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Chapter one: Plunging back into the darkness

Word count: 3.7k

Category: hard angst, smut

Chapter warnings: a bit of smut, drugs, mentions of medicine and hospitals

Summary: There are three hot guys who want to be with you, however, there are a few problems along the way. One of them is a plug, another one wants to keep you all to himself and the third one - a med student who deals drugs on the side. Your main problem, though? You have a terminal illness that has a very low life expectancy. Spiraling down a dangerous path seems like a fun way to spend your last years.

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Series masterlist

It‘s depressing. The walls are white and blank of any pictures, posters, drawings – anything. It‘s constant and monotonous, boring. The smell is always the same too – something old, disinfectant and cleanliness. It’s always dim, too. You like visitor days — the smell and mood in the hospital changes, then. You love it the most during the holidays though. It’s as if even people who hadn’t had visitors in a while suddenly have a line of people desperate to see them. The mix of perfumes, smell of the food that isn’t the bland kind the hospital provides and their natural body odor makes you sick most of the time, but your days are still a bit brighter. 

It’s just a bit before Halloween when Mattsun visits you again. You’re sitting in your bed in sweatpants and an Aoba Johsai hoodie, which you got from none other but the dark haired man standing right before you.  

“Hey,” he greets you, casual as always. Issei’s dressed in black baggy jeans with an oversized dark green hoodie, hair as messy as always – a bit longer than it was during high school – and countless rings adorning his long fingers. You notice he’s still wearing the one you’ve had gifted him for one of his birthdays – a dainty forget-me-not on a silver band, contrasting with the massive skulls and snakes on the other rings. 

“Hey, Mattsun,” you respond, a small smile finding its way to your face. The pastel yellow hospital room always seems a bit brighter when he’s around, even when he doesn’t fit into the room properly. His frame looks surprisingly big in this tiny room, which only contains a bed, one uncomfortable chair, a table beside it, a tiny closet and a small tv. He seems out of place in the dull establishment. 

“I’ve brought you a few things,” he finally says, sitting down beside you and taking off his backpack. Your eyebrow raises up. It’s not unusual for him to bring you snacks or books, but your intuition tells you that today it’s something different. 

You’re right. Issei pulls out a string of fairy lights, but instead of the round bulbs  it’s tiny jack-o-lanterns that should light up once you plug the lights in. And then he pulls out a fluffy black blanket with a bunch of small skeletons drawn all over it. 

“Thought your room could use a little bit of décor during the spooky season,” he grins, same as always and you can’t help but pull him into a hug. He knew you had a bunch of medical tests during Halloween and he couldn’t even take you out after — long work hours and all. This was his way of saying sorry, of apologizing for making you spend one of your favorite holidays alone. 

“Ah, Mattsun, thank you, these are amazing,” you lift up the blanket, admiring the happy little skeletons. He helps you put up the fairy lights and then you sit back down again. Today, you don’t really have the energy to go outside and walk around in the park around the hospital. Mattsun doesn’t really mind though, or at least he seems not to, absentmindedly playing with your hair as if curling and uncurling your strands was the most entertaining activity in the world. 

“Oikawa is throwing a Halloween party so him, Makki and Iwa probably won’t show up. I’m working and I’ll only be out when the visiting hours are over. You sure you don’t wanna invite over Lev or some other friend?” 

You boop his nose and give him a loop-sided smile, “Lev’s in New York right now. I’m fine with spending Halloween alone and I don’t want my friends to skip parties just ‘cause I’m lonely. Besides, I’ll probably be irritable after all the tests, anyways,”

Issei stays silent for a moment and then his eyes light up, as if he’s connected two dots in his head.

“The pretty medical student’s group is having rotations at the hospital during Halloween, right?” it seems like he couldn’t be more delighted as you bury your head in his shoulder, not wanting to see his self-satisfied smirk. 

“Maybe you’re right,” you grumble, “or maybe you’re wrong.”

He lifts up your face with one huge hand to squish your cheeks. His hand is scorching hot. It always surprises you. It’s like Issei’s body temperature is abnormally high.

“That’s why you didn’t seem down at all  when I told you I had work during Halloween!” Issei says, still too enthusiastic to have found out your big secret, “Y/N, you know you’ll be a real bitch if you replace me with that trust-fund pretty rich bitch boy, right? And that I get jealous easily?” He shakes your face, side to side, “Right?”

You turn your face to the left, then to the right until he lets you go, and then you stick your tongue out. 

“That was a whole lot of epithets to describe a person you don’t know,” you poke fun of him, as if you hadn’t found about a thousand ways to describe how handsome he was during long evenings spent with Issei, “Besides, I was grieved, you hear? Grieved and languished when I found out you were working during Halloween, but… The pretty trust-fund kid relieved my pain by like… 15 percent,”

“And you still haven’t talked to him…” Mattsun drawls, “You just watch him and then tell me how he’s so pretty and oh, how his bed-head looks so nice, but you haven’t said more than a “hello” to him,”

“I’ll talk to him, eventually. For now I just gotta look pretty and smart. Who knows, maybe he’ll talk to me first,” you retort and cross your arms.

“Or you could just talk to him,” Mattsun leans back until he’s basically laying down in your tiny bed, “I’m sure he steals glances at you too, not exactly a lot of attractive med students and you’re a bit above average.” He chuckles. 

“Hey!” you poke his side, hard and Issei grabs you by the waist and pulls you on top of him, making you giggle. 

“Okay, way above average. Some people might even say you’re attractive,” he raises his arms defensively and then puts them on the small of your back, rubbing gentle circles.

“Some people?” he nods, “But not you?”

“Maybe I do too,” he wonders, “But if I tell you, you’ll get all blushy, giggly and shit,” he kisses your nose, gently and you let out a sigh, “And I have work soon,” Issei gives you another kiss, this time on one of your cheeks. 

“So?” you ask, eyes all big and doe-like. It makes Issei give you a lopsided smile. 

“So, if you get all blushy and giggly,” he rolls over and now you’re trapped under him, looking up with lust-blown eyes,, “I’ll get hard and that’s not exactly a problem I can get rid of in five mins.”

You bite your bottom lip and lift your pelvis to grind against his growing erection. Issei lets out a grunt. 

Your relationship is weird. Occasionally you have sex, go on unofficial dates when you feel strong enough to, and all his friends know you’re off-limits. But you’re not official. And the wonderings as to why that is, find their way into your mind way too often. Friends with benefits? Yeah, sure, if friends with benefits are that emotionally attached to each other. 

Not today, not now though - you don’t let yourself wander off. You’re only focused on Mattsun’s lips kissing and nipping away at your neck. 

“Maybe I want you to get hard,” you whisper in his ear and give it a nip.

“You’re a minx, you know that?” he takes some skin in between his teeth and bites. Hard. 

“Ow, you asshole,” you swat at his chest, only causing him to chuckle, “That’ll leave a mark.”

Issei licks the bite mark he just left, as if that will make it better. 

“Yeah it better. Don’t need no pretty rich boys stealing away my girl,” and then he finally kisses you on the lips. He tastes the same as always – marlboro gold cigarettes and citrus flavored gum. Comfortingly familiar. 

“Your girl?” you question, in between kisses. Your whole body feels warm just at the name. You know you shouldn’t overthink it, but you can’t help it. It feels so good to be called his girl.

“Yeah, what about it?” he smirks and rewards you with another kiss on the lips, making you part yours and give him full access. Citrus floods your tastebuds and you moan into his mouth. 

One of his hands travels from your back and slowly reaches into your sweatpants, finding your panties - unsurprisingly - wet. 

His fingers circle around your clit and you break the kiss, your head leaning back and lips soundlessly parting from the sudden pleasure. 

Before you can give an answer to Issei’s previous question or let those few minutes before he has to leave turn into much more fun activities - there’s a knock on the door. 

Immediately, you’re off of him and on your feet. Mattsun sits up and then the door opens. 

A young nurse walks in, carrying a glass of water and a bunch of colorful pills. 

“Oh, sorry Y/N, didn’t know you’d have visitors. Matsukawa,” she acknowledges the man on your bed, having seen Issei enough times to recognize him, “Time for meds,” she puts them on the bedside table alongside with the water glass and you let out a sigh of relief. Pain was kicking your ass for the past hour.

She stares at you for a bit, her eyes focus on your neck and slightly widen. Your hand instinctively lifts up to cover the hickey Issei left.

She leaves without acknowledging it further. 

Matsukawa lets out a chuckle that slowly turns into a loud, uncontrollable laugh. 

“Now what are you laughing at?” you cock your head to the side, taking the pills and washing them down with big gulps of water. 

“Imagine if she hadn’t knocked.” 

“Then,” you’re on top of Issei again, “She would’ve seen way more than a hickey you left on me,” you giggle.

Issei grunts. 

“Babe, as much as I would like to stay there with you and explore,” his hand trails down, “More fun activities,” he softly kisses your nose and then boops it, “I gotta go to work- have an evening shift today,” 

“Yeah yeah, go make coffee for rich snobs,” you respond, finally standing up and letting Issei do the same.

He smoothed out his clothing, a confident grin finding its way to Mattsun’s face.

“What?”

“Admiring my work” 

You kick at him, but he catches your ankle just at the right time, squeezing it until you yelp and then he let’s go.

