Fun Game Unlocked: Re -deciphering My Mental Illness Symptoms

Fun game unlocked: re -deciphering my mental illness symptoms

Am I exhausted because of T? Or am I exhausted because I spent the day applying to jobs and depression is hitting different?

Got this form rejection email from a job I applied to back in July:

Go to update my job hunting spreadsheet, see that they ALREADY REJECTED ME A MONTH AGO. Which feels very

so that's fun

Changing my name again because I didn't do it right the first time (I thought I'd be fine having my deadname as my "government name" and my chosen name as my middle name. WOW was that ever not the case.)

Asked my friends for suggestions for middle names that started with A, and now I have a dilemma because here's just some of what they gave me:

Arsenal

Atticus

Achilles

Axel

Apocalypse

Archeopteryx

It's a hellish time to be unemployed.

"AI" has enshittified already-terrible ATS (applicant tracking system) software, making it even harder to get your resume seen by a human.

Text-generated AI spam applications means that new jobs are being posted for 2 days before being closed because they're being flooded with hundreds of fake applicants.

HALF of hiring managers admit they think it's acceptable to post fake jobs, and two fifths say they've done it in the past year.

So it's no surprise that nearly 4 months after being laid off, my job hunt is Not Going Well. And today I broke 3 digits on job applications!

My job hunt in 2022 was hellish - 127 job applications and 17 companies interviewed with to get my last job. And yet, I'd give just about anything to go back to THAT job landscape and not this enshittified nightmare fuel hellscape.

For my perimenopause transmascs waffling about starting T

42 year old transmasc enby, only recently decided to start T because I'm fucking tired of getting misgendered as a woman - I had my first shot a little more than two weeks ago.

Meanwhile, I've been dealing with perimenopause symptoms for more than two years - hot flashes at night, and other weird shit. I also had the vague notion that perimenopause was fucking with my mental health - in the past couple of years I've had to increase my brain meds to pretty high dosages, and I never was entirely happy with how they were working.

But it was also impossible to quantify how much of that could be perimenopause and how much was just Going Through It with:

Going no contact with my mom for being a fucking transphobe

Getting laid off in April

Parenting a neurodivergent 12 year old

Dealing with a resurgence of dysphoria and deciding to do more medical transition

And I'm here to tell you all that shit about T MAKES YOU ANGRIER is just. Like. Scaremongering????? Because 2 weeks in I feel more clear-headed than I have in the last three years.

Which honestly feels pretty:

For real, I didn't realize the amount of brain fog I was dealing with until I woke up a couple days ago and went... wait. Why is everything.... not foggy????

So. Yeah. 42 year old transmasc enby who waffled for years about T, have struggled with my mental health for a few years and assumed it wasn't related to perimenopause, and two weeks into doing T I feel more clear-headed than I have in a long-ass time.