pain is worth less for whatever reason just because I was born female. There is no shame in standing up for yourself in a man’s world that completely disregards women’s health. I had to learn it the hard way to the point it has taken a toll on my mental health, so I just needed to write a little comfort piece for my own peace of mind before my appointment on Monday. I wrote this for the sake of getting it out of my system, meaning it’s probably not perfect, but if you can relate to what I said in any way, feel free to read it and make up your own mind. (I will not be posting this on AO3 for now. I hope you can forgive me for that.)

Matt always knows when something is wrong with you. 

Sometimes, he can smell it. Other times, it’s the way you taste when you kiss him or the sweat that clings to your skin, or when he goes down on you and your essence is slightly tangier than it was the day before. 

Matt knows when you’re ovulating because the changes in your hormones make him go crazier than he already is for you, and he is familiar with the metallic scent of blood when you’re on your period. He can tell when you start sweating more often, when your muscles tense up more than usual, or when you are slightly more emotional. He knows before you even do because he has to. 

You are miserable almost every day, really, but more often than not it happens around the time of your period. So, he pays close attention to the signs. When the painkillers stop working, or when you get more tired, or when you stop moving around as much. When you tell him you’re fine even though he can feel the muscles of your abdomen tensing under his touch when he hugs you. When he can tell you have been crying and he wasn’t there to help. He has to know because you need him. 

You’re not entirely dependent on him, of course; you have lived on your own before and while it was hell, you pushed through somehow. With him, you don’t have to be alone on the days you can’t get out of bed because the pain keeps you locked in a fetal position, or on the days you have to cower on the bathroom floor until you’re too weak to move. Matt has reached a point of knowing you where his four working senses don’t play much of a role in telling what kind of a day you’re having; he just knows. 

Tonight, he senses it when he comes through the door after work, finally escaping the raging heat from the streets that made him feel like he was dying on the commute home. He instantly loosens his tie to get some air into his lungs, feeble fingers working desperately to free himself, but it doesn’t take a second longer for him to realize something is wrong. It is nothing but a mere hunch—some kind of aura that emits from somewhere in the apartment that makes the hairs on his arms stand up. He calls your name, frantically searching for your heartbeat. Through the rattling of the fridge as it tries to keep up with the rising temperatures inside, he makes out the rapid drumming of your heart against your ribcage. If you’re not dizzy yet, he thinks, you soon will be. 

Upon hearing you huff from the kitchen floor, Matt doesn’t hesitate tossing his bag mindlessly into the nearest corner, followed by his keys before he makes his way to find you. He’s overheated, itchy, and sweating through his clothes, but not anywhere near as desperate as he is to get to you. 

“Sweetheart?” he asks.

Hearing the sound of his voice, you realize that what felt like five minutes must have been hours spent on the cool kitchen floor. You can’t even remember how you got there. The hours have blended into minutes, the tiles digging into your sweat-coated skin. You’re curled up in a ball, wearing nothing but one of Matt’s loosest shirts. You couldn’t stand the feeling of a waistband around your stomach, so you took your pants off, changing into the oldest pair of cotton underwear you could find. It’s all soaked by now, and part of you wonders if you did finally get your period or if your pores just decided to drench you for the fun of it. 

Everything hurts. Your muscles are tense, yet at the same time they are so incredibly weak, you don’t react when the front door opens. He’s worried, but you can’t find it in yourself to care. It is as though the pain has made you entirely apathetic, coiling in your lower stomach and spreading into your legs like a parasite. All you can do is succumb to it. 

Matt’s feet come into view. The purple cast of the billboard outside falls upon him, painting the shadow of a halo above his head. It’s ironic, really; the man you love as your knight in shining armor, a Catholic looking like an angel in artificial neon light. 

His gentle voice reaches for you, “What’re you doing on the floor?”

He doesn’t ask if you’re okay because he knows it is futile, but even that question you don’t know how to answer. What are you doing on the dirty kitchen floor?

You clear your throat, trying to sound nonchalant when you answer, “It’s too hot up there.”

He crouches down. “Just too hot?”

You sigh. “No.”

It was a good day until it wasn’t, and then you were in pain again and all the days you spent feeling a little more like yourself are suddenly gone with the wind. The tears wrap a noose around your neck for the second time today, your eyes burning with faint resistance. Every time you think it gets better, it gets worse again. And every time you try to pretend that maybe things are looking up for you and it isn’t as endless of a pit as you thought, the exact opposite proves itself. You’re tired; you’re in pain and you’re tired and you feel so silly for letting it dim the light Natt pointed out a few days ago that he had so deeply missed, but there is only so much hope you can have.  

This isn’t the first time he has found you like this, but it truly never gets easier. Hearing the strain in your voice, the quiver in your entire being as you try to catch your breath, telling yourself not to fucking cry. It never gets easier to know how much you beat yourself up for something that isn’t your fault. Because the doctors that were supposed to listen failed you, and now the road to relief is paved with bricks you can barely climb over. You are on your way now, finally, but the future is still not certain. In the end though, what kills him the most is that he can’t help you. 

Matt reaches out, his hand shaking as he aimlessly brushes his fingers over your forehead. “Cramps?” he says.

You nod weakly. 

“Since when?”

“I don’t know,” you confess, and that is when the glass overflows. 

With a click of his tongue, he wipes the first of your tears away. His brown eyes bore into your soul, completely bare in front of him. Your body is like a complex crafted melody only he knows how to decipher.  

The tears quickly form a barrier between you and the tiles. Matt tilts his head. The faintest hint of copper clings to your skin. “Did you get your period?” he asks. 

You shake your head. “Just… some spotting.”

“Explains the blood.”

He is way too nonchalant about it, you think. The way he accepts your version of normal even though you feel like a failure trapped in a body that refuses to work like it is supposed to.

“How’d you get here?” he asks again, his voice so soft you want nothing more than to hide your face from him and cry some more. 

He refuses to let you go, gripping your chin to the point it almost hurts. “I was trying to do the dishes and then–” a broken sob gets stuck in your throat. “It hurts and it’s hot, and I can’t breathe.”

He gently cradles your face in his hands. “I know,” he says like he can read your mind. And maybe he can.

Your chest heaves with every breath you take. “I couldn’t stand anymore, so I laid down. On the floor,” you tell him. “I just… I didn’t get anything done today.”

“Doesn’t matter.” 

“It does. I–”

He cuts you off, “No, sweetie, it doesn’t. I can wash the dishes, but I can’t replace you.”

His dedication hurts. You used to be called sensitive and not worth the drama, but with him, you count, and that hurts because you are barely hanging on by a fragile thread. You don’t know how to ever give back to him what he has given you. The countless nights you patched him up after he got his ass handed to him do not seem to matter much compared to what he does for you. 

He studies your erratic heartbeat for a moment. “You want a heating pad?” he offers. 

You physically cringe at the thought of a hot water bottle when the entire city could function as one, and you are quick to deny, “Too hot.”

Matt chuckles. “Yeah, I figured.” He brushes a damp strand of hair away from your face. “Have you taken anything yet? Advil? Naproxen?”

You growl. “You know none of the pills they gave me fucking work!” 

He doesn’t seem deterred by your tone. All he does is smile softly at you, fingers tracing invisible patterns on your skin.

“I know,” he says. “I’m just trying to help.”

“Well, nothing’s helping,” you retort. 

“That why you’re lying on the floor?” 

Another tear rolls down your cheek and past your cracked lips. “I told you. Nothing helps.”

Snapping at him for only trying to care may be petty of you, but there is nothing you loathe more than feeling so utterly helpless. 

Matt moves closer, your words pearling off of him like he is made of stone. He doesn’t even flinch. 

“Okay,” he murmurs. “Can I try something else?”

The voice in your head is screaming, what else is there to do? You are tired of trying everything and nothing ever working. Two more weeks until you will meet with a new doctor, but those two weeks might actually kill you. That’s what it feels like, anyway. 

He sighs, “C’mere.” Without another word from you, Matt slides his arms under your sticky frame and lifts you off the ground. His skin offers a stark contrast from the cold kitchen tiles, but he’s clean, and he smells like home. Not this place, not this city, but him. 

