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The Road Not Trekked (excerpt)

Fuck yeah, I'm shameless. Here's the first chapter of the prologue if my two branch, 40+ chapter Fates rewrite. If you don't hate it, then make my day by checking me out on ff.net and ao3 (just your friendly, neighborhood SilverShadow1711)

(also, this is my first time trying to use html on the tumblr app cuz I'm on my phone and I can't seem to code it in the browser, so sorry if it doesn't actually code...)

Prologue- “Where It All Begins”

“Where has my heart gone? An uneven trade for the real world...”

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Ch.1- “Family Ties”

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Autumn was quickly settling over the kingdom of Nohr, but it was known by all that the chilling winds where but a brief warning of the freezing weather that would soon follow. Farmers were busy harvesting their crops, whilst all others were making preparations for the winter season. But that was life far outside the boundaries of the Northern Citadel. In the fortress, routines rarely changed in relation to the passing seasons. And the most strictly followed routine was that of training.

Training was over for the day (the sun set so quickly in the colder months one had to be up before it even rose to make the most of the daylight hours), a fact for which Nerr was eternally grateful. Despite the cold, she was drenched in sweat and though she had felt overheated in the midst of her mock battle, the chilled air had quickly set her freezing. A fact only emphasized by her bare feet, which were fast turning an unflattering shade of purple. Even as she made her way in from the courtyard, she dashed across the worn marble tiles on tip toe, trying to let as little bare flesh make contact with the cold floor as possible. It always baffled her friends and family why she didn't just wear shoes, even in the dead of winter. The answer was simple- she didn't like them. They were uncomfortable and restricting- like stays, but for your feet. Besides, it wasn't like shoes did much more to keep out the cold.

It was slow going, running up the stairs on her bare, frozen feet, her armor clanking with every step and every muscle sore and screaming for rest, but Nerr pushed aside her discomfort and persevered, for she knew the reward that lay in wait for her at the top of the tower she called home. And as she finally made her way to the last landing, one of the doors opened as if on cue, a vision of sheer loveliness in Nerr's eyes emerging from it. It was a young maid, about the same age that she was, her icy blue hair tied in neat pigtails. And as the maid spotted the frozen girl, she smiled slightly.

“There you are, Lady Nerr. You must be exhausted. I've prepared a bath for you.” Nerr laughed in delight, rushing forward and throwing her arms around the maid. She knew it wasn't the most thoughtful thing to do, what with her sweaty, disgusting armor and all, but she was too happy to care.

“Oh, Flora, you are my savior. You are a gift from the gods themselves, and I thank them every day for you!” The maid flushed slightly and looked away, clearly not comfortable with the praises lauded upon her.

“Oh, not at all, Lady Nerr. I'm just doing my--”

By that time, Flora's audience had long since run into the room she'd just vacated. A loud clanking and several colorful swears could be heard from it's depths. Smiling and shaking her head in good natured exasperation, Flora went back into the room to find her ladyship engaged in a vicious battle with her own armor, pulling at the straps in an attempt to undo them. Were it anyone else, Flora would've been disgusted with their gross incompetence, but she could see the other girl's fingers were stiff from cold, and her armor was rather complicated.

“Here, milady. Allow me to do that.” Obviously relieved to have someone who knew what they were doing take over, Nerr smiled gratefully and tried to keep from trembling too much as her maid quickly dismantled her armor. There was a rather large tub in the center of the room, filled nearly to the brim with hot water. As the warm steam wafted over her, it carried the scent of jasmine. Nerr had only seen the purple flowers in books, but knew that they grew in the southern regions of Nohr, where the climate was warmer. For so long she'd dreamed of seeing them, not just smelling them in her bath water or on her clothes, or the dried, dead petals that came in sachets, but real, living flowers. Now, finally, that dream was withing shouting distance.

