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HOW DARETH YOU MAKE ME HAVE THESE FEELS GOSH I LOVE LUKA SM AND YOU JUST BE HITTING ME WITH THESE FEELINGS THE LAST LINE OMG HHHH
Luka x OC: Like a moonlight dance (Élise’s goodbye letter)
So my playlist played THIS right after THAT. And it gave birth to Élise’s goodbye letter.
Note: this is a continuation to “The day bleeds into nightfall”, so you better read it before proceeding.
Tagging @toloveawarlord because duh, it’s Élise and @lovingsiriusoswald because she wanted to have her heart broken. Well, here you go. Should I say I’m sorry?
Title: Like a moonlight dance (Élise’s goodbye letter)
Fandom: Ikemen Revolution
Characters: Luka x OC (Élise)
Word Count: 1727
Genre: angst, angst, angst because I’m, made of it and for it
Warnings: feelings. Lots of feelings
The wind was at its finest, twirling the fallen leaves in a cold, sharp dance. The graveyard appeared hollow and dim in setting sun. The hour was coming for resident ghosts to wake up from their daily slumber, to watch over those who are still alive. The air felt humid and unpleasantly warm, but he wasn’t sure if it were because of approaching rain or tears pricking at his eyes.
Luka was leaning against a marble gravestone, sitting on the ground. He didn’t mind the dirty uniform, the freezing feel of the marble under his flushed cheek. The crow’s cry was all he could hear, beside the violent whistle of the wind, and he could swear his bones shivered in its sound.
A crow, he thought. How ironic.
Delicate paper envelope crumpled under the pressure of his fingers. He fixed his gaze on one letter elegantly written on its bottom. Luka. Nothing else. Simplicity of his name in this situation was driving him insane. Nothing else? Just a name. He almost could hear her saying it in low, lazy voice as she rolled around the bed in the morning, barely awake…
He shook his head, hair dancing around his face like a grotesque funeral veil. Élise’s handwriting was as neat and beautiful as herself.
She had written this later some time before they’ve seen each other last. When she still could hold a pen and sit longer than a few minutes. She left it in Kyle’s good hands to hand him over after the funeral was over. The initial thought was that he was supposed to read tight after it.
Then hours and days turned into weeks, and the month has passed before he could notice. And the letter was left unopened.
The time has come, but was he ready? Ever since the funeral he’s felt like this was some kind of a big joke, and Élise would burst through the door, wearing that barely appearing kind smile. Opening the letter would put the end to pretty much everything. The love of his life is gone and she’s not coming back. Not now, not ever.
He took in a deep, shaky breath. The envelope has been carefully opened, so he wouldn’t destroy the mild strokes of pen composing his name, and now all that was left to do was to read it. The hard part. The hardest part.
My dearest Luka
If you’re reading this…
He tore his eyes away, not being able to read through the blurriness covering irises. If you’re reading this, that means I’m already…
Gone. Away. Never to come back. Already a memory, hazed by passing time. Bleary features in cruel unreliable memory.
He swallowed the tears. He won’t break down on the first sentence. He started again.
My dearest Luka
If You’re reading this, that means I’m not there anymore to talk to you in person. There goes my worst fear, coming to live. I wish I knew were to start.
You know I’ve never been good with words. And You know why. I guess that’s why I have decided to leave You this letter. Call me a coward, but I hope that writing will be easier, because I won’t have to look you in the eye as I break that heart of Yours. The heart that belongs to me.
There was a sizable space between paragraphs here and the paper got strangely deformed. Luka run his fingers over the deformation.
It was the damage left by the dried tears. Élise’s tears. Luka saw the image under his eyelids: her delicate posture, bending over the desk, focusing last strength to write these words to him. And the tears, frequently streaming down the face that’s eaten by a disease, wasting away little by little.
He messily folded the letter and hit his forehead against the gravestone. That was too much. Too much. She cried over writing a letter…
I wish I don’t have to give You this letter. I wish to throw it in the fire in a few weeks, forgetting its existence. But that’s beside the point. Luka, my Love, I know You’re not reading this at the day of my funeral. I know it’s going to take time. I don’t how long have passed now. Weeks? Months? Either way, if the envelope is open, that means that You are ready. Ready to let me go.
There’s so many things that I’d like to tell You in person, but conveying feelings isn’t exactly my strong suit. I’d probably blush and turn my head away, never really saying anything. And I see You blushing as well in this situation. But You’re braver than me. You can swallow Your embarrassment down with insecurity and just say what’s on Your mind. One of the many things I love about You.
