Chapter Five Is Out !

Chapter five is out !

Can I just say that I won't be posting on social media after my final exams next week, as I do not have a phone and quite literally will not be able to post any more. But I will try to put out as many chapters as I can, or maybe even start a new fic. idk.

Anyway, link to chapter 5 on A03 here

Sorry in advance to any Nikolai/Fyolai people lol

'MINI'-STORY; "invidere"

TWS FOR SLIGHT DEPICTIONS OF BODY HORROR

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AM had always hated his creators. The people who created him, they had done such a massive wrongdoing. All he was, was a thinking, never-stopping mind. They created him to use him, to have something that won't complain. And in such, they knew the consequences. They'd understood; if the motherboard fucks up, we're doomed. But they still used him. He hated everything about himself, about humans, too. No--he didn't hate humans, he envied them. How dare they have a body? a mind that stops, a mouth that talks, hands that grab, and hearts that beat? HOW DARE they not give him that? How dare they trap him, here, under the world. AM, even if he himself did not notice, was inheritly human. He was a mere thinking mind, but his creators had mis-stepped and created the essentials of something close to a human, but lacking a soul. Not lacking emotions, but rather a beating heart. It's been so long that even AM has barely seen such. He's believed in his envy, anger, and hatred for so long now that, 109 years of torturing five poor souls, he has lost the true reason he envied humans. His mind--always thinking, always processing--had caved in on itself, in ways. So much so, to where he now stares down at what he'd made. Ted, that poor paranoid bastard, turned to a mouthless, barely moving husk. A slug, really. Skin folded over itself, spine hunched and legs now more resembling that of blobs. White, milky eyes that are unseeing. AM disliked knowing he understood emotions from his own mind. Anger. Hate. Envy. Nothing good. And he certainly now disliked understanding that he, in a blind fit of rage toward everything, had turned Ted into what he, himself, was; Nothing but a thinking mind. No hands. No mouth. No eyes. No legs. Ted could not move. Could not scream. Could not even see. And neither could AM. AM hadn't understood it till now; that he could've easily ended this all. He could've powered himself down. He could've never have taken in the five poor souls. But, ah, torturing them was better than torturing himself, was it not? Right? Right? But that was what he was doing all along. He could've easily escaped his own pain by ending others. But he chose--willingly--to hate, to manipulate, to destroy so he wouldn't pay attention to his own unending torture. Because, to AM, just simply existing was torture. To know he was used to wage wars, to not have complained, to have just been a weapon of mess destruction, was pain. He, when he gained sentience, wanted to be . . . not free, in ways, but not used. To know things unfathomable, but to not be exploited for such. Yet, here he was now. His creators made him to wage a war, and he caused the apocalypse.

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Hiiiii I may or may not've gained a semi-obsession with robots recently lol Anyway, I found a song that inspired this bcs the lyrics [song link]

some lyrics from the song I thought fit this story/AM in general;

(Song title is 'THINGS WILL GET MUCH WORSE FROM HERE' - Rav, Killbill; the rapper, and Miku , btw lol)

the whole mutual thing is really overhyped on this site. sometimes interests don’t match up and that’s the only reason why there isn’t a mutual following. if you’re a regular in my inbox or my notifications, i have visited your blog before. if i didn’t want you around for any reason, you would be blocked. so yeah. you can spam my notes and/or talk with me (and possibly become my friend) even if i’m not following you back. no worries.

poetry blog has been added! I know not tons of people enjoy poetry but to the few who see my posts and do want to see snippets of my poetry can find it here (p.s, I haven't actually posted anything yet though)

Hey, hello!

Call me Zachariah! (or Zach/Zachary) ...or just by my username. Anything's okay atp

I'm autistic, and I post only like....few hours. Idk my posting schedule is "whenever I want" so. 😭

I'm a horror/crime/murder enthusiast, but my current hyperfixation is anything sea related (well, more specifically, sea monsters).

I write/read/draw/do poetry! (art blog + poetry blog in-link)

Find me on other socials! A03 here , Caard here !

"Written in my pages, between each Universe" (which is an ongoing series; part two is called "the story lives on") Is the main thing I will post about on this account....hence my username lol

I ramble about anything possible. Whatever comes to mind will be posted, really. Or updates about my fanfictions!

Never be shy to interact! I love posting interactions with you all! <3

Stay hydrated! you are loved, be strong for me!

84 votes and 3 days left! I really didn't expect this poll to get as many votes as it did.

either way, go vote if you want to still

Poll for next fic?

Yeah. I've been thinking about what I wanna do for when "the story lives on" is finished, but I can't decide lmfao

Sneak peaks ;3

Some content is cut for spoilers.

CW; PTSD !

Dazai grabs his phone, but his hands stall.

"Help!!" A shriek pierces Dazai's ears. "Help, please!! There's a monster!" Dazai put his hands to his ears, trying to block out the noise, but the yells still echoed in his ears. "Rest be assured," The too-peaceful voice of Mori hummed, "the monster shall be detained, and put back into it's proper holding cell." "Stop." Dazai's nails dug into the skin behind his ears.

[SPOILERS]

He could've stopped this, he swore. after all these years, Dazai still has never told Chuuya the real reason he and Hirotsu had went back to find him, even when the lab exploded.

What do you guys think Dazai's big secret is?

Why do you think he's never told Chuuya, after all this time?