As Flora pulled off the last piece of her armor, Nerr quickly stripped her clothes off. She'd have tried to fold them normally, making such a mess of things that the maid would eventually beg her to just leave them alone, but she was quickly loosing the feeling in her toes. With as much restraint as she could manage (which was not much, given that she was almost completely numb in her extremities), she climbed into the bath, letting out a mixed cry of pain and relief as the hot water engulfed her. The heat was almost too much to bear on her frozen skin, and it felt like she had sat in a thousand needles, but she needed it. Eventually, the pain ebbed away, leaving only the relaxing pleasure that coursed through her body. Sighing, she leaned against the chilled tiles, goosebumps rising up along her arms. Flora had just finished organizing the various plates of her armor, and walked over to the tub, carrying a few glass bottles filled with different colored liquids.

“Your training must've been grueling today, milady. You look fit to collapse.” Nerr chuckled slightly, remembering her training. All in all, it had consisted of basic drills. The only thing that really made it difficult was the cold.

“It was fairly standard. But I'll tell you, Flora, after that hellish endurance training last week, I'm just happy to do something I can sleep at the end of.”

An unsuppressed shudder went through Nerr as she remembered the 'endurance training'. It was something all prospective Nohrian knights had to go through before they were actually knighted, at least five days of non-stop, grueling training with only the bare minimum food and sleep. It was meant to simulate actual battle conditions in the field, and very few squires actually made it through. She had heard from Leo that people sometimes died in the middle of it. Nerr hadn't believed that at first, but after five days of no food, no sleep and pushing her body beyond it's limit, she had literally begged for death herself. Or so Jakob told her- she honestly didn't remember anything of that last day.

“I had almost forgotten about that. You were unconscious for two days afterwards. Should you really be training again so soon?” Nerr tilted her head back to look at Flora. Even upside down, she looked concerned.

“I have to.” She answered simply. “Now that I'm of age, I have to prove to Father that I'm fit to join our armies on the battlefield. It's bad enough I have to be quarantined here just because of a little trauma a hundred years ago- if I can't shake off one tiny coma, I'll never be allowed outside!”

She tilted her head further back, dipping her hair into the water, warming her scalp and wishing she could just duck her whole face under for a minute or two. But as she watched Flora uncork the bottles, she knew her self indulgence would have to wait a while longer.

“I know that, Lady Nerr. And I know how much this opportunity means to you. I'm just worried that you might be pushing yourself too hard.” Nerr could not help but smile as she sat up again, the warm water cascading over her. The maid behind her made quick work of untying her hair and undoing the braids she wore in it. It was hard to remember a time when Flora hadn't been there to do that for her. It was hard to remember a lot of things that happened before, but she had a feeling that was more because she didn't want to remember than anything. Nerr only let her focus stay on the good things.

“I know, Flora. I'm so grateful to have you looking out for me. But really, you don't have to worry. I feel fine. Better than fine, I'm on top of the world! Training was a piece of cake.”

“Still, it seems unfair that you would have to train on your birthday.” Nerr tried to look over her should once more, but Flora set her looking straight ahead as she began pouring the contents of one of the bottles on her lady's head. She cringed at the cold that now seemed to creep down her spine, but quickly refocused her thoughts.

“I don't see why. You're from the Ice tribe, and they're all about having strong warriors. Didn't you have to train on your birthday?” She couldn't see it, but the maid was scowling deeply. She wasn't wrong, and had anyone else said such a thing, Flora undoubtedly would have been very upset with them, but it was clear to anyone who knew her that the Nohrian princess did not mean anything cruel with her words. She never strove to be unkind, and she truly was ignorant in the ways of the world outside the boundary of the citadel, so Flora quickly bit back her anger.

“I did train on my birthday, and that is precisely why I say it is unfair.”

Rolling her sleeves up, she began working a lather into her ladyship's hair, perhaps a touch more forcefully than she normally would've done.

“But I got to see my family today. And not just one or two of them. Everyone came out to wish me a happy birthday, and they all stayed until noon, so how can I complain about a little training? I say it's a small price to pay.”

