AHHHHH This Is So GOOD - Tumblr Posts

How about “ why is it so difficult for you to believe that you deserve to be protected? " for Tabris/Zevran

ty for the prompt Jacs!! some angst for @dadrunkwriting

wc: 602

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Ariya sat on the floor of Valendrian's painfully empty apartment, determinedly failing to wrap a bandage around her dominant hand. Her off hand was dexterous enough with a dagger--it shouldn't be any harder to tie off a bandage. But it slipped through her fingers anyway, and a frustrated sigh through her gritted teeth.

The door creaked open, briefly shattering the suffocation of her self-imposed solitude. When it thudded shut, Zevran's fingers had replaced hers and deftly cinched the bandage around her knuckles. Ariya looked away as the heat of shame flooded her face.

"I just about had it," she muttered.

Zevran brushed a kiss over his handiwork, then tipped her face back toward his with a knuckle on her chin.

"I know," he said simply, allowing her that lie. "But you know I would not see your suffering extended if I could end it a moment sooner."

"That's better than I deserve." Ariya made to pull her hand from his, but Zevran tightened his grip and frowned.

"It's not."

Ariya sighed. Not this again. "We should--"

"There is an entire community out there that has their lives thanks to you."

"And just as many who don't!" Ariya snapped. She gestured angrily around Valendrian's cabin. "Our hahren is gone, along with Maker knows how many others. Taken, killed, enslaved--because I didn't get here sooner. I don't even know who's missing, because it gives me an excuse to be a coward who can't look at their families and apologize."

She yanked her hand away from Zevran and began packing away the medicine kit with harsh, jerky movements. He, of all people, was in no place to fight her on this. "I just--we need to go. Eamon is waiting."

"He can wait a moment longer." Zevran caught her by the shoulders, hands still warm from the sun outside. It seeped through the fabric gabs in her leathers as he slid them up to cup her face. "Why should the pain they suffered at the fault of another mean that you do not deserve help? It was not your doing."

"Wasn't it? I could have come here first. I should have come here first," Ariya bit out, "shem politics be damned. How many more could I have saved--"

Her voice broke and the tension that held her stiff fled with it; she let Zevran crush her against his chest.

"Not enough to satisfy you, I think," he murmured.

That was true, of course. Ariya pulled away from his gentle comforts, wiping at the corners of her eyes.

"And now I'm going to leave again. Walk away to deal with more noble shem problems when the people who need me are here." She clenched her uninjured fist. "How many more will suffer--how many more will die--because of that?"

She slung the med pack over her shoulder, just another weight atop the responsibilities she'd acquired over the past year. They bowed her back, and yet what choice did she have? The world, and time, and the Blight pressed on.

Zevran tailed her to the door, putting a hand on the latch before she could open it.

"That might weigh heavy on your heart," he said quietly, "but you should not punish yourself for failing to bear a burden you could not have known about."

Ariya's smile was brittle. She knew what he meant--but knowing, and accepting it, feeling it in her heart...those were separate things.

It was her injured fist that she clenched this time, around the strap of the med pack. The broken skin pulled painfully around her knuckles and her guilty conscience.

"Let's go," she said.

—𝔢𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔫𝔞𝔩 𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢

iv. my friend, rintaro

genre: vampire au, reincarnation au, drama

cw: fluff, comfort, alcohol, drunk reader, orginal characters, gentlemen rintaro lol

a/n: this is so so, so heavily unedited but i wanted to get the next chapter out for you guys.... even if it's just a bit of fluffy filler. but whatever right! but yes, i think there will be a bit of a delay on the next chapter too just cuz of how life is lol but i hope you guys enjoy this!!

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Three days had passed since your fateful meeting with Rintaro, and in those three days you hadn’t seen him once. You had only worked once as well, and it was a morning shift, wondering if that was why you never saw him. When you saw him last, you cursed yourself as you locked your apartment door, realizing you’d never given him your phone number, decreasing the odds that you’d ever see him again.

Yet, when you arrived for your first night shift in three days, Alex was there waiting for you, ready with interesting news.

“I think you have a stalker,” they said, with a bit of a dry laugh, trying not to freak you out. Raising your head to look at your coworker, you let them continue. “Some guy keeps coming in asking for you, I was kinda nervous it was Osamu related so I tried not to give that many details.”

“What did he look like?” You inquired, heart starting to skip a beat. If it wasn’t Rintaro, then you were in a lot of trouble.