“Where are we going?” you ask.

“Bathroom,” is all he tells you. 

Your brain is too slow to even dare protest. He carries you to the bathroom, setting you down on unsteady legs. 

“May I?” he asks. You nod, but even as he pulls his shirt over your head, he doesn’t once let go of you. 

You close your eyes. The pain in your abdomen is dull yet searing. You try to focus on anything else, but just when you think it’s getting better, it breaks through again, burning through you like a wildfire on the blade of a hot knife. And that makes you sad. It makes you so sad and angry you don’t know what to do with yourself. You want to scream and cry and tear the apartment apart, but you’re exhausted and tired and you know that if this pain keeps rippling through you, you might fall apart. 

You hate when he sees you like this. When you’re falling apart and there’s nothing either of you can do, and you blame yourself even though there is nothing to blame yourself for. Matt knows that. You sometimes wonder if you are a burden to him and he just won’t tell you because he doesn’t know when to stop. To stop caring, to stop helping, to stop trying to change everything. But then again, he has always told you that loving you isn’t a burden. If you get lost in the what ifs, you might actually fall apart.    

“I’m gonna start a cool bath,” Matt murmurs next to you, snapping you out of your thoughts with his gentle baritone of a voice. “Just stay here.” 

You nod weakly, too exhausted to argue. The thought of immersing yourself in cool water, even for a few minutes, seems like a small mercy. 

Water starts to run in the distance. His belt hits the floor, followed by the fabric clinging to his skin. You’re afraid you might get dizzy if you open your eyes. Dizzy because of the pain. Dizzy because of him. 

The cabinet behind you rattles when he reaches for it. “Claire gave them to me, but you took these before,” he says, skillfully working on the cap of an orange capsule. “They’re a bit stronger than Advil.”

You don’t protest, you simply let him place one of the pills in the palm of your hand. He is right behind you with his hand on your waist when you take them, swallowing with a handful of water. There’s nothing sexual in the way he touches you, just a tenderness born from years of knowing each other’s bodies inside and out. 

Maybe that is why you could never be a burden to him; he has felt like one for most of his life, and the last thing he wants is for his love to feel the same way. And he needs you to remind him that he is everything to you, too, his hands never wavering when they find your skin. You’re his lifeline as much as he is yours.

The cold water hits the inside of the bathtub, pattering down like raindrops on a windowpane. Matt gently tugs you closer to him and guides you toward the tub. At first, when he lifts you in, the cool water is a shock to your overheated skin, but it doesn’t take long for you to welcome the change in temperature. 

He eases you between his legs once he is sat, your back against his chest, wrapping his arms around you. His hands come to rest on your lower stomach, close enough to allow you to pull your legs up to your chest. It’s the only position that doesn’t hurt. 

You remember nights spent crammed in the same position, not because of you but because of his nightmares. The roles were reversed then. When it’s too hot outside, he needs the world on fire to burn a little less bright. Today, you finally realize what he must feel like on days like these. 

“How’s that?” he asks, his breath warm against your ear.

You nod. “Better,” you whisper. Better isn’t perfect, but the pain is just dull now, and the gentle movement of his fingers against your sore muscles lulls you into a state where you can breathe. It’s not perfect, but it is as good as it gets. 

Your head falls back against his collarbone. “Thank you,” your voice is barely above a whisper when you tell him.

He shushes you, lips moving to your temple. The gesture is supposed to say, don’t thank me. But it feels wrong not to. 

You lift your head enough to look at him, finally, your eyes fluttering open to look back into his hazel orbs. “Matt…” 

“Yeah?” he breathes. 

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” you confess. It’s a truth you’ve grappled with, the stark realization that his presence has become indispensable. It is a burden, to be loved so fiercely, as much as it is an addiction. Because a life without him seems like a sheer impossibility you don’t ever want to face again. 

Matt holds his lips against your skin, smiling. “Good thing you never have to find out, hm?”

You chuckle weakly. “You sure about that?”

“Mhm.”

“What if you get sick of me?”

“Then I’ll be sick of you for a few hours,” he says, “and you’ll be sick of me ‘til we’re not.”

Your eyes roam his face for any indication that he might not be telling the truth. “That easy?” you ask. 

He nods, fingers coming up to find your lips. He touches them for a moment, exploring the soft skin there. Instead of kissing you though, he halts.

“What?” You frown. 

Matt shakes his head. “Nothing. Just… You’re gonna be okay,” his voice is barely above a whisper. “I’ll make sure of that.”

A whimper breaks from your chest. He believes it wholeheartedly, but it is incredibly hard to hear it out loud because you don’t believe it. You press your lips together, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to spill over again. “I just wish it didn’t have to be this way,” you whisper. “I wish I could be… normal.”

Again, he nods, fingers brushing over your cheek to catch a stray tear. “You are normal,” he insists softly. “Your pain doesn’t make you any less. And ‘cause I know how strong you are, I know you’re gonna be okay.”

“Even if I’ll be ill for the rest of my life? Even if I–”

“Of course,” he stops you. “Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. I promise. Not ‘even if’ but regardless of whether it’s endometriosis or… or something else. Your pain is a part of you, but it’s not all of you. I love all of you.”

There is no stopping the avalanche of tears that is forced down the hill by his words. They hit you harder than an arrow to the heart. 

You crack under the weight of your emotions. “I love you,” you whisper. Those three words mean the world, but they feel inadequate to describe what you feel. 

“I know,” says Matt. “I love you too.”

The once open wounds of the blood you shed just to find him are nothing but scars now—scars you can learn how to live with once you accept that there is nothing wrong with you. Being a human being with an illness, both mentally and physically, doesn’t make you any less worthy of love. It doesn’t make you any less worthy of life. 

With Matt by your side, you are no longer alone in this. You have him, all of him, and that makes all the difference. 

Matt Murdock (Angst) Tag List: @acharliecoxedfan @gpenguin666 @itwasthereaminuteago @norestfortheshelbywicked @yarrystyleeza @littlenerdyravenclaw @thychuvaluswife @schneeflocky @imjustcal @pipsqueakkitten @merlinbtch @thatonegamefish @amberritonicole @pigeonmama @bohemianrhapsody86 @a-gir1-has-n0-name @winkev1 @callsign-ember @chittaphonstar @buckyyyismahhlife @trublu2u @xnatyx @zomtart @abucketofweird

Also tagging: @moncherriis

Forever Has A Limit

; Jungkook x Reader

; Genre: Angst

; Word Count: 2.3k

; Warnings: Infidelity, low self-esteem

; A/N: Sorry. Lol

-

“I’m sorry.” You whisper quietly, playing with the pile of mashed potatoes nervously. Your stomach feels like you’re on a rollercoaster, dipping with nausea that has you swallowing thickly to try and stave the vomit.

He pauses, a forkful of chicken halfway to his looks before he looks at your with a frown marring that beautiful face you’d fallen in love with with so long ago. When you’d first started dating it had been wonderful and he’d looked at you as if you’d hung the stars in the sky and coloured in the sun for him.

Now you were lucky if he talked to you at all. But you still loved him so much - he made your heart trip when he smiled and your lips smile when he laughed. He just didn’t seem to do it anymore with you. Not since her.

“Sorry for what?” The quick glance to the side has you guessing that he’s trying to figure out if he’s done something wrong. Which makes you laugh, because he has. But you’re stupid, and you’d forgive him if he’d just come back to you.

Keep reading

IRRESIST

PAIRING: jungkook x reader

GENRE: vampire jungkook, human reader, slight fluff, heavy angst

TAGS/WARNING: violence, manipulation, manhandling, assault, murder, blood, attempted rape (nothing graphic!), angst, sensitive/paranoid oc, panic attack, trauma

WORD COUNT: 7.8k (excl. synopsis)

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯! 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘵𝘴 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘯𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦!