Maybe there were other people who wouldn't think two whole hours spent with their family was a big deal, but to Nerr, those people were crazy. The citadel she was the liege-lord of was two hours from the main castle on horseback, and her sibling were all very busy with their own duties. As such, she cherished every moment she could spend with them. Visits were few and far between, and rarely lasted an hour, so for all of her siblings to schedule so much time for her was indeed the most touching gift they could ever give her. Flora smiled softly as she continued lathering.

“I'm sure it warms your family's hearts to know you think so dearly of them...”

After her hair and back were washed, Nerr quickly fished in the bath. She would've enjoyed staying in the warm water a while longer, but alas, the water was quickly cooling. Hot things did not stay that way for long in the drafty fortress, despite everyone's best attempts to close all the holes and cracks. Nerr wondered if it was warmer in the main castle. It probably was- that was where the king and royal family lived, after all. It wouldn't do for the crown prince to catch his death from a chill. She looked forward to the day she and her retainers and household could move in as well, to be nearer to her family, and the rest of the world in general. Flora helped her into her nightgown and braided her hair for her the way she always wore it to sleep. For the first time, the thought struck her that, if she truly did join the Nohrian army, chances were she would not be able to bring Flora along. That wouldn't be fair to all the soldiers that weren't royalty. She needed to ask the maid how to braid her own her before she went anywhere.

The excitement and physical exhaustion of the day was beginning to catch up to her. Flora, in her infinite kindness, offered to escort Nerr back to her room, though they both knew it was more because the princess was in the habit of falling asleep wherever she got tired, and it would do no one any good if she caught a draft sleeping on the floor. The thought of crawling into bed and pulling her comforters over herself was almost as happy as that of her siblings. She had been suppressing a yawn as she opened the door to her room and once she walked in, it was difficult to tell if she had opened her eyes or not. The room was completely dark. Normally, such things didn't bother Nerr- she often found she could see in the dark just as well as in the light, but she was too tired to make sense of what she was looking at.

“Flora, why's it so dark in here?”

“Oh dear, I must've forgotten to light the torches. Don't worry, I'll get a light.”

She pulled Nerr into the doorway and stepped away. The darkness was so soothing, it was tempting to just lean against the door frame and go to sleep. The young princess was seriously contemplating that thought when a faint light appeared in the dark. Several, actually, all crowded close together. It was the warm, flickering light of candles, in the center of her room. And illuminated in the dim glow were the faces of her retainers and servants, smiling up at her. A cake lay on the table in front of them. Taken aback, Nerr slowly approached them, making sure to keep her breathing steady. It did not do for a princess of Nohr to go to pieces at the slightest provocation.

“What's this?” She asked, knowing the answer, but still curious if it wasn't something different.

“It's a birthday celebration.” Jakob answered primly.

“You guys know you don't have to do this. My birthday is nothing special.”

“We respectfully disagree, my lady.” Gunther interjected. “This is the day the gods gave you to us. That is something very special indeed.” Felicia nodded energetically, her long hair bouncing about.

“Yeah! Not to mention today, you're officially an adult. We gotta celebrate that!” Lilith, the newest member of her household, smiled up at her shyly.

“You mean so much to us, Lady Nerr. This is the least we can do to show you.”

Nerr felt her throat tighten as she look at the illuminated faces. She swallowed the happy tears that threatened to overtake her (a princess must always be in control of their emotions), and beamed back at them.

“Thank you all. This means so much to me....”

“Well, don't just stand there getting emotional,” Flora teased. “Make a wish.”

She looked down at the candles, their tiny, fragile light reminding her of the stars she often looked up at, especially on cold, clear nights like this.They said if you saw a falling star, you could make a wish, but she had never been that lucky. She wished she could've seen at least one before, for now, there were so many wishes she wanted to make. She wanted to finally leave the citadel, she wanted her father to finally be proud of her... she wanted to know what it felt like to be loved by the person she loved... But as the memory of this perfect, happy day filled her chest, all of those other wishes fell away, replaced by something that mattered much, much more. Leaning down, she took a deep breath. 'Gods... please don't take this happiness away...'As she blew out the candles with as much force as she could, the room was once more thrown into darkness.

“Oh. That... wasn't smart...” There was a throaty chuckle from across the table.

