Anyone Out There? - Tumblr Posts

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i tell my friends i want to date someone who i'm good friends with. i tell people who ask me out that i don't do relationships out of the blue, and that you'll have to be friends with me before we even think about dating. but when i actually end up liking a friend, i push them away. why? i think its cuz i feel like i don't deserve more, like asking for more makes me greedy somehow. they've already given me friendship, it feels wrong to ask for more. i think its cuz i feel like friendship is a commodity, and that since they are just giving it to me, like i haven't earned it. its weird. i know friendship doesn't work like that, but this is literally the thought process i feel. i guess i just think i'm not worth more than friendship. it's fucking stupid, i need therapy.

A genuine question about my own life.

Why is open heart surgery not considered a disability to a majority of places when it’s involved in my every day life to take medication to not self log-out? I had no way to opt out of having this happen to me when I was under 10 and it’s lonely because it’s something so easy to hide until the trauma eats at me once more.

Brain is bubbling of pains.