Now My Heart's Broken

now my heart's broken

r u fixing it?

📁 pairing; bangchan x gn! reader

📁 cw; angst/angst to fluff, unresolved/open ended, swearing, unedited, mention of sex (literally just the word sex once in the whole fic) 1.1k

📁 summary; famous rapper bangchan celebrates his five years on a radio show, and previous relationships are brought up. will you remain strangers, or give a friendship that first started over five years ago another try? inspired by broken cd — beabadoobee and loosely from prompt generators.

📁 a/n; word vomit LMAOOOO idek what's going AWN 😓 please say nothing. please do nothing. please do not perceive my work.

'now, stays are very excited to be celebrating the anniversary of your debut! in fact, we're planning on putting this episode up on your anniversary!'

bangchan leans back comfortably in his seat and lets out a laugh. 'yeah! i'm so excited to be celebrating five years with my stays.'

the radio show host smiles and flips through his notes, chattering away as he reads. 'many news outlets and netizens have labelled you as the soloist king of k-rap music, do you agree?'

'well, i'm not the biggest advocate of myself, but i think i've really grown as an artist.'

'of course! your growth has been amazing, a small soundcloud artist to one of the biggest idols of the decade. now, why don't we hear a snippet from your first official song from your label?'

a soundbite of a laugh spills out from the headphones over his ears and the speakers littered around him.

a contagious laugh, one he could never get out of his head and brought him happiness like he never new. almost like iced tea on a hot day, or a pancake flipped and cooked to buttery perfection.

a supporting smile, one that beamed proudly at him from the control room that made him shy away from the mic, embarassed to be singing a love song in front of the person it was about.

the editors that let you step into the booth to hold his hand encouragingly and cheer him on. your laugh was picked up on the recording and the production team mixed it into the song on his request.

plus, chan was happy to have you as a part of his first ever professional song. he thought that there was no way he could've done better if you weren't there.

your smile. your laugh. your touch.

but that was then.

sometimes, when all is quiet and still, he can't help but let his mind wander back.

australian beaches. he is sixteen and bringing you to the cove he hid in when he was little, one that he promised to hide away from everyone, forever. he sits with you inside, a little too close for just friends. he still has the sand dollar you picked for him, and it rests hidden behind his books on the shelf next to his bed.

midnight meetings. waking up to a rapping at his window and a familiar face that he can't help but get a fright from when it's pressed up against his window at three in the morning. fear that dissipates to excitement when you crawl into his window and talk with him for hours on end.

rooftop adventures. he sits on the side with his legs dangling over hen edge, and maybe it's dangerous, but when has he really cared? his beat up guitar rests on his lap, abandoned after he finishes his serenade. his hands find themselves tangled into your hair lips pressed up against yours until he speeds down the stairs with you trailing behind him.

mornings after. he turns from his spot where he's cooking your breakfast to your sleepy stature and pulls you into a perfect kiss. he tastes like coffee and kimchi eggs and sex, and he tastes like home. his 'i love you's are written into your perfectly plated food, a stark contrast to his own messy breakfast.

lonely nights. he used to fall asleep in his studio during his debut, and he didn't know if the lack of comfort came from the position he was in, or the fact that you weren't there. he can hear the twinge of sadness that you hide in a passing comment when you next see him, and he hangs his head and stays silent when you point out how he didn't get back to his apartment again.

the hate. i mean, even if he was signed to a label with no dating ban, it was expected, as an idol's partner, to get hate for just dating him. he tried to protect you from it, and stop you from reading them, but he got frustrated. after all, you knew what you were getting yourself into. it wasn't his fault, anything his fans were saying. if anything, he was glad his fans cared so much.

he doesn't really know if he meant to, but he pushes you away. he knows, instantly after the breakup, that it was his fault. you didn't change, he did. he hated how his fans celebrated when they announced that chan was single. he hated how he treated you just before he left you. he hated how he treated you like a burden, and he's so sorry.

he's so sorry.

he just wishes he had another chance, he loved-

'chan?'

a smiling face pulls him out of his trance, and he coughs awkwardly. he's sure he couldn't have zoned out for more than a few seconds, but he laughs to fill out the silence.

somehow, even his laugh sounds empty.