“Asshole,”

“Yeah yeah, you love me,” before you can debunk his statement, Issei is at the door, “Who knows, maybe one of those rich snobs,” he mocks you by making his voice higher, “Will be your pretty med student,” 

“Doubt it!” 

“I’ll tell you if a pretty snob with a bed-head comes in,” Issei retorts and he’s out the door before the slipper you’ve thrown can reach him. 

You sigh and fall back to your bed, curling into a ball. The pain is back and it seems that the meds didn’t really help. Well, at least you’ve managed to keep it together until Issei left. Good. 

***

Halloween comes quickly and the hospital empties. A lot of people go back home for the holiday and you’re thankful.

After all the medical tests you went through in the morning, you’re still grumpy and the silence is enjoyable, rather than eerie.

You’ve had an hour until med students came in for practice, but that passes quickly. 

You fix up your clothes, jumping into a pair of jeans that make your ass look great and a comfy sweater. Not overdressed, just pretty enough for the handsome med student.

Whose name you’ll ask. Well, if you gather enough courage, anyways. You can’t keep letting Mattsun tease you.

You’re out the door of your hospital room, notebook and pen in hands, head lifted up. A deep breath, reminding yourself that you deserve to be in the med student practice as much as others do. 

What they don’t know won’t hurt them. And as far as they’re concerned, you’re one of them and don’t spend half your time in the hospital as a patient.

Today you’re divided into smaller groups. You’re supposed to observe surgeries and take notes. You wonder what kind of surgery you’ll have to watch today. Skin graft ones are the worst and you pray that today, it’s not one of those. 

Your hopes are killed and buried 6 feet under, when you walk into the designated operating room. Of course it’s a fucking skin graft surgery. The man laying on the operating table has a nasty burn on his cheek. The skin is raised with a  leathery texture and is dark brown in colour. Third degree burns. 

Although, maybe fortune isn’t fully mocking you - the pretty med student is here, alongside a few others. His bed-head is wilder than ever before and bags under his eyes could put a raccoon to shame. 

You remember that you’re standing at the door and instantly move, not wanting to make it more awkward than it already was. Did he notice you staring? Hopefully not. 

You stand closer to him than other students. He glances down at you, golden brown eyes quizzically. You want to punch yourself. Thoughts running through your head wildly. Don’t look like a creep, Y/N fucking speak, damn it.

“You look like death. Do skin graft surgeries make you a bit sick too?” you manage to say, voice higher than intended.

The corners of his lips twitch up, “No, just a long night.” 

You raise one of your eyebrows up and he chuckles. 

“Not like that. Was helping a friend out. You, on the other hand, look like you just saw death.” 

Hah. A clever joke. You just called him death a second before. You open your mouth to answer, but then the surgeon walks into the room and you’re left without the satisfaction of a snarky comeback. 

“Okay, you guys already know what kind of surgery we’re doing today and if you don’t - get the fuck out of this room,” surgeon’s words earn a few laughs and his eyes crinkle in a smile, which is not visible beneath the mask, “Does anyone know what kind of grafts we’ll be using?” 

You know the answer. Time to leave a good impression on the trust-fund kid.

“You’ll be using full-thickness grafts,” you manage to respond and the surgeon nods.

“And why is that?”

“The burn is on the face of the patient, it’s not too big and, uh, full-thickness grafts tend to have a better cosmetic outcome than split-thickness grafts.” 

“That’s right,” the surgeon nods and the dark-haired guy leans down, to whisper directly into your ear,

“Smart and cute? Maybe practice won’t be so boring, after all.” 

Your cheeks burn and you have to bite the inside of your cheek to avoid the bright smile creeping its way onto your face.

“I have way more, um, good qualities than just being smart and cute.” you respond, not letting him get the upper hand in the situation. You still have to find out if he’s flirting or just teasing, though.

“I’d like to find out, those… Personality traits of yours,” he replies.

Yes, flirting, definitely flirting. Maybe, just maybe, Mattsun’s advice to talk to him wasn’t all that bad.

“I’m L/N Y/N,” you introduce yourself, putting your hand out for a handshake and for the sole purpose of finally putting a name to his face. 

“Kuroo Tetsuro,” he smiles and takes your hand into one of his huge ones. It’s surprisingly warm; comfortingly so.

One step further to getting to know the mysterious Kuroo Tetsuro. You’ll have to tell Issei about this

***

A week or so after Halloween, Lev takes you out. He has a week of vacation, so he uses it to get back to Tokyo and you two choose the best day to spend together, which is hard; taking into account that you’re a hospital patient and he’s busy with his modelling job. Yet somehow, you manage. 

“How’s your health?” he asks, tone reminding you of your mom. He has your hand in his and you’re thankful. Your energy is quite low today so the support tall man provides is helpful. Lev’s green eyes study you, as if that would help him find all the answers he sought. 

“Can we not talk about hospital stuff when we’re out? I wanna enjoy my time with you.” 

Lev lets out an awkward chuckle, his free hand finding its way to his platinum hair.

“Sure, sure,” he says and pats your head, “I’m glad to see you. Really missed you.” 

“Aw, Lev, I missed you too,” you say, voice sweet and a smile playing on your lips, “I saw your most recent photos on Instagram. Almost one million likes? People must love you!”

He shrugs, “They just love my face. The few interviews I’ve done aren’t nearly as popular as my photos.” 

You can’t help but laugh, “Don’t complain. Not a lot of us can make money off of our faces alone!” 

“Yeah yeah, whatever.” Lev answers, absentmindedly and then suddenly lights up, “Hey! How’s it going with that handsome med student? Don’t tell me you still haven’t talked to him.” 

“I have actually!” Lev’s facial expression turned to surprise, “Oh, don’t be so shocked. I even asked him for his name!” 

“And?”

“And what?” you cock your head to the side, a bit confused.

“What’s his name, dumbass?” he gently flicks your forehead and you frown,

“Oh! Oh, it’s Kuroo Tetsuro.”

Lev suddenly stops and fully turns to you.

“Kuroo? Black hair, kinda tall, always with a bed-head?”

“I- Yeah. Also, not kinda tall-“

“Shorter than me,” Lev interrupts and before you can respond that everyone is shorter than him, he continues, “He was the captain of my high school volleyball team, a really good guy actually, surprising, since you usually like assholes.” 

Lev doesn’t like Mattsun; Mattsun doesn’t like Lev. Silly conflicts from high school and such. Before you can argue that Issei is, in fact, not an asshole, Lev turns to you, face painted with worry.

“Listen, I can’t talk from experience since I haven’t seen him since he, uh, graduated, but I’ve heard he’s doing some real  shady business now.” 

“But he’s a med student,” you frown.

“Yeah, being a med student doesn’t really make you immune to doing shady things,”

“Maybe- maybe they’re just rumours,” you reckon and Lev shakes his head. It’s unusual for him to be so serious.

You’re going past a run-down skate park when he looks around and quickens his step, almost dragging you with him.

“Ah, Lev, I can’t go that fast. Why are you-“

The tall man’s eyes are focused on a person, who’s leaving the skate park and coming straight towards you.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” he says, not slowing down, “See that man over there? Suna Rintarou. I really, really don’t want to deal with him right now.” 

“Okay,” you say, in between breaths, “Okay.”

Lev is calculated and cold, but you’re beginning to panic. What could be so bad about meeting Lev’s acquaintance?

Well, you’re about to find out because the tall man, Suna, you remember, catches up to you. 

Lev stops in his tracks, stepping in front of you; his height almost covering you.

“What do you want, Suna?”

The man clad in worn-down blue jeans and a bomber jacket full of patches, smirks. There’s a cigarette, hanging from his lips. No, not a cigarette. A blunt. If you had more time to collect your thoughts, you’d even say he’s stupidly handsome.

“What? I can’t say hello to my old friend? Didn’t you miss me, Lev?'' His voice, saccharine as can be, cuts through the tension like a sharp knife. 

“No, not even a bit,” Lev answers, voice cold and devoid of any emotion.

“I need a favour.” Suna says, not waltzing around with words.

“No.”

“Not even gonna listen to what favour I want to ask for?”

“No,” Lev answers once again, firmly. His hand finds yours once again and squeezes, hard, “Frankly, we should keep going.” 

“Ah, don’t be like that. Hey! Maybe your friend will help. What do you say, sweetheart?”

The pet name sounded so condescending, but it’s in your nature to help people. Too kind, as Lev often said.

“No-“ Lev begins and at the same time you answer:

“Y-yeah?” You can’t help but stutter. God, where is your voice when you need it the most? You stand beside Lev now, not hiding anymore.

Suna takes in your appearance, humming in thought.

He grabs your glove-clad hand and before you can answer, yanks you towards him. You almost trip and Lev is about to rip Suna’s head off when the black-haired man unbuttons two buttons of your coat and puts something inside your inner pocket. One of his hands brush against your skin and it’s ice cold. You shiver and take a step back from him. Lev is seething. 

“They’re doing a raid. And I’ve already been caught a couple of times. Can’t do jail time. And who’s gonna think such a sweet looking girl has drugs? Nah, man.”

Drugs. You have drugs in your inner pocket.

Lev pulls you close to him and is about to take the baggie out of your pocket and tell Suna to shove it up his ass, when the distinct figure of a police officer begins walking closer to you. 

You blanch, legs feeling like jelly.

“Right on time,” Suna drawls as he smiles down at you.

The police officer gets closer with each passing breath. 

You’re screwed. 