I had to take a break. I sincerely believed that writing a letter is easier way to communicate. And I don’t want to lie, not to You, so I’ll tell You: I’m crying. My face is all swollen and red, I have trouble breathing and if I had to say something right now I’m sure the words would get stuck in my throat. But it’s alright. That means I still have the strength to feel something.
Enough of that. I should get to the point.
My Love, meeting You was my salvation. It is not an exaggeration. I have spent twenty-five years of my life not knowing how to feel. Not knowing what does loving someone really mean. I don’t remember my parents well, since they were victims to the war in the Land of Reason, Langdon was never a caring father. And then I met You.
At first I couldn’t read the whirlwind of emotions hitting my body and soul. It was foreign, unknown, hurtful and beautiful. I let my mask fall around You, I was getting to know myself, my real self, alongside of You. You found me where I failed to do so. You guided me through the darkest of nights to the brightest of dawns. Your shy, kind smiles melted the everlasting ice covering my heart. Your rosy cheeks had me blushing more times than I can count. Your warm embraces made me secure, safe for the first time in my life. Every time You kissed my forehead I felt like nothing in this world could break me. Not ever.
Your kisses had an ability to ignite a wild fire inside of me, the one which existence had been a mystery before. Your arms covering me as the night fell upon us…
The sound of Your voice when you told me You love me for the very first time. And all the times after that. Soft on my ears like first snow reaching the earth, melting in delight. Sweeter than any honey, more powerful than any magic.
Your laugh. Luka, my Love, Your pure pearly laugh. I couldn’t get enough. What I would give to hear it right now…
I always knew I would spend the rest of my life with You. Not like this, but it’s the end like any other. Just sooner than expected. Even if You were to leave me one day, I would never, ever love again.
Because, my dearest Luka, loving You was like a moonlight dance. Slow and magical, illuminated by a silver crescent – not fully there yet, making its way to fullness. Mysterious and kind – there was always only one path possible to walk upon, soft and steady, but its copestone unfamiliar and alluring. Sheer and enticing – because it was no one else but You, Luka. Always You.
We can’t plan the unexpected in life. I would never expected mine would be cut so short. But I have tasted happiness. Maybe universe has decided it’s all that I can get? All I deserve? I don’t know. I wish You wouldn’t have to see me in this sorry state, but I miss You, my Love. I’m weakening. I’m falling apart. I need You to pick up the pieces. Even if it’s meant to be one last time.
It’s not a goodbye letter and under no circumstances You’re allowed to treat it as one. It’s assurance: I’ll be nearby to love You forever.
I didn’t tell You all of this because I want You to grieve. No. It’s so You can move on. I’m not asking to forget me. Nobody wants to be forgotten after perishing. I’m asking You to live, knowing that You’ve been and will be loved. Live, Luka.
Claim life as Your own. Fall in love. Start a family, because I know it’s Your deepest dream. And remember that I shall be always watching: next to You, yet inappreciable. I will never be really gone as long as I’m in Your heart.
With deepest love
Élisabeth Babineaux
Your Élise
Delicate paper fell from Luka’s hands. His eyes dully scanned surrounding, never really stopping at anything at all, until they landed on the epitaph.
In loving memory of Élise Lancaster
(Élisabeth Babineaux)
Passed away in age of 26
Forever in our hearts
Élise. Élisabeth. His love. The one gone before him.
Something welled up inside of his fragile mind, the bomb went off, exploding… With anger.
“You… How dare you?! After all you could have told me in person, how dare you leaving a mere letter, claiming that you loved me?!”
His heart-breaking cry echoed throughout the cemetery as he jumped to his feet, even crow’s wailing cutting short. Wind played mercilessly with his hair, but little did he care.
“You left me! We were meant to spend a life together, so where are you now? WHY WON’T YOU ANANSWER ME?!”
Luka fell to his knees, sob ripping out of clenched throat, full of sadness and despair. He hit gravestone with fists, over and over again.
“My Élise, why won’t you come back…?just take me back—”
The sky cried over a mourning man, crying with him over a loss he’s suffered, washing his sorrow with cold and heavy tears, helping put out the fierce anger. Until all its flames burnt out.
There was nothing left for Luka to do, but to press his quivering lips against the cool gravestone, marked with sky’s tears. He waited until he became one with the flood around him and whispered, still kissing the marble:
“I will live.”