“I'll put the lights back on, my lady.”

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Nerr had smiled consistently throughout late birthday celebration. It was a strange feeling, to sit and eat with so many other people. Although there was a dining room in the citadel somewhere, she always took her meals in her room, and she assumed her retainers did the same. There weren't enough chairs for everyone, so Felicia, Lilith and (with some coaxing) Flora crowded together with her on her bed.

The cake was apple spice kugelhopf, since apparently there had been a decent crop of apples that year (though she was fairly certain she had overheard Xander mention something about the wheat crop failing). The princess delighted in the fact that she had been born in the midst of the harvest season when fruit abounded. Not that it benefited anyone else since, as Leo, and Gunther, and occasionally Jakob bemoaned, she ate all the damn fruit before anyone else had a chance to. They had to hide a secret stash just for this occasion.

“That was clever. I mean, it's also sneaky and insulting and disloyal, but very clever.” Jakob sat a little straighter in his seat, unable to keep the smile completely off his face.

“Thank you, Lady Nerr. It was my idea. The cake was also my work.”

“Hey!” From beside her- as in, right in her ear- Felicia protested loudly. “I helped too!” At once, Jakob's smile slid from his face, replaced with a deep frown.

“If by 'helped' you mean 'almost completely ruined everything', then yes. You 'helped' a lot.” Felicia gasped, affronted. It seemed that this disagreement was about to turn into a full-on screaming match. Lilith edged away from the young maid as the temperature around her began dropping. Nerr desperately wished she could do the same, but she was unfortunately sandwiched between Felicia and her sister. Sighing loudly, Gunther rolled his eyes skywards.

“For the gods' sake, can you two not bicker for one day? Is that truly too much to ask? Normally I'd tell you to go outside and settle your silly argument with combat, but I wouldn't want Lady Nerr's birthday further ruined with one of you losing an eye.” Jakob and Felicia awkwardly looked to the floor, shame-faced. Nerr felt her heart go out to both of them, and she smiled gently.

“Aw, they're not ruining anything, Gunther. I'm used to them arguing. We all are, I think. I, for one, can't imagine not waking up in the ungodly hours of the morning to the sounds of crashing and yelling.” Badly suppressed giggles came from either side of her, and both domestics looked up, clearly relieved they hadn't ruined her birthday. Besides, she added silently to herself, families fight. They argue and make up and go back to being families.

It was fun and surprisingly relaxing to share a meal with others, to talk and laugh. Sometimes she would read about families sitting down to dinner together. She wondered if her siblings ate like this, with father at the head of the table, discussing their lessons or training... It was a nice thought. She truly hoped they did and that when she could finally join them in the castle, that she could take part as well. But even if that was just a dream that could never come true, she was happy with this family.

It was quite late when the conversation finally began tapering off. Though Nerr was loathe to admit it, her exhaustion was catching up to her. Perhaps noticing her drooping eyelids, the servants quickly remembered the chores left to them before they could turn in for the night. Lilith had to feed the horses, Flora and Jakob had to tidy the kitchen, and Felicia... had to try not to break any more plates. They all excused themselves, wishing their liege a happy birthday one last time as they took their leave. Nerr was in the middle of contemplating the practicality of replacing all the citadel's ceramic dishes with metal ones to avoid another Felicia disaster when she suddenly realized there was still one member of her makeshift family in the room with her.

“Gunther. What are you still doing here? I thought you left with the others.” The older man bowed his head.

“My apologies, my lady. I'll be but a moment and then leave you to your peace.” Nerr frowned a bit. That didn't sound at all like Gunther. Normally, her retainer was the one telling her to stop dawdling and get a move on.

“Is something wrong?” She asked quietly. She prayed there wasn't. The thought of something being wrong with her oldest, dearest companion made her stomach clench painfully in fear. Noticing her concern, the old knight laughed softly.

“No. There's nothing wrong, my lady. Just the passage of time...”

“What do you mean?” He sighed, softly but she still caught it.

