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My heart died with you

Akaashi Keiji x reader

Summary: Akaashi Keiji. A very successful man. If you were to ask anyone about him they would say that he has a good job and a beautiful wife. Or had a beautiful wife. 

Word count: 1338

A/n: I already posted this but I am just copying it here! Please reblog if you link my work! 

Warning: Alcohol, character death (reader), suicide??, ANGST, post timeskip

One year. It had been one year since the day that he lost his light, his laughter and his love. One year since Akaashi Keiji lost you. You were the love of his life. He loved everything about you, from the way your eyebrows would wrinkle when you laughed to the way you said his name. Today, you were all his friends talked about. Bokuto, you best friend was more depressed than usual, even Tsukishima seem to miss you. That day going to work was both the best and worst decision. It helped him keep his mind from wandering to thoughts of whether you were in a better place or if you still watched out for him, but those looks of sadness and sympathy from the faces of his co-workers made him feel sick with regret. He left the office early that day to head to the bar across the street from his office. Now Akaashi was not a heavy drinker, whenever you would go out for drinks, he was always the designated driver. He never even thought about letting the alcohol touch his lips, but when he walked into the empty bar, he just hoped that he would be able to make his way home after a few drinks. Taking a seat at the counter, he orders his first drink

“Whiskey neat, please.”

———————————————

It had been 5 shots, no 6. The world around him was just starting to get slightly blurry. The quiet bar was now bustling with customers looking for the same high as he was. They were all looking for a way to forget what was right outside the threshold of the bar doors. As Akaasi finishes yet another, a woman comes up to him, everything she does reminds him of you. The way her hair fell around her face and the way she walked was so stupidly similar to the way you would when you were drunk. Sitting on the bar stool next to him, she crosses her legs and leans forwards seductively. 

“Hey,” she slurred, in a manner that was so similar to the way you would take when you had a little too much to drink.

“Hey,” Akaashi replied. The large wave of nostalgia washing over him like a tsunami. Everything about this woman in front of him was exactly like you. Well almost, she had the look of lust and mischievousness in her eyes, while you always had a look of innocence and kindness. But that difference wasn’t enough to keep Akaashi from indulging in a dream, even if it was just for the night. “Do you want a drink?”, he finishes. The smug smile on the woman’s face was enough to answer his question.

——————————————

They lasted 2 drinks. 2 drinks before he let the succubus like woman pull him outside to an alley by his tie. The kiss they shared was sloppy as both ends intertwined their tongues in a fight for control. One of her hands was busy lacing the fingers through his dark curly hair, and the other was working on the buttons of his shirt. The passion was nothing but a pure illusion, but one that brought the drunken man some comfort. The kiss deepened with each passing second, becoming more and more intimate. Suddenly, as her cold hands touched his bare chest, in the way you used to do, did his eyes flash open. The coldness was uncharacteristic of you. Your hands were always had warmth. These hands feel like those of a dead body. In a panic, the man that you loved so much pushed the woman that mirrored you almost perfectly. Both people were silent at his sudden opposing movement. The woman moved closer to him caressing his muscular chest with her cold, dead hands.

“Keiji, what happened?”, she asked with lust dripping from every word she spoke.

“I am sorry, I can’t do this. Especially not today.” Akaashi answered. “And it is Akaashi to you.”, he answered with a sliver of hatred in his tone as he buttoned up his shirt and readjusted his tie, all the effects of the alcohol now gone. Before he walked away, leaving the woman alone in the alley, confused and alone. He wished he could say that he hated her for what she made him do. But he couldn’t. It was his fault, his fault for betraying his loyalty to you, and letting that woman take advantage of him. He could hate her because he was too busy hating himself.

The walk back to the apartment was long and full of shame. The thought and memories of you bombarded his mind. He wanted nothing more than to be held in your arms while you told him everything would be alright. Your warmth was always able to pull him out of his thoughts. It was like you were his life line. Pulling him out of the deep and mysterious ocean and into the safety of your arms.

When he arrived at the apartment that the two of you used to share, he was met with emptiness. No warm meal, no hug, no hello, and no you. Sighing, he loosens his tie and unbuttons the first few buttons on his shirt. Walking through the gloomy, dark and empty kitchen, one that was once filled with laughter and happy memories, he makes his way to your favourite spot in the entire apartment, the fire escape. You would sit there at night with a cup of coffee and a fluffy blanket to talk to the sky. “The night sky knows everything about everyone!”, you used to explain excitedly to Keiji. “All the stars and the moon that make up the night sky always keep their promise and all of your secrets.”. You were so happy back then. It made him wonder when it all changed for you. And why didn’t he notice. He was supposed to be very observant, but he couldn’t even notice the spark in your eyes dull as your smile slowly shrink. Grabbing a cup of coffee, your old blanket and the photo of the two of you on your wedding day. Settling down to sit on the fire escape, Akaashi stared at the photo of the two of you, both frozen in time and forever young. You looked so beautiful that day he thought that you were definitely a goddess. Your dress had long lace sleeves and a low scooped neckline that perfectly suited you. He wore a classic tux with dark blue accents you could only see if you looked long enough and a blood red rose which adored his breast pocket. Everything about that day was perfect. All of his dreams came true of a beautiful wedding with an even more stunning bride. He wordlessly ran his along the picture, pausing when he got to your face, a wide beautiful smile on your face and your bridesmaids and Bokuto surrounding you, and Akaashi holding your hand with a rare smile on his face as well. The generally calm and composed man broke down into tears. 

After what seemed like a hour of crying, Akaashi looked up towards the night sky, some of the stars were present, and a crescent moon hung above his head, the noise of the city fading behind him. Wiping away the last remnants of the tears, he spoke to the night sky, hoping that maybe you could hear him too.

“Y/n,” he began, voice shaking, “I am sorry I couldn’t save you. I’m sorry. I am so, so, so sorry. I know in your letter you told me to move on. I went on a date with a girl, but I couldn’t move on. If you are watching over me, you probably know what happened at the bar today. The woman I was with. I couldn’t help myself. She reminded me so much of you. I thought that maybe I could give my heart to her. But I couldn’t. How could I when my heart died with you?”.