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[07:22] suna rintarou and his baby

warnings: none

x fem!reader | other timestamps

the wail of a baby stays awake the entire night, and suna is losing his mind. he looks over to your side of the bed where you've strategically placed a pillow over your face, so you wouldn't have to wake up and then finally have the chance to sleep after weeks of taking care of your baby with no break.

you lazily lift your arm to shake him awake and mumble a barely coherent, "please take care of ritsuka."

suna nods, with a quiet "yes" and rubs his eyes to wake himself up as he groggily trudges out of your bed towards your baby whos only a few feet across from the room in her crib.

he's noticing that there's nothing wrong with her nappies, nor does she have a temperature, so he picks her up and tries to get a closer look. and only then, does she stop crying.

the peace in the home startles you, and you open your eyes back up and remove the pillow from your face, just to watch your husband and child slowly rocking in pace whilst he coos to her lovingly.

"did you just miss your papa, is that why you've been crying sweetheart?" he smiles at her, and his eyes crease like the moon.

she babbles excitedly, and her arms are flailing to grab his face, only to pull his hair.

"ah-ow ritsuka, stop that hurts, you rat." he slowly removes her arms from his, and she's smiling at him again like she's never met her father.

"she's such a daddy's little girl." he flips his head in your direction and he chuckles. walking over to you, he sits on your side of the bed to show you your creation.

"rin, give her to me, i'll feed her so she can go to sleep." he's humming a sweet lullaby, in an attempt to put her to sleep, but she stares up at her parents with big eyes, like she's got a question to ask them.

it's only then when your breastfeeding your child, does suna realise he's got the best life he could ever receive. it's only then does he realise he's blessed to have met someone like you, someone as caring as you, and someone as kind as you. he then looks back at his baby, contentedly suckling on her mother's breast that she was so perfect, so adorable and that he was going to dread for when she grew into a teenager.

"i love you so much." you look up to see you husband, with tears around his eyes. startled you almost stop feeding your child and you look at him more closely.

"rin, what's wrong? why are you crying?" due to the fact that you had just given birth, you too were prone to these emotions, and were about to cry with your husband.

"i just, i never realised how lucky i was to have the two of you in my life, and i want to tell you that more." he's fiddling with his fingers like an awkward high schooler, and you let out a chuckle, rather than burst into tears.

"i love you too, rin. and so does our little girl, you are most definitely her favourite." you joke, and the two of you stare at your baby, before realising that she's fallen asleep, with her mouth agape. you laugh before pulling your shirt back down, and slowly making your way back to her crib.

slowly placing her down, the two of you get back into bed, with suna in your arms hugging you like you hadn't given him enough attention. eyes feeling droopy, you fall into slumber, as does suna. only to be awaken by the wails of your baby. again.

a/n: hey yall ... its been so long 😅

[07:22] suna rintarou and his baby

warnings: none

ps, this is x fem!reader

the wail of a baby stays awake the entire night, and suna is losing his mind. he looks over to your side of the bed where you've strategically placed a pillow over your face, so you wouldn't have to wake up and then finally have the chance to sleep after weeks of taking care of your baby with no break.

you lazily lift your arm to shake him awake and mumble a barely coherent, "please take care of ritsuka."

suna nods, with a quiet "yes" and rubs his eyes to wake himself up as he groggily trudges out of your bed towards your baby whos only a few feet across from the room in her crib.

he's noticing that there's nothing wrong with her nappies, nor does she have a temperature, so he picks her up and tries to get a closer look. and only then, does she stop crying.

the peace in the home startles you, and you open your eyes back up and remove the pillow from your face, just to watch your husband and child slowly rocking in pace whilst he coos to her lovingly.

"did you just miss your papa, is that why you've been crying sweetheart?" he smiles at her, and his eyes crease like the moon.

she babbles excitedly, and her arms are flailing to grab his face, only to pull his hair.

"ah-ow ritsuka, stop that hurts, you rat." he slowly removes her arms from his, and she's smiling at him again like she's never met her father.

"she's such a daddy's little girl." he flips his head in your direction and he chuckles. walking over to you, he sits on your side of the bed to show you your creation.

"rin, give her to me, i'll feed her so she can go to sleep." he's humming a sweet lullaby, in an attempt to put her to sleep, but she stares up at her parents with big eyes, like she's got a question to ask them.

it's only then when your breastfeeding your child, does suna realise he's got the best life he could ever receive. it's only then does he realise he's blessed to have met someone like you, someone as caring as you, and someone as kind as you. he then looks back at his baby, contentedly suckling on her mother's breast that she was so perfect, so adorable and that he was going to dread for when she grew into a teenager.

"i love you so much." you look up to see you husband, with tears around his eyes. startled you almost stop feeding your child and you look at him more closely.

"rin, what's wrong? why are you crying?" due to the fact that you had just given birth, you too were prone to these emotions, and were about to cry with your husband.

"i just, i never realised how lucky i was to have the two of you in my life, and i want to tell you that more." he's fiddling with his fingers like an awkward high schooler, and you let out a chuckle, rather than burst into tears.

"i love you too, rin. and so does our little girl, you are most definitely her favourite." you joke, and the two of you stare at your baby, before realising that she's fallen asleep, with her mouth agape. you laugh before pulling your shirt back down, and slowly making your way back to her crib.

slowly placing her down, the two of you get back into bed, with suna in your arms hugging you like you hadn't given him enough attention. eyes feeling droopy, you fall into slumber, as does suna. only to be awaken by the wails of your baby. again.

a/n: hey yall ... its been so long 😅

[01:02] face masks with oikawa

warnings none

x fem!reader | other timestamps

holding hands with someone was so easy for someone like oikawa, so why was he getting clammy at the sight of you walking beside him in the town centre as the both of you make your way towards the bakery for the morning?

surprisingly, you'd asked him out two weeks ago after finally mustering up the courage to even speak to him; and was luckily accepted. it happened to be that oikawa had a small crush on you when you started sitting beside him in your home econ class.

for every moment you'd walk past oikawa and his friends before the two of you began dating, his friends (mainly makki and mattsun), would nudge him aggressively by the shoulder and tease him to his wits' end. so when they'd found out the two of you began dating, they dropped their jaws and laughed as if oikawa was pulling a prank.

"why are you so quiet today, oikawa-kun?" he's snapped out of his thoughts when he's noticed that you've stopped walking.

he's at a loss of words and stammers as he begins to come up with an excuse.

"oh, it's uh, nothing it's dumb really." his hand itches the back of his neck and he chuckles awkwardly.

"i'm sure it's not, you can tell me. i don't judge, and i am dating you after all." a smile is etched across your face and oikawa swears he's melted inside at the sight of you grinning because of him.

"i just, i really want to hold you hand but they're, they're sweaty." he whispers ever so quietly, and you burst out laughing.

suddenly he regrets ever telling you this.

"was that it? you could've just held my hand, i don't care if it's sweaty, you're my boyfriend." if that smile you'd sent him hadn't killed him, that corny ass sentence just did. who knew he was such a cheeseball?

slowly, he walks towards you and quickly rubs his hand against the fabric of his uniform before grabbing your hand and walking painfully slow towards the bakery. sighing inwardly, you hold his hand tighter and place it in your coat pocket and smile at him once again.

"can i kiss you?" oikawa asks, as he sweats bullets.

once again you laugh, and nod, gradually inching your faces closer to one another.

"you used to be so nervous around me tooru, where did my nerdy little boyfriend go?" you reminisce on the couch beside him, as he sits down with the face masks you recently purchased.

"he's evolved," he rips open the packaging, and hands you a headband, "into your bulky, confident husband!" grinning cheekily, he puckers his lips towards you, asking for a kiss.

rolling your eyes, you push his lips away with your index and middle finger, and laugh as he pouts, "bulky is a stretch, my love. i think you're simply lean, and hajime is more bulky than you are."

"how mean, after all the years we've been together you still think iwa chan has more muscle, than me, the number one man in your life." he turns his head pettily as if he was ignoring.

"tooru, baby you know it's true. now come on, let's do these face masks, yeah?" you sit closer to him and wrap your legs around his waist, as you place the sheet mask over his face.

obliging, he smiles, crinkling the structure of the delicate mask and results into a scolding from you. his eyes seem to bore into your own features, but with a tender expression as if you were his entire universe, and blurts out the next few words without a second to think.

"what do you think about children?" you stop patting the mask against his soft skin, and hitch a breath, "you can be honest, i just thought that, i love you to the ends of the earth, and i think that my life would be more brighter than it already is if we had a child or two together."

"i'm so glad you said that, tooru." you're leaning the weight of your head onto his shoulder as you release a relieved sigh. lifting your head up, you smile at him and whisper, "i'm pregnant."

and its like the colours of the world to oikawa's eyes had become more pigmented and vibrant, to the point that it was almost blinding.

"i love you so much." he laughs in your ear, as his mask had fallen off of his face, due to the overwhelming excitement coursing through his system. he holds you tighter in your embrace as he looks down at your stomach and places his ear beside it and speaks again, "hi baby, it's your dad, i swear i'll be the best one yet and buy you all the presents you could ask fo-"

"tooru, don't spoil our baby when they're not even born yet."

"hey, when you married me, you knew what you were getting into." he chuckles as he kisses the flesh of your stomach, excited for the life about to grow inside of it.

a/n: ive been posting a bit more these days :D and im getting some bad baby fever

[01:02] face masks with oikawa

warnings none

x fem!reader

holding hands with someone was so easy for someone like oikawa, so why was he getting clammy at the sight of you walking beside him in the town centre as the both of you make your way towards the bakery for the morning?

surprisingly, you'd asked him out two weeks ago after finally mustering up the courage to even speak to him; and was luckily accepted. it happened to be that oikawa had a small crush on you when you started sitting beside him in your home econ class.

for every moment you'd walk past oikawa and his friends before the two of you began dating, his friends (mainly makki and mattsun), would nudge him aggressively by the shoulder and tease him to his wits' end. so when they'd found out the two of you began dating, they dropped their jaws and laughed as if oikawa was pulling a prank.

"why are you so quiet today, oikawa-kun?" he's snapped out of his thoughts when he's noticed that you've stopped walking.

he's at a loss of words and stammers as he begins to come up with an excuse.

"oh, it's uh, nothing it's dumb really." his hand itches the back of his neck and he chuckles awkwardly.

"i'm sure it's not, you can tell me. i don't judge, and i am dating you after all." a smile is etched across your face and oikawa swears he's melted inside at the sight of you grinning because of him.

"i just, i really want to hold you hand but they're, they're sweaty." he whispers ever so quietly, and you burst out laughing.

suddenly he regrets ever telling you this.

"was that it? you could've just held my hand, i don't care if it's sweaty, you're my boyfriend." if that smile you'd sent him hadn't killed him, that corny ass sentence just did. who knew he was such a cheeseball?

slowly, he walks towards you and quickly rubs his hand against the fabric of his uniform before grabbing your hand and walking painfully slow towards the bakery. sighing inwardly, you hold his hand tighter and place it in your coat pocket and smile at him once again.

"can i kiss you?" oikawa asks, as he sweats bullets.

once again you laugh, and nod, gradually inching your faces closer to one another.

"you used to be so nervous around me tooru, where did my nerdy little boyfriend go?" you reminisce on the couch beside him, as he sits down with the face masks you recently purchased.

"he's evolved," he rips open the packaging, and hands you a headband, "into your bulky, confident husband!" grinning cheekily, he puckers his lips towards you, asking for a kiss.

rolling your eyes, you push his lips away with your index and middle finger, and laugh as he pouts, "bulky is a stretch, my love. i think you're simply lean, and hajime is more bulky than you are."

"how mean, after all the years we've been together you still think iwa chan has more muscle, than me, the number one man in your life." he turns his head pettily as if he was ignoring.

"tooru, baby you know it's true. now come on, let's do these face masks, yeah?" you sit closer to him and wrap your legs around his waist, as you place the sheet mask over his face.

obliging, he smiles, crinkling the structure of the delicate mask and results into a scolding from you. his eyes seem to bore into your own features, but with a tender expression as if you were his entire universe, and blurts out the next few words without a second to think.

"what do you think about children?" you stop patting the mask against his soft skin, and hitch a breath, "you can be honest, i just thought that, i love you to the ends of the earth, and i think that my life would be more brighter than it already is if we had a child or two together."

"i'm so glad you said that, tooru." you're leaning the weight of your head onto his shoulder as you release a relieved sigh. lifting your head up, you smile at him and whisper, "i'm pregnant."

and its like the colours of the world to oikawa's eyes had become more pigmented and vibrant, to the point that it was almost blinding.

"i love you so much." he laughs in your ear, as his mask had fallen off of his face, due to the overwhelming excitement coursing through his system. he holds you tighter in your embrace as he looks down at your stomach and places his ear beside it and speaks again, "hi baby, it's your dad, i swear i'll be the best one yet and buy you all the presents you could ask fo-"

"tooru, don't spoil our baby when they're not even born yet."

"hey, when you married me, you knew what you were getting into." he chuckles as he kisses the flesh of your stomach, excited for the life about to grow inside of it.

a/n: ive been posting a bit more these days :D and im getting some bad baby fever

[06:32] cuddling suna rintarou

warnings disgusting icky fluff ??

other timestamps

rintarou is closed off. he has a hard time expressing how he feels, and you understand that.

maybe that's why he likes you so much.

it's currently six thirty two in the morning, and rintarou is twisting and turning in bed, whilst you're beside him sleeping peacefully.

"rin, what the hell are you doing?" you mumble.

"can't sleep, 'm too cold." he whispers, turning his back towards you, so you don't see his irritated expression.

"what a baby," you giggle, as you snake your arms around his waist and entangle your legs together. "if you wanted to cuddle in the morning, you could just say so."

he huffs loudly, and turns around to look at you, and smiles shyly. his cheeks are dusted with pink and his ears seem to burn red, as he hooks you in closer to hug him, or keep him warm, really.

"it's more fun when you initiate though." he mutters with his head lowered on the top of yours.

