I've Almost Managed With This As My Motto This Week So One More Day Three More Tests And I'll Actually

i've almost managed with this as my motto this week so one more day three more tests and i'll actually write things later because happy things like jackiechoi have also happened

hurray tech week

And There We Were All In One Place

and by that i mean actually i was sitting alone in my car parked at the boat launch and singing to American Pie and kind of falling apart

i don't know what's wrong with me and my mother keeps trying to have a serious what's wrong? talk. but anyways today was three more tests and suddenly being sick and five hours of rehearsal which is actually the shortest it's been all week but still miserable because people are not nice. so i was driving home, and Don McClean came on the radio just as I started crossing the bridge home to my island, and I pulled over at the boat launch.

i think it was just stress and memories and everything at once but i just kept having flashes of ctyers as we were at cty and that song and us yelling and just being together and being safe and loved and together and invincible. i miss learning for the sake of wanting to know things and not having to feel bad about it. i miss a lot, and right now everything is stressful. so i just kind of sat there crying and looking at the water and it's the first time i remember being by that bridge on my favorite spot and not being comforted, because instead i was just struck by how alone i felt. even though i know i have friends here who i love dearly and this is why i write nice things about them and i know this is miserably melodramatic of me but so be it.

kind of like how tomorrow i'm going to want to be somewhere else while we work on sets for 12 hours. but anyways. point being, it might be a while before i work my way through my posts about people. cause i gotta get my act together. this is absurd.

On Maya

So this one will definitely be read by the subject and she will probably clap her hands together in her happy aww gesture.

Ignore the fact that that is in the passive. But in all seriousness, I will say it again, Maya is the single most feminine person I know, and I mean that in the very best way possible. As she thinks she knows but actually it’s truer than she might realize, Maya is beautiful. And not just because she has high aesthetic standards for herself. But that honestly is beside the point because Maya is wonderful because of how she always cares about the emotional well being of her friends, and because she always makes a point of trying to be positive, and she is funny and smart and all the happy things that make her so fun to be around. Like, if she had a weakness, it would be caring too much. But we all can live with that. I feel bad because this probably isn’t new because I’ve told her a lot of this before, but it’s true. Oh also she sings like a baby angel. Only happy to listen to. Sidenote, why are all of my friends amazing singers? So there’s that. If there were more people like Maya the world would be a much warmer and fuzzier place.

This is not my most well written piece. Huh. Sentiment remains.