Summary: There are three hot guys who want to be with you, however, there are a few problems along the way. One of them is a plug, another one wants to keep you all to himself and the third one - a med student who deals drugs on the side. Your main problem, though? You have a terminal illness that has a very low life expectancy. Spiraling down a dangerous path seems like a fun way to spend your last years.

Category: Hard angst, smut

Series warnings: major character death, hospitals, terminal illness, drugs and dealing of drugs, alcohol and consumption of alcohol, smoking, detailed smut daddy kink, choking. (Will add more as series progresses). 

What to know about the series: Reader has an unknown terminal illness so she stays at the hospital most of the time. Kuroo and Mattsun are 22, reader and Suna are 21. Action takes place in Tokyo, though reader attended Aoba Johsai before moving. Series contains unrealistic portrayal of the hospital, terminal illnesses and drugs. 

Issei Matsukawa: 3rd year mortuary science student. Friends with benefits relationship that you and him have going on sure is sweet and hearing him call you “my girl” makes you melt, but why is he so hesitant to actually date you?

Tetsuro Kuroo: 3rd year med student who has medical practice at your hospital. He’s the perfect guy - sweet, caring and charismatic, but can he keep you away from the drug dealing business he’s so deeply involved with?

Rintaro Suna: A drug dealing skater with an addicting personality. You always crave his attention and love the fact that he doesn’t treat you as if you’re made out of glass. But won’t being with Suna lead you down a dark path?

Lev Haiba: Your best friend since as long as you can remember. Currently working on a sweet modelling job in New York. Yet, no matter how much he trusts you, Lev can’t seem to tell you why he doesn’t trust Kuroo and Suna and wants them as far away from you as possible. 

Tooru Oikawa: Your ex boyfriend. You ended the relationship after learning that he cheated, but after a few years, you two are on good terms. Your problem with him? He doesn’t like any of the guys you fancy. 

Keiji Akaashi: Old friend who you used to work with, when you were in your 1st year of college and currently - journalism student and Suna’s roomate. He seems to like Suna, but somehow still wants to keep you away from him.

Chapter one “Plunging back into the darkness”

Chapter two “The soul in my heart's proof of life”

Chapter three: “Lock your doors”

Chapter two: The soul in my heart's proof of life

Word count: 2.8k

Category: hard angst, smut

Chapter warnings: drugs, mentions of medicine and hospitals, descriptions of drugs

Summary: There are three hot guys who want to be with you, however, there are a few problems along the way. One of them is a plug, another one wants to keep you all to himself and the third one - a med student who deals drugs on the side. Your main problem, though? You have a terminal illness that has a very low life expectancy. Spiraling down a dangerous path seems like a fun way to spend your last years.

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Series masterlist

"Right on time," Suna drawls as he smiles down at you.

The police officer gets closer with each passing breath. You’re screwed.

Or maybe not yet. The police officer is an older man – that much you can tell from the way his dark hair is peppered with gray streaks and the small wrinkles under his dark eyes. He’s smiling as he looks you up and down, making you feel plain dirty. You hated older men in power; gave them too much of an ego boost. Yet, you didn’t want to go down for drug charges so you batted your lashes and mustered your sweetest smile, while cursing yourself out in your mind.

"Hello there," he nods at you three, but his beady eyes are staring only at you.

"Hello officer," greets Suna, the blunt hanging from his lips long gone and forgotten, "What brings you here today?"

The man chuckles. They’re familiar with each other. It’s the same man that caught Suna with drugs the first two times.

"You know the drill. Stand straight and spread your arms." Suna obeys and stands in the position the officer has requested. He’s calm. Of course he is - his drugs are in your coat pocket. The officer keeps shooting you glares and Lev wraps his long arm around your waist, pulling you into him. You let out a tiny sigh of relief. Lev won’t let anything bad happen to you.

When the officer is done patting Suna down, his brow quirks up, "You have nothing on you this time?"

"What can I say, officer, I’m a changed man. Accepted God as my saviour and et cetera."

"Yeah, don’t give me that shit," the man rolls his eyes and wraps his big coat around himself tighter. It seems that the temperature is dropping, "You guys with him?"

"Uh, yeah. We’re friends," Lev answers, with a smile as sweet as can be. The officer has to look up to see Lev’s face and it almost makes you laugh.

“So you deal drugs too?" the officer asks, half-heartedly.

Your nerves spike up, but Lev grips your side tighter and gives you a telling glare saying it’s a joke, relax.

You giggle and shake your head. "No, we usually don’t", you answer with your own joke, making the officer smile wider.

"Good, stay out of trouble. Don’t think it’s necessary to pat you down, although, I’d like to," he gives you a wink and you can almost hear Lev’s jaw clench, big hand squeezing your waist tighter. Suna and you exchange quick glances and he subtly shakes his head. Don’t give him attitude.

"Maybe some other time," a hundred watt smile is gifted from you to the creepy officer; you just hope that he finally fucks off.

"Yeah, maybe. Uh, you guys have a good day. Don’t make me catch ya with drugs again, Rintarou," with the last glance at you, the dark-haired man turns away from your little group and leaves.

An uncomfortable silence hangs over you and you have to wait until the man is far enough to not hear you.

"So, you’re on first name basis with a creepy officer?” Your panic that probably fried more nerves than humanly possible comes out in the form of a joke but before Suna can answer, Lev is letting you go and grabbing Suna’s jacket, almost pulling the man up from the ground with brute strength,

"You motherfucker, you pull shit like that again and I’ll beat you to a fucking pulp."

"Lev-"

Lev briefly turns to you.

"This fuckhead just slipped a baggie of god knows what into your coat, don’t you dare give me that "everything’s okay" attitude, Y/N," Lev’s voice gets comically higher when he mimics your words and you purse your lips, shaking your head. The blonde knew you too damn well.

"Listen, Haiba, I don’t know why you have such a bad impression of me, but I fucking knew he wasn’t gonna pat her down, I wouldn’t put random people, especially pretty damn girls in unecessary danger, okay?"

Your face burns — It’s unbelievable how he manages to flirt when Lev is seconds from breaking his nose. You just silently observe with trembling hands. You never saw Lev like that. He was always this kind of dumb happy-go-lucky dude and just him raising his voice was unusual, not counting the threats he was spouting.

Though, thankfully, Lev doesn’t seem to catch the pretty remark, his handsome face scrunching up at Suna’s excuses. "Yeah, not putting people in unnecessary danger my ass. You do this again, you’re fucked," Lev repeats his words and pushes Suna away. The black-haired man stumbles but manages to keep his footing.

"Got it," Rintarou lifted up his arms as if he got caught doing something he shouldn’t. His tone is condescending and you feel like he doesn’t count on keeping his promise.

Lev reaches for you and you flinch. His big, forest-green eyes widen and he shakes his head.

"It’s okay, Y/N, it’s okay," he assures you.

"See, all your yelling scared her. We could’ve just talked it out like normal people."

Lev doesn’t acknowledge him.

"I’m sorry for screaming. Didn’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry," you nod, looking up at him, "Give me the bag and then we can go. I’ll make it up to you, yeah?"

You nod again and your fingers reach into the inner coat pocket, taking out a small baggie filled with white powder handing it to Lev, who then turns to Suna, just standing with his hands stuffed into his bomber jacket’s pockets. Lev examines the contents of the baggie and scowls and throws it at Suna, who catches it without any trouble, burying it in his jacket pocket carelessly.

"So you’re dealing Phencyclidine again?"

"Good eye," Rintarou nods, "I prefer the name ‘Angel Dust’, though. Sounds pretty, makes people wanna buy it," Suna explains unmindfully, as if he’s not currently discussing hard drugs.

"Figured you couldn’t last long on only selling weed. Though, even I thought you’d stop after the accident. Quite stupid of me." a frown finds it’s way unto Suna’s calm face and Lev grabs your hand, tugging you away. You’re even more confused than you were before and you give Suna one last look.

The man looks sorrowful, eyes far away and lost in thought. "T’was an accident, you know it" he mutters, as Lev finally pulls you away, not letting up until you reach a small coffee shop.

You let him drag you inside, the warmth instantly hitting you. Your head is spinning and legs are weak so Lev attentively sits you down, takes off your coat and scarf, orders two drinks — already knowing your order by heart — and sits down in front of you. You look around, head pounding, noticing that Lev has purposefully chosen a quiet corner booth for you two. He searches for something in his jeans pocket and slides a pill across the table. You manage to lift up an eyebrow, words a scramble in your head, unable to form into sentences. That was way too much stress for you to handle.

"Pain killers, will help you think straight and relieve the side effects of the stress you just went through." You trust him, sometimes, you trust him too much. You obediently swallow the tiny white pill, not needing any water to wash it off. You two drink your drinks in silence, only the quiet jazz music and snippets of other people’s conversations interrupting your quietude. Your head clears and your hands stop shaking so the pill seems to be working. Good.

"Ask away." Lev finally utters, eyes searching your face. You don’t know what he’s looking for and you probably don’t want to know.

"Why do you dislike Suna?" your tone is calm, mind a bit fuzzy from the pill you had just taken.

"He deals drugs and is a scumbag in general."

"What was the accident you mentioned, then?"

Lev shakes his head, pursing his plump lips, "Can’t tell you that, sorry."

"Why?" you feel like a detective and the questions in your head keep coming and coming.

"Made a promise?"

"To who?"

"Kuroo."

