Yall. I See A Lot About Masking, And I Just Wanted To Ask That, Well Personally, I Dont Mask. And I Feel

yall. i see a lot about masking, and i just wanted to ask that, well personally, i dont mask. and i feel like thats weird because i keep hearing how, it feels like everybody else is in some form masking?

i dont even know what masking entails, what it is, i only know some very few information that it is like, well one is wanting to touch stuff but dont? idk, i just, if i wanna touch something, i touch it. but im not obsessively touching stuff. i dont like, stim either, in the autistic way, im sorry if that came across as rude i just wanna say i dont do it because of autism, i do it because of my severe anxiety. i only do stuff, crossing arms, twisting foot, idk how to explain it, if im stood still, i will like, bend my foot so it looks like it might break but it wont lol...etcetc, are those even stims? they dont sound like it now that i wrote some down haha, because i have severe anxiety and i feel like im gonna pass out and vomit when im out of the house. i have a whole ass YEAR left until i begin my cbt therapy. i dont even know if thats gonna help, i tried it before years ago but pretty much gave up because i felt it didnt do anything and im depressed af and have zero motivation. because im never gonna get better anyways. i had a nurse telling me that too ages ago and i still remember it because he was all like "so im not supposed to tell you this because its private information about me, but you'll never get better from this. this is a lifelong issue you'll have to deal with for the rest of your life, because i have it too" real comforting when you just told that person you wanna kill yourself because you suffer so bad. i feel like he wants me to kill myself so they'll rid a troubling annoying person. but anyways!

oh yea! another one is forced eye contact, i dont do that either haha, i look up people in the eye, or in the middle, and then if i dont wanna, i dont. so im sure i dont mask and is that normal? is there anybody else out here that dont either?

yall, a list of various ways of masking would be appreciated so i know whether i am or not, even though im preeeeeetty sure that i do not.

thank you. and i hope you have a good week.

I'll answer this in parts.

1 - Autistic masking is the conscious and unconscious act of pretending to be neurotypical.

Conscious versions of this are things like practicing conversations, practicing facial expressions in a mirror, watching others communicate so that you can mimic them. However, unlike neurotypicals or allistics (non-autistics), at no point do we feel comfortable or confident in doing these performances. It's exhausting and we're very aware of our actions and other's actions.

Unconcious versions of masking are those that are drilled in to us either by society, family (on purpose or not), bullying etc. These include forcing facial expressions, forcing eye contact, forcing vocal tone, holding back or permanently repressing stimming, ignoring special interests due to mocking or bullying, enduring adverse sensory experiences etc. These are often enforced from infancy and we may not even be aware we're doing it. But we are aware we're exhausted from tasks others are not.

Unconcious and conscious masking mix and match. They're fluid, and not everyone experiences the same versions.

2 - Not every autistic masks. Higher needs may not mask, intellectual disabilities may prohibit it, and supportive families may never enforce it. Some autistics grow up and refuse to mask any longer. And many different versions of this, too.

3 - Everyone stims. Stimming is any repetitive behaviour that is used to modify external or internal input via a soothing behaviour. Autistics and many other NDs simply do it a lot more and have more variety. So, yes. If what you described is done in order to add input or block out input, it's stimming.

4 - Not all Autistics struggle with eye contact. Whilst clinicians use it as this big indicator, it's really not.

5 - Lastly, that nurse who spoke to you in that moment of need was a complete ass. Anxiety is difficult, but it's not the end of the road. If CBT therapy didn't help, it may be that you need a modified version, or try something different all together. There are many different therapies and avenues. There is hope, you just need to figure out what road is yours.

Tech's behavior throughout this whole story is CHEF'S 👏 FUCKING 👏 KISS! 👏💋 Sympathized and agonized thought the whole thing. Well done!

Burning House

The sound of screams are easier than just my thoughts with no one here. But it’s too late, but it’s too late

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Sobbing. That's what filled Havoc when the jump was complete. Omega fell to the ground and started crying. Wrecker picked her up and she continued to wail, even as he tried to calm her down. "We'll get him back, we'll get him back-" Wrecker whispered, rocking her back and forth.

In the cockpit, Echo took off his helmet, biting his cheek as he thought what they were going to have to do. Tech sat there, unable to move as he listened to Omega cry, his skin begun to crawl. "Hunter use to cry a lot..." Tech muttered. His voice was barely above a whisper, "Omega sounds like him-" Echo looked over, "He'd cry, he never stopped crying, they'd take him away, put him in a sensory deprivation tank, then when he came back, he'd cry even more-" Tech rambled. But his voice was dull, as if it wasn't even his voice at all.

"-We need to go back! Wrecker! We need Hunter!" I need Hunter! Omega screamed, hitting Wrecker's chest. Who, of course, took all the pain, took every hit, and made not a single reaction. He only continued to hold her and love her.

"We'll get him back-" was all Wrecker could say, he wished she'd stop crying. Hunter, you need to stop crying, it'll make it worse.

"Get him to stop crying, please-" Tech held himself tightly as he begun to shut down. He needed Hunter to stop crying.

