I Don't Know If It's An Autism But When I Was A Kid Or Even Now I Smile When Looking At People, Being

I don't know if it's an autism but when I was a kid or even now I smile when looking at people, being around them or talking to them.

Sometimes it didn't happen but most often it did and I'd turn my back when passing by someone because I couldn't stop myself from smiling and laughing even though I didn't want to.

To this day I don't like looking at people because if that, and when I'm mad I can't express my thoughts correctly and end up smiling and laughing which bugs me because I don't want to smile and laugh.

This isn't something I've experienced, but it could be a trigger effect...your brain associates smiling with laughing... So any smiles can trigger laughter. But I can't say for certain.

yall. i see a lot about masking, and i just wanted to ask that, well personally, i dont mask. and i feel like thats weird because i keep hearing how, it feels like everybody else is in some form masking?

i dont even know what masking entails, what it is, i only know some very few information that it is like, well one is wanting to touch stuff but dont? idk, i just, if i wanna touch something, i touch it. but im not obsessively touching stuff. i dont like, stim either, in the autistic way, im sorry if that came across as rude i just wanna say i dont do it because of autism, i do it because of my severe anxiety. i only do stuff, crossing arms, twisting foot, idk how to explain it, if im stood still, i will like, bend my foot so it looks like it might break but it wont lol...etcetc, are those even stims? they dont sound like it now that i wrote some down haha, because i have severe anxiety and i feel like im gonna pass out and vomit when im out of the house. i have a whole ass YEAR left until i begin my cbt therapy. i dont even know if thats gonna help, i tried it before years ago but pretty much gave up because i felt it didnt do anything and im depressed af and have zero motivation. because im never gonna get better anyways. i had a nurse telling me that too ages ago and i still remember it because he was all like "so im not supposed to tell you this because its private information about me, but you'll never get better from this. this is a lifelong issue you'll have to deal with for the rest of your life, because i have it too" real comforting when you just told that person you wanna kill yourself because you suffer so bad. i feel like he wants me to kill myself so they'll rid a troubling annoying person. but anyways!

oh yea! another one is forced eye contact, i dont do that either haha, i look up people in the eye, or in the middle, and then if i dont wanna, i dont. so im sure i dont mask and is that normal? is there anybody else out here that dont either?

yall, a list of various ways of masking would be appreciated so i know whether i am or not, even though im preeeeeetty sure that i do not.

thank you. and i hope you have a good week.

I'll answer this in parts.

1 - Autistic masking is the conscious and unconscious act of pretending to be neurotypical.

Conscious versions of this are things like practicing conversations, practicing facial expressions in a mirror, watching others communicate so that you can mimic them. However, unlike neurotypicals or allistics (non-autistics), at no point do we feel comfortable or confident in doing these performances. It's exhausting and we're very aware of our actions and other's actions.

Unconcious versions of masking are those that are drilled in to us either by society, family (on purpose or not), bullying etc. These include forcing facial expressions, forcing eye contact, forcing vocal tone, holding back or permanently repressing stimming, ignoring special interests due to mocking or bullying, enduring adverse sensory experiences etc. These are often enforced from infancy and we may not even be aware we're doing it. But we are aware we're exhausted from tasks others are not.

Unconcious and conscious masking mix and match. They're fluid, and not everyone experiences the same versions.

2 - Not every autistic masks. Higher needs may not mask, intellectual disabilities may prohibit it, and supportive families may never enforce it. Some autistics grow up and refuse to mask any longer. And many different versions of this, too.

3 - Everyone stims. Stimming is any repetitive behaviour that is used to modify external or internal input via a soothing behaviour. Autistics and many other NDs simply do it a lot more and have more variety. So, yes. If what you described is done in order to add input or block out input, it's stimming.

4 - Not all Autistics struggle with eye contact. Whilst clinicians use it as this big indicator, it's really not.

5 - Lastly, that nurse who spoke to you in that moment of need was a complete ass. Anxiety is difficult, but it's not the end of the road. If CBT therapy didn't help, it may be that you need a modified version, or try something different all together. There are many different therapies and avenues. There is hope, you just need to figure out what road is yours.

*inhales* EEEEEEEEEEP!!! I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! The mash-up I didn't even know I NEEDED!

just imagining an AU where the Bad Batch meet the Serenity crew

The Crew

Jayne and Crosshair shooting contest

Jayne and Wrecker. (That's it.)

Jayne and Hunter and knives

Jayne teaching Echo Cantonese swears

Mal teaching Omega cantonese swears

Mal and Hunter staredown when they realize they're both Sargeants. Hunter slightly confused when the Crew call Mal "Captain".

Wash and Tech trading crazy flying stories

Wash:I'm a leaf on the wind Tech:What does that even mean?

Wash teaching Omega more about "flying is about a feeling" (Leaf on the Wind)

Wash responding to Crosshair's snark with the cheekiest sarcasm

Wash asking Zoe which Sarge they're gonna listen to

Zoe, annoyed by the Sargeants, and seeing how well The Crew (except Jayne) get along with him, decides Tech is in charge because "it's his ship, Sir... Sirs"

Zoe teaching Omega the 1st Rule of Battle

Zoe and Crosshair holding direct, unreadable eye-contact, arms crossed, for about 3 seconds before slightly nodding to each other. They never say a word to each other, but there is just pure understanding and respect between them. Neither the Crew or the Batch really get it.

Zoe asking if they can trade Jayne for Wrecker

Simon being overwhelmed at the idea of bacta and medical droids, staight up fainting when he finds out Echo was literally blown up, and is now half droid

Kaylee repairing the ship with Echo while Simon is passed out

Kaylee making improvements to the ship that Tech was too Tech-y to think of

Kaylee helping Omega paint her room

Kaylee being unbearably cheerful with Crosshair (she paints a tiny flower on one of his reflector discs he sticks it to the lid inside his wepons kit because it reminds him of his nickname for you)

River playing hide and seek with Kaylee, Omega, and Wrecker. They resort to asking Hunter to track her down, and she's almost too good even for his senses

River balled up in the copilot seat just absorbing every single thing Tech says, occasionally interjecting with her own theories/calculations/corrections

River, to Echo: He's proud of you. ("Who?") Your twin. The others are too. You lived to fight another day.

i had more ideas but i made myself cry with that last one. will probably add to this over time and do a list from the side of The Batch

Dunno enough about cars to agree or disagree with the Firebird bit, but I do know that regardless of what vehicle he would have, he would not only drive it like crazy, he'd put a lot of work into it, too (with Wrecker's assistance for the heavier parts, of course).

I feel like if Tech existed in our world he would drive a firebird and just be drifting it like crazy.

Which is great because my husband has three. 🏎️🏎️🏎️🔥🦅

Come drift with my husband, Tech. Pls?

today im thinking about the huge buff bread guy from kikis delivery service. highly underrated guy