"you're so annoying, rin i'm going back to sleep." childishly, you attempt to turn the other way and completely let go of his hold on you, or your hold on him rather, and hog the blanket for yourself.

"hey! i was kidding, don't be a blanket hog." he complains, and pulls you back into his embrace as if it were second nature. laughing, you turn around and give him his portion of the blanket and go back to your sweet cuddling state.

"rin can i get out of bed please." you said it in more of a matter-of-fact way, rather than forming it as a question, maybe you need to work on tone delivery.

"what? no. stay in bed with me."

"you've woken me up! i'm hungry now. move" you quickly get out of the sheets, and smile triumphantly at him when you gives you a look that screams 'come back to bed with me'.

"well, if you're getting out of bed, then i am too!" shuffling, he gets up from the bed, and slowly removes the blankets that once coated his body.

"no wonder you're cold rin, you're wearing a muscle tank. idiot." flicking his arm you slide on your slippers and run away from him, towards your kitchen.

"hey! i did this for you, it doesn't hurt to try and impress your partner every now and then. but all you wanna do is eat and sleep!" he whines, chasing after you.

yes, rintarou has a hard time expressing his feelings, but you express yourself as if it was a job, and that's why he loves you so much.

a/n: he's taking me over idk why

[06:32] cuddling suna rintarou

warnings disgusting icky fluff ??

rintarou is closed off. he has a hard time expressing how he feels, and you understand that.

maybe that's why he likes you so much.

it's currently six thirty two in the morning, and rintarou is twisting and turning in bed, whilst you're beside him sleeping peacefully.

"rin, what the hell are you doing?" you mumble.

"can't sleep, 'm too cold." he whispers, turning his back towards you, so you don't see his irritated expression.

"what a baby," you giggle, as you snake your arms around his waist and entangle your legs together. "if you wanted to cuddle in the morning, you could just say so."

he huffs loudly, and turns around to look at you, and smiles shyly. his cheeks are dusted with pink and his ears seem to burn red, as he hooks you in closer to hug him, or keep him warm, really.

"it's more fun when you initiate though." he mutters with his head lowered on the top of yours.

"you're so annoying, rin i'm going back to sleep." childishly, you attempt to turn the other way and completely let go of his hold on you, or your hold on him rather, and hog the blanket for yourself.

"hey! i was kidding, don't be a blanket hog." he complains, and pulls you back into his embrace as if it were second nature. laughing, you turn around and give him his portion of the blanket and go back to your sweet cuddling state.

"rin can i get out of bed please." you said it in more of a matter-of-fact way, rather than forming it as a question, maybe you need to work on tone delivery.

"what? no. stay in bed with me."

"you've woken me up! i'm hungry now. move" you quickly get out of the sheets, and smile triumphantly at him when you gives you a look that screams 'come back to bed with me'.

"well, if you're getting out of bed, then i am too!" shuffling, he gets up from the bed, and slowly removes the blankets that once coated his body.

"no wonder you're cold rin, you're wearing a muscle tank. idiot." flicking his arm you slide on your slippers and run away from him, towards your kitchen.

"hey! i did this for you, it doesn't hurt to try and impress your partner every now and then. but all you wanna do is eat and sleep!" he whines, chasing after you.

yes, rintarou has a hard time expressing his feelings, but you express yourself as if it was a job, and that's why he loves you so much.

a/n: he's taking me over idk why

[23:17] atsumu miya knows colour theory

warnings none just atsumu using a lot of nicknames

other timestamps

"atsumu."

humming, your boyfriend turns his head around towards your direction and finds peace within your presence as you sauntered your way to him.

"this is a very important question okay?" an interrogating expression beholds itself on your face, but atsumu only stares at the features upon it like it was the first time he'd seen a human. "atsumu. i need your answer."

"yes 'm listening, sweets."

"what's your favourite colour?"

the adoring expression atsumu wore like a badge had wore off and transforms into what you could only assume was a perplexed man sitting in front of you. he laughs.

"atsumu! i told you to answer the question this is serious." his face puffs up with a vermillion tone and he pulls you closer to his body, thick arms around your waist fitting together like jigsaw pieces.

"darling, yer so earnest about it, of course i'll laugh." your face is peppered with billions of feathery kisses, swiping him away with your hands you attempt to push him away and sulk; only to make his offense stronger and kisses you more.

"miya, answer my damn question-"

"ooh, pulling out miya are we?" teasingly, he smirks and how attractive it is to watch that stupid man in front of you lovingly mock you.

"it's not that hard of a question to answer." crossing your arms and folding your legs, you move to the other side of the couch before he scooches towards you to gift a disgustingly fat and tender kiss on your cheek.

"okay, then what's yer favourite colour my love?"

"since i'm not like you," you humph annoyedly, "green."

"then simple, mine is red."

puzzled, you unfold your arms and atsumu's cheesy smiles widens in it itself, slightly beginning to look creepy so you push your palm against his face and move him away, and he laughs before coming in to hug you once more.

"they're complementary colours, baby. it's supposed to be romantic." chuckling, his face is attached to your stomach and he lays upon your body, although the position is awkward.

"it sounds like christmas. and what are complementary colours?" disproving his point and forgetting the reason why you asked him the question in the first place, you relax your body and sit up properly for atsumu to prop his head on your legs.

"they're like colours that are opposites but they're good together. like us. and what's wrong with christmas, scrooge?" twiddling your fingers between his, he mutters and awaits your response.

"that was corny, and you only enjoy christmas because you're not the one making the christmas list for all of our friends and family." flicking his head you scold him and he winces, before bringing your fingers back and trapping them in his hands.

"now i have an excuse to hold your hand as well as provide for my own safety!" he pauses for a moment, "hey i do help with christmas shopping."

"you chose to buy fuzzy dice for samu last year."

"that was a good 1800¥ spent."

"he doesn't even own a car."

"what matters is that we spend too much money on him and last year was a cool down compared to all the rocking gifts i've got him before."

"you know what, it's fine, i'll handle the shopping but you pay for it."

"i'll accept that. now, i need to go upstairs i have super secret agent stuff to attend." he kisses the top of your head and bolts upstairs.

"miya atsumu, i know you're changing the shopping basket gifts for samu! get back down here."

a/n: my exams are ending soon thank whoever is up there

.when you were mine - sakusa kiyoomi

.pairings sakusa kiyoomi x gn!reader

.genre angst, break up, lovers to exes, hurt no comfort

.ongoing | completed

.tw cursing(?)

.wc 2.4k

SUMMARY

Leaving Sakusa Kiyoomi was hard, but staying with him was harder.

Keep me in your arms again, I pine for the warm feeling of home where our limbs laid restlessly in our bed. I long for the touch of your fingertips and the ghost of your breath. I yearn for the mixed laundry in our room, and how you tried your best to keep the colours from mixing. Your efforts were far from being in vain, rather it was my fault for never trying hard enough for you. Trying hard enough for us.

I awaken alone now, with your side of the bed empty, and cold. A naked pillow with no head to call its own. The nights are darker, where the winter season couldn't hold a candle to the hiemal desolation that hibernated in my heart.

The coffee is bitter; dark and too acerbic for my own liking. The taste lingers too. It's pungent, and the scent wafts around the house until I leave it.

It's practically embarrassing to walk the streets without your hand intertwined in mine, I feel discomfited at the fact that I can no longer grab a hold of your hand in order to find sanctuary, the same hand I would grip onto afraid that I would lose you in broad daylight, the same hand that embraced your body every night that we slept, and the same hand that would wipe away your tears in the evening.

Yet it was twilight when you left me. I felt your presence begin to dissipate within the air as I slept for longer, so when the chill of a human's existence or lack thereof, had held me in the night, I woke up: to see nothing on your side.

And it all came flashing back to me, why you had left. Why you had packed your bags, why you cried as you removed most of your belongings into one suitcase.

ー

"You're late home today."

"Yeah."

Pure silence grows in the atmosphere and neither of us speak. You seemed expectant that I would answer you, but I couldn't tell at the time.

"...Do you want to tell me why?"

"Do I have to? I'm tired today."

"Okay. There's food in the fridge if you ever get hungry."

ー

The awkwardness that grew in our relationship may have driven you more and more to leave, and it's my fault for not trying. The effort that I lacked for our relationship had been made up for by you, and it had taken all of your energy alongside it, and quite possibly, your love for me.

I drained you by loving you languidly, I emptied your void by not filling it the way you had wanted me to. I expected you to make all of the first moves, and that you would do all the work for me in this relationship, and that I had to do nothing.

But you said to me that you were fine with getting hurt, so long as it were for me. So why are you leaving now, when you were the one who promised that you would do everything to make me happy, are you tired of me? Have you had enough?

Our solicitous tête-à-têtes had soon enough squandered from the depths of our hearts and eventually reshaped themselves into a mandatory chore made from the top of our heads, maybe to remind one another that there could've been a spark, that maybe our love was salvageable; even though you knew full well I could not respond in the healthy ways we knew I should have.

I've grown to detest the very sight of bookstores, or gardens. They were your favourite date idea and we hadn't been to either one of them together in months. But to my dismay, your favourite library had sent me an email, notifying there was a book yet to be returned, and we had to pay a small fine.

The nostalgia seemed to creep back up into my memory as I took steps closer to return the book Essays of Love that had been contained carefully in the tote bag which you bought me from our uni days.

ー

"I know it's not much, but we're starving students, and I thought this would suit your coat that your mom bought you." You shot a tender smile towards me, as you handed the off white bag with intricate black brushes against the material, that unexpectedly did suit the coat my mother had purchased for me.

"You didn't need to do this." I remember that I had pressed a small kiss against the pads of your knuckles as we stepped closer in proximity in the blistering winters of Tokyo; the neon lights of the building illuminating the features on your face in which I grew accustomed to.

"I know. But I love you."

"Thanks."

ー

"That'll be ¥1000." The local librarian speaks, aggressively typing against the keys of her board, and simultaneously writing swiftly against the yellow pad paper which had notes we both knew would be futile in the future.

Handing her the money, I gave a quick thank you before making my way back home in the dark afternoon of December. Meandering around the town wasted too much time, and the solitude which had consumed my being after your departure soon became an obligation in my life, and there could be no other way to regurgitate these feelings of drab emptiness and neglect. But I finally had time to think to myself for a bit though. As calamitous my mind was, the inhospitable temper of the winter night kept me company and I was numbed to the glacier like climate during my promenade.

I treated you with a manner that seemed perfectly fine to me, but neglectful to you and I became too expectant of your actions, anticipating for you to ask to hold my hand, or to request that I hug you in the night, and that I could pass you the box of tissues beside me; and I thought as though it was enough for you.

It's strenuous to walk around our home when everything is painted with you, when your hairbrush still abides on the edge of the vanity of our my room. When your mismatched socks still dawdle in the hallways and into my vision as I walk up the stairs every passing day after you left, or when your old shirt still situates on your side of the bed just as I had positioned it so.

Once again I yearn for you, just like those nights ago, and the pain comes washing back like a tide, exposing my most vulnerable aspects. The curtains close and I can finally let my bottled up ardour burst, chest heaving, lips trembling with an audible quiver every few seconds. Lachrymose eyes and a runny nose could only be a brief description of the inexpressible emotions bubbling up within my soul.

Sheer agony engulfs itself within me and I lose all senses of sanity as I think of how I've lost you, how you've left me, and how I can never get you back.

ー

"Kiyoomi?" His head had never turned so fast towards the reverberation of your voice. There you stood in your glory, wearing what he knew you would consider "indoor clothes", holding a bag in your arms as well as your keys to the house.

"What are you doing here?" Flicking the tears away and regaining his posture, he looms over you, observing your current state.

You didn't look any better, skin pale, lips chapped and hair disheveled, if anything, you seemed worse than he did, yet you had too much pride in your personality to admit that.

"I've come to collect the rest of my belongings." Sharp and clean was the cut. Enough to slice through Kiyoomi's heart, and you could hear it if you listened closely.

The impending outcome of your relationship had come to its destination, and he deemed it unacceptable, as he tried to grasp you in his clutches whilst you pack away the rest of your belongings, taking Kiyoomi's heart with you.

His countless cries echoed in your shared bedroom, as he attempted to take your clothes back out of the bag you had brought alongside you.

"Just one more day, please, stay with me. And I'll let you go." As heartbreaking as it would be to him, you scoffed, taking his words like a joke, like it was offensive of him to even step near you.

"Stop trying. I'm sick of this, I'm sick of you. Where was all of this six months ago? Why are you acting up now? Stop being selfish and let me go." Yanking your wrist away from him, you zip up the bag bringing the rest of your belongings, ignoring the clenching sensation going wild in your chest.

His countless tries to win you back into his arms for the night had failed to his dismay, and you had vanished into the twilight to a destination he would never figure out. Your relationship together had begun deteriorating the moment you'd granted him anything he wished without wanting something in return, or in this case, his love.

The neglect he'd provided you had only driven you to do more for him, maybe to please him, to make him look your way; but to no avail would he send an ounce of his undivided attention towards you, the love of his life for who knows how long. It was an ongoing cycle, and it wasn't until six months later you'd realise you wasted all of your time and energy on a man who wouldn't exert the same impression just to remind you that he did love you back.

Yet somehow, you knew that no matter how little he had shown you that he'd loved you too, there was a voice in the back of your head that would try to reassure that maybe, truly, he did love you the same way you loved him, but it was just that he struggled. But you'd gotten rid of the voice in that part of your head, you knew it would only hurt you to keep defending Kiyoomi in this empty relationship. Pretending to yourself that some day he'd say those three words back and not just some half assed "Me too" or "Thanks" was ruining you more than staying with him, so maybe leaving was for the better.

Although it was true that Kiyoomi was never an affectionate person in the first place, you'd assumed that he'd changed for the ones that he loves, as any normal person would do, but he would never budge out of his shell, only breaking what was left of your heart. His introversion seemed to keep up for three or more years, or however long it was the two of you dated, he'd never keep track as he deemed anniversaries to be "unnecessarily difficult to plan".