You freeze and raise your eyebrows up. It was like you had a bunch of different threads but no way to tie them together. You were really too exhausted to try and the questions you had in your head, the schemes on how to find out the whole plan were mangled all together and made your head pound.

"You really scared me out there. I’ve never ever saw you lash out like that." you confess, unable to look into his eyes, choosing to count colorful floor tiles instead. You never thought you’d be saying words like that to Lev, but you were always unable to lie to him.

"Again, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you it’s just that- He’s a bad man, Y/N. I lose my temper when I have to interact with him and the things that would’ve happened if the officer caught you with a bag of-"

"He didn’t" you cut Lev’s rant off, finally looking up.

"Y/N-"

"Listen," your voice is firm, "I’m not always this happy, kind person, yeah? It’s not gonna be all flowers and rainbows if real shit happens, but I can stand up for myself. We didn’t get caught and you got to scream at Suna. That’s it."

"But you could’ve-"

"Could’ve, yeah. I know that you want me to be mad, but I won’t. Spent too much damn time on that, let me be this ‘romanticised, rom-com fairytale, forgives-everything version’ of myself for these last few years." you spew completely random words and explanations as Lev’s eyes widen and one of his hands finds yours, lacing your fingers together and squeezing hard.

"Don’t even say that. You can be whatever you want to be, I won’t argue with you again, but never say anything about it being your last years."

You snort and Lev looks baffled.

"You see what stress does to me? Can’t even function without painkillers anymore and my muscles are still deteriorating at inhumane speed.. But sure, they're gonna find a cure real quick."

The man before you had sad confusion painted all over his perfect, magazine-worthy face.

"I don’t want to make you sad, Lev, I really don’t, but that’s the reality I’m dealing with and the reality that you’re gonna have to deal with."

"I know," he murmurs, face contorting "I just want to live in this rom-com fairytale reality for a bit longer."

You sigh and give him a tired smile.

"You’re my best friend Lev. You’re the only person I can be real with. You’re the only one who won’t turn away from me when I’m not this perfect, polished version of myself."

Lev gives you the same exhausted smile back, his throat thickens, "Yeah, I’m always there for you."

***

Suna comes back to his quiet tiny apartment and doesn’t even turn on the lights. Just kicks off his shoes, takes off his jacket, goes straight to his room and splays down on the creaky bed. Ideally, Suna would live alone, but rent in Tokyo, even in the worse parts of it, was expensive as fuck and his roomate, Akaashi Keiji, was a perfect person to share it with - quiet, cool and funny, not caring about all of the clients coming. Even now he was cooking something up in the kitchen, probably accompanied with a big cup of coffee, getting ready to work another long night.

There’s a knock on Suna’s door and he lets out a long sigh, "Yeah?"

Akaashi opens the door and looks Rintarou up and down, raising his eyebrows. "I, uh, made ramen. Left some for you on the stove,” Akaashi considers leaving the man alone knowing that he prefers to deal with problems alone, but Keiji’s gut is telling him to ask, "Everything okay with you?"

Suna sits up and just shakes his head. He doesn’t know what pushes him to confess everything. Maybe it’s a slight pang of guilt, or maybe it’s the pain he feels everytime he bottles his emotions up, "I- Ran into Lev when an officer was about to do a drug check on me. He was with this girl… Just slipped a bag of angel dust into her pocket. Knew they wouldn’t check her, yeah? But then Lev went fucking wild and shit and she looked really scared and stressed."

Akaashi fully opens the door and sits down on the dull, gray armchair. "Oh, Lev’s back in the city, then," Akaashi’s eyes widen a bit as he acknowledges the fact and stays silent for a bit, probably trying to make a mental note on it, "You usually don’t get bothered about what other people are feeling," he says, after a moment of silence.

Suna turns to Akaashi and shakes his head, long hair falling in front of his big, moss green eyes. "I don’t. But, man…" Suna groans, "She didn’t get mad at me and even tried to calm Lev down and shit. It was weird, I don’t know."

"Hm."

"Hm?"

Akaashi crosses and uncrosses his legs and then shakes his head, thoughts rattling in his head.

"I think you feel bad ‘cause she was nice and because of the events you caused, she got scared, no? It’s rare that people treat you right, unless they want to sleep with you or get a discount on drugs," He finally offers and Suna’s nonchalant expression changes into a shocked one.

"You could be a fucking psychiatrist, damn it."

Akaashi gives his roommate a small smile and stands up, stretching a bit, "Gonna go edit for a moment. Don’t forget to eat, Suna, yeah?"

Suna gives him a non-committal nod and lays back once again, mind wandering off. Lev’s last words really ingrained into his mind.

***

After Lev takes you back to the hospital, your next few days are filled with a bunch of new tests and a bunch of painkillers that make everything fuzzy; slipping in and out of sleep, only getting up to go to the toilet, eat, or spend a few hours watching tv or reading a book.

It’s easier this way. Doctors said that the stress you went through really damaged your state of health and no matter how much they asked for the source of the stress — you didn’t answer them, pretending that it was as much of a shock for you, as it was for them. Of course, it was temporary and you would be okay, or, as okay as you can be, in a few days. That meant skipping med practice, though.

You’re lying in bed, when your phone beeps. You grunt and pick it up. Maybe Issei had time to visit you, but if you remember correctly - he was working with no free days this week. Maybe Lev then? Akaashi?-

Your eyes almost pop out of your school when you see who texted you. You almost squeal with joy with the instagram notification. It’s a message from username “kuroo_t” and name “Kuroo T.”,. How official of him, you can’t help but let out an embarrassing girly giggle. Oh, he followed you too. Nice. Your finger lingers on the unopened message for a moment, until you finally press it.

Oh. Your face burns. He noticed you were gone, despite you guys only having one conversation. Now you just had to think of a good enough excuse, which was hard, considering the fact that you were currently fangirling. Hard.

He sees your message instantly and starts typing. You exit the chat, the need to stalk his profile way too strong.

Not a private account. His profile picture seems almost professionally taken, but his other pictures - not so much. Some travelling, photos with friends from med practice and if you schroll far down - stuff to do with high school volleyball. Oh, he’s hot. Not hotter than he is in real life, but still so damn attractive. You stop when you scroll to the picture of him with two other guys - one with spiky gray hair, carrying Kuroo in his arms like a baby and another one is just standing there, his gunmetal eyes staring at the camera disapprovingly, but his subtle smile says it all - he’s having fun too.

You couldn’t believe this coincidence. You and Kuroo had mutual friends, which meant that you were gonna do an interrogation on Akaashi, to learn everything interesting about him. A message pops up. Oh, your mind wandered off.

Maybe your mind-set of “you only live once” finally did you some favours, because now you had a date set with one of the hottest guys ever.

taglist: @heizenka @icelyn20 @strawbberyys​

sksk the last message from kuroo shouldn’t have the “and”, so let’s just pretend it’s not there 💀

Chapter three: Lock your doors

Word count: 3.8k

Category: hard angst, smut

Chapter warnings: drugs, mentions of medicine, light smut, guns 

Summary: There are three hot guys who want to be with you, however, there are a few problems along the way. One of them is a plug, another one wants to keep you all to himself and the third one - a med student who deals drugs on the side. Your main problem, though? You have a terminal illness that has a very low life expectancy. Spiraling down a dangerous path seems like a fun way to spend your last years.

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Maybe your mind-set of "you only live once" finally did you some favours, because now you have a date set with one of the hottest guys ever.

Friday comes fast and after swallowing down a bunch of medicine you’re sitting in an expensive car of none other than Kuroo Tetsuro.

The dark of the night swallows the blurry autumn sun and speckles the sky with stars. Your nerves are fried, fingers twitching and leg bouncing up and down, up and down.

"You’re nervous," Kuroo hums, but it’s not a question, merely an observation, "Your leg keeps bouncing up and down." The steering wheel is left in one of his huge hands, while the other one finds its way to your knee, gently squeezing, "Do I make you nervous?"

His hand is pleasantly warm. It reminds you of the most delightful things – early summer mornings, apple pie with ice cream and bear hugs.

And how could you not be nervous? Kuroo Tetsuro - the guy you had this dumb crush on for literal months - all 6’4 of his is sitting next to you, with that charming smile on his handsome face, navigating through the streets of busy, light-polluted Tokyo as if it’s as easy as breathing.

"I’m sitting in a car with a guy who’s basically a stranger and is refusing to tell me where we’re going. But yes, your handsome face is the problem."

The salon of his expensive car is filled with tension and the scent of sandalwood.

Kuroo lets out a laugh, "You’re trying to be snarky and shit but you still called me handsome, so thank you."

Your face burns as you scramble to make a witty come-back. Kuroo makes you way more nervous than you would like to be. It’s as if every time you see him your mind goes blurry.

"Well, you are," you finally settle on a response, "But aren’t there enough girls who tell you that?"

Kuroo gives you a look, turning back to the busy road to drive around slower drivers.

"Is that your way of asking me about girls?"

Your eyes fall to your shoes, as if they’re the most engrossing thing ever and your hands begin to mindlessly toy with your skirt.

"You sure you didn’t wanna study psychology or something?" you groan, still feeling a bit embarrassed that your intentions, expressed in a form of what you thought was the most flawless way of acquiring the answers you needed, being uncovered that easy.

He reminds you of a certain charming brunette from your past - the reason for most of your happy memories. They’re both too good at reading people.