"Omega, Omega's crying." Echo said, Tech's head jolted to look at Echo, pure shock on his face. Tech opened up his mouth to speak but all that came out was a squeak as his eyes started to tear up. He never made mistakes like that, he never made mistakes like this. But this, was the second time it happened.

Echo's eyes went wide, seeing Tech's eyes fall apart and in a second, Tech took off his helmet and Echo couldn't help to notice the way his hands shook, Tech's hands never shook. "Omega," Tech spoke, telling himself not to make that mistake again. He tried to hold his helmet, but his hands would start shaking, his bones started to ache, he had to move them, he couldn't keep still. Tech shook his head, discomfort growing until, at last, he threw his helmet on the ground, slamming it on the ground.

"Tech!" Echo jumped up, but Tech, all his moving, and shaking, he'd stopped, he'd forced himself. Inside, Tech was forcing himself not to move, not to blink, not the breath. "Tech." Echo went to his brother as Wrecker came in to see what happened, Omega still crying. Echo gave Wrecker a blank stare, "Tech we're gonna get him back, we just gotta make a plan-"

"I'm aware that we'll get him back!" Tech hissed, standing up, making his brothers jump and Omega turned to look. She stopped crying. "I'm aware of what needs to happen but this never should have happened! We should never have been placed in such a situation where we are missing two of our brothers!" He screamed as he fumed, crying as he did, unable to control everything inside that had just broken loose. They all stared at him. He hated to be stared at.

He looked at them as they looked at him, he tried to pull himself back together, holding himself as if that would shove everything back inside. But he had simply shattered. He couldn't look at them and he didn't want to be in his body. He wanted to disappear, to hide away, he hated this attention. He had been frozen but he couldn't help his shaking. Scared of what they'd say, scared of what they'd think. He was completely terrified, he was only terrified. "I," He looked at them, eyes wide, filled with that terror that crept up his body, whispering in his ear, 'You left them, Crosshair and Hunter, they're going to hate you-' it whispered in Tech's ear. "He ordered me to leave him-"

"He ordered all of us to," Echo spoke softly and slowly. He didn't see past the terrified look on Tech's face, "It isn't your fault." We're not gonna blame you if we never get him back. We're going to blame ourselves.

"No, no he didn't. He said my name, he ordered me." Tech corrected Echo, "It's going to be my fault, just like it would have been my fault if Wrecker hadn't woken up, how it's my fault we keep leaving Crosshair-

"Tech-"

"Don't inturrupt me!" Tech yelled, "I hate it when you do that!" He knew he was being irrational, he'd talk himself down soon enough. So right now, he didn't care. Hunter was gone and for all the logic in the universe, Tech felt it was his fault. It was his fault. He couldn't be here any longer. He needed to hide from his shame brought upon by the wide-eyed look of his brothers and sister. He looked down, cursing himself, all he could do was leave the room. He needed to leave.

As he left, there was a stillness that flowed through them all, defeat. Their brother, they just abandoned, but this brother, the absence of this brother was as if they had one lung instead of two, possible to live, but much too hard and failure to adapt is always possible. Tech, was failing. "Sorry.." He mumbled as he left. He had nothing else to say. Echo and Wrecker just watched, they did not blame him for being unable to exist without Hunter. This was different. Losing Hunter was different. They didn't have a replacement for Hunter.

"Tech!" Omega cried out, unable to do anything else. It was the only thing she could do, yell. Which made Tech freeze. He turned his head slightly, waiting for Omega to speak, "Don't leave us too-" She begged through tears. Tech lingered there in the doorway, thoughts racing, he then looked forward, away from his brothers, away from Omega, and all she could do was beg, "Please," She whimpered,

"Please don't leave me."

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i feel like the infantilisation of autistic people in the eyes of science and psychology really stunts them when it comes to talking about some of the issues that come from being autistic in a world built for nt people. like i dont think ive ever seen substance abuse rates discussed wrt autistics because thats an “adult problem” and the public at large has an image of autistic adults as overgrown kids, despite the fact that almost every other autistic adult ive met has had a history of substance abuse issues at least partly in response to the stress of existing in the world as an autistic person. like if youre constantly beset on all sides by stress and sensory overload of course youre going to gravitate towards drugs and alcohol and things that smooth over those sharp edges, make socialising easier, etc…

Anyone else notice that when Hunter said that they are "CT 99s", Gregor said "defective clones"? As in that's what being a CT 99 means?

One particular clone's name just went from odd (and perhaps a bit interesting) to sad (and me wanting to punch whatever clone named him that).

I die every time I see this! Fives delivers that line PERFECTLY. It was nice knowing you Kenobi. 🤣

Loved seeing that, it was a nice touch, and it was kinda adorable.🥰 Now I kinda want to see Hunter (and perhaps Tech, too) with wet hair.

Okay here’s where I’m going to be an animation geek because one thing that absolutely floored me in episode 15 with appreciation is that they actually had Omega’s hair become floppy and looking soaking wet-

It’s such a cool detail that they didn’t have to do, but they actually put in that effort. Which is either they had something more complex going on with how her hair is rigged on her model, or they made a whole other model just for Omega with wet hair for just this short time (unless we see it more next episode)