For My Perimenopause Transmascs Waffling About Starting T

For my perimenopause transmascs waffling about starting T

42 year old transmasc enby, only recently decided to start T because I'm fucking tired of getting misgendered as a woman - I had my first shot a little more than two weeks ago.

Meanwhile, I've been dealing with perimenopause symptoms for more than two years - hot flashes at night, and other weird shit. I also had the vague notion that perimenopause was fucking with my mental health - in the past couple of years I've had to increase my brain meds to pretty high dosages, and I never was entirely happy with how they were working.

But it was also impossible to quantify how much of that could be perimenopause and how much was just Going Through It with:

Going no contact with my mom for being a fucking transphobe

Getting laid off in April

Parenting a neurodivergent 12 year old

Dealing with a resurgence of dysphoria and deciding to do more medical transition

And I'm here to tell you all that shit about T MAKES YOU ANGRIER is just. Like. Scaremongering????? Because 2 weeks in I feel more clear-headed than I have in the last three years.

Which honestly feels pretty:

For real, I didn't realize the amount of brain fog I was dealing with until I woke up a couple days ago and went... wait. Why is everything.... not foggy????

So. Yeah. 42 year old transmasc enby who waffled for years about T, have struggled with my mental health for a few years and assumed it wasn't related to perimenopause, and two weeks into doing T I feel more clear-headed than I have in a long-ass time.

Round 2 of Queries sent

I got an (honestly very kind and nice) rejection on a partial manuscript request, leaving me with one open request for a full manuscript that is still open and 3 submissions over 90 days that I hadn't heard from.

So, time for another round of submissions.

Here's how the first round went - pretty damn good I'd say. 4 requests for further material out of 14 subs is a 29% request rate, which is GREAT.

I completed another 7 submissions today. So. Now it's time for... more waiting!

Fun game unlocked: re -deciphering my mental illness symptoms

Am I exhausted because of T? Or am I exhausted because I spent the day applying to jobs and depression is hitting different?

Got this form rejection email from a job I applied to back in July:

Go to update my job hunting spreadsheet, see that they ALREADY REJECTED ME A MONTH AGO. Which feels very

so that's fun

Past Me, when I first realized how much my writing gave away about my anxiety, neuroses, and trauma

Now Me, leaning into it and using my writing as free therapy

Three weeks on T tomorrow and