Kuroo’s laughter is surprisingly higher in pitch than his voice, but it’s not unpleasant to listen to. You might even call it cute in a way.

"Babe, you’re just too easy to read, no need for me to study psychology," he finally says, slipping in the nickname without any further thought, a sly smirk playing at his lips when he notices the way you react to his words. His hand is still resting on your knee and he playfully squeezes it, making you almost jump up in your seat.

"You do know that I want to be here as much as you do, right? It’s not like you’re the only one nervous."

The sincerity of his words is hidden by a wide smile, but it’s reassuring. It’s hard to believe that a guy like Kuroo would go out with you and for you to refuse the urge to pinch your arm for the n-th time tonight.

"I know that, but somehow my brain," you wildly gesture to your head, raising your eyebrows, "Doesn’t connect the… dots, right?"

"What dots?" he swiftly turns into an intersection and turns right, slightly speeding up when the green light begins to blink.

"You wanting to go out with me..." you mutter, slightly awkwardly. For some reason, when you’re talking to him you’re like an open book. He has this aura around him that just makes you want to look into his golden-brown eyes and trust him.

Kuroo frowns, the corners of his lips going slightly downwards, "Why would you even say that? Who wouldn’t want to go out with you?"

Your thoughts are filled to capacity with Issei Matsukawa. That’s who wouldn’t want to go out with you. He’s like your own personal moon – only showing up when you need him the most, fucking you until you forget everything, but never letting anyone know who you two are; only a slight smirk when his friends ask if you two had fucked and a casual nod when they ask if you’re good in bed. That’s what you’ve been reduced to.

"Hey, doll, I think you’re dozing off on me, hm?"

You come back to reality; to the city lights that are now few and far in between, to how Kuroo’s hand spreads warmth through your body and to the smell of sandalwood.

"Yeah, just got lost in thought, sorry,"

"No worries," he nods, expression radiating relief and the usual self-assured smirk returning once again coming back to the black-haired man’s face, "Y/N, do you want to play 10 questions?"

You’re watching the lights of the bustling city fade away, melting away your tension. You feel safe with Kuroo, however dumb and naive it may sound. The fact that he didn’t push you to answer his question just a moment before only proves you right.

"Isn’t that for teenagers?" you lift up your eyes, finding Kuroo already looking at you and instantly ending the eye-contact, suddenly finding your shoes outstandingly interesting.

"It is… But I need an excuse to ask all the questions I want without seeming intrusive," 

"Okay, Mr. Thoughtful, ask away then," Kuroo chuckles at your attempts to tease him, but he knows. He knows that he’s got you wrapped around his finger. Not like he’s gonna use that. Not for now, at least.

"Okay. How many boyfriends have you had?" It seems like he had the question ready a while ago and you’re puzzled. He says most things so casually that you can only be envious of his confidence.

You’re lost in thought for a while. Well, Issei checked all the boxes a boyfriend should’ve; yet he didn’t want to be anything more, so that left you with-

"Just one, back in high school."

"What high school did you go to?" Kuroo shoots the question instantly, one finger bouncing up and down alongside the radio music, sending tingles through your body.

"Isn’t it my turn to ask?"

"Ah. Yes, I suppose." He gives you a half-assed apologetic smirk and suddenly turns right, his car tires squeaking in protest.

"How many girlfriends have you had?" you ask the same question, just reversed, but Kuroo doesn’t question it. He doesn’t even have to think before answering.

"Not gonna ask how many boyfriends I’ve had? Okay, ah, about five girlfriends."

"About-" you’re ready to find out more, curiosity getting the best of you but Kuroo squeezes your knee, like a subtle warning.

"Ah ah, my turn."

"What high school did you go to?" he asks, once again surprising you in how quick he is at making them.

"Aoba Johsai."

"Was this boy Iwaizumi Hajime?" he raises an eyebrow and seems quite satisfied with himself – like he’s got it all figured out.

"What? No! And it’s not even your turn to ask!" you couldn’t ever imagine yourself with Iwa. He was a good friend and a very handsome man, but way too serious for your taste.

"This game is stupid," Kuroo pauses for a moment. You know he’s got his next question already figured out, but he doesn’t ask straight away, "why not Iwaizumi?"

"Not my type, per say."

"Seems like your type. We have a similar face, no?"

You think for a moment. Not even a bit. Iwa’s eyes were slanted whereas Kuroo’s were lazily hooded, Iwa always carried a scowl on his face, while the man sitting beside you, favoured a confident smirk. The only similar thing about them was their height, and even then – Kuroo was more lean and with a straighter posture, "You do not," you finally come to the conclusion and Kuroo’s smiling. God, how he loves watching the wheels in your head turn, thoughts spinning and mouth opening and closing as you’re unable to make a believable argument.

"Strong eyebrows and jawline, a scowl. Don’t wanna rethink your answer?" Once again, he’s fast, pointing at his features with slender fingers, instead of looking at the empty road.

The scenery has changed and now you’re driving through empty fields, huge houses with giant fences popping up here and there.

"No, Iwa looks just like Mattsun but in italics," Kuroo searches his mind till he finds the face of Matsukawa Issei, who you so sweetly called "Mattsun" and then laughs. Holy shit, you’re right. Although, that’s got him thinking more. You two must be pretty close, if you’re calling the man by a nickname. Perhaps a former classmate? He was gonna have to look into it more, but for now, he’s got more important answers to provoke out of you, "Ok, right. Right. But who was it then?"

"Tooru."

"Oikawa Tooru?!" Kuroo almost slams on the brakes, shock apparent on his face. The resident pretty boy captain is a well-known person to him – always a beautiful fangirl hanging off his arm and a saccharine smile adorning his lips. He doesn’t seem like your type at all. Too sophisticated and fake. 

"You seem surprised."

“I am.” Kuroo nods, collecting his composure, putting his usual smirk back on, “Are pretty boys your type?”

“Didn’t you tell me my type was Iwaizumi and you, a moment ago?”

“Yeah,” Kuroo hums, nonchalantly, “That was before I knew Oikawa fucking Tooru was your ex,” he shakes his head, as if it’s hard to connect dots in his head, “Was he good in bed?”

You almost choke on your saliva and his hand pats your knee calmly. Oh, how he enjoys making you embarrassed.

“Interested in sleeping with Tooru?” you retort, but it’s way too late to have any real bite. 

Kuroo doesn’t acknowledge it, only noting that you still call Oikawa by his first name.

“Nah… Nah, just wanna know what I’m competing with.” 

Your head spins from the idea of what he’s implying, mind travelling to what his touches and kisses would feel like on your heated skin. 

But before you spiral out, Kuroo moves his hand from your knee and does a sharp turn, suddenly stopping and turning off the car, stretching in his car seat. You instantly miss the comforting warmth of his hand.

“We’re here.” 

Your eyes widen, trying to get used to the dark. Little by little, details come into your vision – you’re parked near a huge field of lavenders, surrounded by giant oak trees. It looks like a scene straight from a Studio Ghibli movie. 

“Are you going to murder me and hide my body in a lavender field?” 

Kuroo steps out of his car, instantly coming to open yours, it’s like an instinct for him, “Yeah. Gonna give you to a cult. ‘Children of the Corn’ and shit.” 

You chuckle as you step out of the car, following him without any question. Kuroo feels safe – like getting to sleep in your bed after a party, a ring that fits perfectly around your finger and holding hands when it’s cold. 

He leads you through a path in the field, the smell of lavender filling your senses. Kuroo reaches out for you and you grab his hand without thinking, which brings a smile to his face.

“When I was younger, uh, in my first year of high school, my dad died and it was just me and my grandparents left. They couldn’t afford a house in the city, dad left a lot of debt, so we moved away to the outskirts of Tokyo. When I felt like it was just me against the world… I used to come here.” 

The story Kuroo tells flows freely into the night air as he leads you through the small paths, to the biggest oak tree in the field. You don’t say you’re sorry for his loss. Traumas like that never heal and adding a band-aid to a gaping wound only adds insult to the injury. 

“So this is your safe place. I get it.” you give his hand a gentle squeeze and look up at him. The confident smirk is exchanged for a more gentler, genuine one, “I appreciate you taking me here.” 

Kuroo stops, if only for a moment, gazing down at you, “I know it’s corny and shit, since it’s our first date, but ah, I’ve treated girls shitty in the past. Don’t want to treat you like that, I want this to work. Even if it’s only a few dates.” 

“O-oh.” 

Kuroo laughs and spins you by your shoulders. You’re staring at a wooden ladder, attached to a blue treehouse. The paint is chipping away.

“I love the fact that I make you so nervous,” the words are spoken right into your ear, as he gives it a little peck and then gently pushes you towards the ladder.

“Are you letting me go first cause you want to stare at my butt?” you turn to him with judgemental eyes before you take the first step. 

“That, and the serial killers up there. Wouldn’t want them to kill me first!” 

You roll your eyes as you start climbing up and up, until you reach the opening to the treehouse, crawling in. 

It’s not like you imagined at all – the walls are painted, there’s a rug and a big mattress with pillows and thick blankets,

“Don’t tell me you used to sleep here, too.” 

“No, it was an old mattress my grandparents wanted to throw out. Figured it would make the place more cozy,” Kuroo pauses for a second and then sits down, encouraging you to do so too. He instantly pulls you close, “Easier than having to wait until my grandparents went somewhere, too.” 