So moving on from him would be the best decision, even though you'd loved him since you were 17, and you had known no better, than to love Sakusa Kiyoomi, Itachiyama's Ace Spiker. Even though it was going to hurt, and the process would be long and hard, you knew it'd be for the better and the both of you would grow up to be happier people. After all, you're only 23.

"Goodbye, Kiyoomi. I-" It was a growing habit to always say 'I love you' before departing from him, maybe to encourage him to say it back. Although looking at where you are right now, you knew it'd be best not to say anything at all, just to save yourselves the pain.

He's fumbling through his words, before he finally stammers. "I lo-love you."

It was enough to make you stop in your tracks, but it could not fully equate to the agonising memories where you'd wait hours and hours every day just to make sure he got home safe. It could not amount to the times you had wasted to put an effort into the relationship only for him to hand back a yawn alongside a wave of his hand saying, 'Not today.' None of it could measure to the countless dates, movies, dinners he had missed, using the excuse of his practice.

You were never an important priority of his in the first place, and it finally came to be that you would never be a priority of his in the future. Staying with him for longer would only be a constant reminder of how little he tried between the two of you, and it would just be a shot to your ego at this point.

"Please say something." His voice is quiet and hoarse, barely trembling out the syllables that you could only jusy decipher. He attempts to close thr gap between the two of you, stepping closer with his hands reached out to grab yours, and you walk further back, shaking your head, shattering his heart on impact.

"No." You firmly reply. "I'm sick of waiting, I'm tired of having to lie to myself and everybody else about how you're doing when the last time I've been able to check, you would only wave me off and say 'night'. What the hell is that, Kiyoomi?" Your words shoot towards him like a shot of a new venom, and his body freezes, unprepared for your next response. "I don't want this anymore."

He shakes his head in refusal, not ready to face the facts. "Don't say it," he hushes you, "please, don't say anything. Just stay with me, I'll be better. I know I will."

The newfound urge to suddenly plead you back into his life almost convinces you to retract your statement, and just go back to him. Go back to staying in the quiet, lonely home, where you would spend most days wondering if Kiyoomi was even going to be back today. However, you shake your head again, and give him a pitiful smile, ready to crush his heart with your bare hands and let the remnants crumble for him to clean up.

"I don't want you, Kiyoomi. So just let me leave." You try your hardest to ignore the collapse in his expression as he finally hears your farewell. Taking the bag you had filled with the rest of your stuff, you walk away from Kiyoomi, with his cracked sobs in the background begging you to stay.

It's hard to miss the wails of the man you once loved when it's thrown right at your face, and you no longer have an obligation to wipe his tears away. The sobs get fainter and fainter, and you take a breath of relief as you finally feel free from the shackles that love had kept you under.

a/n hi lol this was kinda sitting in my drafts so i just like did what i could im sorry for the half assed ending im so tired these days :(( and its been like months since ive been on this account

.when you were mine - sakusa kiyoomi

.pairings sakusa kiyoomi x gn!reader

.genre break up

.ongoing | completed

.tw cursing(?)

.wc 2.4k

SUMMARY

Leaving Sakusa Kiyoomi was hard, but staying with him was harder.

Keep me in your arms again, I pine for the warm feeling of home where our limbs laid restlessly in our bed. I long for the touch of your fingertips and the ghost of your breath. I yearn for the mixed laundry in our room, and how you tried your best to keep the colours from mixing. Your efforts were far from being in vain, rather it was my fault for never trying hard enough for you. Trying hard enough for us.

I awaken alone now, with your side of the bed empty, and cold. A naked pillow with no head to call its own. The nights are darker, where the winter season couldn't hold a candle to the hiemal desolation that hibernated in my heart.

The coffee is bitter; dark and too acerbic for my own liking. The taste lingers too. It's pungent, and the scent wafts around the house until I leave it.

It's practically embarrassing to walk the streets without your hand intertwined in mine, I feel discomfited at the fact that I can no longer grab a hold of your hand in order to find sanctuary, the same hand I would grip onto afraid that I would lose you in broad daylight, the same hand that embraced your body every night that we slept, and the same hand that would wipe away your tears in the evening.

Yet it was twilight when you left me. I felt your presence begin to dissipate within the air as I slept for longer, so when the chill of a human's existence or lack thereof, had held me in the night, I woke up: to see nothing on your side.

And it all came flashing back to me, why you had left. Why you had packed your bags, why you cried as you removed most of your belongings into one suitcase.

ー

"You're late home today."

"Yeah."

Pure silence grows in the atmosphere and neither of us speak. You seemed expectant that I would answer you, but I couldn't tell at the time.

"...Do you want to tell me why?"

"Do I have to? I'm tired today."

"Okay. There's food in the fridge if you ever get hungry."

ー

The awkwardness that grew in our relationship may have driven you more and more to leave, and it's my fault for not trying. The effort that I lacked for our relationship had been made up for by you, and it had taken all of your energy alongside it, and quite possibly, your love for me.

I drained you by loving you languidly, I emptied your void by not filling it the way you had wanted me to. I expected you to make all of the first moves, and that you would do all the work for me in this relationship, and that I had to do nothing.

But you said to me that you were fine with getting hurt, so long as it were for me. So why are you leaving now, when you were the one who promised that you would do everything to make me happy, are you tired of me? Have you had enough?

Our solicitous tête-à-têtes had soon enough squandered from the depths of our hearts and eventually reshaped themselves into a mandatory chore made from the top of our heads, maybe to remind one another that there could've been a spark, that maybe our love was salvageable; even though you knew full well I could not respond in the healthy ways we knew I should have.

I've grown to detest the very sight of bookstores, or gardens. They were your favourite date idea and we hadn't been to either one of them together in months. But to my dismay, your favourite library had sent me an email, notifying there was a book yet to be returned, and we had to pay a small fine.

The nostalgia seemed to creep back up into my memory as I took steps closer to return the book Essays of Love that had been contained carefully in the tote bag which you bought me from our uni days.

ー

"I know it's not much, but we're starving students, and I thought this would suit your coat that your mom bought you." You shot a tender smile towards me, as you handed the off white bag with intricate black brushes against the material, that unexpectedly did suit the coat my mother had purchased for me.

"You didn't need to do this." I remember that I had pressed a small kiss against the pads of your knuckles as we stepped closer in proximity in the blistering winters of Tokyo; the neon lights of the building illuminating the features on your face in which I grew accustomed to.

"I know. But I love you."

"Thanks."

ー

"That'll be ¥1000." The local librarian speaks, aggressively typing against the keys of her board, and simultaneously writing swiftly against the yellow pad paper which had notes we both knew would be futile in the future.

Handing her the money, I gave a quick thank you before making my way back home in the dark afternoon of December. Meandering around the town wasted too much time, and the solitude which had consumed my being after your departure soon became an obligation in my life, and there could be no other way to regurgitate these feelings of drab emptiness and neglect. But I finally had time to think to myself for a bit though. As calamitous my mind was, the inhospitable temper of the winter night kept me company and I was numbed to the glacier like climate during my promenade.

I treated you with a manner that seemed perfectly fine to me, but neglectful to you and I became too expectant of your actions, anticipating for you to ask to hold my hand, or to request that I hug you in the night, and that I could pass you the box of tissues beside me; and I thought as though it was enough for you.

It's strenuous to walk around our home when everything is painted with you, when your hairbrush still abides on the edge of the vanity of our my room. When your mismatched socks still dawdle in the hallways and into my vision as I walk up the stairs every passing day after you left, or when your old shirt still situates on your side of the bed just as I had positioned it so.

Once again I yearn for you, just like those nights ago, and the pain comes washing back like a tide, exposing my most vulnerable aspects. The curtains close and I can finally let my bottled up ardour burst, chest heaving, lips trembling with an audible quiver every few seconds. Lachrymose eyes and a runny nose could only be a brief description of the inexpressible emotions bubbling up within my soul.

Sheer agony engulfs itself within me and I lose all senses of sanity as I think of how I've lost you, how you've left me, and how I can never get you back.

ー

"Kiyoomi?" His head had never turned so fast towards the reverberation of your voice. There you stood in your glory, wearing what he knew you would consider "indoor clothes", holding a bag in your arms as well as your keys to the house.

"What are you doing here?" Flicking the tears away and regaining his posture, he looms over you, observing your current state.

You didn't look any better, skin pale, lips chapped and hair disheveled, if anything, you seemed worse than he did, yet you had too much pride in your personality to admit that.

"I've come to collect the rest of my belongings." Sharp and clean was the cut. Enough to slice through Kiyoomi's heart, and you could hear it if you listened closely.

The impending outcome of your relationship had come to its destination, and he deemed it unacceptable, as he tried to grasp you in his clutches whilst you pack away the rest of your belongings, taking Kiyoomi's heart with you.

His countless cries echoed in your shared bedroom, as he attempted to take your clothes back out of the bag you had brought alongside you.

"Just one more day, please, stay with me. And I'll let you go." As heartbreaking as it would be to him, you scoffed, taking his words like a joke, like it was offensive of him to even step near you.

"Stop trying. I'm sick of this, I'm sick of you. Where was all of this six months ago? Why are you acting up now? Stop being selfish and let me go." Yanking your wrist away from him, you zip up the bag bringing the rest of your belongings, ignoring the clenching sensation going wild in your chest.

His countless tries to win you back into his arms for the night had failed to his dismay, and you had vanished into the twilight to a destination he would never figure out. Your relationship together had begun deteriorating the moment you'd granted him anything he wished without wanting something in return, or in this case, his love.

The neglect he'd provided you had only driven you to do more for him, maybe to please him, to make him look your way; but to no avail would he send an ounce of his undivided attention towards you, the love of his life for who knows how long. It was an ongoing cycle, and it wasn't until six months later you'd realise you wasted all of your time and energy on a man who wouldn't exert the same impression just to remind you that he did love you back.

Yet somehow, you knew that no matter how little he had shown you that he'd loved you too, there was a voice in the back of your head that would try to reassure that maybe, truly, he did love you the same way you loved him, but it was just that he struggled. But you'd gotten rid of the voice in that part of your head, you knew it would only hurt you to keep defending Kiyoomi in this empty relationship. Pretending to yourself that some day he'd say those three words back and not just some half assed "Me too" or "Thanks" was ruining you more than staying with him, so maybe leaving was for the better.

Although it was true that Kiyoomi was never an affectionate person in the first place, you'd assumed that he'd changed for the ones that he loves, as any normal person would do, but he would never budge out of his shell, only breaking what was left of your heart. His introversion seemed to keep up for three or more years, or however long it was the two of you dated, he'd never keep track as he deemed anniversaries to be "unnecessarily difficult to plan".

So moving on from him would be the best decision, even though you'd loved him since you were 17, and you had known no better, than to love Sakusa Kiyoomi, Itachiyama's Ace Spiker. Even though it was going to hurt, and the process would be long and hard, you knew it'd be for the better and the both of you would grow up to be happier people. After all, you're only 23.

"Goodbye, Kiyoomi. I-" It was a growing habit to always say 'I love you' before departing from him, maybe to encourage him to say it back. Although looking at where you are right now, you knew it'd be best not to say anything at all, just to save yourselves the pain.

He's fumbling through his words, before he finally stammers. "I lo-love you."

It was enough to make you stop in your tracks, but it could not fully equate to the agonising memories where you'd wait hours and hours every day just to make sure he got home safe. It could not amount to the times you had wasted to put an effort into the relationship only for him to hand back a yawn alongside a wave of his hand saying, 'Not today.' None of it could measure to the countless dates, movies, dinners he had missed, using the excuse of his practice.

You were never an important priority of his in the first place, and it finally came to be that you would never be a priority of his in the future. Staying with him for longer would only be a constant reminder of how little he tried between the two of you, and it would just be a shot to your ego at this point.

"Please say something." His voice is quiet and hoarse, barely trembling out the syllables that you could only jusy decipher. He attempts to close thr gap between the two of you, stepping closer with his hands reached out to grab yours, and you walk further back, shaking your head, shattering his heart on impact.

"No." You firmly reply. "I'm sick of waiting, I'm tired of having to lie to myself and everybody else about how you're doing when the last time I've been able to check, you would only wave me off and say 'night'. What the hell is that, Kiyoomi?" Your words shoot towards him like a shot of a new venom, and his body freezes, unprepared for your next response. "I don't want this anymore."

He shakes his head in refusal, not ready to face the facts. "Don't say it," he hushes you, "please, don't say anything. Just stay with me, I'll be better. I know I will."

The newfound urge to suddenly plead you back into his life almost convinces you to retract your statement, and just go back to him. Go back to staying in the quiet, lonely home, where you would spend most days wondering if Kiyoomi was even going to be back today. However, you shake your head again, and give him a pitiful smile, ready to crush his heart with your bare hands and let the remnants crumble for him to clean up.

"I don't want you, Kiyoomi. So just let me leave." You try your hardest to ignore the collapse in his expression as he finally hears your farewell. Taking the bag you had filled with the rest of your stuff, you walk away from Kiyoomi, with his cracked sobs in the background begging you to stay.

It's hard to miss the wails of the man you once loved when it's thrown right at your face, and you no longer have an obligation to wipe his tears away. The sobs get fainter and fainter, and you take a breath of relief as you finally feel free from the shackles that love had kept you under.

a/n hi lol this was kinda sitting in my drafts so i just like did what i could im sorry for the half assed ending im so tired these days :(( and its been like months since ive been on this account

Real Friends -m.atsumu

Ft. m.osamu

She always...always stood by me. And I didn't. So she found someone better.

She was there for me when some seventh graders were bullying me and my twin at the park we first met in. I was just in pre k that time as was she, but somehow I thought that she was way cooler than I could ever be.

She taught me that real friends always protect.

She was there for me when my dad stopped spending time with me, my brother and my mom. It was a pretty rough hit but she guided me through it. She played catch with me and my twin instead of my dad because he was never around anymore. But she was and I was so thankful to her for that.

She taught me that real friends always help.