'um, so fans have noticed that you've been credited in all aspects of the song. what was your inspiration behind it, or better yet who?'

'ah, yes. some of my older fans may remember that i had a partner in my first few months after debut, and we sadly broke up.' chan forces a smile out. his hands fiddle with the wire of the headphones nervously.

'oh, wow. i suppose you were quite happy when you got signed at such a young age, did this profession come easy to you?'

and chan could let the lie slip out like water, a smile and a mutter of how hard he's been working, or how he found it so natural when he stepped up to the mic in the studio.

but he knows what happened.

he takes a breath. 'it hurt when i was seventeen. i don't think i would even be in this chair right now without their love. and, if they're listening in, thank you. i've never reached out since we...ended, but, to this day, i really want to. i'm sorry, and berry misses you.'

he smiles, and it's bittersweet. sadness lingers in his eyes. he bites the skin underneath his bottom lip until it turns purple.

'well, thank you everyone for tuning into this week's episode of rap radio, and we'll be saying goodbye to bangchan!'

he waves, and a wave of relief washes over him.

and, if he's lucky, he'll find a message from a stranger he knows all too well when he next checks his phone.

ahem... i volunteer as tribute

The First Date - Felix

Simptober First Dates M-List

Pairing: Felix (skz) x fem!reader

Genre: Fluff ;))))

Notes: idkkkkk I don’t rlly like this one to much💀 he is a little social butterfly tho so ig it workssss

-please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people

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The story begins with a chance encounter at a cafe, where you spotted Felix. You were going about your day, sipping on your coffee and lost in thought when you noticed him. He sat at a nearby table, and every now and then, he seemed to cast subtle glances in your direction. His eyes held a certain warmth and curiosity that piqued your interest.

It was one of those moments where time seemed to slow down, and you couldn't help but wonder what was going on in his mind. The cafe was bustling with activity, but in that brief connection, it was as if you were the only two people in the room.

After some time, Felix finally approached you. His smile was friendly and welcoming, and he struck up a conversation. You both exchanged pleasantries, and he mentioned that he had noticed you from across the cafe. It was a simple yet intriguing beginning to what would become your first date.

Over time, you got to know each other better, and you discovered shared interests, dreams, and aspirations. You felt drawn to his warmth and charisma, and you found yourself eagerly anticipating your first date. It was a mix of excitement and nervousness, a feeling that made your heart race as the day of your date drew near.

On the day of your first date with Felix, you met at a charming little bistro with dimly lit corners and a cozy ambiance. The anticipation was palpable, but as he greeted you with a warm smile, the nerves began to fade away. The connection you had established through those cafe glances had grown into something deeper and more meaningful.

You both shared a delicious meal, and the conversation flowed effortlessly. It was as if you had known each other for a long time. Felix was attentive, asking about your day, your interests, and your thoughts, and you found yourself genuinely enjoying his company.

After the meal, he suggested taking a leisurely walk through a nearby park. It was a beautiful evening, and the two of you strolled hand in hand. The air was filled with the soft sounds of nature, and the park was illuminated by the warm glow of streetlights.

As the date came to an end, Felix looked into your eyes, his gaze filled with sincerity. With a soft-spoken voice, he asked if he could see you again. You nodded.

Tag: @anny-bah @eee5533 @mixtape-racha @weedforthoughtz@ren0325 @felixvsp @hwangrimi @sanriiolino @painstakingly-juno @herarcadewasteland @dabiscrustyfeet @kai-jilee @sungiesoonie @slvtty4channiee @revelaffee @buckys-pillow, @staygirl86 @chlodavids @jinnie-ret @bbygrlhannie @rebecca-johnson-28   @turtledove824 @interstellarairwaves @yearofthetiger25 @minhos4thkitty @fiqire @backintomykpopphaseagain @liknws @tinyelfperson @aaasia111 @yangbbokari @hafsah-ali @sleepyleeji @skzhoes @yamaguchiwestad @leonswifesstuff @nappynapnaps

I'm officially going emo guys

(Kinda wanna know Hongjoong's perspective)

the night we met (k.h.j.)

