Apologise - Tumblr Posts

i’m in love with the way you write! i was wondering if you could make a fix with toji and shy reader during and after an argument? you don’t have to, just throwing it out. i really love your work and i’m so glad i stumbled upon your blog! <3

Thank you for reading and enjoying my work! And thank you for sending in this request! 😊💙

Toji and his shy girl

The drive back to your place was quiet. Toji was focused entirely on the road, not making conversation or even glancing at you like he normally would with that smirk on his face that let you know how happy he was to be with you. You tried making conversation, but you were met with dry responses and hums of mere acknowledgement. You felt the familiar nervousness and anxiety, but this time it wasn't brought on by feelings of love and disbelief that someone like Toji would give the time of day to someone who is so different from him. It was like he was in his own world, and you were cropped out of it, even if you were right beside him. You decided to give it another shot. Maybe he was just in deep thought about something related to a job. He did get a call from Shiu during your time out.

"That ice cream shop we went to was pretty good. We should definitely go back there, sometime." You turn to him, a soft smile on your face as you await his response.

He looks at you through his peripheral vision, doesn't turn his head at all. "Yeah, maybe," he responds, his voice low and borderline emotionless, like his replies to you were on autopilot.

You feel a lump beginning to form in your throat as, once again, you're met with a similar response to the ones he gave you before. You nod, and shortly after shrink. You turn your body towards the car door, and nestle your clasped hands between your thighs. It's as good as you can get into a curled position, given the space you're in.

The drive continued on this way. You pinned to the door, trying to understand what was the matter, and Toji seemingly looking straight down the road. What you didn't know was that he kept glancing at you. His eyes turned in your direction every so often. Contrary to his current demeanor, he didn't like seeing you this way.

Normally, you both lifted each other up.

You, with your way of brightening his days. You make him smile and laugh by being unknowingly funny and sweet, and he just loves how doe eyed you get when his laughter turns into him pulling you into a bear hug. An embrace that conveys how much he loves and appreciates you for making him happy. Your arms are home to him. You're his teddy bear as much as he is yours, because if you wake up at night after falling asleep together and tell him that you have to drive home, he won't let you go. He just grunts and tightens his arms around you.

Toji, with his way of taking care of you and the constant reassurances he offers you. He's well aware of your internal fragility. He knows you're tough when it comes to physical pain. Cuts, scrapes, bruises? Nothing to you. You tend to them and forget they're there until you break your skin again. He knows when you haven't eaten, he knows when you're sad, he knows when you need a little push to get difficult thoughts out. He lets you think you're good at hiding these things, but in reality, all it takes is a flicker of a shift in your mood and he's working to decipher what's wrong.

The sour mood followed you both into your home. You set down all your stuff and went into your room to dress down. Whenever you're upset you like to cover yourself up to lead your invisibility. Before you got dressed into your hoodie and baggy sweatpants, you wore the cutest floral dress. Toji couldn't keep his eyes off of you as he guided you through the streets. He used his privilege of being your man to its full advantage, then. He gawked at your hips as they naturally swayed with the flowy dress and he smirked when you turned to look at him as he carefully walked you through crowds with a hand on your lower back. He relished in how beautiful you looked in that dress, feeling like it was tailored to you with how perfectly it hugged your body and how pretty your skin looked in the color.

You walked out into the living room again, sparing one glance at Toji who was already sitting on the couch, before sitting on the floor. You picked up the TV remote and made haste of choosing the show you were supposed to start together, to end the heavy and uncomfortable silence in the room.

Toji looked at your frame from behind, and felt entirely baffled by the loudness of your choice to hide in these baggy clothes. This was not the same girl who paused in the middle of the busy sidewalk to quickly kiss his cheek and turned to keep walking right after. This was not the same girl who tugged on his shirt and pointed at the single, poof of a cloud in the sky and giggled. This was not the same girl who got flustered after he wiped ice cream off the corner of her lip and licked the remnants off his thumb.

The show began, introduced by a viewer discretion that was cut off by you pausing it. You turned your entire body to look at Toji who just raised his brows in confusion.

"Can you talk to me?" You say, crossing your legs and resting your hands in your lap.

"We can't talk during a show," he says, nonchalantly.

"The show isn't playing. We can talk."

He stares at you in silence before sighing. He doesn't want to argue with you. Not only is it draining for both of you, but he hates the tension that lingers when everything is supposedly resolved. Like you're both still thinking of the way you looked at each other and the things that were said.

"Just leave it. It's fine," he says, redirecting his attention back to the TV. It's eating him up inside, but he would rather bear that than say something he doesn't mean to you.

"It's obviously not fine, Toji. You're not talking to me like you usually do. You're not even looking at me, right now."

His intense gaze goes back to you. He can see the worry in your eyes, and some part deep inside of him wants this to stop. For the events that transpired to have never happened. For a stupid do-over that would give the movie theater date a chance instead of walking through town.

"Tell me what I did wrong, because I don't know and I don't understand."

"You're not dumb. You're not oblivious, either. Which is why i'm also having trouble understanding something."

Your heart pangs at the sound of his voice. He sounds hurt and upset and he looks just like it as well. You furrow your brows, but stay silent to give him a chance to talk.

"I stepped away for a minute. You know, when Shiu called?" He takes note of the way you nod in response. You've always been so attentive to the things he says. "That call lasted less than two minutes. I thought, my girl will be fine. If someone starts chatting her up, she'll politely decline and send them on their way." He smiles at you. There's no warmth in the expression. No light, no kindness, nothing but bitter, unspoken disappointment. "The guy even moved the chair from where it was across the table, to sit right next to you. I turn around and..." he chuckles, a sound that would normally bring you so much joy, but right now makes your heart sink to the depths of your stomach. "He's touching you. He has his hand on your back and the other one on your wrist and he's leaning in like he's trying to inhale you."

