Bird Religion - Tumblr Posts
The AIGRON
intensely sectarian
incredible variety of worship
inscrutable history
individuality encouraged
No two sects tell the same story of the AIGRON, and for that matter no two members of a sect tell their story the same way. It is only through dedicated research and thousands of interviews that a general trend emerges, a timeline that is charitably described as “rough” but more accurately called “a disgrace to chronology”.
Here is what I have so far: “Millions of years ago there was a great fire that destroyed almost all life on this planet.” Gross Blue Herons (for brevity’s sake we’ll use their alpha code, GBHE) claim the AIGRON lit the fire to ‘purify’ the world | Gluttonous Blue Herons (GBHE) say the god was looking for a way to cook a bunch of food at once | Glorious Blue Herons (GBHE) say the bright lights in the heavens grew jealous of the AIGRON’s magnificence and sought to burn it away | Gruff Blue Herons (...GBHE) only refer to it as ‘a very stressful time’.
“With so much space and so few surviving species the AIGRON felt” that it was time to spread their ideology across the world (GBH- okay you know what alpha codes are bullshit, I’ll just assume you can match it all correctly) | intense hunger at all of the delectable food cooked to perfection laying around everywhere | grief there was nobody around to revel in their brilliance | like the worst was over
“and so they” Stalked across the countryside to pick off stragglers and prepare the world for their new and perfect children | ate and ate until they burst into a million pieces | began plucking out their own feathers from sadness | continued on.
The lesson: “We are the AIGRON’s chosen and must continue their work” | “If doing what you love kills you then you will die happy” | “We are those feathers and we are Glorious” | “It's in the past, stop talking about it”
Beyond that things get intensely muddled and contradictory; I’ve only just started down the road of comparative ornitheochronolography so it is frankly beyond my skills to finish as yet. The main takeaway from this is you can’t get anybody from family Ardeidae to agree on anything.
Closed for Lent
The Academy of Bird Sciences will re-open on 17 April 2017
Once again I will be spending the next several weeks searching for an Eastern Kingback Phoenix nesting site. While it is true these birds have been legally extinct for nearly fifteen centuries, I (alongside many others) believe that one day a nesting pair will return and usher in a new era of peace and prosperity for all birds, flighted and flightless alike. As I detailed last year, the Eastern Kingback’s nesting season was used to formalize Easter’s place in the liturgical year at the first Council of Nicaea, which is why eggs are such a prominent feature of the holiday. If you have a bird emergency while TABS is closed, please contact any of the following blogs and they should be able to help you out: @blurds @birdycreatures @snailkites @importantbirds Thank you all for your understanding and I look forward to sharing more cutting-edge bird research with you in April!