“i had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. i don't know what i'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you. take me back to the night we met” — “the night we met” by lord huron {2015}

pairing: kim hongjoong x reader (no prns used)

genre: fluff, angst, est. rel, lovers to unrequited love

cw: /

wc: 1.2k

thank you to @yourfatherlucifer, rie (@pyeonghongrie) & cinny (@mochamvgz) for beta reading <3

©️ hotteoki || do not translate or repost on to any other platforms

the first time the doubt seeped in was 6 months ago. hongjoong had called to cancel your weekly date, apologising profusely over the phone, saying he would make it up to you; but that wasn’t what had set things off. it wasn’t uncommon for him to cancel during the morning of the date every now and then, you yourself would sometimes, whether it be too tired, or feeling sick, anything. it was him cancelling the next week that made you begin to worry. hongjoong is never one to cancel twice, always prioritising you over work. you had brushed it off, yet the unsettling feeling still lingers in the back of your mind. by the third time he cancelled, you confronted him, calling him after he sent a short text, saying ‘need to cancel, sorry’, only to be sent to voicemail. 

sighing to yourself, you knew there was no point in going to his studio, there were chances he went out with friends. when night came, you laid on the couch, trying your best to fight off the weight on your eyelids that were causing them to droop. upon hearing the door unlock, you sat up immediately, rubbing the drowsiness away in your eyes. “baby, have you been waiting for me?” hongjoong’s shocked voice travelling into your ears. “of course,” you smiled weakly, yawning, “i missed you.” “i’m sorry honey, i know i’ve been cancelling, but i thought you wouldn’t wait for me. i knew i was going to work late and i wanted you to sleep earlier,” he sat beside you, gently pushing your head into his lap, caressing your cheek gently. “i’ll always wait for you.” upon hearing that, he leaned down to kiss the crown of your head. “i love you, joong.” you were too tired to notice he never said it back.

it was thursday. you had finished classes earlier and went back to hongjoong’s apartment, hoping to visit him after not being able to see him for well over a week. you weren’t even surprised anymore when you opened the door to be met with an empty apartment. making your way over to his bedroom, you frowned upon seeing the door closed. he was never one to close his bedroom door. you slowly pushed it open and peeked your head through the doorframe, still holding on to the slim chance of him being inside, only to be met with disappointment upon seeing the light switched off. 

turning it on, your eyes widened at the sight of the messy state of his room. his desktop computer still sat by the corner of his desk, his chair swivelled a bit to the side (you smiled a bit at that, hongjoong was never one to tuck his chair back in, always complaining when it ends up getting in his way) the unmade bed, spare headphones discarded lazily on his bedside drawer, wastebasket filled with scrunched up paper balls. everything was as it should be.

you sat gingerly on his chair, spinning around a little, the turned-down picture frame next to his computer catching your eye. without even turning it back up, you already knew which picture it was, yet you stood it straight anyway, immediately met with three polaroids side by side in a row, taken on each of yours and hongjoong’s anniversary. you remembered getting a frame with him at a nearby local store, and sitting on his bed afterwards, him carefully pulling the three polaroids from his photo album and placing them into the frame, playfully arguing with you about how to place the order of the polaroids.

the polaroid of your second anniversary was first, the one on the far left. he had taken you roller skating, except neither of you were very good at it. you let out a small laugh at the memory of him falling and pulling you down with him. you also remembered being too scared to ask someone to take a polaroid of the two of you, needing him to ask for you, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek before doing so. 

the polaroid on the far right was your third anniversary. he had remembered you mentioning off-handedly about wanting to stargaze, and did exactly that. he had eagerly lead you to the han river after a nice dinner (which you insisted on paying for), pointing out random stars and blurting out random constellation names, making up their meanings. “you see that column of stars over there? it’s called the lobster constellation. it comes from the fact that lobsters hold hands in fish tanks, because they’re married for life, or something like that? i forgot what phoebe said,” he sounded unsure of himself, “and it basically means you should kiss me” you laughed at that, but kissed him anyway.

