And That Sounds Really Stupid But You Need To Understand That 1. These People Did Not Bother To Say What I Did Wrong And Were Really Vague- - Tumblr Posts

steakout-05
11 months ago

having social anxiety on tumblr dot com is so fucking frustrating cause like. i'll see a post i like and want to reblog but i do it with so so so much embarrassment because my brain's just thinking "oh god oh fuck im being so stupid right now what if op sees it and thinks im annoying" but like. they realistically would either not care at all or be happy about someone reblogging their post so like what the actual fuck am i afraid of??? but here's the kicker. the reason i have social anxiety in the first place is because i HAVE experienced these comically horrible social experiences of being judged and insulted for no reason before. multiple times. recently. the possibility of this happening is not a 0 chance. i have legitimate reasons to be afraid. and that is. actually horrific

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even on tumblr dot com (the neurodivergent website) i'm not safe from being ridiculed like my anxiety prophesises the worst part is that the reason this has happened is because i'm autistic or i misinterpreted something. and i can't just- -stop being autistic because that is impossible. so the ridicule could actually strike me at any time for no reason at all and that is- really scary i remember this one specific time i misinterpreted a post months ago and a couple people left sorta sarcastic snide replies on it- -atting me and i literally did not know what i did wrong and was like ''hey wait i think i might have misinterpreted this. someone explain' and luckily someone did and it was fine. but like. that was actually horrifying for me. i was relatively new to tumblr at the time and i legitimately thought people were going to like dogpile me or something. i was that afraid. and that sounds really stupid but you need to understand that 1. these people did not bother to say what i did wrong and were really vague- -so that left no room for me to actually like. know what i did. and 2. being mocked and made fun of for not knowing something is something- -i have gone through many MANY times and people dogpiling others for miniscule reasons is very common online. so like. it was really fucking scary for me because my brain takes a light shower and turns it into a raging thunderstorm and i literally cannot- -control that. also slightly off topic but i hate when there's a misunderstanding or argument online and people are just snide and sarcastic about it- -and won't bother to explain for no reason. stop being vague and just tell me already!! i don't want to play mental charades with you!! anyway. yeah i hate having social anxiety it sucks. social anxiety vent this is also the reason i rarely reblog or reply to others in my fandom. i promise i'm not being rude or cold! i literally- -physically cannot bring myself to reply a lot of the time because i'm absolutely petrified to. i'm frozen with unimaginable fear. so liking posts is my way of showing i appreciate everyone :)
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