𝗦𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗖𝗧𝗟𝗬 𝗡𝗢 𝗣𝗟𝗔𝗚𝗜𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗦𝗠 𝗢𝗥 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗦𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡

SYNOPSIS;

Trust between a human and a vampire in the context of love is a complicated series of challenges that combines fear, curiosity, and vulnerability. For humans, trust involves overcoming natural instincts and societal conditioning. They deal with the temptation of the unknown while faced with the vampire's inherent danger. Meanwhile, the vampire, often burdened by decades of loneliness and secrecy, must rely on their own restraint and loyalty of their human partner in the face of their ravening thirst.

You trusted Jungkook despite what your parents had instilled about his kind and your own paranoia. You loved him, and you had never loved someone so much as him. But from time to time, you couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if Jungkook had broken your trust. You knew he had good control of himself and would never hurt you that way, but the thought of the unpredictable future scared you a bit.

𐚁₊⊹

────

Once considered creatures of myth and legend, vampires emerged from the darkness years ago to proclaim their dominance over the earth. They conquered humanity with their immortal lives, undefinable power and thirst for blood, reducing humans to an alienated minority fighting for survival at night.

Amongst the group of oppressed minorities was you, a young college student born into a society where fear and caution were as essential as the air you breathed.

Raised as an only child by parents who had witnessed the horrors of vampire dominion firsthand, you were nurtured with an inherent sense of alertness. They taught you how to navigate carefully in a world where one wrong move could cost you your life.

You heard all sorts of horrifying stories, but it wasn’t until you witnessed their brutal savagery with your own eyes for the first time. And as you grew older, you continued coming across more of the atrocities.

You could never stomach the fact that you lived in a world where merciless monsters ruled over the world and hunted humans like animals, and everyday you were scared for your life and those of who you cared about.

But it was about two years ago when your whole life changed.

It was quite late that day, you were hurrying home after a late class and your mind was preoccupied with thoughts of assignment. But little did you know that the night would transform your world forever.

You were walking through the deserted alleyway, and when you rounded a corner, you stumbled upon a chilling sight. A tall figure stood towering over another man, and his hand was wrapped around his neck with a tight iron grip. The man helplessly tried to break free but it was clear to you that he was no match to the other guy.

You were frozen in horror as you witnessed him effortlessly snap his neck. As you watched the lifeless man’s body drop cold with a thud, a bloodcurdling scream tore from your lips, echoing in the isolated streets as terror gripped your soul.

When the dark figure turned to face you, you felt the colours on your face drain completely. You felt as if your heart was about to jump out of your chest.

He was everything you had been warned about — tall, terrifying, and unmistakably a vampire. His eyes were ruby-red, like pools of crimson fire, and somewhat mesmerising. His skin was pale as a ghost which seemed to glow under the moonlight.

He then began to walk towards you, his movements slow and fluid, like a predator eyeing his prey. Your mind was screaming at you to turn and run, but you felt your feet glued to the ground. And as he drew closer, your heart raced at an unimaginable pace. Your breathing was erratic as droplets of sweat cascaded down the side of your face.

But to your surprise, he didn't lunge at you with fangs bared, ready to drain you of your lifeblood. Instead, he was looking at you with his head tilted to the side, studying your trembling form with curious intensity.

“Are you afraid of me, human?” he asked, his tone tinged with amusement. You nodded, unable to form words as you stared into those crimson eyes.

“You have every reason to be,” he continued, his lips curling into a sarcastic smile.

Like a flicker of light, you saw the colour of his eyes shift to a darker brown.

“But I assure you, I mean you no harm”.

His words should have sounded hollow, devoid of sincerity. After all, he was a vampire, a creature of the night who thrived on the blood of the living. And your instincts screamed at you to flee, to run as far away as possible from this creature of the night.

But something held you in place, a strange mixture of fear and curiosity. You found yourself studying him, taking in every detail of his supernatural presence.

And as you looked into his eyes, you sensed a hint of something else beneath the surface — loneliness, perhaps, or even longing.

Jungkook had walked the earth for ages, witnessing the rise and fall of empires, yet never finding satisfaction in the short-lived pleasures of mortal life. Many feared him, and those who knew of his existence muttered his name in hushed tones, since he was the very definition of a hellish vampire — ruthless and violent.

But the more you learned about him, the more you understood that he wasn’t everything that people described him to be. He was savage for sure, he was also someone who knew his boundaries and had control over himself.

You remembered when you first encountered him. You couldn’t lie, he was everything you have been warned about. But as your encounters became more frequent, you found yourself strangely drawn to him. You wanted to know more about him despite the nagging sense of danger.

And as your relationship blossomed, you discovered a side of Jungkook that few had ever seen — a side that was gentle, compassionate, and fiercely protective.

Your biggest challenge at that time was confronting your parents about your relationship with Jungkook. You both knew that your love was forbidden, and that both sides of the society would never accept your unique relationship.

You, in particular, were worried about your parents' reaction, knowing all too well of the presumptions and hatred that existed against beings like Jungkook.

While it took time for Jungkook’s parents to finally accept you as someone more than just a human they fed on, you knew it was still early to reveal everything to yours. However, the truth could only be kept hidden for so long, as secrets have a way of revealing themselves in the light of day.

It took a lot to muster up courage to tell your parents everything, and Jungkook offered to go with you. Their reaction was exactly what you had expected. Horror contorted their faces, their words laced with disbelief and disgust, unable to comprehend how their daughter could be entangled with such a vile creature.

You remembered how they pulled you away from Jungkook who was sitting down next to you, fear written over their faces as they shielded you from him.

Jungkook could only sit and stare in pain, yet understandably. He knew to be silent, because anything he said would fall in deaf ears. Humans knew better than to trust monsters like him.

But despite their rejection, you remained steadfast in your love for Jungkook, unwilling to abandon the one who had captured your heart. You understood that they were trying to protect you, you couldn’t blame them for that, but at the same time, you knew what you were doing.

If anything was to go wrong, you would be the only one to be blamed.

[𝟶𝟾:𝟷𝟻 𝚙.𝚖.]

It was a chill night, and you found yourself nervously adjusting your dress, your fingers tracing the delicate lace. It was Yunho’s, Jungkook’s best friend's, birthday, and though you weren’t quite sure about going, you knew you had to attend out of courtesy at least.

As you and Jungkook entered the grand mansion where the party was being held, you couldn't help but feel a shiver run down your spine. There were quite a lot more guests than you had expected. The atmosphere was charged with energy, the air thick with the scent of sweat and alcohol.

It made you scrunch your nose up in disgust. The whole aura made you uncomfortable, but not more than the fact that the house was practically filled with vampires and you being the only human.

You just couldn't shake the feeling of being out of place, like a lamb wandering into a den of wolves. You clung onto Jungkook like he was your lifeline, pressing yourself against him like glue.

“It's okay, I won’t let anyone hurt you” he whispered, his voice soothing against your ear.

As the night wore on, your discomfort slowly waned as you engaged with Jungkook’s friends and the other guests. You learned that a lot of them were quite chill and fun to be around despite being bloodthirsty creatures.

You discovered shared interests with them and exchanged playful banter. You even found yourself joining in on a game of charades and chugging down shots with them. But you made sure to not go overboard.

“Babe, I’m going out to smoke with the boys, will you be okay on your own for a few minutes?” your boyfriend walked up to you and asked.

“Mhmm, I’ll be fine” you told him and gave him a warm smile, “shout if you need me” he quickly pecked your lips before walking off with his three friends. You sighed and took a sip of the apple juice.

Just then, Yunho emerged from the crowd. “Hey, Y/n” he greeted, “oh hey Yunho” you greeted back with a smile.

“Could you perhaps go and grab my charger from my room? My phone is about to die and I’m kind of in the middle of a game right now” he asked, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Sure, where’s your room?” you stood up straight, “first floor on the right, and if you keep walking straight you’ll find a black door. That’s my room” he smiled.

“Okay, I’ll get it for you” you said to him and walked off.

As you made your way up the grand staircase, you couldn't help but admire the intricate details of the mansion's architecture. The plush carpeting beneath your feet muffled your steps as you ascended to the upper floor. Each hallway seemed to stretch endlessly, branching off into different wings of the house.