You stare up at Kuroo, shaking your head, “You said you didn’t sleep here!” Kuroo chuckles and kisses your forehead, sending warmth all over your body. 

“Yeah, that’s right. I never slept here, just used to fuck girls here.” 

He’s so crude and straight-forward, but you can’t help but laugh.

“So we’re probably sitting on old cum stains?”

“Nah, probably not,” Kuroo grabs your waist and lays you down. He’s on top now and you turn your head to the side. 

“Look at me, y/n,” Kuroo gently grabs your chin and turns your face to look at him, you could explore his amber eyes for hours upon hours, trying to find out all the secrets within, “Can I kiss you?” 

You nod, giving him the permission, which he immediately uses. His lips are surprisingly soft against yours and his kiss bleeds desperation. One of his hands is still on your face, while the other finds its place in your hair. 

You try to lift yourself up, to get even closer to him, but he pushes you down by your hip, forbidding you from doing so. 

“Don’t move, baby,” he stops you with another kiss, this time biting your upper lip and dragging until it snaps back. He laughs and then kisses you again, “You’re so fucking beautiful.” 

You pull back and kiss him all over the face – he has little tiny freckles all over his nose. It has the most adorable little bump, encouraging you to kiss his nose once more. 

“You just gonna kiss me all over my face?” Kuroo raises one of his eyebrows and you reward him with another one. Then you reach for his jawline, then neck, making his breath hitch. 

“I want to undress you,” Kuroo says and you nip at his neck, giggling. 

“Then do so, don’t fucking ask me for permission,” you mumble into his skin and inhale more of the enticing sandalwood scent. Your mind is spinning. You’re about to fuck a man you’ve crushed on for months. Will it be different from having sex with Issei and all those random hookups? Is it too soon? Will you seem too easy?-

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” Kuroo chuckles and then he’s undressing you – your skirt and shirt are flying off, shoes too and you’re left before him only in your bra in your panties, “Aw, you put on a matching set for me. How sweet of you. You’re so sweet… I almost feel bad for what I’m going to do with you.” 

Your breath hitches. Issei was never gentle, he took and took and took. You had a feeling Kuroo would be different. He admires the set for a short moment, before tearing it off. You yelp, but Kuroo instantly silences it with a hungry kiss. He takes but it’s so different. 

“You’ve got nice tits,” he smiles and then he’s kissing all over them, making your words stuck in your throat when he bites. Hard, “Am I being a red flag if I want to give you hickeys and bite marks,” he kisses lower and lower, “all over your body?” 

“Might-“ your voice gets a pitch higher when Kuroo finally reaches your pussy, giving it a gentle kiss and separating the folds. There’s an unreadable emotion swimming in his eyes, “Might not have enough turtlenecks to hide them all.” 

“Oh, baby,” Kuroo laughs and gives an experimental lick to your clit, making your back arch, “I plan on letting everyone see.” 

And then he’s eating you out like it’s his last meal. One of his hands finds your hip again, squeezing hard and preventing you from lifting yourself up, “You just can’t stay still, yeah?” His words cause vibrations, making you let out a loud whine. 

“You sound pretty. Real pretty,” with that, you finally let out a loud, angelic moan. And that’s enough to get Kuroo going. Oh, how he craves to hear more and more and more.

Two of his slender fingers slide inside you and you keen at the stretch. It’s been a while since you’ve last had sex so every calculated touch of nimble fingers feels euphoric against your skin, pleasure coursing through the slight pain. 

“More,” you ask. No, you beg. You look at Kuroo like he’s your god, ever so loving and forgiving to grant you one wish. One wish for not being sinful. One wish because he gets to be the one to make you sin. 

“You don’t know what you’re asking for, baby,” Kuroo grunts and then, suddenly, adds another finger. You yelp, trying to grab at his wrist, but his hand stops yours, “Be a good girl. Don’tcha wanna be a good girl for me, mm?” 

“Want to! Wanna be a good girl for you, daddy!” 

Kuroo tilts his head back, groaning, “You don’t know what you’re starting, fuck-. You just squeezed my fingers so fucking hard,” a smirk plays on his stupidly handsome face, “Want me to get rough? Baby wants me to get rough with her soft, perfect body?” 

You nod, and with that, Kuroo gets all the confirmation he’s ever needed from you. His fingers find the spot inside you, the one many guys would’ve struggled to find and with a few curls of his long fingers, you’re coming undone, juices spreading all over Kuroo’s fingers. 

He’s smiling in blissful delight, sticking the fingers into your mouth as you eagerly lick them clean, tasting yourself. Kuroo pats your heated cheek in approval and then quickly removes his sweater and shirt, revealing a silver chain that has a small black cat charm hanging on it. You chuckle and Kuroo tilts his head, until he catches where your stare landed. 

“Don’t make fun of me, princess, yeah? You’re about to learn what happens to good, perfect girls like you,” he smiles and it makes you burn. You want him to touch you, kiss you, ruin you until the only things you remember in this world are his name and face. 

However, as soon as his soft, warm lips land on your neck, there’s a noise outside. A car engine coming closer and closer with each passing moment. 

Kuroo stands up instantly, pulling you up as you stumble to get onto your unsteady feet. The floor of the treehouse is cold, and so are you. 

“Get your shoes on, quickly”, his voice is laced with concern and hints of confusion so you don’t hesitate - doing as you’re told as quickly as possible. He dresses you in his sweater - the material soft and comfortable against your skin, pulls his own shirt on and gathers other clothing left. You see it in his eyes - no time to put on your clothes, you have to go.

He climbs off the ladder and almost pulls you off of it, when he deems your speed unsatisfying. 

“No one is supposed to know this place, except a few people, fuck!” Kuroo pulls you with him and you only ease his worries by not stumbling, which requires huge effort, actually, “I am almost sure of who that is though, what bad timing… Fuck, I really just wanted to take you on a date where no one could find us,” he’s seething, grabbing your hand in a grip that tightens with each passing moment. 

You don’t dare question Kuroo. Everything - from his words to his seething need to get you somewhere safe - screams danger. 

When you’re about a few meters from his car, Kuroo pulls you closer and takes a long inhale.

“Please, sit in the car, don’t make a noise and don’t open the door for anyone besides me,” the words take a few short moments to register in your scared mind, which makes Kuroo grab you tighter, “Say you understand, y/n.” 

“I-I understand,” the words leave your mouth as another car pulls into the side of the beautiful fields, that gave you such calmness and serenity just a while ago. No more of that today. The calmness and coldness of Kuroo’s voice make shivers run down your spine. 

There’s a flash of recognition in Kuroo’s eyes as he observes the car that’s pulled over. His brows furrow and he ushers you quickly towards his own car, hand tightly wrapped around yours. 

“I’ll be back as quickly as possible, okay?” with that, you’re sitting in the passenger seat, your knees pulled to your chest, mind spinning. You watch his tall silhouette disappear into the darkness and then close your eyes. You would appreciate some pain medicine right now. If only you had some on you. Hopefully, Kuroo is back soon and you’ll get away with an excuse of a headache. 

You’re still only in your shoes and Kuroo’s sweater when someone taps on the car window. Your skin raises in goosebumps, heart about to jump out of your chest. Slowly, you look up and are met with a barrel of a gun and an icy stare looking straight into your soul. Only one thought runs through your head – Kuroo hasn’t locked his car.

Sorry for the long wait, been super busy!

Taglist: @heizenka​ @icelyn20​ @strawbberyys @creepykawass​

—𝔢𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔫𝔞𝔩 𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢

i. a lifetime ago

genre: vampire au, reincarnation au, drama

about: to many, immortality may be a blessing but for suna rintaro, it is a curse like no other. he can watch the world burn, knowing that the love he was felt is not eternal, or is it?

cw: death, mentions of illness, fire, unrequited love (not towards suna/reader), arranged marriage, angst

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1897

Suna Rintaro once believed that he was incapable of love. He’d been alive long enough to know that he lacked the warmth and endearment humans so easily showed. So many years had passed since he had been one, that he had completely forgotten what it was like to feel affection. He would nonetheless, watch them in his alienated tower, they’d laugh and drink and waste the few years of life they had to live. He often thought that they were foolish for devoting themselves to finding their over halves. That was, until a dying girl was at his front steps.

For the centuries he’d lived alone in the castle, he hardly had visitors as the horrid tales of what vile creature would be residing there put so much fear into the heart’s of the villagers that they stayed away. Not only that, but the tall towers, spiked metal gates and daring statues of both fallen angels and gargoyles were surely enough to drive away trespassers. Meaning, when there was a large pounding at the door and he caught sight of a young man carrying a young woman in his clutches, his curiosity was raised.

It was then that he learned who you were; a local villager who’d caught an unknown illness and was in urgent need of medicine. The man that brought you in was your fianceé, wearily explaining the rumors of the castle: it was believed a magic man lived there, granting certain powers to those who were worthy.

Rintaro was appalled by such a thing, but as he watched the way your fianceé regarded you, caressing your sickly, sunken face, he felt pity on the mortal, so infatuated he failed to understand that death was only a part of human life. You would die eventually, and so would he.

“Fine,” he sighed, watching your fianceé’s eyes widened, “I’ll cure her, but you must leave at once.” The other man thanked him, rushing out without a second thought.

The vampire stared down at your practically lifeless body, wondering to himself if he would actually help the human. He brought your limp body near a warm fire, drawing a blanket over your body. Rintaro sat in a nearby chair, reading a book from his personal library, waiting for you to perhaps wake up, or even to simply die.