She was there for me when I was nervous about the first day of middle school. She walked with me through the unfamiliar hallways of the new school we both joined. We were in the same class, so was my brother and I was so happy. Happy that I at least had them by my side, I wouldn't be alone now. She helped me get through the first day of my middle school and that was the first time that I saw her as someone more than just a friend.

She taught me that real friends are like pillars that you can rely on.

She was there for me when we were halfway through our first year in middle school and I had to go through some bullying, this time our very own classmates were the bullies. They made fun of me and my hair and my love for volleyball and how I always stuck by her side. I didn't tell her because I was irked by that one statement that they all kept on repeating, 'where's your little bodyguard huh?!' But she would always see through me and beat the bullies up and get in trouble for it later. I felt guilty that she had to go through that because of me but she'd just say, 'it's okay!'

She taught me that real friends always see through your lies.

She was there for me when I wanted to change myself. By that time I had developed some strong feelings for her and I didn't want her to go out with me while I was still an old fashioned dude. I knew she never cared about what was on the outside and focused more on the inside but I wanted to do this, look good for her. She was always the popular and talented one but she was still friends with me. She supported my decisions.

She taught me that real friends always support you.

She was there for me when I stuttered so bad while confessing to her. She said yes, agreed to date me and I felt like the happiest man alive. She told me that she wasn't very ecstatic about the changes I had brought upon my appearances but she also told me that as long as I was happy with the outcome, she was too.

She taught me that real friends tell you the truth.

She was there for me when I struggled with my studies and volleyball during the freshman year of high school. We went to the same high school, inarizaki and I was over the moon that my girlfriend and my bestfriend since forever was with gonna be with me for the next three years of hell along with my twin. She made my freshman year a lot better.

I met some new friends as well. She was the one who introduced me to them.

She taught me that real friends make things better.

She was there for me when I got in trouble with my new friends. She took the bullet for me and I shamelessly let her. She got suspended for a week but she said she didn't care. I believed her words. She also tended to the scratches I'd gotten during a practice match while scolding me. I couldn't take my eyes off of her that time, she looked so cute when she was angry. But she snapped at me when she noticed that I wasn't listening and told me that she wouldn't even care if I injured myself ever again. But yet she never stood by what she said.

She taught me that real friends always care.

She was there for me when I steered away from my path. My focus was more on impressing my new friends rather than my studies. I started caring more about my image and gave more importance to vollayball. And between all this I started paying a lot less attention to her. And the thing is that, she never complained.

She taught me that real friends endure.

She was there for me when in our sophomore year I finally came back on track. I still cared about my image but I gave a bit of importance to my grades as well. She helped me out with my studies and some stress about my volleyball once again. But at that time, somewhere in my mind I thought of her caring nature as annoying and clingy. I thought she was a bit invasive to my privacy. But I never told her that, I just plastered a fake smile and faked everything.

She taught me that real friends put up with peoples' shits.

She was there for me when I at some point stopped sticking by her side. I started ignoring her and behaved with her in a way I should never have. I treated her like she was some servant of mine. And the disgusting thing is that I found pleasure in it at that time. I also got into some bad things like drugs and bad company. When she and my twin asked about the one pouch of white powder that I accidentally left in her bag instead of mine, I told them that it was something for a project I was working on. When my grades dropped again I told her that it was because of an argument with my dad that was neverending and that I'd get them back up in no time, she believed me.

She taught me that real friends always believe.

She was there for me when my dad left me, my brother and my mom for some other woman. I was pretty upset and went seeking for not her comforting embrace but the intoxicating liquid that seemingly made me forget things. I made a big mistake that day as I went out of my house and to a bar where I got laid. I never told her that when she came looking for me at my place saying she was worried for me when she heard the news from 'samu. I didn't admit it back then but I was pretty glad that she did come for me as I bathed in the love and care she provided me with. I liked the attention she gave to me as I subconsciously ranted out about my dad. I guess there was still some alchohol in my system at the time because I didn't remember the love that I felt for her in the following days.

She taught me that real friends listen no matter what.

She was there for me even when I cheated behind her back with random girls I found in the bar I regularly went to, none of which she knew. What she knew was that I went to my friends' house for sleepovers and not the bar. I gradually distanced myself from her for another girl I found myself attracted to.

This is where I did things I wish I hadn't.

I soon ended things with her for the new girl that I had, not realizing that the moment I did that, I'd lost one of the most important treasures of my life. I lost the one true love for a fake. I lost the greatest listener in the world. I lost the most trustworthy person. I lost my anchor.

I lost her.

I lost my real friend.

And I also lost my one true love.

And it was all my fault, but by the time I'd realized that it was too late. She found someone way better than me. Someone who was a real friend to her all these years unlike me who only took advantage of her love and friendship.

She found 'Samu. My twin.

He was everything I wasn't and maybe that's why she fell for him.

Later on I'd gotten to know that she was having a hard time at home with her parents and the night that I had broken up with her was the night she came to me looking for some solace. It was the first time she asked me to be there for her. And I didn't even do that. I did something that made things worse for her.

I figured that 'Samu found her that night. And he gave her the solace that she seeked from me.

God, I now realise that she was always the real friend in our friendship.

She always...always stood by me. And I didn't. So she found someone better. Someone who'd probably treat her like she did me but I also knew that she would treat my twin just like she did me as well. She'd keep being who she is and was, no matter what or who she is with.

'Samu my brother, you are so lucky to have her in your life.

Please don't lose her like I did.

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

The blonde volleyball player watched in awe as a woman clad in a beautiful white gown made her way down the aisle. He was looking at her but her eyes were fixated on someone else, her soon to be husband. Miya Osamu. And the said man was looking right back at her. They both had so much of love in their eyes for he other. It was evident that the couple had gone through tough times together but also had their fair share of happy memories. The woman was in a state of euphoria and so was the man, they'd been together for six years even more if you count their childhood days. They were so fucking happy. So much that 'Tsumu could basically feel it from where he was standing.

‘I guess they were just made for each other.’ That was the one thought that came to Atsumu's mind.

In the past 'Tsumu had often wondered how it would sound if Y/n actually became a Miya. Miya Y/n. He now knew how it'd sound and it was so melodious, but she wasn't marrying him. She was marrying his brother. If the professional player knew this was how things would end for them he'd have avoided losing her by knocking some sense into himself.

‘ 'Samu you lucky bastard.’ He thought as small tears cascaded down his cheeks while he watched you and Osamu kiss and seal the wedding. The crowd erupted in cheers and the whole atmosphere was so full and lively, but on the contrast Atsumu felt lonely and cold and dull. Call him a masochist if you will but even after that numbing pain that he felt in his chest he continued to clap for you and your now husband, forcing his eyes to look at the happy pair.

‘I brought this upon myself. I just wish I could rewind time and make myself not do what I did. All those stupid mistakes and all that hurt I brought upon her.

But even in the end, she taught me one last thing.

She taught me that real friends are to be treasured. Forever.

Because they are rare. And one is lucky to have them. I wasn't one of the lucky ones because I took her for granted and treated her like a rebound. But she was also human and humans have limits.

I didn't treasure her.

And this is how I lost my real friend.’

Atsumu sighed as he put on a smile. He wished you could see through it one last time.

Just one last time.

Please do not copy my works without permission.

My heart died with you

Akaashi Keiji x reader

Summary: Akaashi Keiji. A very successful man. If you were to ask anyone about him they would say that he has a good job and a beautiful wife. Or had a beautiful wife. 

Word count: 1338

A/n: I already posted this but I am just copying it here! Please reblog if you link my work! 

Warning: Alcohol, character death (reader), suicide??, ANGST, post timeskip

One year. It had been one year since the day that he lost his light, his laughter and his love. One year since Akaashi Keiji lost you. You were the love of his life. He loved everything about you, from the way your eyebrows would wrinkle when you laughed to the way you said his name. Today, you were all his friends talked about. Bokuto, you best friend was more depressed than usual, even Tsukishima seem to miss you. That day going to work was both the best and worst decision. It helped him keep his mind from wandering to thoughts of whether you were in a better place or if you still watched out for him, but those looks of sadness and sympathy from the faces of his co-workers made him feel sick with regret. He left the office early that day to head to the bar across the street from his office. Now Akaashi was not a heavy drinker, whenever you would go out for drinks, he was always the designated driver. He never even thought about letting the alcohol touch his lips, but when he walked into the empty bar, he just hoped that he would be able to make his way home after a few drinks. Taking a seat at the counter, he orders his first drink

“Whiskey neat, please.”

———————————————

It had been 5 shots, no 6. The world around him was just starting to get slightly blurry. The quiet bar was now bustling with customers looking for the same high as he was. They were all looking for a way to forget what was right outside the threshold of the bar doors. As Akaasi finishes yet another, a woman comes up to him, everything she does reminds him of you. The way her hair fell around her face and the way she walked was so stupidly similar to the way you would when you were drunk. Sitting on the bar stool next to him, she crosses her legs and leans forwards seductively. 

“Hey,” she slurred, in a manner that was so similar to the way you would take when you had a little too much to drink.

“Hey,” Akaashi replied. The large wave of nostalgia washing over him like a tsunami. Everything about this woman in front of him was exactly like you. Well almost, she had the look of lust and mischievousness in her eyes, while you always had a look of innocence and kindness. But that difference wasn’t enough to keep Akaashi from indulging in a dream, even if it was just for the night. “Do you want a drink?”, he finishes. The smug smile on the woman’s face was enough to answer his question.

——————————————

They lasted 2 drinks. 2 drinks before he let the succubus like woman pull him outside to an alley by his tie. The kiss they shared was sloppy as both ends intertwined their tongues in a fight for control. One of her hands was busy lacing the fingers through his dark curly hair, and the other was working on the buttons of his shirt. The passion was nothing but a pure illusion, but one that brought the drunken man some comfort. The kiss deepened with each passing second, becoming more and more intimate. Suddenly, as her cold hands touched his bare chest, in the way you used to do, did his eyes flash open. The coldness was uncharacteristic of you. Your hands were always had warmth. These hands feel like those of a dead body. In a panic, the man that you loved so much pushed the woman that mirrored you almost perfectly. Both people were silent at his sudden opposing movement. The woman moved closer to him caressing his muscular chest with her cold, dead hands.

“Keiji, what happened?”, she asked with lust dripping from every word she spoke.

“I am sorry, I can’t do this. Especially not today.” Akaashi answered. “And it is Akaashi to you.”, he answered with a sliver of hatred in his tone as he buttoned up his shirt and readjusted his tie, all the effects of the alcohol now gone. Before he walked away, leaving the woman alone in the alley, confused and alone. He wished he could say that he hated her for what she made him do. But he couldn’t. It was his fault, his fault for betraying his loyalty to you, and letting that woman take advantage of him. He could hate her because he was too busy hating himself.

The walk back to the apartment was long and full of shame. The thought and memories of you bombarded his mind. He wanted nothing more than to be held in your arms while you told him everything would be alright. Your warmth was always able to pull him out of his thoughts. It was like you were his life line. Pulling him out of the deep and mysterious ocean and into the safety of your arms.

When he arrived at the apartment that the two of you used to share, he was met with emptiness. No warm meal, no hug, no hello, and no you. Sighing, he loosens his tie and unbuttons the first few buttons on his shirt. Walking through the gloomy, dark and empty kitchen, one that was once filled with laughter and happy memories, he makes his way to your favourite spot in the entire apartment, the fire escape. You would sit there at night with a cup of coffee and a fluffy blanket to talk to the sky. “The night sky knows everything about everyone!”, you used to explain excitedly to Keiji. “All the stars and the moon that make up the night sky always keep their promise and all of your secrets.”. You were so happy back then. It made him wonder when it all changed for you. And why didn’t he notice. He was supposed to be very observant, but he couldn’t even notice the spark in your eyes dull as your smile slowly shrink. Grabbing a cup of coffee, your old blanket and the photo of the two of you on your wedding day. Settling down to sit on the fire escape, Akaashi stared at the photo of the two of you, both frozen in time and forever young. You looked so beautiful that day he thought that you were definitely a goddess. Your dress had long lace sleeves and a low scooped neckline that perfectly suited you. He wore a classic tux with dark blue accents you could only see if you looked long enough and a blood red rose which adored his breast pocket. Everything about that day was perfect. All of his dreams came true of a beautiful wedding with an even more stunning bride. He wordlessly ran his along the picture, pausing when he got to your face, a wide beautiful smile on your face and your bridesmaids and Bokuto surrounding you, and Akaashi holding your hand with a rare smile on his face as well. The generally calm and composed man broke down into tears. 

After what seemed like a hour of crying, Akaashi looked up towards the night sky, some of the stars were present, and a crescent moon hung above his head, the noise of the city fading behind him. Wiping away the last remnants of the tears, he spoke to the night sky, hoping that maybe you could hear him too.

“Y/n,” he began, voice shaking, “I am sorry I couldn’t save you. I’m sorry. I am so, so, so sorry. I know in your letter you told me to move on. I went on a date with a girl, but I couldn’t move on. If you are watching over me, you probably know what happened at the bar today. The woman I was with. I couldn’t help myself. She reminded me so much of you. I thought that maybe I could give my heart to her. But I couldn’t. How could I when my heart died with you?”.

ya’ll thought i was dead? nah, i’m dropping a 6k word cheater!oikawa fanfic soon.

Currently working on a multiple chapter fanfic which includes hospital au, enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, colleagues to lovers, hurt and comfort and etc. The romantic interests are Kuroo, Mattsun and Suna. Also, lots of angst and smut. Ngl, I’m super excited and probably gonna do multiple endings on this 😩

🖤 smut

💙 angst

❤️ fluff

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖

Karasuno:

Koushi Sugawara

Tobio Kageyama

Kei Tsukishima

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖

Nekoma

Tetsuro Kuroo

Morisuke Yaku

Kenma Kozume

Lev Haiba

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖

Aoba Johsai

Tooru Oikawa

💙🖤 Days without sun

Summary: Having your heart broken by Oikawa Tooru is unexpectedly hard, but it’s even harder to let yourself fall for someone new.

