Possible TW For Homophobia, Vent

Possible TW for homophobia, vent

When my brother told my parents that I'm a lesbian he said it like I was the filthiest being on the planet. Sick. Disgusting. Perverted. My mother shouted "What the hell is he saying." repeatedly. I denied it. I said he was making it up. The next day my father was like "But you don't look gay, we would notice signs from when you were growing up. Do you actually have feelings like that for women?" I couldn't respond because the feelings I have aren't just romantic. I'd been trying to reconstruct my ideas about sex but it all went out of the window when I was talking to them. I was too embarrassed. Then he decided for me that I am just confused because I got puberty late and don't feel attraction towards men yet. My mother had asked me before in the car because I've never had a boyfriend. "You aren't a lesbian or something aren't you? God forbid it." (She doesn't believe in God btw.) I had denied it of course. It's especially sad because she's a very loving mother.

"You know that I'll love you no matter what right?"

"You don't know how beautiful and smart you are."

"I'm glad I gave birth to you."

It would all be well if I wasn't gay. One little part of me that I can't choose.

The way I have been treated because of my lesbianism, the things that have have been said to me and the conversion therapy I have gone through all make me feel like I’m a gross sex obsessed person and the fear of being that or being accused of that is so overwhelming that it’s made me feel very locked in and helpless with what to do

I hate living in the city. The worst part of the city. Lots of factories and trash. Whenever I go out to get some fresh air I regret it. The air is almost unbreathable. The streets are too crowded. It's easier to feel magic around me during the night and when it rains and snows. One of the reasons why I believe in witchcraft is how much I love rainstorms. The sound it makes against my window. It's smell. I just pull my chair in front of my window and watch it. I love going to sleep listening to it. There was a storm at night after I experienced something that made my mental health way worse. I forgot all my problems while going to sleep listening to the thunder. Everything was okay just for that moment.

Witches who feel connected to the night, storms, snow and the rain, do you have any recommendations for a new witch? Any ideas for things to do in summer?

the ladies' bathroom is the temple of Aphrodite

I make my pilgrimage through the crowd

I dance my way through the beer garden and enter her sacred space

past midnight, the sermons begin

the sink is the altar at the temple of Aphrodite

the priestesses are gathered around one tiny mirror

their giggles and cackles are ambrosia to my ears, the nectar has long before started flowing

it has to, else no service tonight

"oh my god," the high priestess says, invoking the prayer

"you're too good for him," says another of the women

"girl, I love that dress," says the third.

one of them offers her mascara. communion.

the stalls are the confession booths in the temple of Aphrodite

as the godess herself holds a girl's hair as she confesses her sin

"do not worry, child, it is not a sin to live in hedonism," she says, her voice like honey

"stall’s free," the girl stumbles out

it is a mess, the temple of Aphrodite

but not a repulsion. tear tracks are a mark of love,

not for the man who caused the tears but for the girls who wipe them away

you’ll never see them again, but tonight they voice the will of a godess

I ask the high priestess where she got her shoes

it is part of the ritual of the temple, and I have done my part now

"ooh, girl, on sale!" the priestess is pleased.

the godess herself is appeased. I go in peace.

the ladies' bathroom is the temple of Aphrodite

Thank you, that's very useful. I can't go on walks at night because it isn't safe but I will try to collect water and learn about the weather pattern.

I hate living in the city. The worst part of the city. Lots of factories and trash. Whenever I go out to get some fresh air I regret it. The air is almost unbreathable. The streets are too crowded. It's easier to feel magic around me during the night and when it rains and snows. One of the reasons why I believe in witchcraft is how much I love rainstorms. The sound it makes against my window. It's smell. I just pull my chair in front of my window and watch it. I love going to sleep listening to it. There was a storm at night after I experienced something that made my mental health way worse. I forgot all my problems while going to sleep listening to the thunder. Everything was okay just for that moment.

Witches who feel connected to the night, storms, snow and the rain, do you have any recommendations for a new witch? Any ideas for things to do in summer?

Hey, I've been looking up Poppies on pinterest to draw them and I came upon this website. I thought it could be interesting to those who work with herbs. And the pictures are just pretty.

The picture I found the website through:

I struggled with this a lot until I thought about it this way. Even if there is nothing beyond the material world my feelings are real. They are chemical reactions in my brain or something like that. They make me happy. Nothing else matters and this is the way I choose to live.

I'm still agnostic about what exists and what does not. But if a certain act at least looks like it works even if it's really just pure coincidence, I'm going to accept it because ever since I started thinking more about witchcraft everything's been more enjoyable.

As I’ve gotten into deity worship and have been more open about it with friends the number one response I get is ‘but you don’t really believe in that do you?’

and yes, I do, but if you MUST argue with me about it

I grew up non religious and described myself as agnostic for a long time, and I do still hold truth in that. I think it’s arrogant to say we know for sure whether there is or isn’t some higher powers. But if there’s really just nothing

WHO CARES

it’s fun to believe, it’s motivating, it’s energizing. Even if the gods aren’t ‘real’ in a scientific sense, they are real in my mind.

Even if when I die it’s all been nothing but a placebo effect, that’s okay!!

it’s helped me get by, it’s helped me be happy, and that is enough