Despite the vibrant atmosphere downstairs, the floor upstairs seemed to be a huge contrast — as if no one was supposed to be here.

You felt a sense of unease crept over you as you glanced down the long, dimly lit hallway leading deeper into the mansion. The vastness of the house and the thought of getting lost intimidated you.

In the end, you finally managed to find Yunho’s room. Twisting the golden doorknob, you creaked the door open, revealing a very spacious and elegantly furnished room.

After a brief search, you found the charger on a bedside table. And as you went and reached for it, a voice startled you from behind.

“Need a hand?” Yunho’s voice broke the silence, causing you to jump slightly in surprise.

“Gosh, you scared me” you sighed in relief, placing your hand on your chest.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Just wondering what was taking you so long” he let out an airy chuckle as he stood with one hand in his pocket.

You chuckled nervously, feeling slightly embarrassed, “it's alright, I guess I just got a little lost in this enormous mansion of yours” you said. Yunho stepped further into the room, his eyes scanning around before they turned back onto you.

“Yeah, it can be a bit overwhelming at first” he muttered, “but don’t worry, you’ll get used to it around here” he said. The tone in his voice dropped into something sinister, and your smile dropped instantly.

Before you could say anything, the door slammed shut on its own with a loud bang, causing you to jump in fright. Your heart began to race, panic coursing through your body as you realised you were trapped in the room.

You rushed towards the door, your hands trembling as you tried to turn the handle, but it wouldn't budge.

“What are you doing?” your voice shook with fear as you turned to face Yunho, only to find him standing there, a smirk playing on his lips.

Your breath hitched when you saw his fangs protruding menacingly and his eyes glowing scarlet red, a disturbing reminder of the gruesome nature of a vampire.

When he began to walk towards you, you began to move yourself across the wall to the other side of the room. “S-Stay away from me” you warned, struggling to steady your breathing.

“Oh darling, you can’t tell me what to do” he growled with his disgusting grin. With each step Yunho took, your fear threatened to consume you whole.

You pressed yourself against the cold stone wall, searching desperately for a way out, but finding none. The room seemed to narrow around you, suffocating you with his evil presence.

“Please, Yunho, stop this” you begged, feeling yourself choke up with panic.

But all your pleas fell into deaf ears as he slammed his hands on the wall next to you, trapping you under his monstrous body. “Jungkook really hit a jackpot with you, huh?” he leaned in close and took a long sniff from the crook of your neck.

“Your blood, it smells fucking sweet” he said and he dragged his tongue along your neck.

With a rush of adrenaline, you gathered all of your courage and lashed out, striking him with every bit of strength you had. You kneed him in the groin and pushed him off you, watching him drop to the floor groaning in pain. You caught a glimpse of surprise on his face before it contorted into a mask of wrath.

“You bitch” he gritted his teeth as he stood back up on his feet.

With a snarl, he lunged at you, grabbing you by the neck and slamming you against the wall. Pain seared through your body as you fought to loosen his iron grip, your muscles straining against his inhumane strength.

“Jungkook sure taught you well to defend yourself, but I’d like to see you defend yourself now” he grinned sinister as he let go of your neck.

Before you could even catch your breath, Yunho picked you up and slung you over his shoulder as he walked over to his bed.

“Let go of me you sick bastard!” you screamed as you hit his back with your fists, but Yunho remained unmoved. In a matter of seconds, he threw you down on the bed and cuffed your wrists with his single iron gripping hand.

“You can scream all you want darling, no one is going to hear you” he smirked as he hovered over you.

Your glossy eyes widened in horror as your breathing became more erratic. “N-No,” you shook your head, trying to push him off. But he was too strong. “GET OFF ME!” you screamed your lungs out.

“JUNGKOOK!”

┄┄┄┄┄

After indulging in a smoke break with his friends in the dim courtyard, Jungkook went back inside to join you again. But he frowned when he couldn’t find you from where you were standing earlier.

“Have you guys seen Y/n?” he asked around.

His question was met with shrugs and indifferent shakes of the head. No one seemed to have noticed your absence amidst the buzz of the party. But then he noticed something else that he found a little odd. Yunho was nowhere to be seen either.

“Hey Baekho, have you Y/n? Or Yunho?” he asked one of Yunho’s close friends who was drinking with the rest. “I don’t know about Y/n. But Yunho said he was going to his room to get something” Baekho shrugged.

Jungkook muttered a small ‘thank you’ before making his way upstairs. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was wrong.

Reaching Yunho’s room, he could hear muffled voices from inside. He tried to open the door but it was locked. “Yunho? Are you in there?” he knocked on the door, but no answer.

Frowning, he attempted to open the door. And miraculously, the door opened on its own, like the lock was being controlled.

When Jungkook opened the door, the sight in front of him made his heart drop.

“Yunho? Y/n?” his voice was barely audible due to shock.

His shoulders dropped as he took a step inside. Unknown to Jungkook, Yunho’s lips curled up in a smirk as he laid on the bed. And straddling him, hair tousled and eyes wide with shock, was you. Quickly wiping the smirk off his lips, Yunho pushed you off and got off the bed.

You, eyes wide with fear and desperation, got up and ran to reach out to Jungkook, your voice trembling as you tried to explain yourself. “Jungkook, l-listen to me” you said as you held his arm.

But Jungkook was quiet as he stared at you, standing there as his mind reeled with a thousand emotions. Before you could go on to say anything else, Yunho cut in.

“Your girlfriend isn't all innocent as she plays Jungkook” he said as he fixed his clothes. “I tried to stop her, and remind her that she has a boyfriend, just she just wouldn’t listen” he tried to explain.

All Jungkook did was stare and listen to what was being said. “You lying bastard!” you screamed, lunging towards the blond haired vampire and grabbing him by the collar.

“We’re going home” Jungkook’s deep murderous voice spoke up, and you froze at the chilling tone that you never heard before.

He grabbed you by the arm and dragged you out of the room, and you briefly turned to Yunho who smirked as he waved his hand at you.

“Jungkook wait! He’s lying! That’s not the truth!” you protested as you tried to keep up with the speed that he was pulling you with. But he said nothing.

When you finally reached downstairs, all eyes were on you. “Stop!” you shouted, stopping in your tracks and harshly pulling your arm out of your boyfriend’s tight hold. Your chest heaved with each ragged breath, your hands trembling as you clutched your dress.

“We’re not leaving until you know the truth!” you said.

“Stop making a scene Y/n” Jungkook gritted his teeth as he stepped towards you. “I’m not Jungkook! Your best friend is a fucking liar! He tried to-”

“I think you had quite a lot to drink Y/n, you should go home and rest” you heard Yunho’s voice cut you off. You saw Yunho making his way downstairs and the guests made way for him to walk through towards you.

“You’re my best friend’s girlfriend Y/n, I would never have any ill intentions about you” he looked at you with a soft gaze, but you knew it was all fake.

“It’s okay, I know you made a mistake, you don’t have to lie” he then said, and you didn’t miss the slight smirk that he gave to you.

At the moment, you felt your body fire up in anger. And then, you raised your hand and smacked him hard across the face. The crowd of guests gasped in shock as Yunho’s head snapped to the side, and Jungkook was quick to pull you back.

“You asshole!” you screamed. Yunho clenched his jaw as he tried to control his anger, and he raised his head back up and smiled at you. “You’re a monster, a sick bastard! You don’t deserve to be Jungkook’s friend, or anywhere near him!” you ranted.

“THAT IS ENOUGH!”

Jungkook’s loud angry voice cut through the air, silencing everyone in the room. You flinched and turned to your boyfriend, swallowing a thick lump as you eyes his furious form.

Without saying another word, he grabbed your arm and pulled you with him. You turned and glared at Yunho for the last, whose smirk never seemed to fade the entire time.

The music faded into the background as you both reached outside. You stumbled along the way, trying to keep up with his swift pace, and your heart raced with anxiety.

“Jungkook please listen to me” you pleaded, but he remained quiet. His jaw clenched tightly as he dragged you towards the car.

