And Make Something Abstract Again... - Tumblr Posts

[[BREATHING IN — BREATHING OUT]]

"When I close my eyes, darkness is all what I see. When I take a breath, you fill up my lungs. If my mind worked backwards just for a minute, I'd hold onto you before the memory is gone. I remember you. You always made me stronger. You always lifted my spirit… I remember how we felt alive together… I remember… remember…" — A broken puppet

I had this image stuck in my head since I returned from the hospital the other day. Just Spam going through his nightmares.

The lotus flower was always considered as "the incorruptible soul" because it could grow on the most mucky of ponds and still stand tall over all the surrounding filth without a single blot marring its beauty. The blue lotus in particular was considered a conduit to communicate with the gods above and beyond, with a brilliant sun-like burst radiating from the centre of the flower.

That's how Spam regards Sears in his mind, his star in the middle of the abyss, a saint that has adopted a largely broken toy loaded with a heavy burden of internal pathos that not even Spam can comprehend himself. Why is he so broken? Why he deserves the pity of others? Why darkness will never leave him in peace? Why he is in love? Why he even exists?

((sharing some prototype script loosely related to the picture, if anybody is interested -- it's long and you don't need to read it to enjoy the picture anyway -- please tell me if you like it or not if you decide to read it; feedback or your impressions are always appreciated))

Sears: You are shaking, Spam. Come here, don’t fret, don’t let the glitching to get worse… *embraces him*

Spam: I-I f-eel so awful-l inside — I-I can’t [brEaThe]- - *glitching and shedding graphical artefacts*

Sears: Hush, focus on my voice. *holds him firmly as if fearing he would disappear like those glitchy images* Now… After me... Breathing in…

Spam: Breathing out… *slowly*

Sears: Cut the strings…

Spam: That hold me down…

Sears: Breathing in...

Spam: Breathing out...

Sears: The walls are falling…

Spam: No more pressure…

Sears: Breathing in…

Spam: Breathing out…

Sears: *releases him softly* Better? *smiles*

Spam: *blinks* Thank you again. The glitching… *soughs* Is gone *relieved smile*

Sears: So we see. *pats him on the shoulder* Next time, when you get another of your crisis, just recite the mantra, all right?

Spam: I always do, but… It’s not the same when you are not here… *looks away*

Sears: I can’t be at home always, Spam. You need to make the effort to calm down the glitching bouts on your own.

Spam: I know… *feeling admonished*

Sears: Hmm… *thinking* Did you try to combine the mantra with your memory of me embracing you?

Spam: *blushes* In reality? No, never.

Sears: Then next time mix that mental feeling with the mantra, and I’m sure it will help you improve your efforts at calming down. *does a thumbs-up towards him*

Spam: … *looking embarrassed*

Sears: I got another idea to reinforce the mantra! *beams and graciously produces a clean blue handkerchief from their suit’s breast-pocket and hands it to him*

Spam: *taking the gift from them* Are you sure, Sears? Isn’t this yours?

Sears: *smiling* This thing is merely a decoration for the uniform, don’t think the others at the office will miss it. You can bet it will help you reinforce your focus on me while you control your anxiety. *holds his hands in a reassuring manner* I don’t want for you to feel so alone when I’m out working. Think of this item as an extension of myself if your glitching gets uncontrollable like recently. *taps friendlily the brow of their partner*

Spam: I’m grateful for this gift, Sears, really am. *gingerly feels the blue soft fabric between his fingers* Please, do not concern yourself too much for me while at work. I don’t wish to be a hindrance against your performance.

Sears: *beams* Not to worry! I know you have everything under control, and thus my mind is at peace while at the office. *arms crossed* By the by, what manner of event triggered this crisis? It’s been a long long while since you had something this bad. Did anything out of the ordinary happen?

Spam: Well… *rubs the back of the neck nervously*

Sears: At ease, Spam. I’m here, you can tell me everything and we’ll solve it together, as we always do. *winks*

Spam: Actually, I don’t think we will be able. *loosens the neck of his sweater with a finger* The chief was apprehended and the business we had together, was dismantled overnight… We lost everything… Nobody is picking up the calls... Everyone is gone and shut all communications… And it's already all over the newspapers... *defeatist expression*

Sears: Is that so? *surprised* That’s so awful… *pats his shoulder reassuringly* Don’t worry, I can provide for both of us even if you are jobless at the moment. *smiles*

Spam: N-no! I-I mean… I don’t want to be a burden to you. I must find a new job as soon as possible! *determined expression*

Sears: Of course, relax. You are free as well to find another one if that pleases you, but don’t you worry about our current budget. My promotion can cover for both of us, and enough to get some extra savings to boot. You really don’t have any need to work any more while under my roof. Take this day to relax, OK? You have been going through too much stress lately, and if it builds up you are going to get glitchy again.

Spam: Aye, I know, but… *frowns* I also want to give you something in exchange. It’s always you giving me stuff, but I can’t give you anything back if—

Sears: *interrupts him with a tender embrace* Your company is enough for me in this exchange, Spam. As long as you are provided, free and happy to do whatever you want, you don’t need to get out of your way to please me back with gifts. Your happiness has more value to me than 100 material gifts. Though, that doesn’t mean I dislike gifts, mind you. *winks and laughs*

Spam: *soughs* You are too kind to me, Sears… Too much… Still… I want to someday gift you something, for rescuing me from the Conglomerate. I owe you that one, to you and Joel and the others who pitched in to get me out of there... *folds the handkerchief carefully and tucks it in a pocket* It feels heavy inside of me to only receive and not be able to give something in return. It goes against my code of delivery... Makes me feel... Selfish…

Sears: At ease. *flicks his pointy white nose softly to snap him from his self-absorption* No more brooding. Let’s focus on the solutions. If finding a new job will allay your anxiety, what you had in mind? Something similar to the last one?

Spam: *phew* No. Don’t think an opportunity like that will ever present itself again. The Suburbs are no place to find something stable that doesn’t incur the wrath of the feds…

Sears: Indeed, their industry is very volatile nowadays, unfortunately. *shrugs* But you could try to find something similar within the boundaries of Cyber City proper. There must be a vacant out there that could take advantage of your "logistics", you know?

Spam: Actually… *ponders* I meant to take on a new trade. *hides face shyly with the postman hat*

Sears: Whatever it is, you know you have my full support and those of the others. If you want to aim for something new, I think Merit or Lafay can help us find you the material you need for your education. *nods encouragingly* What took your fancy?

Spam: *tosses the postman hat onto the sofa, landing it on top of the cat* I want to become a salesman, like you all! *happy grin*

Sears: *speechless*

MIKE: Mau? *waking up with the head covered by the hat*