Issei Matsukawa

Takahiro Hanamaki

Hajime Iwaizumi

💙🖤 Days without sun

Summary: Having your heart broken by Oikawa Tooru is unexpectedly hard, but it’s even harder to let yourself fall for someone new.

Akira Kunimi

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖

Fukurodani

Koutarou Bokuto

Akaashi Keiji

💙🖤 Soft spot

Summary: Akaashi is always there to put you back together, granting your every wish. Even when you leave him without any message and disappear for two months. You could say that he has a soft spot for you

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖

Shiratorizawa

Tendou Satori

Eita Semi

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖

Inarizaki

Shinsuke Kita

Atsumu Miya

Osamu Miya

Rintarou Suna

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖

Others:

Keishin Ukai

Akiteru Tsukishima

Saeko Tanaka

Shugo Meian 

Kiyoomi Sakusa

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖

Chapter one: Plunging back into the darkness

Word count: 3.7k

Category: hard angst, smut

Chapter warnings: a bit of smut, drugs, mentions of medicine and hospitals

Summary: There are three hot guys who want to be with you, however, there are a few problems along the way. One of them is a plug, another one wants to keep you all to himself and the third one - a med student who deals drugs on the side. Your main problem, though? You have a terminal illness that has a very low life expectancy. Spiraling down a dangerous path seems like a fun way to spend your last years.

Next chapter ->

Series masterlist

It‘s depressing. The walls are white and blank of any pictures, posters, drawings – anything. It‘s constant and monotonous, boring. The smell is always the same too – something old, disinfectant and cleanliness. It’s always dim, too. You like visitor days — the smell and mood in the hospital changes, then. You love it the most during the holidays though. It’s as if even people who hadn’t had visitors in a while suddenly have a line of people desperate to see them. The mix of perfumes, smell of the food that isn’t the bland kind the hospital provides and their natural body odor makes you sick most of the time, but your days are still a bit brighter. 

It’s just a bit before Halloween when Mattsun visits you again. You’re sitting in your bed in sweatpants and an Aoba Johsai hoodie, which you got from none other but the dark haired man standing right before you.  

“Hey,” he greets you, casual as always. Issei’s dressed in black baggy jeans with an oversized dark green hoodie, hair as messy as always – a bit longer than it was during high school – and countless rings adorning his long fingers. You notice he’s still wearing the one you’ve had gifted him for one of his birthdays – a dainty forget-me-not on a silver band, contrasting with the massive skulls and snakes on the other rings. 

“Hey, Mattsun,” you respond, a small smile finding its way to your face. The pastel yellow hospital room always seems a bit brighter when he’s around, even when he doesn’t fit into the room properly. His frame looks surprisingly big in this tiny room, which only contains a bed, one uncomfortable chair, a table beside it, a tiny closet and a small tv. He seems out of place in the dull establishment. 

“I’ve brought you a few things,” he finally says, sitting down beside you and taking off his backpack. Your eyebrow raises up. It’s not unusual for him to bring you snacks or books, but your intuition tells you that today it’s something different. 

You’re right. Issei pulls out a string of fairy lights, but instead of the round bulbs  it’s tiny jack-o-lanterns that should light up once you plug the lights in. And then he pulls out a fluffy black blanket with a bunch of small skeletons drawn all over it. 

“Thought your room could use a little bit of décor during the spooky season,” he grins, same as always and you can’t help but pull him into a hug. He knew you had a bunch of medical tests during Halloween and he couldn’t even take you out after — long work hours and all. This was his way of saying sorry, of apologizing for making you spend one of your favorite holidays alone. 

“Ah, Mattsun, thank you, these are amazing,” you lift up the blanket, admiring the happy little skeletons. He helps you put up the fairy lights and then you sit back down again. Today, you don’t really have the energy to go outside and walk around in the park around the hospital. Mattsun doesn’t really mind though, or at least he seems not to, absentmindedly playing with your hair as if curling and uncurling your strands was the most entertaining activity in the world. 

“Oikawa is throwing a Halloween party so him, Makki and Iwa probably won’t show up. I’m working and I’ll only be out when the visiting hours are over. You sure you don’t wanna invite over Lev or some other friend?” 

You boop his nose and give him a loop-sided smile, “Lev’s in New York right now. I’m fine with spending Halloween alone and I don’t want my friends to skip parties just ‘cause I’m lonely. Besides, I’ll probably be irritable after all the tests, anyways,”

Issei stays silent for a moment and then his eyes light up, as if he’s connected two dots in his head.

“The pretty medical student’s group is having rotations at the hospital during Halloween, right?” it seems like he couldn’t be more delighted as you bury your head in his shoulder, not wanting to see his self-satisfied smirk. 

“Maybe you’re right,” you grumble, “or maybe you’re wrong.”

He lifts up your face with one huge hand to squish your cheeks. His hand is scorching hot. It always surprises you. It’s like Issei’s body temperature is abnormally high.

“That’s why you didn’t seem down at all  when I told you I had work during Halloween!” Issei says, still too enthusiastic to have found out your big secret, “Y/N, you know you’ll be a real bitch if you replace me with that trust-fund pretty rich bitch boy, right? And that I get jealous easily?” He shakes your face, side to side, “Right?”

You turn your face to the left, then to the right until he lets you go, and then you stick your tongue out. 

“That was a whole lot of epithets to describe a person you don’t know,” you poke fun of him, as if you hadn’t found about a thousand ways to describe how handsome he was during long evenings spent with Issei, “Besides, I was grieved, you hear? Grieved and languished when I found out you were working during Halloween, but… The pretty trust-fund kid relieved my pain by like… 15 percent,”

“And you still haven’t talked to him…” Mattsun drawls, “You just watch him and then tell me how he’s so pretty and oh, how his bed-head looks so nice, but you haven’t said more than a “hello” to him,”

“I’ll talk to him, eventually. For now I just gotta look pretty and smart. Who knows, maybe he’ll talk to me first,” you retort and cross your arms.

“Or you could just talk to him,” Mattsun leans back until he’s basically laying down in your tiny bed, “I’m sure he steals glances at you too, not exactly a lot of attractive med students and you’re a bit above average.” He chuckles. 

“Hey!” you poke his side, hard and Issei grabs you by the waist and pulls you on top of him, making you giggle. 

“Okay, way above average. Some people might even say you’re attractive,” he raises his arms defensively and then puts them on the small of your back, rubbing gentle circles.

“Some people?” he nods, “But not you?”

“Maybe I do too,” he wonders, “But if I tell you, you’ll get all blushy, giggly and shit,” he kisses your nose, gently and you let out a sigh, “And I have work soon,” Issei gives you another kiss, this time on one of your cheeks. 

“So?” you ask, eyes all big and doe-like. It makes Issei give you a lopsided smile. 

“So, if you get all blushy and giggly,” he rolls over and now you’re trapped under him, looking up with lust-blown eyes,, “I’ll get hard and that’s not exactly a problem I can get rid of in five mins.”

You bite your bottom lip and lift your pelvis to grind against his growing erection. Issei lets out a grunt. 

Your relationship is weird. Occasionally you have sex, go on unofficial dates when you feel strong enough to, and all his friends know you’re off-limits. But you’re not official. And the wonderings as to why that is, find their way into your mind way too often. Friends with benefits? Yeah, sure, if friends with benefits are that emotionally attached to each other. 

Not today, not now though - you don’t let yourself wander off. You’re only focused on Mattsun’s lips kissing and nipping away at your neck. 

“Maybe I want you to get hard,” you whisper in his ear and give it a nip.

“You’re a minx, you know that?” he takes some skin in between his teeth and bites. Hard. 

“Ow, you asshole,” you swat at his chest, only causing him to chuckle, “That’ll leave a mark.”

Issei licks the bite mark he just left, as if that will make it better. 

“Yeah it better. Don’t need no pretty rich boys stealing away my girl,” and then he finally kisses you on the lips. He tastes the same as always – marlboro gold cigarettes and citrus flavored gum. Comfortingly familiar. 

“Your girl?” you question, in between kisses. Your whole body feels warm just at the name. You know you shouldn’t overthink it, but you can’t help it. It feels so good to be called his girl.

“Yeah, what about it?” he smirks and rewards you with another kiss on the lips, making you part yours and give him full access. Citrus floods your tastebuds and you moan into his mouth. 

One of his hands travels from your back and slowly reaches into your sweatpants, finding your panties - unsurprisingly - wet. 

His fingers circle around your clit and you break the kiss, your head leaning back and lips soundlessly parting from the sudden pleasure. 

Before you can give an answer to Issei’s previous question or let those few minutes before he has to leave turn into much more fun activities - there’s a knock on the door. 

Immediately, you’re off of him and on your feet. Mattsun sits up and then the door opens. 

A young nurse walks in, carrying a glass of water and a bunch of colorful pills. 

“Oh, sorry Y/N, didn’t know you’d have visitors. Matsukawa,” she acknowledges the man on your bed, having seen Issei enough times to recognize him, “Time for meds,” she puts them on the bedside table alongside with the water glass and you let out a sigh of relief. Pain was kicking your ass for the past hour.

She stares at you for a bit, her eyes focus on your neck and slightly widen. Your hand instinctively lifts up to cover the hickey Issei left.

She leaves without acknowledging it further. 

Matsukawa lets out a chuckle that slowly turns into a loud, uncontrollable laugh. 

“Now what are you laughing at?” you cock your head to the side, taking the pills and washing them down with big gulps of water. 

“Imagine if she hadn’t knocked.” 

“Then,” you’re on top of Issei again, “She would’ve seen way more than a hickey you left on me,” you giggle.

Issei grunts. 

“Babe, as much as I would like to stay there with you and explore,” his hand trails down, “More fun activities,” he softly kisses your nose and then boops it, “I gotta go to work- have an evening shift today,” 

“Yeah yeah, go make coffee for rich snobs,” you respond, finally standing up and letting Issei do the same.

He smoothed out his clothing, a confident grin finding its way to Mattsun’s face.

“What?”

“Admiring my work” 

You kick at him, but he catches your ankle just at the right time, squeezing it until you yelp and then he let’s go.

“Asshole,”

“Yeah yeah, you love me,” before you can debunk his statement, Issei is at the door, “Who knows, maybe one of those rich snobs,” he mocks you by making his voice higher, “Will be your pretty med student,” 

“Doubt it!” 

“I’ll tell you if a pretty snob with a bed-head comes in,” Issei retorts and he’s out the door before the slipper you’ve thrown can reach him. 

You sigh and fall back to your bed, curling into a ball. The pain is back and it seems that the meds didn’t really help. Well, at least you’ve managed to keep it together until Issei left. Good. 

***

Halloween comes quickly and the hospital empties. A lot of people go back home for the holiday and you’re thankful.

After all the medical tests you went through in the morning, you’re still grumpy and the silence is enjoyable, rather than eerie.

You’ve had an hour until med students came in for practice, but that passes quickly. 

You fix up your clothes, jumping into a pair of jeans that make your ass look great and a comfy sweater. Not overdressed, just pretty enough for the handsome med student.

Whose name you’ll ask. Well, if you gather enough courage, anyways. You can’t keep letting Mattsun tease you.

You’re out the door of your hospital room, notebook and pen in hands, head lifted up. A deep breath, reminding yourself that you deserve to be in the med student practice as much as others do. 

What they don’t know won’t hurt them. And as far as they’re concerned, you’re one of them and don’t spend half your time in the hospital as a patient.

Today you’re divided into smaller groups. You’re supposed to observe surgeries and take notes. You wonder what kind of surgery you’ll have to watch today. Skin graft ones are the worst and you pray that today, it’s not one of those. 

Your hopes are killed and buried 6 feet under, when you walk into the designated operating room. Of course it’s a fucking skin graft surgery. The man laying on the operating table has a nasty burn on his cheek. The skin is raised with a  leathery texture and is dark brown in colour. Third degree burns. 

Although, maybe fortune isn’t fully mocking you - the pretty med student is here, alongside a few others. His bed-head is wilder than ever before and bags under his eyes could put a raccoon to shame. 

You remember that you’re standing at the door and instantly move, not wanting to make it more awkward than it already was. Did he notice you staring? Hopefully not. 

You stand closer to him than other students. He glances down at you, golden brown eyes quizzically. You want to punch yourself. Thoughts running through your head wildly. Don’t look like a creep, Y/N fucking speak, damn it.

“You look like death. Do skin graft surgeries make you a bit sick too?” you manage to say, voice higher than intended.

The corners of his lips twitch up, “No, just a long night.” 

You raise one of your eyebrows up and he chuckles. 

“Not like that. Was helping a friend out. You, on the other hand, look like you just saw death.” 

Hah. A clever joke. You just called him death a second before. You open your mouth to answer, but then the surgeon walks into the room and you’re left without the satisfaction of a snarky comeback. 

“Okay, you guys already know what kind of surgery we’re doing today and if you don’t - get the fuck out of this room,” surgeon’s words earn a few laughs and his eyes crinkle in a smile, which is not visible beneath the mask, “Does anyone know what kind of grafts we’ll be using?” 

You know the answer. Time to leave a good impression on the trust-fund kid.

“You’ll be using full-thickness grafts,” you manage to respond and the surgeon nods.

“And why is that?”

“The burn is on the face of the patient, it’s not too big and, uh, full-thickness grafts tend to have a better cosmetic outcome than split-thickness grafts.” 

“That’s right,” the surgeon nods and the dark-haired guy leans down, to whisper directly into your ear,

“Smart and cute? Maybe practice won’t be so boring, after all.” 

Your cheeks burn and you have to bite the inside of your cheek to avoid the bright smile creeping its way onto your face.

“I have way more, um, good qualities than just being smart and cute.” you respond, not letting him get the upper hand in the situation. You still have to find out if he’s flirting or just teasing, though.

“I’d like to find out, those… Personality traits of yours,” he replies.

Yes, flirting, definitely flirting. Maybe, just maybe, Mattsun’s advice to talk to him wasn’t all that bad.

“I’m L/N Y/N,” you introduce yourself, putting your hand out for a handshake and for the sole purpose of finally putting a name to his face. 