┄┄┄┄┄

[𝟷𝟶:𝟶𝟶 𝚙.𝚖.]

The door swung open with a loud thud as Jungkook stumbled through, his eyes clouded with anger. The usually quiet and snug atmosphere shifted abruptly as he dragged you inside by the arm with a force that made you whimper in pain.

Your cries echoed through the large hallway, a desperate plea for him to release you from his iron grip. Tears streamed down your cheeks, mixing with the traces of blood from where his fingers dug into your delicate skin.

“Please, Jungkook, you're hurting me” you sobbed, your voice barely audible amidst the chaos of your entry. But Jungkook’s grip only tightened, his face contorted with rage as he pulled you further into the house.

Finally when you both reached the living room, he released you with a harsh shove, sending you sprawling to the floor. You curled up into a ball, clutching your injured arm as tears continued to stream down your face like waterfall.

For a moment, there was silence as you looked up at him in disbelief and fear. The only sound heard was his ragged breathing and your choked cries as he glared down at you.

This wasn’t him.

This wasn’t the man who promised you his love and protection.

Pushing yourself up, you steadied your trembling limbs. You then began taking cautious steps towards him as you reached your hand out for him.

“P-Please, hear me out, please baby” you pleaded with your shaky voice. But Jungkook was quick to push your hand away, his expression hardening as his fists clenched at his sides.

“What is there to hear about Y/n? I saw it, you were fucking all over him!” he yelled.

You violently shook your head in denial and grabbed his hands in your shaking ones, “n-no, it’s not what it looks like! Please, you have to believe me” you panicked.

“H-He asked me if I could fetch his phone c-charger from his room a-and I went to get it. T-Then he just came in out of n-nowhere a-and locked the door, a-and he-” you frantically blabbered, but Jungkook’s loud voice stopped you midway.

“STOP!” he screamed, causing you to flinch and cower in fear. “Don’t you even try to make up excuses.” he gritted his teeth as he took a step forward.

“Seriously Y/n? My best friend? You chose to fuck with my best friend?” he questioned as he took another step closer. Each step he took towards you, you took a step back, until you found yourself being trapped in between his intimidating presence and the brick wall behind you.

“It’s not like that Jungkook, he’s lying. Please listen to me, it’s all a misunderstanding” you cried, your eyes begging him to believe you. You let out a sharp gasp when he slammed his hand on the wall next to you.

“Shut up! Just shut up!” he yelled in your face. “Yunho and I’ve been best friends for years, way back before you or your grandparents were born. I know for a fact that he’s not what you’re trying to paint him as, so just fucking stop, okay?!” he said.

Your heart dropped, but then it started to race as you began to realise that the man you loved may be slipping away from you over a grave misunderstanding. Your shoulders dropped in defeat and all you could do was stare at him with your tearful eyes.

He wasn’t believing you.

“You don’t believe me, do you?” you asked, your voice barely above whisper.

Instead of answering, he leaned in closer to you, your noses almost touching, as his nose flared in anger. A choked sob escaped from you, “what do you think of me as Jungkook?” you questioned.

“Do you think I’m some kind of slut? Is that what you really think of me?” you silently cried.

“You know me better than anyone. You know what I love and what I hate. You know my fears. But most importantly, you know that I love you, and only you” you said. “I can’t believe you would question my loyalty” your words came out as a whisper.

You were angry. Hurt. Frustrated.

The man who was supposed to take your side was now against you, blinded by what he only saw on the surface and not the depth of the truth.

Not wanting to deal with him any longer, you pushed him off you and tried to walk away. But Jungkook quickly caught you by the arm and pulled you back, slamming you against the wall. You whined in pain as your back came in contact with the hard brick wall.

“Where do you think you’re going? We aren’t done talking yet” he snapped, and you felt his fingers digging in your shoulders. “We’ll talk when you’re in your fucking senses” you snapped back, glaring at him with your red and glossy eyes.

“Now let me go” you tried to remove yourself from his tight grip, but he was too strong. The struggle to break free from his hold would soon come to a stop when you heard a low inhuman growl. When you looked up at Jungkook, you saw something that made your blood run cold.

His once gentle gaze now glowed with a sinister crimson hue, and you watched in horror as his fangs elongated before your very eyes.

“J-Jungkook?” you stuttered in fear. A guttural growl escaped his lips, sending shivers down your spine as you realised. He wasn't just angry — he was something else entirely.

“You’re mine, and only fucking mine. Got it?” he growled. Your heart hammered in your chest, your breaths coming in short, panicked gasps as you struggled to free yourself from his grasp. “S-Stop Jungkook, you’re s-scaring me” you tried to tell him.

But he was far from reality.

A terrified squeal escaped your mouth when he grabbed your face and pulled it close to his. “Jungkook,” you whispered, your voice barely audible above the pounding of your own heart. “Please stop, you’re scaring me baby” you choked on your sob.

But there was no humanity left in his gaze, no trace of the man you loved. Only a possessive rage that made your stomach churn with dread. This wasn’t your boyfriend. This was a creature of the night. A monster that everyone feared.

A vampire.

Your breathing was erratic. You struggled to breathe as the world spun around you. You clutched at your chest, your heart racing uncontrollably. And when it couldn’t withstand the weight of fear and distress, you felt yourself slipping. And before you knew it, your vision soon faded into darkness.

The last thing you remembered was your body dropping down, but a pair of strong arms caught you just before impact.

As Jungkook caught your limp form, his mind snapped back to reality. He blinked and shook his head as the haze of his vampire instincts faded away. Slowly, his eyes travelled down to your unconscious body, and his heart dropped like a stone in his chest.

“No…no no no” he panicked.

He cradled you close, his hands trembling as he brushed the strands of hair from your pale and tear stained face. “Y-Y/n?” he shook you, “baby wake up, I-I’m sorry” his voice cracked with desperation.

But you remained unresponsive. Your breathing was slow and faint, and your body was cold. “Fuck! What have I done?” a frustrated cry escaped from him. Regret was consuming him whole. But at the same time, anger boiled within him, directed not at you, but at himself for losing control. He didn’t mean to, but he was a monster after all.

His eyes stung with tears as he quickly picked you up in his arms and rushed you up to your shared bedroom. He kicked the door open and walked towards the bed. Gently placing you down, he fished out his phone from his back pocket. With shaking hands, he dialed his private doctor. After a few rings, the doctor picked up. Jungkook hurriedly expressed his urgency.

Ending the call, he chucked his phone on the nightstand. As he awaited help, Jungkook sat down next to your still form and tenderly held your hand, feeling his heart heavy with guilt. “I’m so sorry baby, I don’t know what got into me” he sniffled as his thumb gently caressed over your cold hand.

He knew he fucked up. He knew things weren’t going to be easy when you woke up, and he feared it would change your relationship forever.

Perhaps your parents were right, he really wasn’t any different to the other vampires. All of them were blood sucking creatures, and that perhaps that was their only purpose. Maybe he really wasn’t capable of loving anyone, let alone a human.

┄┄┄┄┄

[𝟷𝟷:𝟹𝟻 𝚙.𝚖.]

Jungkook paced anxiously around the room as the doctor checked up on you. And after what felt like an eternity, the doctor finally straightened up and met his gaze with a reassuring smile.

“She's fine, Jungkook. It seems like she fainted because of shock and stress” he explained with a calm and steady voice. Jungkook’s shoulders sagged as he let out a shaky breath of relief.

“She just needs to rest for a while. I’ll give her a vitamin injection and it should help her gain some energy when she wakes up” he then explained. Jungkook nodded and let the man do his job.

The doctor, Dr. Kim, checked your vitals once again using his stethoscope and blood pressure monitor. Once he was done, he removed the stethoscope and covered you with a blanket before turning to face Jungkook.

“Nothing to worry about now, she’s going to be alright. She should be awake in the morning” he said to him. “Thank you Dr. Kim” Jungkook thanked as his tired eyes stared at him, his voice filled with gratitude.

“No problem, if anything else happens, do call me” he said, and Jungkook hummed. Having said that, he helped him back to his car.