Not much time passed after, and he heard you cough up a storm, weakly trying to sit up. “Where am I?” You asked disoriented, staring back at Rintaro so that his lingering gaze could truly see you.

With your eyes open, you were different. You were beautiful, it was undeniable to him. He basked in the sight of you, feeling himself inch closer. He slowly explained what he was going to do, that you were brought by your fianceé to look for a cure.

What surprised him was the way your face soured, laying back down and staring mindlessly at the ceiling. You calmly said to him: “please let me die before I have to marry him.”

“You wish to die?” He had never met a human like that before, one who was so adamant on expelling their own life. There was a saddened look on your face, evident in the way your eyebrows dipped to the center of your forehead.

“Yes, my father has planned for our marriage but I can not find it in myself to love him. A wife should love a husband, you understand, don’t you?” You reached out, grabbing Rintaro’s forearm for some form of comfort.

The minute you touched him, he felt warm, his skin was and always had been cold to the touch and he was almost at ease by the sensation. Your eyes were beginning to tear as you sniffled. Rintaro had never understood human emotion yet simply by observing you, he felt he’d unlocked all of mankind’s secrets.

“I suppose I do understand,” he stated, clearing his voice. “But surely that isn’t a reason to die– death is permanent.”

At his words, you realized he was right, you didn’t want to die, begging him to excuse your last words and to heal you. Rintaro weighed his options: would he turn you into a vampire? How would he explain that to you without having you run away and bring an angry mob of torches and pitchforks? Surely, he had other methods of soothing your illness but none that would cure you in comparison to a transformation.

“Eat this,” he ordered you everyday, handing you a special plant that would help you regain your strength. Just like that, you began to spend time together, keeping him company through the day, not questioning why his castle was so dark, or why the man never stepped foot outside during the day.

Suna Rintaro found you amusing in many ways. How you’d fall asleep so easily, and so regularly, even once tipping your head against his shoulder. Your cheeks would heat up at the smallest compliment and you’d begin to stumble over your words. He’d talk to you gently, and listen to you speak. He was intrigued on how long humans could go on rambling, but he didn’t have it in his cold heart to stop you. Everyday for a week you would venture the property, collecting flowers to put in his private library. You brightened the space he was in, and it was something he never knew he needed.

“The flowers would look better… elsewhere.” He wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings as he watched you pout, but he quickly demonstrated what he meant. Taking a single flower from the vase of water, he placed it behind your ear, carefully moving your hair aside to tuck it in. “Beautiful,” he said without a second thought, not missing the way you covered your face while looking away.

Those events were only the beginning of your love tale. Every day would be spent like that until, on the night marking your two month stay in Rintaro’s care, he finally kissed you. Rintaro could taste the honey in your mouth, holding your cheek as you wrapped your arms around him.

This, he thought, this is what humans want, they want to feel like this. He couldn’t find it in himself to let go of you, becoming addicted to your touch almost instantly. He imagined the warmth from your body to be second to only the sun.

“I believe I’ve fallen unconditionally in love with you,” you whispered softly into his ear, “I’ll leave my entire life behind if I could spend the rest of my aching days with you.”

Suna cupped his hands over yours, pressing your foreheads together, he didn’t know what to say, surely love had to be conditional; what would you do when you learned who he was, or what he’d done? He’d seen many things over his long, eternal life, and surely they were more gruesome and disturbing than you could ever imagine.

“I am not a perfect man,” he explained in a low voice. Laughing dryly he continued, “in fact, I’m hardly a man at all. Before you came, I hardly knew what love was.” It seemed hard for him to say, like he was questioning himself. Was what he was feeling really love? Staring into your sparkling eyes, he now knew your features like the back of his man and could map them out blindfolded. With each day that passed he found himself trying to become closer and closer to you, craving you like a starved wolf searching for food.

Carefully, as he continued to hold you near, he admitted what he was. He showed off his sharp teeth, and the dark glow to his eyes. He let you realize why his hands were so frigid and pulled the side of your head against his chest, hearing the sound of an empty chest with no working heart. He was the darkness small children feared, and the reason nuns held their rosaries so tightly. Yet, being near him was not horrifying, nor did you want to leave.

He had been tender with his touches and sincere with his words. There was no doubt that you had fallen in love with him and despite his attempt at pushing you away.

“It doesn’t change how I feel so please, tell me you love me, too. If you do not wish to return those emotions, I’ll leave, and I promise to keep your secret,” you replied softly. You wanted to kiss him again but there wasn’t time for that, nor was there time to hear him say those fateful four words. A booming sound rang through the practically empty castle, the sounds of loud calls filled your ears, staring up at Rintaro.

“Stay here,” he instructed, planting a lonesome kiss against your forehead, rushing towards the main entrance to see what was happening. Standing in front of the giant oak doors, he was shocked to see your fianceé standing with a torch in hand, a group of men from the village behind him.

Slowly lifting his finger he pointed towards the vampire, a disgusted look on his face as he snapped his head back to speak to the mob. “This is the monster that is holding my fianceé captive!”

Suna took a breath, watching as they grumbled, “you’re mistaken, I’ve been curing her by your orders,” he hissed. Your fianceé on the other hand, only shook his head.

“You’ve all heard the rumors of the vile thing that lives here, and behold; here he is!” His loud voice reverberated amongst the crowd, “he’s kept my future wife here against her will, and now we must do everything in our power to return her safely!”

“Liar! Your fianceé does not wish to marry you! It is not you that she loves!” Suna replied, not taking a minute to think. He hadn’t thought about what would happen if he angered the men even more than they already were, and instantly, he regretted it.

What happened next was a blur in his memory, with chaos ensuing so quickly that he could hardly retain the fine detail. What he did recall, was the way the men charged into the castle on their way to rescue you while Suna was left to fight them off, although clearly outnumbered.

He was left with your fianceé, staring him down with his unholy eyes, piercing into his soul and letting the human man see him for what he truly was. Charging forward, they had managed to end up far from the entrance, fighting each other until the sound of a breaking glass carried into Suna’s ears.

Pausing to look back, his castle, his home had erupted in flame, forced to watch as the villagers ran out, saying that they’d left you inside. Forgetting about your fianceé and his attacks, Rintaro darted back towards the fire.

And although vampires were sensitive to such strong heat, he braced himself, willing to die in order to save you. Shielding his face, he found you laying there, still as a statue and he knew he was too late.

Rintarto called out your name, with little response, he ignored the growing fire, kneeling by your side and scooping your head into his lap. It was a miracle that your eyes even opened in the slightest while you parted your lips as if to speak.

“Save yourself,” is what you said, and he shook his head vigorously.

“I’ve lived long enough, I’ll die here if I must.” For the first time since he too was human, he felt a wet teardrop whelming in his eye. He shamelessly let it roll down his cheek, watching the droplet fall onto your dying face.

Your breaths were shallow, from what he could see and it would only be a matter of time.

“You can’t leave, I’ve only just found you,” he said, as if his words alone could change the reality of the situation. He was always cold and merciless, but now he was no better than a simple human, grasping onto the idea of love as you weakly smiled at him.

“We won’t be apart long,” you stated, “I’ll find you again.” Your voice was tiny in comparison to the crackling and burning of the castle around you. Still, Rintaro was able to pick it up, leaning over and hiding his face in the crook of his neck.

“I love you,” he finally said, but you would never hear his response. Staring down, your body had slumped, although your face looked peaceful, as if you were just sleeping. Rintaro couldn’t stop himself from crying, letting out centuries of tears he thought were incapable of falling.

He held your dead figure, rocking himself as the heat increased and he had no other choice than to leave you.

Rintaro put one last kiss against your angelic lips, shutting his eyes before making a promise: “we will find each other again.”

taglist: @boosyboo9206 @rntrsuna @szna @chaotic-fangirl-blog @bisexualtragedy [open]

© all work belongs to iwas-baby on tumblr, please do not plagiarize, repost or translate anywhere

—𝔢𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔫𝔞𝔩 𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢

iv. my friend, rintaro

genre: vampire au, reincarnation au, drama

cw: fluff, comfort, alcohol, drunk reader, orginal characters, gentlemen rintaro lol

a/n: this is so so, so heavily unedited but i wanted to get the next chapter out for you guys.... even if it's just a bit of fluffy filler. but whatever right! but yes, i think there will be a bit of a delay on the next chapter too just cuz of how life is lol but i hope you guys enjoy this!!

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Three days had passed since your fateful meeting with Rintaro, and in those three days you hadn’t seen him once. You had only worked once as well, and it was a morning shift, wondering if that was why you never saw him. When you saw him last, you cursed yourself as you locked your apartment door, realizing you’d never given him your phone number, decreasing the odds that you’d ever see him again.

Yet, when you arrived for your first night shift in three days, Alex was there waiting for you, ready with interesting news.

“I think you have a stalker,” they said, with a bit of a dry laugh, trying not to freak you out. Raising your head to look at your coworker, you let them continue. “Some guy keeps coming in asking for you, I was kinda nervous it was Osamu related so I tried not to give that many details.”

“What did he look like?” You inquired, heart starting to skip a beat. If it wasn’t Rintaro, then you were in a lot of trouble.