Alex tapped their chin, recalling the details: “tall, taller than your ex. Light brown hair, it was styled a little oddly, very flowy you could say.” That must’ve been him. It was reassuring to know that he did want to see you again. Alex continued, “he had these piercing eyes y’know I don’t know how to describe them. He’s been coming every night and for what? Like the last three days, and every time I look at those eyes I get chills.”

You were practically too stunned to speak as Alex raised their eyebrow. “Should I, like, file a police report or something? Do you know this guy?”

“Yeah, I do.” You felt yourself getting stomach butterflies. “Well, not well at least– I only briefly met him but he’s a really good guy.”

“If you say so,” Alex chuckled lightly, “but maybe give him your phone number next time you see him, y’know so the two of you communicate normally.” It was almost as if they could read your mind, knowing that you were regretting not having done so earlier.

About half an hour passed and still no customers came in. Sometimes, on weekdays it was like this: a ghost town. Tapping your fingers against the counter top, you thought you were going to die of boredom with Alex reciprocating your feelings.

Listening to them groan about waiting to just close up early, you were about to agree when the bell chimed and someone walked in.

Following his similar patterns from the night before, your friend Rintaro standing there wearing a black overcoat, and an attire you could only sum up to Wall Street-esc while his hair was still as wild as the first night you met him.

The moment he looked up at you, you met his eyes and even though Alex had made it clear there was something off with his eyes, you couldn’t understand what they were talking about. His gaze was kind, and his lips slowly but surely tugged into a smile upon seeing you.

“Looks like Mr. Stalker is here,” Alex teasingly whispered into your ear. You nudged them playfully, leaning against the counter, widening your grin.

“Hey,” you breathed out.

“Hello.” Rintaro cleared his throat, “I’m glad to see you’re in today, I was looking for you since the last time we met.”

“Me too, I didn’t know when I’d see you again honestly,” you laughed, regretting the way you phrased it, not wanting to sound rude. “But I mean it’s okay, you’re here now.”

“I apologize, I didn’t mean to make you stressed.” But you quickly interrupted him, reminding him that it was alright.

“Can I get you anything? Maybe coffee or tea?” But Rintaro shook his head, insisting that he didn’t drink anything of the sort.

“I’ll have something sweet, though, whatever you recommend,” he said haphazardly looking at the display case of desserts. You nodded, mentioning you had just the thing.

Watching as Rintaro found a seat, running one pale hand over the other. He mindlessly stared out the window, waiting for you to bring him something. He hoped that you wouldn’t notice how nervous he felt.

The sound of a plate sliding against the table echoed through the empty cafe, catching the man’s attention as he looked at your beaming face. In front of him was a small slice of apple pie, the cinnamon smell filling the air between you.

“On the house,” you said smiling, eyes slowly trailing over to the empty chair in front of him.

“You can sit if you want,” Rintaro offered and you felt embarrassed that he caught you red handed. You explained that your shift was almost over, looking back to see Alex’s sign of approval as you made yourself comfortable.

“I was thinking about how stupid I was not asking you for your number,” you bring up, not wanting to directly ask for it, still feeling a little shy.

Shaking his head, Rintaro informed you, “it wouldn’t have been of any use, I don’t have a phone.” Taking a bit of the pie he hummed, not saying anything to follow up his previous statement. “This is really good, it’s been a while since I ate anything…. this sweet, of course.”

“Wait, what do you mean you don’t have a cellphone? Who our age doesn’t?” That question caught Rintaro by surprise, raising an eyebrow as he tried not to act suspicious, taking yet another fork-full of pie into his mouth.

He simply shrugged, trying to change the subject, “is your shift almost over?”

You looked at your watch about to say no, when Alex’s voice interjected. “She’s gonna leave early, I can manage the place on my own.” They winked at you, signaling that you should go with him.

“I’ve heard good things about a bar nearby, would you like to come with me? Maybe we can become better acquainted?”

“Sounds good.”

The bar was dimly lit and filled with a sad crowd, which was mostly middle aged men desperately not wanting to go home to their wives. Because of that there was a gloomy feeling but Rintaro surely made up for it, with a slight smile.

As the two of you ordered, asking all sorts of personal questions and if you knew any better, you would’ve thought it was a date. Sipping on the drink, you followed his inquiries with your own, asking Rintaro about his childhood. Although, his answers were always so cryptic.

“I haven’t really lived in one place long,” he explained.

“So you were a military kid, huh?” But Rintaro shook his head but as you looked at him in confusion he changed the motion into a nod.

“Something like that,” he said, changing his answer.