┄┄┄┄┄

[𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚍𝚊𝚢 — 𝟶𝟾:𝟻𝟶 𝚊.𝚖.]

As the sunlight crept through the curtains, you began to stir from your slumber. With a soft groan, you slowly sat yourself up, your eyes squeezed shut against the throbbing headache. Your hands gently massaged your temples to soothe the pain, taking slow deep breaths.

As the dull ache subsided, you opened your eyes expecting Jungkooking to be sleeping next to you, but he wasn’t there. The side of his bed was neat and empty, like he hadn’t slept there at all.

The events of last night flooded back to you like a tsunami, and you couldn’t help but shiver. Your mind raced with many thoughts which were all over the place, but nothing more than dread and heartache. You weren’t ready to face him at all. You were simply scared to.

Removing the blanket, you got up from the, and you almost lost your balance which caused you to stumble. Your legs still shook even after everything yesterday, but you managed to push yourself to stand firm. You never thought you would have to be cautious in the very house you felt safe and protected. It felt as if you were living the way you have lived before you met Jungkook.

You looked around the room and gulped, nervous to move a muscle. You were scared he was going to jump in front of you with his menacing form and glowing red eyes.

But you felt icky and disgusted from Yunho’s touch, and you wanted to wash off every mark and scent of him from your body. Inhaling a breath, you took your first step, and you walked towards your wardrobe to grab clean pair clothes. You then proceeded to make your way into the bathroom.

After the shower, you changed into your blue jeans and plain white shirt. You stood in the middle of the room as you looked around with a heavy heart. The room, once filled with laughter and love, now felt cold and unfamiliar to you.

Shutting your eyes for a brief moment, you let out a shaky breath and controlled yourself from breaking down. You had one thought in your chaotic mind, and it was that you needed to get out of here. You opened your eyes and went to grab a large suitcase and a duffel bag. You then began grabbing all your clothes from the wardrobe and stuffing them into the suitcase.

Each item you carefully folded and placed into the suitcase held memories of yours and Jungkook’s time together: the pale yellow sundress which you wore on your first date, the denim jacket which you wore when you had your first kiss, the polka dot pyjamas you wore when you both had your first argument, and the red silk dress you wore the night he made love to you for the first time.

Your movements were slow and deliberate, your heart growing heavier as the wardrobe became emptier. Tears welled up in your eyes as you zipped up the suitcase and the duffel bag, and your hands dropped to your sides as you stepped back a little.

You looked around the room one last time, not missing a single corner. You looked at the photo frame on the wall above the bed, it was the two of you smiling together, taken on a sunny day in the park. You could help but feel a pang of sadness in your chest.

You could feel the muscles in your chest tighten in despair at the thought of how all this was ending. How had it all come to this? But you knew you couldn’t stay here anymore. Despite your love for Jungkook, you couldn't shake the fear that was bubbling inside you.

Maybe what happened yesterday was a wake up call, that no matter how much he loved and cared about you, the shadow of the monster that he was would always be part of him. But most importantly, you couldn’t ignore the betrayal you felt and the lack of trust he had in you.

Sniffling and wiping away your tears, you grabbed your things and turned around to leave. But the sight of Jungkook standing by the door made you gasp in fear and drop everything you hand in your hands. “Y/n?” his voice was calm and low, something that would’ve usually soothed you, but not now.

Jungkook looked at you and your packed belongings before his eyes turned to you. “You’re…leaving?” he asked with a hurt voice. But you stayed quiet as your breathing started to quicken.

Jungkook knew you were still shaken so he tried to be careful and calm with his approach. “Can we talk? Please baby” he pleaded as he took a step forward, only for you to take two steps back instinctively. “N-No, stay a-away” your voice shook. Jungkook’s heart sank at the rejection, but nothing more than the fear that was written all over your face.

You were scared of him.

He felt a lump form in his throat and tears prickle in his eyes. “I’m not going to hurt you” his voice cracked. He knew you would be scared, he just didn’t know how bad it was until he took another step forward with his hand reaching out to you.

You screamed as you backed away and fell to the ground. And you pulled your knees to your chest while your hands clamped to your ears. “P-Please, d-don’t come near m-me” you fearfully said. “Y/n-”

“I’m sorry, please don’t hurt me” you cried, cutting him off.

And in that moment, Jungkook felt his whole world fall apart. His eyes widened slightly and his breath hitch, and his knees grew weak before he dropped down to the floor. The silence was loud and deafening, only your muffled sobs and ragged breathing could be heard.

Who would’ve thought that a bloodthirsty monster like him would cry over a mortal human whom he scarred and traumatised for life? “B-Baby, I’m not going to hurt you” he choked on his cry as tears streamed down his face, “please don’t be scared of me”.

But his words seemed to fall on deaf ears as you continued to cry, your fear too overwhelming to be soothed by mere words.

“I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry” he slowly crawled towards you, but you immediately pushed yourself back. Jungkook’s heart only sank deeper and deeper. His usual pale face was flushed as he desperately tried to comfort you, and somewhat himself.

But he knew he was losing you, and the reality of it all scared him. Jungkook knew that whatever that he tried to do, it wasn’t going to work. You were beyond his reach now.

“But you did Jungkook” you finally spoke up as you raised your head, “you did hurt me” you said.

You looked at his crying form as his eyes made desperate pleas towards you. “You hurt me when you didn’t believe me, you hurt me with your words, and you hurt me the way you manhandled me like I was some ragged doll” you snapped at him.

“If I stayed conscious any longer, what were the chances that you weren’t going to hurt me?” you lashed out, questioning him. Jungkook remained silent as he questioned himself.

Was he really going to hurt you?

“I wasn’t thinking straight, I really wasn’t. I’m so sorry” he croaked.

“No amount of sorry is going to fix this Jungkook. The damage is done” you shook your head. “I was begging you to listen to me, to believe me, but you didn’t. You just let your jealousy and insecurities get the best of you” you continued.

“I don’t care how long you’ve known Yunho for and how good of a friend he is to you, but he’s a sick bastard who tried to take advantage of me. And just when I tried to fight back and you walked in, he took it as a perfect opportunity to paint me as a cheater, and you believed him” you said.

“I’m sorry” he kept mumbling as he silently cried. “You know how scared I am of vampires already, did you really think I would ever cheat on you with one?” you asked. You took off your leather jacket and rolled your sleeves up to your shoulders.

“If I had really cheated on you, I wouldn’t have these on my arms” you said as you pointed at the dark spots of bruises on both of your arms, most importantly the hand print around your neck.

Jungkook’s cries came to a halt when his eyes landed on all the marks on your arms and neck. He stopped breathing for a second and his defeated eyes suddenly grew dark and enraged.

“The worst part is, I don’t even know who caused which ones, Yunho or you” you said, your voice sounding tired. Jungkook’s heart sank at your words, and it was the realisation that he and Yunho were no different which haunted him. Yunho hurt you, but so did he.

Jungkook quickly crawled closer to you and you let him. His cold and shaky hands reached to cup your face and lift your head up a little. You flinched at his touch and your body stiffened, but you let him. His watery eyes scanned the bruise around your neck, specifically the hand print, and you could see the fury bubbling inside his eyes and the way his body violently shook.

“H-He-”

“yes Jungkook, he, your fucking best friend” you interrupted. “And there’s no point going up to him now, because it’s too late. What’s done is done. He won’t regret a thing even if you beat the crap out of him” you told him.

Jungkook hated that you were right. He knew Yunho seeked pleasure in destroying things and hurting others. He just wished he had realised it sooner when he tried to hurt you.

“I’m not going to beat the crap out of him” Jungkook shook his head, “I’m going fucking kill him” he said.

You couldn’t help but chuckle in mockery, “too late don’t you think?” you looked at him. “I don’t care what you do with him Jungkook, just please,” your eyes softened, “just please leave me out of this mess, and let me go” you begged.

“I’m scared, okay? After what you pulled yesterday, it made me realise that you’re no different to the rest of the vampires. And as much as it hurts to let you go, I know it’s the best for me and to keep myself and my family safe. I hope you can at least respect my decision and leave me alone after this” you softly cried.