You stand up and move onto the couch, keeping the distance but still leveling yourself with him. "I didn't want that. I didn't want him to touch me, I-I didn't want him to sit next to me or be near me..." You try to explain the situation as clearly as you can and fail miserably as your words jumble up. All of your thoughts want to come out and your defenses sound feeble because of it, like you're making these things up.

"Then why didn't you tell him to fuck off?" The words come out with all his stormy feelings behind them. "Why didn't you come to me? You could've walked up to me at any point," he argues, eyes wide in disbelief of your excuses.

"I didn't know how to tell him to stop. I didn't wanna make a scene and push him in front of all those people."

"Mhm, that's..." he shuts his eyes, and rubs the bridge of his nose. He can feel an oncoming headache. "...that's perfect. You handled that so well."

"I-I..." you sigh. "I told him I have a boyfriend and I even pointed at you. He just wouldn't stop." You feel the lump in your throat return, and you're trying so hard not to tear up. Your fists have been balled up since the beginning, you're sure your knuckles are white by now.

"It's fine. We talked, we're good," he says, ending the conversation. He watches as you press your lips together before moving back to the floor, and picking up the TV remote, again. Your arm raises, and the disclaimer ends, finally letting the show begin.

Toji isn't paying attention to the stupid show. He's watching you, silently hoping that you're okay. He's let down by those hopes when he sees your form tremble, and your shoulders lift. He hears a single gasped out sob and suddenly you're standing, walking out of the living room, and in the direction of your room.

"Fuck." He jumps up from the couch and trails after you. To his dismay, he hears the door shut and the lock turn immediately after. He hears your shattered heart from behind the door, the muffled sobbing coming from you. You sound like you're struggling to breathe with all the gasping and sniffling.

Toji attempts to twist the doorknob, even when he heard the sound of the lock turning clear as day. He knocks three times. "Mama?"

You don't respond, and instead put your hood on and drown yourself in the blankets.

He knocks again. "Mama, let me in." Your sniffling continues, but the sobbing has mellowed down. He knows you're not gonna get up and unlock the door for him, but truthfully, he's only knocking out of courtesy. The lock consisted of a small turn button that could easily be unlocked from the outside with a coin or a button or something much more convenient, his fingernail.

He turns the lock and twists the doorknob, immediately greeted by the sight of your shaking form through piled on blankets, and soft but clearer sniffing. He steps into the room and shuts the door, immediately directing himself to the edge of your bed. He gently strips the layers of blankets until it's just you, curled up into the smallest ball of tears. You think you're almost done crying.

"Come here, mama," he says, offering a gentle squeeze to your hip. You immediately sit up and keep your gaze down as you crawl over to his lap. As soon as you wrap your arms and legs around him, and you feel his arms holding you close, you realize you're not done crying. You're openly sobbing, again, into his chest. You're balling up the back of his shirt and squeezing him so tight as your chest heaves.

He pulls your hood down and presses kisses to the top of your head. "It's okay, baby, it's okay."

"Sorry," you mumble, your voice broken and quiet from the strained feeling in your throat.

"No. Don't apologize, sweetheart. You did nothing wrong." He feels shitty for saying similar things earlier in such a dismissive tone. You did so well at listening to his side and his feelings, he must've done a terrible job at understanding you if it led to you breaking down. "I mean it. It wasn't your fault." You've calmed down a little more, reduced to just little breaths through your nose as you listen to him talk. "I know I already told you this, but you looked so pretty today." He smiles at the feeling of you retightening your arms around him. "So, so pretty in that dress. No wonder that guy had his eyes on you."

You shake your head against him. "I wore that dress for you," you croak, not audible enough to be heard.

"What's that, princess?" He asks.

You clear your throat and try again. "I only wore the dress for you. I didn't care about anyone else. To me, it was just us two walking around."

He feels wanted. He can really feel how much you love him with that fragile, little heart of yours. He's determined to help you pick up the pieces of your heart and put it back together.

"I know, baby. It was like that for me until I saw all the people who were gawking at you." His blood boils at the memory of all the double takes. He shows you off all the time, but this was supposed to be a comfortable date. He knows better than to let those forgettable people get to him, but you're his girl. All he could think about was putting you in his pocket until you reached the places you wanted to see. "It was driving me crazy." He sighs, taking his turn to tighten his arms around you. "I'm jealous to the point of self destruction when it comes to you. You're a saint for even letting me hold you, right now."

You sit together in silence for a couple minutes. He wonders if you feel as loved by him as he does by you. He can always verbalize it to make sure, but he wants to be your solace through deeper means than just words. Your tears should never be hidden from him, regardless of whether you're arguing or you're emotional for other reasons. His arms should be the first place you fall into when your heart is aching.

"Tell me you love me, doll," he murmurs, into your hair.

You immediately comply to his simple request. It's easy to say when you mean it. "I love you, Toji."

"Mhm, I love you. Now look at me when you say it."

He can hear you giggling as you slightly pull your arms back to create some distance from him. He finally gets to look at you after what seems like hours. You have the cutest red nose and cheeks and your eyes are still a little red and slightly puffy. He thinks you look so beautiful, even after a hard cry.

He grins at the softness of your smile. Everything about you is just so gentle and soft towards him.

"I love you, Toji," you say, through a giggle. You're looking into his green eyes with clear adoration in your gaze.

"Yeah, that's the good stuff. I love you, mama," he returns, before smothering you with kisses all over your face to see how hard he can make you blush.