Drink after drink, you hadn’t realized how much you had until you looked at the clock and three hours had passed. Your legs felt wobbly, like you were about to fall over at any given moment, leaning your head against Rintaro. You were drunk, the first time in a while considering Osamu hated it when you went out to go clubbing with your friends.

“You should probably get home,” Rintaro pointed out as if it wasn’t obvious. He looked down at your pouting lips and droopy eyes, he had to take you home, he knew that but he couldn’t stop looking at you. Every time he blinked he could see your past life, in a similar position, his heart feeling a foreign swelling.

He paid for all your drinks without a second thought, putting his sturdy arm around your waist, letting you lean your weight onto him. He grunted, trying to get you to follow his steps but he realized that trying to get the attention of a drunk person was easier said than done. Yet, he knew your apartment was close enough that he would carry you if he needed to.

“This way,” he eased you gently and before he knew it, the two of you were outside your apartment building. Suna had to coax you to get your keys out and to punch in the apartment code which after a scary amount of failed attempts, you were finally let in.

“Tonight was so much fun,” your words were slurred as you nuzzled into the crook of his neck, smelling the expensive cologne he wore.

“I enjoyed it too, maybe we should do something similar but more formally, like as a date?” The last part of his statement was more of a whisper, scared that you were uncomfortable with getting into a relationship after just getting out of one. He also was praying that by tomorrow morning your memories of the night would be hazy and hard to remember.

“Yes, I want that,” you muttered, rubbing your eyes harshly, “I wanna go to bed,” you groaned. Rintaro nodded, promising that the two of you would be there as soon as the elevator rang, bringing the two of you to your destination.

“I just wanna sleep!” You exclaimed, trying to rip off your shirt. Your friends had always told you that you were a bit of a messy drunk but you never wanted to believe them. Nevertheless, you struggled to strip out of your clothes, not even bothering to acknowledge the fact that Rintaro was still inside your apartment.

Standing in the kitchen, you felt a hand on your back, reminding you that he was there. He suggested going into your bedroom and you hazily nodded, stumbling forward.

“May I help you with that?” Rintaro asked and you were in such a struggle, there was nothing else for you to do other than nod and accept his aid. He removed your shirt, leaving you in just a bra as you covered up.

“Okay now turn around.” You could feel the heat rising to your face, watching as he complied. You took out your pajama shirt, sliding off your bra before putting it on. “Okay you can look now.”

By then, you were wiggling out of your work pants, sitting down on the bed. You shivered as the cold air nipped your skin.

“You should get some rest,” he sat down next to you, seeing how cold you were, “perhaps underneath the bedding?”

“You talk so politely, y’know?” You drunkenly snickered, poking his thigh, “but I like it, I feel like an old timey princess.” Rintaro laughed softly, pulling back the duvet as you rolled yourself underneath the sheets.

“Well you deserve to be treated as such, no?” You only hummed with a content smile as just as Rintaro thought his work was done, he went to stand up, feeling you reach for his arm.

“No, don't go yet, please stay.”

Rintaro looked at you, not knowing what to say, he saw the way your eyes became glossy and he couldn’t say no. This was his chance to be the shoulder you cried on, to bring you comfort that he couldn’t in your past life. He hadn’t realized he’d been staring until he heard your quiet whimper, taking his cold hand into your own.

“Of course,” he said in a soft tone, his voice hushed. Laying down next to you, he tried to take it slow so as to not shake you too much as his weight made the bed dipped.

“I just don’t wanna be alone tonight, y’know?” The man wanted to tell you that you didn’t have to explain yourself, he wouldn’t mind staying until you fell asleep but before he could interject, you finished your thought. “I’ve just been having nightmares all week,” you frowned, “I just wanted to feel safe.”

Few times in his life did Rintaro get the feeling he did then: you felt safe around him? Yet he didn’t ponder on it long, reeling himself back into the other thing you mentioned.

“Nightmares, what sort of nightmares?” His eyebrows furrowed.

“Mmm, I don’t know, there’s a big fire, and you’re there too.” Rintaro could hardly make out your words as you drifted into sleep. He knew it was memories of a past life, and he cursed himself that only the painful ones returned and plagued your sleep. He silently wished you’d see all the better ones.

He didn’t have a chance to answer, seeing as you had quickly fallen into slumber. He contemplated leaving, he needed to get back to his own place before the sun rose, surely you would come to understand.

As he stood up, he pressed a kiss against your forehead, seeing how innocent you lay there, unknowing of the life you had been born into. “Sweet dreams,” he whispered, but it was more like a prayer. He would give you the world if you wanted, even more, he would fight against the nature of his being and lasso the sun if you asked.

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