“Kuroo Tetsuro,” he smiles and takes your hand into one of his huge ones. It’s surprisingly warm; comfortingly so.

One step further to getting to know the mysterious Kuroo Tetsuro. You’ll have to tell Issei about this

***

A week or so after Halloween, Lev takes you out. He has a week of vacation, so he uses it to get back to Tokyo and you two choose the best day to spend together, which is hard; taking into account that you’re a hospital patient and he’s busy with his modelling job. Yet somehow, you manage. 

“How’s your health?” he asks, tone reminding you of your mom. He has your hand in his and you’re thankful. Your energy is quite low today so the support tall man provides is helpful. Lev’s green eyes study you, as if that would help him find all the answers he sought. 

“Can we not talk about hospital stuff when we’re out? I wanna enjoy my time with you.” 

Lev lets out an awkward chuckle, his free hand finding its way to his platinum hair.

“Sure, sure,” he says and pats your head, “I’m glad to see you. Really missed you.” 

“Aw, Lev, I missed you too,” you say, voice sweet and a smile playing on your lips, “I saw your most recent photos on Instagram. Almost one million likes? People must love you!”

He shrugs, “They just love my face. The few interviews I’ve done aren’t nearly as popular as my photos.” 

You can’t help but laugh, “Don’t complain. Not a lot of us can make money off of our faces alone!” 

“Yeah yeah, whatever.” Lev answers, absentmindedly and then suddenly lights up, “Hey! How’s it going with that handsome med student? Don’t tell me you still haven’t talked to him.” 

“I have actually!” Lev’s facial expression turned to surprise, “Oh, don’t be so shocked. I even asked him for his name!” 

“And?”

“And what?” you cock your head to the side, a bit confused.

“What’s his name, dumbass?” he gently flicks your forehead and you frown,

“Oh! Oh, it’s Kuroo Tetsuro.”

Lev suddenly stops and fully turns to you.

“Kuroo? Black hair, kinda tall, always with a bed-head?”

“I- Yeah. Also, not kinda tall-“

“Shorter than me,” Lev interrupts and before you can respond that everyone is shorter than him, he continues, “He was the captain of my high school volleyball team, a really good guy actually, surprising, since you usually like assholes.” 

Lev doesn’t like Mattsun; Mattsun doesn’t like Lev. Silly conflicts from high school and such. Before you can argue that Issei is, in fact, not an asshole, Lev turns to you, face painted with worry.

“Listen, I can’t talk from experience since I haven’t seen him since he, uh, graduated, but I’ve heard he’s doing some real  shady business now.” 

“But he’s a med student,” you frown.

“Yeah, being a med student doesn’t really make you immune to doing shady things,”

“Maybe- maybe they’re just rumours,” you reckon and Lev shakes his head. It’s unusual for him to be so serious.

You’re going past a run-down skate park when he looks around and quickens his step, almost dragging you with him.

“Ah, Lev, I can’t go that fast. Why are you-“

The tall man’s eyes are focused on a person, who’s leaving the skate park and coming straight towards you.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” he says, not slowing down, “See that man over there? Suna Rintarou. I really, really don’t want to deal with him right now.” 

“Okay,” you say, in between breaths, “Okay.”

Lev is calculated and cold, but you’re beginning to panic. What could be so bad about meeting Lev’s acquaintance?

Well, you’re about to find out because the tall man, Suna, you remember, catches up to you. 

Lev stops in his tracks, stepping in front of you; his height almost covering you.

“What do you want, Suna?”

The man clad in worn-down blue jeans and a bomber jacket full of patches, smirks. There’s a cigarette, hanging from his lips. No, not a cigarette. A blunt. If you had more time to collect your thoughts, you’d even say he’s stupidly handsome.

“What? I can’t say hello to my old friend? Didn’t you miss me, Lev?'' His voice, saccharine as can be, cuts through the tension like a sharp knife. 

“No, not even a bit,” Lev answers, voice cold and devoid of any emotion.

“I need a favour.” Suna says, not waltzing around with words.

“No.”

“Not even gonna listen to what favour I want to ask for?”

“No,” Lev answers once again, firmly. His hand finds yours once again and squeezes, hard, “Frankly, we should keep going.” 

“Ah, don’t be like that. Hey! Maybe your friend will help. What do you say, sweetheart?”

The pet name sounded so condescending, but it’s in your nature to help people. Too kind, as Lev often said.

“No-“ Lev begins and at the same time you answer:

“Y-yeah?” You can’t help but stutter. God, where is your voice when you need it the most? You stand beside Lev now, not hiding anymore.

Suna takes in your appearance, humming in thought.

He grabs your glove-clad hand and before you can answer, yanks you towards him. You almost trip and Lev is about to rip Suna’s head off when the black-haired man unbuttons two buttons of your coat and puts something inside your inner pocket. One of his hands brush against your skin and it’s ice cold. You shiver and take a step back from him. Lev is seething. 

“They’re doing a raid. And I’ve already been caught a couple of times. Can’t do jail time. And who’s gonna think such a sweet looking girl has drugs? Nah, man.”

Drugs. You have drugs in your inner pocket.

Lev pulls you close to him and is about to take the baggie out of your pocket and tell Suna to shove it up his ass, when the distinct figure of a police officer begins walking closer to you. 

You blanch, legs feeling like jelly.

“Right on time,” Suna drawls as he smiles down at you.

The police officer gets closer with each passing breath. 

You’re screwed. 

Summary: There are three hot guys who want to be with you, however, there are a few problems along the way. One of them is a plug, another one wants to keep you all to himself and the third one - a med student who deals drugs on the side. Your main problem, though? You have a terminal illness that has a very low life expectancy. Spiraling down a dangerous path seems like a fun way to spend your last years.

Category: Hard angst, smut

Series warnings: major character death, hospitals, terminal illness, drugs and dealing of drugs, alcohol and consumption of alcohol, smoking, detailed smut daddy kink, choking. (Will add more as series progresses). 

What to know about the series: Reader has an unknown terminal illness so she stays at the hospital most of the time. Kuroo and Mattsun are 22, reader and Suna are 21. Action takes place in Tokyo, though reader attended Aoba Johsai before moving. Series contains unrealistic portrayal of the hospital, terminal illnesses and drugs. 

Issei Matsukawa: 3rd year mortuary science student. Friends with benefits relationship that you and him have going on sure is sweet and hearing him call you “my girl” makes you melt, but why is he so hesitant to actually date you?

Tetsuro Kuroo: 3rd year med student who has medical practice at your hospital. He’s the perfect guy - sweet, caring and charismatic, but can he keep you away from the drug dealing business he’s so deeply involved with?

Rintaro Suna: A drug dealing skater with an addicting personality. You always crave his attention and love the fact that he doesn’t treat you as if you’re made out of glass. But won’t being with Suna lead you down a dark path?

Lev Haiba: Your best friend since as long as you can remember. Currently working on a sweet modelling job in New York. Yet, no matter how much he trusts you, Lev can’t seem to tell you why he doesn’t trust Kuroo and Suna and wants them as far away from you as possible. 

Tooru Oikawa: Your ex boyfriend. You ended the relationship after learning that he cheated, but after a few years, you two are on good terms. Your problem with him? He doesn’t like any of the guys you fancy. 

Keiji Akaashi: Old friend who you used to work with, when you were in your 1st year of college and currently - journalism student and Suna’s roomate. He seems to like Suna, but somehow still wants to keep you away from him.

Chapter one “Plunging back into the darkness”

Chapter two “The soul in my heart's proof of life”

Chapter three: “Lock your doors”

Word count: 3.2k

Caregory: angst, smut

Warnings: depression, depressed reader, toxic relationships, someone needed to be an asshole in this so Tsukki is, kind of toxic Akaashi too, smoking, choking, cigarette burns.

Summary: Akaashi is always there to put you back together, granting your every wish. Even when you leave him without any message and disappear for two months. You could say that he has a soft spot for you

City of stars, are you shining just for him tonight? That’s what Akaashi is wondering. The stars are surprisingly bright tonight, as if knowing that now is when he needs their comfort the most.

Akaashi is mindlessly watching some stupid, mind-numbing late night program on his tv, trying to forget about the manga he has to finish editing until next week and… Other things.

The half-smoked mint cigarette hangs from his lips as the man lets out a sigh. He’s not anxious. Therapy and maturing has helped him calm his overthinking and anxieties a bit. He’s good at his job; he’ll manage to meet the deadline. However, other things cloud his mind and he’s not as good with that as he is at his job.

Akaashi’s phone, which was carelessly left somewhere in the kitchen, rings. He inhales the final breath of minty smoke and puts out the cigarette on the heart-shaped ashtray you had gifted him a long time ago. Akaashi finally stood up, lazily strolling to the kitchen, the light of his phone lighting up the big room in dim blue light. He picks it up and swipes "accept" without looking at the contact name. Probably Bokuto, wanting to hangout soon. Or maybe his boss, reminding about his deadline, or…

Keiji freezes on the spot when he hears your voice. It’s so quiet and weak that he thinks one breath from him will take it all away and he’ll wake up from a dream.

"’Kaashi… Keiji… Keiji, It’s bad again," you whisper and his heart breaks in real time; the pieces left from the last time you broke it, shattering into even smaller ones. Two months without seeing you. Two months without hearing from you. Two months without smelling your perfume, without touching your skin and hearing your voice. Your laugh… Well, he hasn’t heard that eternal sound for even longer. Two months, eight weeks, fifty six days, one thousand three hundred forty four hours since you had left him for another man.

Tsukishima Kei swept you away alongside Akaashi’s will to do anything but work until he almost passed out. You ghosted everyone from your life, it wasn’t only Akaashi. Last thing anyone heard about you — your friend Dina told Bokuto that you moved in with a "tall, blonde man". And now there you were again. Alive and calling him. Asking him to make everything better like he always used to. To come and take the pain away, even just for a minute. It hurt to breathe but just hearing your voice made the shards left of his heart pull closer together. Some selfish part of him wanted to hang up. To tell you to go find Tsukishima and fuck off. His rational part was horrified, that thoughts like that would cross his mind. He didn’t particularly dislike Tsukishima during high school days, damn, even liked the guy, but he couldn’t forgive him for doing this. For sweeping you away from him.

"You at your old place?" Keiji manages to ask.

"Y-yeah," there’s a sniffle and something clutters to the floor. Fuck, thag can’t be good.

"Okay, darling, okay. I’ll be at your place real soon, yeah? Unlock the door for me, ‘kay?

He doesn’t wait for your answer. He’s slipping his shoes on, grabbing his long, black coat and dashing out the door. His body remembers the routine way more than he thought it would. Maybe all those moments Akaashi rushed to you after a single phone call asking him to come, did that to a person.

He didn’t have the time to think that through. He was in his car, speeding through the busy streets of the city just to get to you. The hope of seeing your face again numbed most of the pain —the loss of you caused.

He’s at your door in what seems like a minute. The door is already unlocked so he just walks in. The smell of your home fills his senses and it’s as if his head clears. Oh, how he missed this. His coat is now hung up, shoes put away and he’s stepping in the tiny living room. There’s a lump of colorful blankets and you’re somewhere underneath. A step away. Real and alive. Real, alive and breathing — wanting him to put you back together. To make you feel better, to make you feel like you’re alive once again.

“Y/N, darling, I’m here,” the words come out in the softest voice he can manage and your head lifts up. Your hair’s a mess, eyes empty and dull. He can’t stand to see you like this, pain searing through his whole body. Some fucked up part of him is glad to see how much you need him though.

“Keiji, need you,” you whimper, “Want you to fuck the sadness out of me.”

It’s how it always went. Like a dance you both knew the steps to, perfectly well — he comes over, you guys fuck, he bruises you up a bit since you always beg him so prettily and then he’s there to pick up the pieces — listen to your ranting, asking you if you’ve been keeping up with drinking your meds and making sure you have something to eat.

He’s always there. And he would always be, no matter how much it hurt him to.

He takes a careful step towards you, lifting you up from your fluffy hiding place. You’re in his lap not even a moment later, head too heavy to hold, buried in his neck. You give it a little peck and his whole body burns. It’s like he’s some junkie going through withdrawal and your touch is the drug he so desperately craves. He’s turning his face towards your’s, slightly chapped lips kissing away at every millimeter of skin he can reach. It’s messy, it’s passionate and Akaashi doesn’t even notice the tears freely flowing down his face. A shuddering breath leaves his lips. Oh, how much he needed this.

“Keiji, need you, please,” you sigh in between kisses, one hand pawing at his pant-clad crotch. You have trouble keeping yourself up, but the need to be fucked until your brain is unable to make coherent thoughts makes the task easier.

“Yeah, yeah, need you too, pretty girl. Need to touch you,” he moans when he takes off your huge hoodie and sees that you’re not wearing anything underneath, nipples perking up at the temperature of the room. Akaashi’s hand, the one not holding onto you, paws at your breasts, squeezing until you gasp. Is it fucked up that he wants to cause you pain? You asked for it everytime you asked Akaashi to fuck you, but now he craved that himself. He craved the teary look in your eyes, the way you hit his chest when it got a little too much.

After letting himself indulge for a few moments, he lays you down on the couch, climbing on top of you, gently helping you get out of your sleep shorts and simple black panties. Cute, real cute. Akaashi missed you so much he couldn’t put it into words.

“Spread your legs for me, pretty girl,” he murmured, your legs instantly parting. Good, you haven’t forgot how you’re supposed to act. Your hands almost naturally find their place on Akaashi’s shoulders and his fingers are reaching for your pussy almost instantly. One finger circling the clit, the other easing into your hole. Tight, still so fucking tight. Akaashi groaned.

Tsukishima couldn’t fuck you as well as he could, right?

Keiji didn’t let himself overthink it. This moment was about you two; there was no space for the ‘third one’.

His second finger bullies it’s way alongside the first one and a third one joins next. It takes a while to find the spongy spot he used to be so familiar with. It doesn’t take long before you’re coming undone, pushing away at his clothed, hard chest from the overstimulation of Akaashi helping you ride out your orgasm.He’s smiling. That self-satisfied grin you know so well.

