And There We Were All In One Place

And There We Were All In One Place

and by that i mean actually i was sitting alone in my car parked at the boat launch and singing to American Pie and kind of falling apart

i don't know what's wrong with me and my mother keeps trying to have a serious what's wrong? talk. but anyways today was three more tests and suddenly being sick and five hours of rehearsal which is actually the shortest it's been all week but still miserable because people are not nice. so i was driving home, and Don McClean came on the radio just as I started crossing the bridge home to my island, and I pulled over at the boat launch.

i think it was just stress and memories and everything at once but i just kept having flashes of ctyers as we were at cty and that song and us yelling and just being together and being safe and loved and together and invincible. i miss learning for the sake of wanting to know things and not having to feel bad about it. i miss a lot, and right now everything is stressful. so i just kind of sat there crying and looking at the water and it's the first time i remember being by that bridge on my favorite spot and not being comforted, because instead i was just struck by how alone i felt. even though i know i have friends here who i love dearly and this is why i write nice things about them and i know this is miserably melodramatic of me but so be it.

kind of like how tomorrow i'm going to want to be somewhere else while we work on sets for 12 hours. but anyways. point being, it might be a while before i work my way through my posts about people. cause i gotta get my act together. this is absurd.

I want to take this moment adress this and how I feel it's an issue of misplaced anger. Also, this is easier for me to write about than Hamlet write now. So bear with me.

The first thing that got me, here, is the use of the word "you're" in the second cause of each phrase. It's not an issue, apparently, of "people think you are" or "your most common label is," but simply "you are" fake, a slut, whatever. That's absurd. Someone calling you something does not make it so. I may be being nit-picky, but the difference between hearing a label placed on you and letting it define you is immense.

I don't know why this in particular set me off but I feel like the spirit of passivity embedded in this complaint is actually too much to bear. There's a step in there that's missing. You act some way, members of a society find some way to belittle you, and suddenly you become whatever they label you as? It doesn't have to work that way. Fine, you're sick of snap judgements and trying to impress people? Don't talk about how everything is so fucked up and we need to have more time having fun- talk about how people need to be nice to each other.

Think before you speak. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Try to bite down the snap judgments of other people that make you feel better about yourself. I know, listening to people tell you you're something can be hard not to listen to, but we can try. This is a we, everyone since ever has dealt with it, and it's not a problem of our generation specifically.

I guess that's why this really made me mad. Because our generation doesn't suck. Our generation is pushing the boundaries of technology use day by day, and we're becoming more involved in our world as we get more connected to it. Look what happened to SOPA. We killed it. That was, in large part, us. So chin up. Things aren't so bad.

I mean come on. We're the god damn Harry Potter generation, motherfuckers.

the thing that pisses me off the most is how fucked up our generation is. You wear make-up, you're fake. You don't wear make up, You're ugly. You have sex, you're a whore. You don't have sex, you're square. If you have curves, you're fat. If you don't have curves, you're anorexic. You talk to boys, you're a slut. You don't talk to boys, you're a loser. Everything is so fucking irrelevant. We spend most of our time trying to impress others when really we should concentrate on being ourselves and having fun. Our generation fucking sucks.

On Olivia

Olivia is an exceedingly well put-together person. I mean she always looks good, but that’s almost beside the point because she’s also consistently ready to face whatever the day will throw at her. It’s funny, because I know she’s not actually always feeling her best or feeling her most prepared, but Olivia always grits her teeth, puts on a grin, and barrels through. She’s more incredibly compassionate than you might expect from her overflowing river of sass, but hey, what can you do. When she’s serious she’s sincere but when she’s feeling bubbly she’s essentially a wave of good cheer and smiles that reach significantly farther than Olivia is high. I mean that in the kindest way possible. But in all seriousness sometimes it worries me that she doesn’t always seem to be having an awesome year, but she has friends that are here for and care about her, and the rest of the year will be fricking awesome because I say it will. So there. Also she helps handicapped children dance. Who else just radiates that much good.

i've almost managed with this as my motto this week so one more day three more tests and i'll actually write things later because happy things like jackiechoi have also happened

hurray tech week

On Madeleine

Cause yeah. I don’t know why my friends are all so talented and wonderful, but Madeleine is a prime example. She’s another example of someone I’ve been friends with for a super long period of time, and I’m super happy about it. Her wood floors are the reason I now bring slippers to the houses of my friends who I know will be okay with it, which is a super plus. As I hinted at earlier she sings beautifully, and when people tell her she usually just says it’s because her parents are opera singers, but actually she has a gorgeous voice and works incredibly hard. She’s a talented pianist, a brilliant student, and an honest friend. I don’t know how many times I’ve been doing something careless or unkind and she’s pointed it out incredibly courteously. Mads has a tendency to say what most people are thinking but lack the tact to say kindly, and it’s basically the best thing ever. She’s diplomatic and considerate to the last, but she also manages to be a barrel of ridiculous fun. I sincerely enjoy talking to her when I get the chance, even though it’s less frequently than I’d like, but hey, she has to be busy what with all her musicking and magicking and saving the world. Or at least, that’s what I imagine Mads does all day. Also she draws awesome. So that too. Huh. What a cool person. Now you know.