Jungkook’s shoulders dropped and his heart shattered into pieces. He knew this was coming, but he didn’t prepare to deal with the pain it came with.

“And you know what I’ve been thinking of lately before all this happened?” you then began, and all Jungkook could do was sit and listen.

“I’m a human who is bound to die when my time comes. I will grow old while you stay young and live for many more years to come. How was our relationship going to work? When I die, would you live on to find your next lover and forget about me? Could there be a way for me to live with you forever?” you spoke.

Jungkook was thrown back at your words, but coming to think about it, his heart dropped. “You know I would search for a lifetime to find a way for us to be together forever” he said, and you chuckled. “But I guess that doesn’t matter anymore. Not when you doubted my loyalty” you told him.

You grabbed your jacket and wore it before standing up. Your legs shook and you were about to fall, but Jungkook quickly caught you. But you flinched and pushed him away. Jungkook felt his chest tighten and he clenched his fists as he retracted his hands.

He knew your decision was final and that he had to let you go. There was nothing he could do but blame himself for what he had caused. “I’m sorry princess, I really am. I never meant to hurt you like this” his lips quivered the spoke, “and I’m sorry I didn’t believe you” he cried. 

Your heart ached watching him cry. Vampires weren’t emotionally sensitive and known for having thick skin. But with Jungkook, you knew he was truly regretting. You could see how defeated and desperate he was at the same time. He lost you, and he was scared of what his life would be without you.

“It really didn’t have to end this way Jungkook. I love you, but I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me, let alone someone who would kill the woman he loves over his own insecurities” you responded. Jungkook shut his eyes as he cried, gripping a fistful of his hair.

“I’m sorry” he kept repeating like a chant, as if he wished it would magically fix everything. “Yeah, me too” you said. You stared at him for the last time before grabbing your things and leaving.

That was the last time you had seen Jungkook, and it tore you to pieces having to leave a man who you thought was the one. But turns out your parents were right all along — he was just like the rest of the night hunters.

You didn’t know how to face your parents after this, but you knew that as long as you were safe, it was all that mattered to them. When you moved back with your parents, they welcomed you like a lost child finally being returned home.

They felt bad about what happened between you and Jungkook, but a big part of them were relieved that you were no longer associated with a creature like him. It was hard adjusting to your new routine without Jungkook, and you had a few mental breakdowns every now and then thinking about him.

You missed him so bad no matter how much you hated him. He was your first love, and getting over your first love is never easy.

But there has always been a nagging feeling inside of you that no matter how much you both loved each other, the two of you were just not meant to be. While you grow old and rot away after death, Jungkook will continue with his life for a hundred more years. And you couldn’t help but think of the possibility of him finding a new lover.

The thought of it all made you want to dig up a hole and bury yourself in it.

But at one point, you knew you had to learn to move on and not let the pain drag you forever. You took it as a lesson to not trust anyone and always look out for yourself and the people you cared about. You hoped that Jungkook would keep your words and not meddle with you and your life again.

Days blended into nights as Jungkook roamed the darkness. His immortal existence stretched before him, a seemingly endless expanse of emptiness. He never felt so lost and alone in his entire lifetime.

He didn’t know what his purpose was anymore without you, and the pain of the heartbreak will forever haunt him. He couldn’t keep the promise he made to his mother, to never hurt the person he loved, yet here he was.

But Jungkook kept his promise when he said he would never hunt down a human. Instead, he spent his nights hunting for the blood of animals in the nearby forest. Despite his forced isolation, Jungkook couldn't bring himself to cut all ties with you. From a distance, he would watch over you like a silent guardian in the shadows.

He remembered your words and promised to not let a single vampire go near you and your family. But he still longed for your touch, yet he knew that his very presence could only bring you harm.

But Jungkook had more pressing matters to attend to than his broken heart.

Yunho was still around doing what he usually did, like he didn’t do anything wrong. So there he stood, in front of his best friend’s house, with a wooden stake tightly gripped in his hand. His jaw was tightly clenched and his gaze hardened as he huffed out a breath before kicking the door open.

Despite his immortal nature, Jungkook had never felt more human than in that moment, consumed by the agony of lost love and the burning desire for revenge.

There, in the dimly lit living room, sat Yunho who had a smirk playing on lips. “Oh? Jungkook?” Yunho slightly tilted his head, acting clueless.

But Jungkook didn’t say a word, because he knew Yunho was well aware why he was here. With a gaze as cold as death itself, he advanced towards him, the stake glinting ominously in the moonlight.

There was no need for explanations, no room for apologies. Only justice, swift and merciless, could mend the shattered fragments of his wounded heart and joy.

𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧𝗦 𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗘𝗥𝗩𝗘𝗗

@𝗷𝗸𝘀𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟰

©️

(insta: jeonjkfiles)

♬ Summary: Having depression is never easy but having a partner that understands you makes things easier

♬ Pairing: Established relationship; Jungkook x reader 

♬ Rating: Pg - 14

♬Genre: Established relationship, angst, and fluff

♬ Warnings: Angst and talks about depression 

♬ Part of, ‘ His Fan Girl

Note: Been having a depressive episode for awhile now and I thought it would help me to write about it

Life gets too much sometimes and it's worse at night. The moon is supposed to give you comfort with the shimmery silver but instead the only thing you see is the shadows that it produces. Even though the stars shine so bright in the night sky, it never translates. It’s complicated. You feel so happy at moments but then those moments get sucked up and replaced with sadness. As if your body is mourning those happy moments because it knows it's rare to keep them consistent. That’s how it's been for Y/N the past few months. 

She lives with the love of her life and is surrounded by people that love her, so why does she feel this nothingness? Every day is too long and it just feels like her life is on repeat. She’s doing everything to make herself feel better, mediating, taking a short walk, and self care but the feeling is still there. She tells her therapist this at every session but she tells her it's okay for recovery to take its course. She just wishes that it can work a little faster. 

Feeling lost is the worst feeling especially when you're surrounded by people who care for you. It makes you feel guilty in a way. They love you so much but you can’t even recover, it's sad. It's sad for you and it’s sad for everyone around you because they try to understand you. That’s even worse. When the people around you try to understand your feelings, it makes you feel like a test subject at times or it makes you feel like they pity you. Y/N knows they don’t pity her and they just care and love for her but her brain has always been her saboteur at happiness. 

Jungkook sees this and he tries his best to make her feel better. He takes her on small walks with Bam and even has her cook with him but when days are hard, he doesn’t know what to do. There are days where she stays in their bedroom and just lays there. She watches youtube and her shows but she doesn’t really do anything else. She barely eats and even when Jungkook gives her food, she sometimes just eats two bites. She always says sorry to him, sorry that he has to see her like this but he tells her that no matter he loves her. He loves at her lowest and he loves her at his highest, no matter what. 

Tonight Jungkook wanted to change things. He actually got her into the car and he drove to their favorite place. He glanced at her and saw her staring out the window with a blank look, something she's been doing more. He frowned at this and turned his head back to the road. Y/N stared at the clouds hiding the stars in the afternoon sky. It was as if the clouds were asking her to play hide and seek and the winner gets to see the bright moon. She was so focused on the sky that she didn’t even notice the care stopping. She snapped at her haze and she saw the beach. She felt her heartbeat get faster and turned towards Jungkook. She let a small smile escape and placed her hand on top of his, “Thank you...” 

“Of course, babe.” 

Jungkook got out of his side and quickly went to her side. He opened the door and she gently placed her hand into his. He creased the tops of her knuckles and placed a quick kiss on the top of her head. He locked the car and they made their way to the sand. Each step she took her foot was engulfed with the tiny rocks and shells. It felt like a metaphor in her mind. Each step she takes in life, she just gets sucked in and she knows she has to keep going forward but it's so...it's so hard at times. It feels impossible. 

They sat far enough from the water but close enough to feel the droplets of the waters. Jungkook wrapped his arm over her shoulder and brought her to him. She tilted her head so it could perfectly fit into him and stared at the ocean. She watched the waves crash into each other and her thoughts started to wander. 