“It just seems impossible to me that fifteen years could have passed so quickly. I still remember when you were a little girl, begging me to pick you up and carry you about on my shoulders...” Nerr felt the heat rise in her cheeks at the memory. It was hazy, but it was there.

“Don't remind me of those things, Gunther. It's embarrassing. I'm not a child anymore.”

“I know.” His voice was quiet, as if he were speaking more to himself than to her. “I know that better than anyone. It's just so hard to believe that that playful little girl grew up into the strong, beautiful woman that sits before me now.” Her cheeks burned hotter, but pleasantly so this time. She could not help but smile a bit as she asked, somewhat shyly,

“You think I'm beautiful?” Perhaps a younger man would've been flustered, but Gunther possessed a nonchalance that could only come with age.

“I doubt there is a soul in this kingdom that does not.”

It was a non-answer, but Nerr was still flattered. The older man got to his feet and approached her, stopping a respectful distance from her bed.

“I'm sure Jakob would kill me in my sleep if he knew about this, but... I have a gift for you.” Despite her insistence that she was an adult, the princess could not contain the childish burst of excitement she felt at those words. Perhaps because it had been so long since she last heard them. When she was younger, back when Gunther still left the fortress to go on patrols with the rest of the active duty knights, he would always bring her presents from the town in the capital. Sweets and toys and books... it was not so much the presents themselves that she adored (though she truly did, and kept every one of those treasures squirreled away somewhere safe), but rather, what they represented. The world beyond the confines of her cage, places she could only dream of going.

As she got older, the gifts became less frequent until they stopped all together. She never questioned it, of course- that would come across as horribly selfish and entitled, and besides, she had probably just outgrown that little tradition just as she had outgrown everything else that served as a happy reprieve. Now, her heart leapt as she jumped to her feet, bouncing on her toes in joyful anticipation.

“Ooh, what is it? What is it?” Reaching into the pouch he wore on his sword belt, Gunther pulled out a small, plain wooden box. It was unwrapped, but his presents always were. Biting back a squeal of excitement, she reached out as calmly as she could, using all her restraint to not snatch the box from his hand- that would be a terrible show of decorum.

“Can I open it?” She asked hopefully. It seemed unlikely it was something that needed to be opened in private, but one could never be too sure. He smiled at her, that hybrid amused-slash-exasperated smile that was always accompanied with a shake of the head.

“That's why I gave it to you.” The box was hinged, and there was a small latch that she quickly undid, opening it. It was lined just as simply with dark cloth, and there in the middle was a rather large butterfly. Not a live creature, or even a dead one to be put on display, but a broach or something of that sort. It was sculpted of beautifully polished brass, it's body and the details of it's wings inlaid with some black stone- jet, she assumed.

“It's a hairpin.” He explained, silently gauging her reaction. “I know my lady rarely has use for such frivolities, but when I saw it, I could not help but think of you.” She looked up at him, confused. “Butterflies symbolize change, and I've given it to you filled with the hope that your life will change only for the better.”

Silently, Nerr looked back down at her gift. It glinted dully as it caught the light of the torches on her walls. Slowly, her smile had been fading, and now, she simply looked impassive. Though it did not show on his face, Gunther was surely apprehensive of his mistress's sudden change in demeanor. It could've been for any number of reasons; perhaps she thought him too forward, perhaps she felt such a thing was beneath her...That certainly seemed likely, so he spoke up once more, with a bit less enthusiasm than before, though...

“Of course, I understand that a cheap trinket is far beneath royalty. A princess deserves gold and jewels, but... I fear a soldier's salary is not so exorbitant--!!” He started as he felt her arms wrap around his waist. Sometime in the midst of his humiliating defense, she had set the box down on her bed and approached him, drawing him into a hug. That he didn't notice her until it was too late... it seemed his reflexes were going to seed...