the one in the middle was your favourite one. it was also his favourite, you liked to think. it was your first anniversary with him. it was a selfie that hongjoong insisted would work, but ended up with the two of you being a little off centre with a stranger at the background, yet it was your favourite one, because both of you had the biggest smile on your faces, with his free arm wrapped tightly around your waist, holding to as close to him as possible. 

placing the picture frame down, you leaned back against the chair, feet accidentally kicking the wastebasket tucked underneath his desk, spilling the paper balls on the floor. sighing, you bent down to pick them up, halting when you realised you recognised exactly where the papers came from. hongjoong’s diary. the one you gifted him.

you tried to resist the urge to open one of them up to read it, only to give in, taking the nearest one and opening it up. you immediately stiffened up upon reading the date written in bold at the top. your one month anniversary. your breath hitched as you read through it. you would’ve appreciated all the sweet words he had written had your name not been crossed every time it was mentioned.

swallowing thickly, you picked up a few other ones in the wastebasket, opening them up as well. you felt your heart thumping faster and faster as you read more and more entries, all of them from significant dates in your relationship; the three month anniversary, one year anniversary, first christmas, second valentine’s day, third date— you shoved them all back in the basket. it was all too much to bear. 

you silently glanced around his room again. you felt haunted by the ghostly presence of him in his room, it was like he was right here, but also not at all. it just wasn’t fair. you ignored the growing ache in your chest. you ignored the tiny cracks on the glass of the picture frame, indicating he had thrown it around at some point. you ignored the half peeled off stickers you had stuck along the base of his keyboard. you ignored the beanie you gave him for his birthday last year carelessly shoved under his mattress. you ignored how the photos on his corkboard had pins going directly in between the two of you. 

you ignored how deep down, you knew hongjoong no longer loved you the same way he did. when it happened, or why, you had no idea, nor did you have the motivation to ask, knowing there was no point in asking questions you didn’t want answers to. but what you couldn’t ignore, was the longing feeling of wishing someone could take you back to the night you first met him, because even though this story would end the same way no matter how hard you tried to stop it, you’d do it all over again in a heartbeat.

taglist - @dikeu @weird-bookworm @asjkdk

networks - @kflixnet k-labels kbookshelf neverendingdreams-net straykidsland @k-films @pirateeznet

YESSSSIIIRRRR

— NNN Masterlist —

i'm making this Masterlist before the voting has even ended in case i get left behind. this November, since its my first writing more than once and not disappearing, it'll only consist of three weeks, each with three fics. i will not be writing during Thanksgiving week, unless I have some other things to finish up and post (important), which hopefully doesn't happen.

* note: SOME OF THESE ARENT CONFIRMED, THEY'RE JUST IDEAS

Week One

—The Magician's Closet | Lyney *in the works

— Morax out of Mora | Zhongli

— Laid upon her statue | Raiden Shogun

Week Two

— The Study of Artificial Intelligence | Albedo

— A Leaf's First Blow | Kaedahara Kazuha *in the works

— An Ocean Eye | Childe

Week Three

— Not Known for Fault | Alhaitham

— A Knight's Code of Honor | Jean, Kaeya, and Diluc (separate)

— From Dust to Diamond | Wanderer

| • skz hyung line — caught simping for them • |

📁 pairing; bangchan x gn! reader, lee minho x gn! reader, seo changbin x gn! reader, hwang hyunjin x gn! reader

📁 cw; swearing, nsfw joke, furry joke

📁 a/n; if this doesn't turn up in tags i'll cry ☹️ ENJOY PLS ILY

#01 — bangchan • 방찬 !

#02 — lee minho • 이민호 !

#03 — seo changbin • 서창빈 !

#04 — hwang hyunjin • 황헌진 !