The stars always told her stories. Some are sad and some happy. Ever since she got with Jungkook, the stories have been more happy. When they were broken up, watching the stars without him made her soul cry. The stars were there to comfort her no matter what while the sun mocked her for having problems. 

“Babe, what are you thinking about?” 

She looked up at him and shook her head, “Honestly...I’m not sure.” 

“That’s not good. Want to talk about it?” 

“I don’t even have a subject to talk about...what’s there to talk about?” 

He glanced down at her and it was his turn to shake his head, “There’s always something to talk about. Regardless of the lack of subject, just let your brain do the talking and I’ll listen.” 

“Are you sure? It gets pretty dark up there.”

“I’m sure.” 

She sighed and turned her head back to the ocean. She closed her eyes and let her brain do the talking, just like Jungkook told her to do, “I used to look at the night sky as this beautiful painting. The darkness never altered my view on it, it was just beautiful to me. Throughout my life I always looked at the sky because it was the only consistent thing in my life. It was also safe. I always knew what I was getting when I glanced up...”

“What about day time?”

“Day time...day time just mocked me. On days when things got hard, the sun would laugh at me. It always felt like the sun would judge me on another sleepless night while night time made me feel at ease. Like the feelings I felt were normal. It’s complicated...” 

Jungkook kissed the top of her head and looked out at the crashing waves, “I have time.” 

“When night time came, I knew it was okay to cry. It was okay to cry because the darkness around would hide it while the day time highlighted it. I always felt safer in my bedroom...the four walls gave me so much comfort but was it really comfort? It didn’t feel like it because my mind wouldn’t stop, it just kept going. I kept this a secret from my family...they had no idea until it got worse. I asked my mom if I could go into therapy and she of course said yes. She wanted to do anything for me and she never questioned my mental struggle. She just wanted to support me in every way she could...just like how you do.” 

“I’ll always be there to support you...I think...nobody taught you how to cry.” 

She glanced at him with a confused look as he continued to look at the water, “What do you mean?” 

“Sure you cried at night but you were by yourself...the pain and anger you held inside just became too much and you popped. You were taught to lie. You were taught to put this mask on to hide your true feelings and you never were truly vulnerable. Lying made things easier for you as you went through life because if you ever said the truth then it would make things hard. The more you lied, the more complicated things got. All the feelings you don’t show are the reason to let go, regardless of what it is.” 

She continued to stare at him with wide eyes as a tear escaped, “Wh-What if I don’t know the feelings I have on the inside?”

“Then we can figure it out together. You have never been free and it sounds like your mind is wanting to experience that now. You're scared.”

“I-I am.” 

His arm tightened around her and rubbed her shoulder gently, “That’s okay to be scared. I know it’s going to take a while for you to feel normal. Well, you're normal. I can go on and on about how much I love you and give you comforting words but it’s easier said than done. Don’t rush the healing process.” 

“You heard my therapist say that...”

“I did and it's true.” 

She bit her lip and looked out towards the ocean as more tears escaped, “I-I don’t want to hold you back.”

“You're not. I can’t imagine my life without you. I’ll be there for you no matter what. Your lowest low will never push me away.”He turned towards her and gently placed his thumb under her chin to turn her head. He let a soft smile appear and he brought his finger to wipe away tears. He leaned forward and placed a longing kiss on her forehead, “One day at a time...I’ll be there for you.”

“You shouldn’t have that responsibility…”

“I don’t see it as that, I just see it as me loving you.”

She brought her hand up and gently touched his cheek. Her thumb caressed his soft skin, “I know that but my brain won’t let me see that. Everyone around me gives me love but my brain stops me from enjoying it. It’s tiring.”

“I know baby but that won’t push me or the guys away. We all love you the way you are.”

Another tear fell and she looked up at him, “Even if I’m broken?”

“I don’t see you as that. We don’t see you as that. We’ll help you through this.”

“One day at a time…”

“One day at a time, babe.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!YOONGI who still has your pillow on his bed, just because it smells like you. no matter how much time had passed, Yoongi swore that particles of your essence were still reveling in that white pillow; no matter how much time had passed, Yoongi swore he still felt you every night, when his thoughts were more violent and his heart asked for comfort, asked for you; no matter how much time had passed, Yoongi would never wash that pillow, fearing that the memories of you would drown in the sea of neglect that covered the entire space outside the bed, outside of Yoongi’s safe haven. yes, no matter how much time had passed, Yoongi would never be able to forget how your soul smelled like home. “i carry with me the weight of the longing you left behind. part of me wants to believe that it’s all just a dream. but when the moon is high and my thoughts suffocate me, it’s your comfort that i miss. it’s you that i miss.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!YOONGI who looks for you in every crowd. he knew he was just hurting himself, but Yoongi couldn’t stop his eyes from taking in each face closely, hoping to see your sweet smile on them, hoping to see your bright eyes on them, hoping to see you in the middle of them. without noticing, Yoongi always found himself in the middle of crowds, those places he always avoided and preferred to see from afar; but now, when your departure squeezed Yoongi’s heart and the longing for you guided Yoongi’s steps, he always ended up in the middle of the crowds, wanting, waiting, begging, to see you one last time. “your existence haunts me. the ghost of our memories wanders among the crowds, seeking from them the love they know only you can give. it’s a game without any victories.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!YOONGI who goes back to the places where he kissed you to relive the memories. the days were grey, painted in tones of melancholy, and Yoongi could only feel his heart sink. it was there that he kissed you for the first time, your shy smile was still stuck on the small park bench; it was in front of that tree that Yoongi said the first i love you to you, your nervous laugh still echoed through the tree’s branches; it was in front of that window that you stole a kiss that tasted like caramel, he could still see his rosy cheeks in the immaculate glass of the store. the entire city was a map of Yoongi’s happiest moments; in every corner, in every nook, in every neighborhood lived fragments of your soul and the memory of you covered every street with a permanent veil of pure guilt, regret, longing, love. “it is in these places that the beauty of your soul still endures. and it was in those places that i kissed you and loved you and swore to always love you. and i will always love you.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!YOONGI who spends sleepless nights wondering where he went wrong. had Yoongi forgotten any important dates? no. your birthday was celebrated with laughter, the smiles from your anniversary still painted works of art in Yoongi’s heart. would his work have interfered in any way with your life together? no. Yoongi no longer spent nights in the studio. Yoongi had already stopped locking himself in his office when he was at home. Yoongi had renounced his art, his passion, to be able to love you. but, was that Yoongi’s mistake? did he love you too much? was Yoongi’s love so big, so intense, so suffocating, that it only gave you one way out? a way out of his life? “tell me if my devotion was the cause of my destruction. i ask you. please, tell me where i went wrong so i can love you again. tell me what i didn’t do so i can have your love again.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!YOONGI who can’t look in the mirror without seeing you next to him. it was a constant agony that stepped and beat in Yoongi’s heart, squeezing tightly all the love he still felt, sharply attacking all the longing he had. and Yoongi only had to look in the mirror to feel it, to see it. there you were. always smiling, your hand gently holding Yoongi’s hand, your eyes locked on him. entire years were spent living next to you, living with you. entire days were spent in a weightless sea of pure love and fascination. and now, looking in the mirror, Yoongi felt empty, he felt incomplete. now, looking in the mirror, Yoongi’s heart manufactured a memory of you, cruelly reminding him that what was next to Yoongi was just the hope that still made his heart beat.

EX-BOYFRIEND!YOONGI who is slowly isolating himself. the crowds stopped hiding your face in them; the streets cleared every step you had walked; Yoongi’s house expelled all your essence without his permission. and now, lost in the middle of nowhere, without finding any hope in his sheets, in your pillow, Yoongi just sat on the floor and stayed there. still. the longing of you was the only thing that still made him live, still made him exist. every step Yoongi had taken, led him to that exact moment, to that point wh—

EX-BOYFRIEND!YOONGI who can’t say the word love again — for, without you being in his life, what meaning did that word have?