At Least I Got A Cat - Tumblr Posts

Vlog #1

I'm mad. I'm mad. I'm mad. Don't ask me why... I'll tell you why.

I start things. Don't finish them. I get mad for not finishing them. Make plans, schedules even, and then life happens and I can't follow them. Then I'm mad again. For not following them, for falling behind schedule, for seeing the list grow. I procrastinate. I feel like a failure. And gess what. I'm mad again. Even cleaning seems like such a huge task these days. So I'm mad at it too. I like super clean and organised spaces but I can't seem to gather the courage to keep my place up to my high standards. It's fairly clean and organised but not enough. I clean other people's houses and get paid for it but I still won't put that effort in my own pleace. That neatness... I'm mad. At everything.

It's not rage. Most of the time. It feels like a low flame somewhere inside of me. It's there, I can feel it heat up and keep me off balance. Sometimes it blows and I just want to leave whatever I'm doing and get away, instead of finishing.

It's frustration, I know. I just needed to explain a bit of it's layers. I'm frustrated with my life right now and I'm in a cicle of bitting my own tail.

I hope to get out of it soon.