For Nerr, this was another one of those happy things that she no longer had. As a child, Gunther had indulged her desire for hugs and affection freely, but one day, with no warning, he'd pulled away from her embrace and chided her. She was no longer a child, such behavior was unacceptable from a young lady, et cetera, et cetera. It seemed that from that day, a lonely, empty space had been born inside her. Of course, Elise and Camilla still freely gave hugs (it seemed that only hugging the opposite sex was bad, because hugging Jakob one day had resulted in a harsh scolding for both of them), and it wasn't as if anyone was cold to her, but still... The lesson she had taken away from that new rule was that being a mature, responsible adult meant giving up one's happiness. And though it made her sad, Nerr resigned herself to the fact that, if that was what was expected of her, that was what she would do.

While she told herself she was okay with that, in this particular moment, she could not force herself to think or behave like a dignified princess of Nohr. Just for a while, she needed to not be Nerr Von Krakenburg, and just be Nerr the girl. Gunther had not pulled away and begun chastising her yet, but it could've just been that he was in shock. She tightened her grip on his tunic just in case. He was right about one thing, though; the years certainly had passed. The last time she clearly remembered hugging him, her head barely came up to his stomach, and he'd had to stoop uncomfortably to return her embrace. Now, she could rest her cheek against his chest, her sensitive ears picking up the faint rhythm of his heart. There were tears in her eyes, and when she blinked, they stained the linen of his shirt a darker shade of purple.

“Lady Nerr? He asked, his voice quiet, but rumbling through her face and arms like distant thunder. “Are you alright?”

“I love it.” She sniffled. Clearly Gunther had not idea what she was on about.

“I don't--”

“Your gift. I love it, more than anything. It's the most wonderful present I've ever received.”

“It's just a piece of polished metal...” Nerr looked up at him, not bothering to wipe away her tears as they kept falling anyway.

“So is a crown. They're both just pieces of metal you wear- the value comes when someone says, 'this has value'. And so I say this hairpin is more valuable to me than all of the jewels in Castle Krakenburg.” Gunther gaped at her, ever so slightly.

“That's a bit of an exaggeration, I think...”

“I don't. It's the unmitigated truth. What would a handful of shiny rocks matter to me? This...” She glanced back to where the box lay on her bed. “This is something precious, given to me by the person I hold dearest in the world.”

“Lady Nerr...” She ignored him, pressing on as if she had said nothing wrong.

“It made you think of me, and it's filled with your hopes for me. I place more value on that than diamonds and gold.”

For a long time there was silence, and Nerr was too afraid to look up. Normally, her brain filtered out things like that before they got to her mouth, but today... she would blame it on her exhaustion. After a while, a low, deep laugh reverberated through her. She chanced a quick glance up and saw Gunther smiling down at her, a familiar, tender look in his eyes.

“You certainly know how to make a pauper feel like a king of kings. No doubt you could rally the world behind any cause you choose with those honeyed words.” Oh. So that was what he thought of her speech as- idle flattery. Reigning in her disappointment, she closed her eyes and leaned back against his chest (if he wasn't going to push her away, then she would enjoy the closeness for as long as she could), frustrated and tired.

“I spoke only the truth. I don't laud praise on things that don't deserve it.”

“I know, my lady. Your praise is the most honest critique. I truly do not deserve such distinction.”

“Nonsense...” she tried- and failed- to stifle a yawn. She was beginning to wish she was already in bed. “You're... a wonderful person, Gunther...”

“Heh. I think my lady might be sleep talking.”

Gently, he eased her back over to her bed, her legs giving out the moment they brushed against the mattress. Fighting another yawn, she used the last reserves of her strength to move her precious gift over to her nightstand, and swing her legs onto the bed as well. As she lay down, Gunther pulled the covers over her the same way he had done years ago. Reaching up, he brushed an ever-errant lock of hair from her forehead, another old habit, though it seemed his touch lingered just a little longer than it used to. Or perhaps that was wishful thinking from Nerr's half-dreaming mind.

“Good night, my little ladyship.” He whispered, using his old pet name for her. More asleep than awake, she smiled slightly.

“Good night, Gunther...” As his footsteps grew fainter and the door quietly squealed closed, she cracked her eyes open, a sliver of bright crimson visible in the darkness. She moved her lips silently. 'I love you...'