“Please, take off your clothes, Keiji, it’s uncomfortable,” you squirm under his gunmetal gaze and he obeys.

A single raise of your hand and he’s doing everything you ask for. It was always this way. His clothes are discarded on the dirty floor, littered with bottles of water and empty chips packets. He’s back to his position, careful not to let any of his weight fall on you. You admire him. Those big, doe-like yet still dull like before, taking in every detail of his body; from his lean physique, to his shoulder-length wavy raven hair and lithe fingers, still soiled with your clear juices. Your cheeks burn at the sight.

Akaashi’s fingers come near your mouth and you obediently part your lips, eager to take what he provides. He knows better, after all. He knows how to fix you. You clean off his slender fingers and Akaashi can’t help it - cloud-grey eyes narrowing as he pushes his digits deeper, digging until you’re gagging and only letting up when tears light up your beautiful eyes. When he finally pulls them out, he absentmindedly wipes them off on your skin. You shiver at the warm sensation and close your eyes.

Keiji pulls out his dick and it’s as pretty as he is, not too long, nor too thick, but still a lot to take; beautiful, flushed tip already leaking precum when the black-haired man gives it a few strokes. Your mouth parts to let out long breaths.

“Everything okay, sweetheart?” he asks, voice calm and collected, the complete opposite of you right now.

“Yeah, just haven’t- haven’t been with you for so long,” you shiver. Akaashi can’t help but seethe, remembering that you were with another man. Two whole damn months.

He lines up his cock with your hole and just slams it in with one smooth motion. Everything is white for a moment, you’re unable to see from the pleasure-filled pain. His cock slammed into your cervix, but he’s nice enough to let you get used to his length. You keen, not sure what you want Akaashi to do right now when the veins adorning his dick create mind-numbing friction. One of Keiji’s hands ghosts your neck, gently squeezing it and his gaze softens when you lean into his touch, craving to be hurt.

“I’m gonna move, sweet girl,” he warns you, but doesn’t give you time to think of an answer — Keiji is slamming into your tiny pussy, letting his head lean back. He’s blissed by the pleasure, fucking his fist for two months just wasn’t the same. Not even close. Pretty moans leave Keiji’s perfect lips, no matter how much he tries to suppress them. You’re just laying there, taking it, eyes cloudy and half-lidded. Mind probably already numb. Silly little thing.

“Keiji… Keiji, love,” the pet name rings in his head, the huge hand still wrapped around your willing neck squeezes. Hard. The silver ring wrapped around one of his fingers digs into your soft skin. You’re killing him. Giving him just enough to let the hurtful memories flow. It doesn’t seem to bother you.

Face content and calm, “Can you, can you burn me, please?”

You’re as sweet as ever. As if nothing ever happened. As if he’s responsible for making you feel better. Fuck. He knows he is.

“Yeah? You want me to burn you? My girl is a little fucking masochist?” it’s easy to slip into his degrading persona. Akaashi knows how much you love that. You don’t crave praise. Don’t want to be called pretty, don’t want nice things. You want temporary pain, to forget the real one that might never really go away.

You dumbly nod at Akaashi’s words, mind not putting two and two together, his cock still pounding away at your pussy, uncaring of your own pleasure. Keiji pulls out and you whine, hands automatically reaching for him, as if he would ever leave, now that he got you back.

The tall man finds a pack of mint cigarettes, left in the pocket of his black jeans. There’s a tiny daisy embroidery on the pocket done by you a long time ago. When you still had the energy to do anything. When he didn’t have to beg you to live another damn day.

Cigarette finds its way to the man’s lips and he quickly lights it up. You sigh happily, when Keiji slides his cock back into you, finally letting his fingers massage your clit. You let out a shuddered moan, pleasure burning all thoughts away.

“Ah, you’re so good to me, Keiji. So good, ah,” and with a particularly harsh thrust, the pleasure building in your lower belly snaps and you’re coming, creaming around his lengthy cock and as white hot pain surges through your whole body. Akaashi presses the hot end of the cigarette between your perfect tits. You scream, in pain and in pleasure, mumbles of “please” and garbles of his name praying for something. Something to take the pain away? Something to hurt you more?

Akaashi gives into his temptations, taking a long drag of the smoke, marking up your tits a few more times, letting you grab his shoulders and pull him close, crying away at his firm chest.

“Thank you- ah! Thank you so much, Keiji,” you breathe out and that’s all it takes for him to finish.

Your whole body turns warm as your inner walls are painted white. You’re so full. And so obedient to him. What a good girl you still are. It’s as if nothing has changed. You’re Akaashi’s again and everything falls back into place. Everything is where it’s supposed to be. You’re - in Akaashi’s arms, and Tsukishima somewhere damn far away.

You lay like this for a while - Keiji’s body on top of yours, everything sweaty and sticky, still keeping his body weight from crashing down on your tired body. He dresses up and makes you take a bath then; washing your hair for you, using a comforting vanilla smell body wash to clean your limp body next.

He can’t help but admire the marks he’s left. It’s a sign that you’re his. And he is yours. Eternally, forever. And no one can change that. No one knows how to help you, like he does.

Keiji dresses you in comfortable clothes and helps you get onto the bed after changing the sheets before laying you down. Tch, he bet that Tsukishima let you lay in messy sheets, never once changing them. Akaashi scolds himself. So much for not overthinking, so much for maturing. He was as insecure as he was in his teenage years, just learned to mask it better.

You pull Akaashi towards you, stopping his thoughts. He complies, undressing until he’s in his shirt and boxers, laying down beside you and pulling you close to himself, holding your body tight.

“I want to talk to you,” you mumble, still turned away from him with your back to his chest.

“I’m listening, baby.”

"You wanted me to feel better and I… Didn’t particularly want to get better. I guess- I guess the sadness, rash mania-driven decisions and my dependency on others has become such a big part of me that I thought…I thought that I would be empty without it."

"You wouldn’t." he interrupts your rant, pulling your shaking hands into his, gently rubbing your knuckles in an attempt to calm you down a bit.

You lift up your face to catch his eyes. Akaashi is already looking, "What?"

"You wouldn’t be empty, Y/N. The girl I met at high school… You were happy back then. You were cheerful, a bit loud and could make anyone like you. And even if you," he gently turns you towards him and caresses your face when you want to look away in shame, "think that you’re beyond fixing, or empty without your illness, you’re just wrong. I still see those traits in you. How you’re still you in the way you cheer up your friends. How you’re still you when even the delivery drivers seem to instantly like you and how you’re still you in understanding that it’s not bad to ask for help when you need it."

You don’t answer him. Somewhere deep in your mind, you know Akaashi is right. You know that he isn’t just trying to fix you to his liking, you know he doesn’t want you for the sex, despite how many times Tsukishima made you believe that. You bury your face in Akaashi’s neck and let his warmth embrace your limp and tired body.

"He told me that you wanted to make me into the version of myself that you wanted," you confess, quietly murmuring the words against the skin of his neck and Akaashi’s hands embrace you tighter. He can’t get mad now, but damn is it hard to keep his composure, "Keiji, he told me that you only wanted to fuck me ‘cause girls like me were compliant and easy to fuck," words flow out freely as you finally let go all the pent up sadness, confusion and a web of lies that you’re still so deeply tangled in, "He- he told me that you stayed with me because I was easy to hurt and that guys like you- prefered girls like me. And he let me skip taking my medicine. He said it was my choice and that he’s not gonna make me be happy and how he liked me the way I was-“ your voice breaks. You can’t say any more words.

It takes all of Akaashi’s strength to not get and go to Tsukishima’s place. Beat him up until the fire under his skin no longer burned, until he felt satisfied with the results, until he knew that you were out of the reach of the blonde’s manipulations and him. Akaashi Keiji is not a violent man, but when he sees you more fragile and broken than you were before, just because of one man and his lies, he can’t help it.

“It’s not your fault.” Akaashi kisses your face, “I know you think it is, but it isn’t. We’re gonna get you back on your medicine and you’ll go to that- that therapist downtown that you said helped you, yeah? We’re gonna get through this together. I’m always with you. I’ll help you. And… I love you, Y/N,” the confession rings into the stuffy silence of the small bedroom and you freeze in his arms.

Your lifeless eyes reach the open window. Your apartment is on the highest floor with light pollution not quite reaching it. The stars are clearly visible. Hundreds of thousands of little lights scattered across the night sky. It’s beautiful.

"The sky is so beautiful tonight, Keiji…" your voice is barely above a whisper, "A graveyard of stars."

Yes, the stars must really be shining for him tonight. He falls asleep with the thought of brighter tomorrows and a better future.

Chapter three: Lock your doors

Word count: 3.8k

Category: hard angst, smut

Chapter warnings: drugs, mentions of medicine, light smut, guns 

Summary: There are three hot guys who want to be with you, however, there are a few problems along the way. One of them is a plug, another one wants to keep you all to himself and the third one - a med student who deals drugs on the side. Your main problem, though? You have a terminal illness that has a very low life expectancy. Spiraling down a dangerous path seems like a fun way to spend your last years.

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Series masterlist

Maybe your mind-set of "you only live once" finally did you some favours, because now you have a date set with one of the hottest guys ever.

Friday comes fast and after swallowing down a bunch of medicine you’re sitting in an expensive car of none other than Kuroo Tetsuro.

The dark of the night swallows the blurry autumn sun and speckles the sky with stars. Your nerves are fried, fingers twitching and leg bouncing up and down, up and down.

"You’re nervous," Kuroo hums, but it’s not a question, merely an observation, "Your leg keeps bouncing up and down." The steering wheel is left in one of his huge hands, while the other one finds its way to your knee, gently squeezing, "Do I make you nervous?"

His hand is pleasantly warm. It reminds you of the most delightful things – early summer mornings, apple pie with ice cream and bear hugs.

And how could you not be nervous? Kuroo Tetsuro - the guy you had this dumb crush on for literal months - all 6’4 of his is sitting next to you, with that charming smile on his handsome face, navigating through the streets of busy, light-polluted Tokyo as if it’s as easy as breathing.

"I’m sitting in a car with a guy who’s basically a stranger and is refusing to tell me where we’re going. But yes, your handsome face is the problem."

The salon of his expensive car is filled with tension and the scent of sandalwood.

Kuroo lets out a laugh, "You’re trying to be snarky and shit but you still called me handsome, so thank you."

Your face burns as you scramble to make a witty come-back. Kuroo makes you way more nervous than you would like to be. It’s as if every time you see him your mind goes blurry.

"Well, you are," you finally settle on a response, "But aren’t there enough girls who tell you that?"

Kuroo gives you a look, turning back to the busy road to drive around slower drivers.

"Is that your way of asking me about girls?"

Your eyes fall to your shoes, as if they’re the most engrossing thing ever and your hands begin to mindlessly toy with your skirt.

"You sure you didn’t wanna study psychology or something?" you groan, still feeling a bit embarrassed that your intentions, expressed in a form of what you thought was the most flawless way of acquiring the answers you needed, being uncovered that easy.

He reminds you of a certain charming brunette from your past - the reason for most of your happy memories. They’re both too good at reading people.

Kuroo’s laughter is surprisingly higher in pitch than his voice, but it’s not unpleasant to listen to. You might even call it cute in a way.

"Babe, you’re just too easy to read, no need for me to study psychology," he finally says, slipping in the nickname without any further thought, a sly smirk playing at his lips when he notices the way you react to his words. His hand is still resting on your knee and he playfully squeezes it, making you almost jump up in your seat.

"You do know that I want to be here as much as you do, right? It’s not like you’re the only one nervous."

The sincerity of his words is hidden by a wide smile, but it’s reassuring. It’s hard to believe that a guy like Kuroo would go out with you and for you to refuse the urge to pinch your arm for the n-th time tonight.

"I know that, but somehow my brain," you wildly gesture to your head, raising your eyebrows, "Doesn’t connect the… dots, right?"

"What dots?" he swiftly turns into an intersection and turns right, slightly speeding up when the green light begins to blink.

"You wanting to go out with me..." you mutter, slightly awkwardly. For some reason, when you’re talking to him you’re like an open book. He has this aura around him that just makes you want to look into his golden-brown eyes and trust him.

Kuroo frowns, the corners of his lips going slightly downwards, "Why would you even say that? Who wouldn’t want to go out with you?"

Your thoughts are filled to capacity with Issei Matsukawa. That’s who wouldn’t want to go out with you. He’s like your own personal moon – only showing up when you need him the most, fucking you until you forget everything, but never letting anyone know who you two are; only a slight smirk when his friends ask if you two had fucked and a casual nod when they ask if you’re good in bed. That’s what you’ve been reduced to.

"Hey, doll, I think you’re dozing off on me, hm?"

You come back to reality; to the city lights that are now few and far in between, to how Kuroo’s hand spreads warmth through your body and to the smell of sandalwood.

"Yeah, just got lost in thought, sorry,"

"No worries," he nods, expression radiating relief and the usual self-assured smirk returning once again coming back to the black-haired man’s face, "Y/N, do you want to play 10 questions?"

You’re watching the lights of the bustling city fade away, melting away your tension. You feel safe with Kuroo, however dumb and naive it may sound. The fact that he didn’t push you to answer his question just a moment before only proves you right.

"Isn’t that for teenagers?" you lift up your eyes, finding Kuroo already looking at you and instantly ending the eye-contact, suddenly finding your shoes outstandingly interesting.

"It is… But I need an excuse to ask all the questions I want without seeming intrusive," 

"Okay, Mr. Thoughtful, ask away then," Kuroo chuckles at your attempts to tease him, but he knows. He knows that he’s got you wrapped around his finger. Not like he’s gonna use that. Not for now, at least.

"Okay. How many boyfriends have you had?" It seems like he had the question ready a while ago and you’re puzzled. He says most things so casually that you can only be envious of his confidence.

You’re lost in thought for a while. Well, Issei checked all the boxes a boyfriend should’ve; yet he didn’t want to be anything more, so that left you with-

"Just one, back in high school."

