A Series Of Unfortunate Events If You Will - Tumblr Posts
(TW trauma, flashbacks)
So he ended up coming home from work at lunchtime today because he was having a panic attack. He didn't let me know beforehand that he was leaving, on his way, etc., which would normally be fine and not really matter, EXCEPT:
I was still in bed on my phone when he got home, and I didn't hear him come in, so he surprise-opens our bedroom door in his work clothes and looks at me with a miserable look on his face. This is e x a c t l y the same circumstance - even down to our room and his work uniform looking the same - as two years ago when he came home early one day and told me he got fired. And that firing 1. happened during a time when we were both already fucking unbearably stressed, 2. kicked off one of the worst years of my life so far, financially, emotionally, etc. etc.
It was the closest I think I've ever come to a full-blown PTSD-flashback-style sobbing meltdown. I think the only thing that kept it from being one was that it took a minute for my brain to register what was happening because I automatically went into fawn mode trying to console him. Like I've def had similar-ish meltdowns before, but this is the first time I can remember where it's been such a cartoon deja vu trigger experience. It was honestly scary?? Like fortunately he kind of pulled it together enough to comfort me and help ground me a little, but man, it was real bad.
And the worst part is, it turned out he forgot to take his medicine today!!! Like that's literally what started all this!!!! And it obviously isn't something he did on purpose, but I'm fucking mad about it!!!!! How fucking senseless and stupid!!!!!!!!
Like I was planning to make today a self-care rest day after having such a busy weekend, like I *already knew* I was gonna be touchy and easily overwhelmed. And then the worst set of circumstances just ✨happened✨ to happen today!!! Fucking cool!!!! My brain is literally fried, like I've been having waves of crying and dissociation and dizziness all day. Fucking love that for me.