Alex tapped their chin, recalling the details: “tall, taller than your ex. Light brown hair, it was styled a little oddly, very flowy you could say.” That must’ve been him. It was reassuring to know that he did want to see you again. Alex continued, “he had these piercing eyes y’know I don’t know how to describe them. He’s been coming every night and for what? Like the last three days, and every time I look at those eyes I get chills.”

You were practically too stunned to speak as Alex raised their eyebrow. “Should I, like, file a police report or something? Do you know this guy?”

“Yeah, I do.” You felt yourself getting stomach butterflies. “Well, not well at least– I only briefly met him but he’s a really good guy.”

“If you say so,” Alex chuckled lightly, “but maybe give him your phone number next time you see him, y’know so the two of you communicate normally.” It was almost as if they could read your mind, knowing that you were regretting not having done so earlier.

About half an hour passed and still no customers came in. Sometimes, on weekdays it was like this: a ghost town. Tapping your fingers against the counter top, you thought you were going to die of boredom with Alex reciprocating your feelings.

Listening to them groan about waiting to just close up early, you were about to agree when the bell chimed and someone walked in.

Following his similar patterns from the night before, your friend Rintaro standing there wearing a black overcoat, and an attire you could only sum up to Wall Street-esc while his hair was still as wild as the first night you met him.

The moment he looked up at you, you met his eyes and even though Alex had made it clear there was something off with his eyes, you couldn’t understand what they were talking about. His gaze was kind, and his lips slowly but surely tugged into a smile upon seeing you.

“Looks like Mr. Stalker is here,” Alex teasingly whispered into your ear. You nudged them playfully, leaning against the counter, widening your grin.

“Hey,” you breathed out.

“Hello.” Rintaro cleared his throat, “I’m glad to see you’re in today, I was looking for you since the last time we met.”

“Me too, I didn’t know when I’d see you again honestly,” you laughed, regretting the way you phrased it, not wanting to sound rude. “But I mean it’s okay, you’re here now.”

“I apologize, I didn’t mean to make you stressed.” But you quickly interrupted him, reminding him that it was alright.

“Can I get you anything? Maybe coffee or tea?” But Rintaro shook his head, insisting that he didn’t drink anything of the sort.

“I’ll have something sweet, though, whatever you recommend,” he said haphazardly looking at the display case of desserts. You nodded, mentioning you had just the thing.

Watching as Rintaro found a seat, running one pale hand over the other. He mindlessly stared out the window, waiting for you to bring him something. He hoped that you wouldn’t notice how nervous he felt.

The sound of a plate sliding against the table echoed through the empty cafe, catching the man’s attention as he looked at your beaming face. In front of him was a small slice of apple pie, the cinnamon smell filling the air between you.

“On the house,” you said smiling, eyes slowly trailing over to the empty chair in front of him.

“You can sit if you want,” Rintaro offered and you felt embarrassed that he caught you red handed. You explained that your shift was almost over, looking back to see Alex’s sign of approval as you made yourself comfortable.

“I was thinking about how stupid I was not asking you for your number,” you bring up, not wanting to directly ask for it, still feeling a little shy.

Shaking his head, Rintaro informed you, “it wouldn’t have been of any use, I don’t have a phone.” Taking a bit of the pie he hummed, not saying anything to follow up his previous statement. “This is really good, it’s been a while since I ate anything…. this sweet, of course.”

“Wait, what do you mean you don’t have a cellphone? Who our age doesn’t?” That question caught Rintaro by surprise, raising an eyebrow as he tried not to act suspicious, taking yet another fork-full of pie into his mouth.

He simply shrugged, trying to change the subject, “is your shift almost over?”

You looked at your watch about to say no, when Alex’s voice interjected. “She’s gonna leave early, I can manage the place on my own.” They winked at you, signaling that you should go with him.

“I’ve heard good things about a bar nearby, would you like to come with me? Maybe we can become better acquainted?”

“Sounds good.”

The bar was dimly lit and filled with a sad crowd, which was mostly middle aged men desperately not wanting to go home to their wives. Because of that there was a gloomy feeling but Rintaro surely made up for it, with a slight smile.

As the two of you ordered, asking all sorts of personal questions and if you knew any better, you would’ve thought it was a date. Sipping on the drink, you followed his inquiries with your own, asking Rintaro about his childhood. Although, his answers were always so cryptic.

“I haven’t really lived in one place long,” he explained.

“So you were a military kid, huh?” But Rintaro shook his head but as you looked at him in confusion he changed the motion into a nod.

“Something like that,” he said, changing his answer.

Drink after drink, you hadn’t realized how much you had until you looked at the clock and three hours had passed. Your legs felt wobbly, like you were about to fall over at any given moment, leaning your head against Rintaro. You were drunk, the first time in a while considering Osamu hated it when you went out to go clubbing with your friends.

“You should probably get home,” Rintaro pointed out as if it wasn’t obvious. He looked down at your pouting lips and droopy eyes, he had to take you home, he knew that but he couldn’t stop looking at you. Every time he blinked he could see your past life, in a similar position, his heart feeling a foreign swelling.

He paid for all your drinks without a second thought, putting his sturdy arm around your waist, letting you lean your weight onto him. He grunted, trying to get you to follow his steps but he realized that trying to get the attention of a drunk person was easier said than done. Yet, he knew your apartment was close enough that he would carry you if he needed to.

“This way,” he eased you gently and before he knew it, the two of you were outside your apartment building. Suna had to coax you to get your keys out and to punch in the apartment code which after a scary amount of failed attempts, you were finally let in.

“Tonight was so much fun,” your words were slurred as you nuzzled into the crook of his neck, smelling the expensive cologne he wore.

“I enjoyed it too, maybe we should do something similar but more formally, like as a date?” The last part of his statement was more of a whisper, scared that you were uncomfortable with getting into a relationship after just getting out of one. He also was praying that by tomorrow morning your memories of the night would be hazy and hard to remember.

“Yes, I want that,” you muttered, rubbing your eyes harshly, “I wanna go to bed,” you groaned. Rintaro nodded, promising that the two of you would be there as soon as the elevator rang, bringing the two of you to your destination.

“I just wanna sleep!” You exclaimed, trying to rip off your shirt. Your friends had always told you that you were a bit of a messy drunk but you never wanted to believe them. Nevertheless, you struggled to strip out of your clothes, not even bothering to acknowledge the fact that Rintaro was still inside your apartment.

Standing in the kitchen, you felt a hand on your back, reminding you that he was there. He suggested going into your bedroom and you hazily nodded, stumbling forward.

“May I help you with that?” Rintaro asked and you were in such a struggle, there was nothing else for you to do other than nod and accept his aid. He removed your shirt, leaving you in just a bra as you covered up.

“Okay now turn around.” You could feel the heat rising to your face, watching as he complied. You took out your pajama shirt, sliding off your bra before putting it on. “Okay you can look now.”

By then, you were wiggling out of your work pants, sitting down on the bed. You shivered as the cold air nipped your skin.

“You should get some rest,” he sat down next to you, seeing how cold you were, “perhaps underneath the bedding?”

“You talk so politely, y’know?” You drunkenly snickered, poking his thigh, “but I like it, I feel like an old timey princess.” Rintaro laughed softly, pulling back the duvet as you rolled yourself underneath the sheets.

“Well you deserve to be treated as such, no?” You only hummed with a content smile as just as Rintaro thought his work was done, he went to stand up, feeling you reach for his arm.

“No, don't go yet, please stay.”

Rintaro looked at you, not knowing what to say, he saw the way your eyes became glossy and he couldn’t say no. This was his chance to be the shoulder you cried on, to bring you comfort that he couldn’t in your past life. He hadn’t realized he’d been staring until he heard your quiet whimper, taking his cold hand into your own.

“Of course,” he said in a soft tone, his voice hushed. Laying down next to you, he tried to take it slow so as to not shake you too much as his weight made the bed dipped.

“I just don’t wanna be alone tonight, y’know?” The man wanted to tell you that you didn’t have to explain yourself, he wouldn’t mind staying until you fell asleep but before he could interject, you finished your thought. “I’ve just been having nightmares all week,” you frowned, “I just wanted to feel safe.”

Few times in his life did Rintaro get the feeling he did then: you felt safe around him? Yet he didn’t ponder on it long, reeling himself back into the other thing you mentioned.

“Nightmares, what sort of nightmares?” His eyebrows furrowed.

“Mmm, I don’t know, there’s a big fire, and you’re there too.” Rintaro could hardly make out your words as you drifted into sleep. He knew it was memories of a past life, and he cursed himself that only the painful ones returned and plagued your sleep. He silently wished you’d see all the better ones.

He didn’t have a chance to answer, seeing as you had quickly fallen into slumber. He contemplated leaving, he needed to get back to his own place before the sun rose, surely you would come to understand.

As he stood up, he pressed a kiss against your forehead, seeing how innocent you lay there, unknowing of the life you had been born into. “Sweet dreams,” he whispered, but it was more like a prayer. He would give you the world if you wanted, even more, he would fight against the nature of his being and lasso the sun if you asked.

taglist: @boosyboo9206 @rntrsuna @szna @chaotic-fangirl-blog @bisexualtragedy @heyitsmeyuhh @suhaaaefre @wolffmaiden @akashiyumi @softyutae @van-chii @alicesakusa @trashykei @ittybittywallflower @gojojang @jojowantstocry @thefairywalker @dazaisfavgf @mshitachin

© all work belongs to iwas-baby on tumblr, please do not plagiarize, repost or translate anywhere