"What high school did you go to?" Kuroo shoots the question instantly, one finger bouncing up and down alongside the radio music, sending tingles through your body.

"Isn’t it my turn to ask?"

"Ah. Yes, I suppose." He gives you a half-assed apologetic smirk and suddenly turns right, his car tires squeaking in protest.

"How many girlfriends have you had?" you ask the same question, just reversed, but Kuroo doesn’t question it. He doesn’t even have to think before answering.

"Not gonna ask how many boyfriends I’ve had? Okay, ah, about five girlfriends."

"About-" you’re ready to find out more, curiosity getting the best of you but Kuroo squeezes your knee, like a subtle warning.

"Ah ah, my turn."

"What high school did you go to?" he asks, once again surprising you in how quick he is at making them.

"Aoba Johsai."

"Was this boy Iwaizumi Hajime?" he raises an eyebrow and seems quite satisfied with himself – like he’s got it all figured out.

"What? No! And it’s not even your turn to ask!" you couldn’t ever imagine yourself with Iwa. He was a good friend and a very handsome man, but way too serious for your taste.

"This game is stupid," Kuroo pauses for a moment. You know he’s got his next question already figured out, but he doesn’t ask straight away, "why not Iwaizumi?"

"Not my type, per say."

"Seems like your type. We have a similar face, no?"

You think for a moment. Not even a bit. Iwa’s eyes were slanted whereas Kuroo’s were lazily hooded, Iwa always carried a scowl on his face, while the man sitting beside you, favoured a confident smirk. The only similar thing about them was their height, and even then – Kuroo was more lean and with a straighter posture, "You do not," you finally come to the conclusion and Kuroo’s smiling. God, how he loves watching the wheels in your head turn, thoughts spinning and mouth opening and closing as you’re unable to make a believable argument.

"Strong eyebrows and jawline, a scowl. Don’t wanna rethink your answer?" Once again, he’s fast, pointing at his features with slender fingers, instead of looking at the empty road.

The scenery has changed and now you’re driving through empty fields, huge houses with giant fences popping up here and there.

"No, Iwa looks just like Mattsun but in italics," Kuroo searches his mind till he finds the face of Matsukawa Issei, who you so sweetly called "Mattsun" and then laughs. Holy shit, you’re right. Although, that’s got him thinking more. You two must be pretty close, if you’re calling the man by a nickname. Perhaps a former classmate? He was gonna have to look into it more, but for now, he’s got more important answers to provoke out of you, "Ok, right. Right. But who was it then?"

"Tooru."

"Oikawa Tooru?!" Kuroo almost slams on the brakes, shock apparent on his face. The resident pretty boy captain is a well-known person to him – always a beautiful fangirl hanging off his arm and a saccharine smile adorning his lips. He doesn’t seem like your type at all. Too sophisticated and fake. 

"You seem surprised."

“I am.” Kuroo nods, collecting his composure, putting his usual smirk back on, “Are pretty boys your type?”

“Didn’t you tell me my type was Iwaizumi and you, a moment ago?”

“Yeah,” Kuroo hums, nonchalantly, “That was before I knew Oikawa fucking Tooru was your ex,” he shakes his head, as if it’s hard to connect dots in his head, “Was he good in bed?”

You almost choke on your saliva and his hand pats your knee calmly. Oh, how he enjoys making you embarrassed.

“Interested in sleeping with Tooru?” you retort, but it’s way too late to have any real bite. 

Kuroo doesn’t acknowledge it, only noting that you still call Oikawa by his first name.

“Nah… Nah, just wanna know what I’m competing with.” 

Your head spins from the idea of what he’s implying, mind travelling to what his touches and kisses would feel like on your heated skin. 

But before you spiral out, Kuroo moves his hand from your knee and does a sharp turn, suddenly stopping and turning off the car, stretching in his car seat. You instantly miss the comforting warmth of his hand.

“We’re here.” 

Your eyes widen, trying to get used to the dark. Little by little, details come into your vision – you’re parked near a huge field of lavenders, surrounded by giant oak trees. It looks like a scene straight from a Studio Ghibli movie. 

“Are you going to murder me and hide my body in a lavender field?” 

Kuroo steps out of his car, instantly coming to open yours, it’s like an instinct for him, “Yeah. Gonna give you to a cult. ‘Children of the Corn’ and shit.” 

You chuckle as you step out of the car, following him without any question. Kuroo feels safe – like getting to sleep in your bed after a party, a ring that fits perfectly around your finger and holding hands when it’s cold. 

He leads you through a path in the field, the smell of lavender filling your senses. Kuroo reaches out for you and you grab his hand without thinking, which brings a smile to his face.

“When I was younger, uh, in my first year of high school, my dad died and it was just me and my grandparents left. They couldn’t afford a house in the city, dad left a lot of debt, so we moved away to the outskirts of Tokyo. When I felt like it was just me against the world… I used to come here.” 

The story Kuroo tells flows freely into the night air as he leads you through the small paths, to the biggest oak tree in the field. You don’t say you’re sorry for his loss. Traumas like that never heal and adding a band-aid to a gaping wound only adds insult to the injury. 

“So this is your safe place. I get it.” you give his hand a gentle squeeze and look up at him. The confident smirk is exchanged for a more gentler, genuine one, “I appreciate you taking me here.” 

Kuroo stops, if only for a moment, gazing down at you, “I know it’s corny and shit, since it’s our first date, but ah, I’ve treated girls shitty in the past. Don’t want to treat you like that, I want this to work. Even if it’s only a few dates.” 

“O-oh.” 

Kuroo laughs and spins you by your shoulders. You’re staring at a wooden ladder, attached to a blue treehouse. The paint is chipping away.

“I love the fact that I make you so nervous,” the words are spoken right into your ear, as he gives it a little peck and then gently pushes you towards the ladder.

“Are you letting me go first cause you want to stare at my butt?” you turn to him with judgemental eyes before you take the first step. 

“That, and the serial killers up there. Wouldn’t want them to kill me first!” 

You roll your eyes as you start climbing up and up, until you reach the opening to the treehouse, crawling in. 

It’s not like you imagined at all – the walls are painted, there’s a rug and a big mattress with pillows and thick blankets,

“Don’t tell me you used to sleep here, too.” 

“No, it was an old mattress my grandparents wanted to throw out. Figured it would make the place more cozy,” Kuroo pauses for a second and then sits down, encouraging you to do so too. He instantly pulls you close, “Easier than having to wait until my grandparents went somewhere, too.” 

You stare up at Kuroo, shaking your head, “You said you didn’t sleep here!” Kuroo chuckles and kisses your forehead, sending warmth all over your body. 

“Yeah, that’s right. I never slept here, just used to fuck girls here.” 

He’s so crude and straight-forward, but you can’t help but laugh.

“So we’re probably sitting on old cum stains?”

“Nah, probably not,” Kuroo grabs your waist and lays you down. He’s on top now and you turn your head to the side. 

“Look at me, y/n,” Kuroo gently grabs your chin and turns your face to look at him, you could explore his amber eyes for hours upon hours, trying to find out all the secrets within, “Can I kiss you?” 

You nod, giving him the permission, which he immediately uses. His lips are surprisingly soft against yours and his kiss bleeds desperation. One of his hands is still on your face, while the other finds its place in your hair. 

You try to lift yourself up, to get even closer to him, but he pushes you down by your hip, forbidding you from doing so. 

“Don’t move, baby,” he stops you with another kiss, this time biting your upper lip and dragging until it snaps back. He laughs and then kisses you again, “You’re so fucking beautiful.” 

You pull back and kiss him all over the face – he has little tiny freckles all over his nose. It has the most adorable little bump, encouraging you to kiss his nose once more. 

“You just gonna kiss me all over my face?” Kuroo raises one of his eyebrows and you reward him with another one. Then you reach for his jawline, then neck, making his breath hitch. 

“I want to undress you,” Kuroo says and you nip at his neck, giggling. 

“Then do so, don’t fucking ask me for permission,” you mumble into his skin and inhale more of the enticing sandalwood scent. Your mind is spinning. You’re about to fuck a man you’ve crushed on for months. Will it be different from having sex with Issei and all those random hookups? Is it too soon? Will you seem too easy?-

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” Kuroo chuckles and then he’s undressing you – your skirt and shirt are flying off, shoes too and you’re left before him only in your bra in your panties, “Aw, you put on a matching set for me. How sweet of you. You’re so sweet… I almost feel bad for what I’m going to do with you.” 

Your breath hitches. Issei was never gentle, he took and took and took. You had a feeling Kuroo would be different. He admires the set for a short moment, before tearing it off. You yelp, but Kuroo instantly silences it with a hungry kiss. He takes but it’s so different. 

“You’ve got nice tits,” he smiles and then he’s kissing all over them, making your words stuck in your throat when he bites. Hard, “Am I being a red flag if I want to give you hickeys and bite marks,” he kisses lower and lower, “all over your body?” 

“Might-“ your voice gets a pitch higher when Kuroo finally reaches your pussy, giving it a gentle kiss and separating the folds. There’s an unreadable emotion swimming in his eyes, “Might not have enough turtlenecks to hide them all.” 

“Oh, baby,” Kuroo laughs and gives an experimental lick to your clit, making your back arch, “I plan on letting everyone see.” 

And then he’s eating you out like it’s his last meal. One of his hands finds your hip again, squeezing hard and preventing you from lifting yourself up, “You just can’t stay still, yeah?” His words cause vibrations, making you let out a loud whine. 

“You sound pretty. Real pretty,” with that, you finally let out a loud, angelic moan. And that’s enough to get Kuroo going. Oh, how he craves to hear more and more and more.

Two of his slender fingers slide inside you and you keen at the stretch. It’s been a while since you’ve last had sex so every calculated touch of nimble fingers feels euphoric against your skin, pleasure coursing through the slight pain. 

“More,” you ask. No, you beg. You look at Kuroo like he’s your god, ever so loving and forgiving to grant you one wish. One wish for not being sinful. One wish because he gets to be the one to make you sin. 

“You don’t know what you’re asking for, baby,” Kuroo grunts and then, suddenly, adds another finger. You yelp, trying to grab at his wrist, but his hand stops yours, “Be a good girl. Don’tcha wanna be a good girl for me, mm?” 

“Want to! Wanna be a good girl for you, daddy!” 

Kuroo tilts his head back, groaning, “You don’t know what you’re starting, fuck-. You just squeezed my fingers so fucking hard,” a smirk plays on his stupidly handsome face, “Want me to get rough? Baby wants me to get rough with her soft, perfect body?” 

You nod, and with that, Kuroo gets all the confirmation he’s ever needed from you. His fingers find the spot inside you, the one many guys would’ve struggled to find and with a few curls of his long fingers, you’re coming undone, juices spreading all over Kuroo’s fingers. 

He’s smiling in blissful delight, sticking the fingers into your mouth as you eagerly lick them clean, tasting yourself. Kuroo pats your heated cheek in approval and then quickly removes his sweater and shirt, revealing a silver chain that has a small black cat charm hanging on it. You chuckle and Kuroo tilts his head, until he catches where your stare landed. 

“Don’t make fun of me, princess, yeah? You’re about to learn what happens to good, perfect girls like you,” he smiles and it makes you burn. You want him to touch you, kiss you, ruin you until the only things you remember in this world are his name and face. 

However, as soon as his soft, warm lips land on your neck, there’s a noise outside. A car engine coming closer and closer with each passing moment. 

Kuroo stands up instantly, pulling you up as you stumble to get onto your unsteady feet. The floor of the treehouse is cold, and so are you. 

“Get your shoes on, quickly”, his voice is laced with concern and hints of confusion so you don’t hesitate - doing as you’re told as quickly as possible. He dresses you in his sweater - the material soft and comfortable against your skin, pulls his own shirt on and gathers other clothing left. You see it in his eyes - no time to put on your clothes, you have to go.

He climbs off the ladder and almost pulls you off of it, when he deems your speed unsatisfying. 

“No one is supposed to know this place, except a few people, fuck!” Kuroo pulls you with him and you only ease his worries by not stumbling, which requires huge effort, actually, “I am almost sure of who that is though, what bad timing… Fuck, I really just wanted to take you on a date where no one could find us,” he’s seething, grabbing your hand in a grip that tightens with each passing moment. 

You don’t dare question Kuroo. Everything - from his words to his seething need to get you somewhere safe - screams danger. 

When you’re about a few meters from his car, Kuroo pulls you closer and takes a long inhale.

“Please, sit in the car, don’t make a noise and don’t open the door for anyone besides me,” the words take a few short moments to register in your scared mind, which makes Kuroo grab you tighter, “Say you understand, y/n.” 

“I-I understand,” the words leave your mouth as another car pulls into the side of the beautiful fields, that gave you such calmness and serenity just a while ago. No more of that today. The calmness and coldness of Kuroo’s voice make shivers run down your spine. 

There’s a flash of recognition in Kuroo’s eyes as he observes the car that’s pulled over. His brows furrow and he ushers you quickly towards his own car, hand tightly wrapped around yours. 

“I’ll be back as quickly as possible, okay?” with that, you’re sitting in the passenger seat, your knees pulled to your chest, mind spinning. You watch his tall silhouette disappear into the darkness and then close your eyes. You would appreciate some pain medicine right now. If only you had some on you. Hopefully, Kuroo is back soon and you’ll get away with an excuse of a headache. 

You’re still only in your shoes and Kuroo’s sweater when someone taps on the car window. Your skin raises in goosebumps, heart about to jump out of your chest. Slowly, you look up and are met with a barrel of a gun and an icy stare looking straight into your soul. Only one thought runs through your head – Kuroo hasn’t locked his car.

Sorry for the long wait, been super busy!

Taglist: @heizenka​ @icelyn20​ @strawbberyys @creepykawass​

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Masterlist Haikyuu

Hey Lovies! Welcome to the main Masterlist for Haikyuu! Requests are open, feel free to ask me!

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Fluff -💖

Smut -🍋

Angst -💔

Crack - 😂

Etc..

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Nothing at the moment lovies! Please feel welcome to fill my inbox with ideas!!