Zachxallred - Zach Allred - Tumblr Blog

I am not assertive, or strong. I don’t have a ripped body, or act dominant. I’m a caregiver. I don’t like sports, or have any athletic ability thereof. I like being someone’s shoulder to cry on, or a friend when someone is in the dark. I am more emotional, and I think about the future instead of focusing on material things. I’m very much a mix between male and female. But the reason I’m insecure about all this is, when people see someone with a big heart, they take advantage of it. People will be there for a season, but go when spring comes around. I’ve almost built a wall around myself because of that. I don’t let very many people in. Some see it bad, and others think it’s smart. I think I do it, because I’ve been hurt one too many times, and I am one heartbreak away from being a robot.

how can someone love me? i’m literally a walking statistic

being right all the time isn’t the main prize. being kind, humble, caring, accepting, loving, compassionate is the real prize

i am a walking statistic

My Anxiety

anxiety is like that annoying friend that won’t go away. anxiety is that heart racing feeling i get whenever i wake up in the morning. anxiety is swelling the small things and deflating the big things. anxiety is being trapped in glass bottle that fills all the way up, leaving you stuck. anxiety is the dread of night and the fear of day. anxiety is what keeps me awake and what makes me sleep. anxiety is what wants me dead but keeps me alive. anxiety is longer than any snapchat streak, and doesn’t go away. anxiety is a life long state of mind. anxiety comes and goes like an aunt or uncle, but stays for thanksgiving dessert. anxiety is the worry of each passing assignment. anxiety is me. i am my anxiety.

It’s the way he smiles and how cold his hands are when I touch them. His cotton candy lips, on my cheek. Our fingers intertwine, almost like they’re dancing. Gravity pulls us close together. A force that can’t be ignored. Gripping the plain white sheets, that soon turn into a blanket of fire. The heat between both of us consumes the room, and swallows us like a pill. His eyes stare into mine, and we are both spiritually connected. In those moments... two became one.

i can’t help.. but to fall in love more and more with you everyday

being yourself is one of the hardest things to do...

and a cute boyfriend

“it’s strange to see two people in love... it’s like... get a room while i make out with a pizza”

i saw these two people outside of waffle house today and he backed up behind the building, and when she came out, he scared her and i witnessed a full on fight.

it was cute... not gonna lie

Falling in Love

it’s a weird feeling. it’s like you’re slowly going down a hole. but that hole as a bright light at the end. i saw that light today. kissing that boy, those two seconds where nothing else mattered. all violence, and brutality, just stopped. the sun was shining and birds were chirping for those seconds. i felt confident and knew that i was protected.

just wait till tomorrow

- The lonely Hearts Club

The hours between 12am and 6am have a funny habit of making you feel like you’re either on top of the world, or under it.

Beau Taplin, “The Hours Between” (via wordsnquotes)

The flashback

You're still here I saw you tonight My flashbacks Bringing me back to my weakest moment In those eighth grade halls The terrifying but unheard cries for help That's me crying out No one heard me No one ever hears someone crying for help when they believe the problem doesn't exist Those words you said were bullets Your thumbs were the gun The initial trigger That brought me back To those eight grade halls

When you are in your home and you hear a fly buzzing

nobody told me

there’d be days

 like these

hipster blog

hipster blog

Journal Entry # 2

Have you ever just fallen head over heels for someone you know you cant have? That's my life. I was born and raised to believe that being gay is bad and you'll go to hell if you are gay or lesbian. I am 15 and I have questioned myself for so long. I know what you're thinking... What does this have to do with the question? I have a crush on this boy and I know for a fact he has a crush on me too. With all this crazy stuff going on in the world, I want to get closer to God and build up my faith. I just don't know how much longer I can tell a lie to this wonderful boy. My heart is just one big grenade that'll go off any minute. I just don't know how long he will put up with my mess. I don't know how much longer God with love me. I am such a failure to him and the Devil has been knocking me down since I was 10 and I'm tired of it. I just... I just don't know anymore Xoxo Zach

Journal Entry #1 : Labor Day

Life can really suck sometimes you know? One moment you think you have your shit together, but in reality, you're a mess. I feel like that sometimes. I feel like I'm not good enough for people. I get bullied for everything basically. My YouTube channel, sexuality, weight, appearance. It makes me mad truth be told bc we are all humans in this world and we all have flaws. Why is it that people tell you that's it's okay to be different then they pick on you for it?