I have a bad feeling abt how this will progress

My Biggest Regret

Part four:

**

"Y/n pass me the tomatoes please,"

Chan's mum and Y/n had started cooking a big meal for the boys. It was currently 5 in the evening and Chan's dad had gone to pick up the boys from the airport leaving Hannah, Y/n and his mum cooking in a hot kitchen for 9 men. 9 grown men meant a lot of meat, a lot of bread and a lot of food in general.

"Here you go auntie," she passed the tomatoes and started on the dessert. Chan's favorite cheesecake. She hadn’t cooked it in a while but she knew she could, after all she made sure to in-grave the steps in her brain just incase Chan had ever asked her to make it for him.

"Mum I don't know why we're cooking so much for him!" This was the 50th time that evening that Hannah was complaining, "there just going to finish all this in 10 minutes!"

"Aish!" She smacked Hannah’s arm lightly causing Y/n to smile at the two and giggle, "all you've done is complain since morning! Be like Y/n and actually help," Hannah rolled her eyes and walked over to the oven to check on whatever was inside there.

"Y/nnie, my love, maybe go rest a little bit? You've been on your feet for a few hours,"

"It's okay auntie, we're almost done anyway so don't worry about it," Y/n assured Mama Bhang.

"Okay sweetie but aren't you so excited! Channie comes home!" She clapped her hands and spun a little.

"Yes I am excited, woah woah-" Y/n quickly grabbed the spoon that was about to hit the ground and handed it back to her.

"We must celebrate today don't you think?" The older lady stood by the stove and stirred one of the broths that were cooking, "how about some wine?"

"Mum, where shall I put this?" Hannah was holding a tray and it looked very hot. She was sweating a little too just like the rest of them.

"Just put it by the counter and start plating everything baby," she instructed the girl before turning back to a very concentrated Y/n, "so wine?"

"Yeah sure, I can go out and get some-"

"Oh! Don't be silly! You really thought I wouldn't have a stash of wine?" She teased and walked over to the caboards in the leaving room and walked back with two bottles in hand.

"Are we finishing both of them?" Y/n asked in shock looking at her elder grabbing three cups and setting them down.

"Oh sweetie! If we can, why not? We've been in the kitchen for hours! Don't we deserve this?" She poured and filled the glasses with wine and handed them out.

"Okay! I'm almost done with the sauce, I'm moving the hotpot onto the dining table, you two finish dishing up plates and start bringing them out,"

"Okay Mum, what about the ice cream? Should we put them in the coolers?"

"No, just feel the coolers with ice," she instructed Hannah before leaving the two in the kitchen.

"I've never seen her this happy before," Y/n giggled and started to stack the foods on the plates.

"Same to be honest, I don't think she was even this happy when I graduated," Hannah rolled her eyes and took a sip of her wine.

"Oh! Don't say that Hannah, you know we were all so excited," Y/n had attended the graduation and made sure to take a lot of pictures cause she was proud and she wanted to make an album of memories to give to Chan when he came back. She had stacked a lot of pictures of things he had missed including birthdays, graduations (including hers) and just casual dinners and parties. The book was thick and she couldn't wait to hand it to the boy.

"I just don't under why-"

"Hannah you can't have this grudge with your brother, I was also in pain and I was hurt but you can't keep holding onto the grudge, his on his way home right now, you should be celebrating. Don't ruin it by being angry! Let him get home and after dinner you can talk to him about it okay?"

"Ugh I hate it when you're right," Hannah rolled her eyes. They both took another sip from their glasses and finished up setting the dining table.

The balcony door was open revealing the hot grill outside waiting for Chan's dad to put the steak's on the grill.

It was around 6:30. The glasses of wine were empty and now filled again. They were all washing up the dishes and cleaning up the house because Mama Bhang had recieved a text saying they were pulling up in the drive way.

Y/n's stomach started to churn, she couldn't believe. Chan was here. Chan was finally here. The glass in her hand was suddenly empty again. She had chugged it down.

"Okay should we go take a shower now?" Hannah asked as she finished wiping the table. Her mum was laying blankets on the couch incase anyone was going to sleep on it and she put out a few snacks on the table for the boys.

"Yeah let's go," Y/n agreed and headed to Hannah's room. She closed the door behind them and Hannah poured another glass for Y/n.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" Y/n asked already tipsy. They both giggled as Hannah nodded her head.

"If we're going to do this, let's atleast do it drunk?" She justified, well questioned.

"You're so silly!" Y/n chuckled and grabbed her towel to head into the bathroom.

Her head was spinning a little but she couldn't help but overthink everything. She couldn't contain her emotions. She couldn't explain how she felt. She could just simple day she was happy but that couldn't explain all of her emotions. She wanted answers from Chan. Why did he disappear? Did he still love her? Because she made sure to keep herself pure for him. She made sure to keep herself innocent for him because he had promised to be her first in everything.

"Y/n! Hurry up girl!" The knock on the door causes her to jump out of her trance and quickly get out of the bathroom. Hannah was sat on the bed scrolling through her socials.

“Okay I’m done,” she said while rolling her eyes playfully.

"Finally! I thought you passed out or something," Y/n put down her toilet bag and get dressed as Hannah was taking her shower.

She had decided to wear a cute blue body hugging dress that she had gotten from skims with a white and blue cardigan.

She then went on to put on some perfume and do a little bit of makeup. Her hair was then slicked back into a pony tail.

When Hannah was done she also wore something similar to Y/n's but hers was in red and she let her hair fall since it wasn't long enough to be put up.

They decided to take a few selfies and pictures since they both could agree they looked really cute and wifey material.

"Girls?! There here!" They hear Chan's mum yell throught he house. The two got up and finished the wine in their glasses and made their way downstairs.

"Oh my girls! You both look so beautiful," she cooed at the sight of both of them.

"Thank you mum! Now where are they?" Hannah was impatient, she wanted to see her brother and his friends.

The door handle wiggled and then opened revealing her dad and a bunch of people behind him.

"Geuss who's home," his voice boomed throughout the whole house.

"Move!" His mum run past his dad and jumped into Chan's arms. Her body trembled against his as she started to cry.

It was a beautiful sight and Hannah and Y/n couldn't help but tear up a little.

"Oh my baby Boy! I missed you so much. This can't be real," she cried in his arms as Chan allowed her too.

"Hey Mum, I missed you so much," he wouldn't admit it but tears dropped from his eyes aswell. He did miss his mum with everything in him.

"Well since those two are busy," Chan's dad cleared his throat while chuckling, "girls these are the guys, introduce yourselves," he encourages the two girls that stood behind the couches.

"Hey, I'm Hannah, Hannah Bhang. His little sister and this is Y/n, Y/n Y/l/n. She's a family friend." Hannah smiled and waved. Y/n waved too, since she wasn't used to being people around her age she looked terrified but in all honesty she was just shy.

"Nice to meet you finally! I'm leeknow," he walked over to them to shake their hand. "That's Changbin, Han, Felix, Hyunjin, Seungmin and I.N," he points at the different guys. They both smiled and waved at each of them. Y/n was trying so hard to remember all their names.

The blonde guy caught her eye though. Hyunjin was it? His was so pretty but what made her fall for him more was his soft plump lips.

"Welcome to Australia," Y/n finally said, "Make yourself at home." She smiled and lead them to sit down.

"Hey! hey! hey! I haven't met them yet!" Chan's mum said after she finally let go of Chan and dragged the boy into the house, they all chuckle and get up again to greet their elder. She made sure to give them hugs and kisses.

"Hannah!" A not so familiar voice called distracting them from the sight in-front of them. They both turn to Chan. "Are you not going to kiss your brother hello?" He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her. His eyes automatically falling on Y/n.

He gasps and analyzes her figure, she was even more beautiful than he could remember. She looked so innocent and so grown up now.

The guilt started to eat away at him. It started to slowly creep up and it made his body heat up.

"Okay okay you're squeezing me to death!" Hannah was panting and trying to wiggle out of his strong grip.

"Woah," was all he could say. He almost even dropped his travel bag. "Y/n?"

"Hey Channie!" She smiled and waved at the boy who quite literally looked like he was about to pass out.

"Long time no see ehhh?"

**