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Not My Partner

807 words

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You had been messaging Quest all day about visiting him. Asking him for his advice about what tickets you should get, what days you should fly, how many days you should stay? He hadn't responded until you were both off work, but he didn't answer any questions, he just ignore everything you said and sent what seemed like a cold message.

We need to talk. Message me when you get home, then we can call. I have something to tell you.

Your anxiety started to make guesses about what he could mean, what he wanted to talk about and why. You rushed home after reading the message, when you got home you sent a message saying you'd wait for him to call. And that's what you did, for about ten minutes, you sat there watching yourself on the screen, fixing your appearance to distract yourself. You froze when his face appeared on screen, but you quickly got over it and greeted him.

"Hi!"

There was a pause, there was never a pause. Quest sighed before he let out a low hello.

"Hey."

It was apparent that something was wrong, his voice was low, his eyes avoiding the camera, the way he fidgeted with his hands. Your instinct to comfort who you love kicked in.

"Are you okay Quest? Do you want t-"

"I need you to be quiet for a minute."

You're interpreted by Quest, he rarely interrupted you, it made you uncomfortable. Even though his tone wasn’t rude, and he clearly wasn't trying to be you still felt offended, but you obeyed anyway not wanting to worsen your lover's mood. You gave him the time he needed, quietly fidgeting with yourself as you anxiously waited. You looked away for a millisecond only to hear your name whispered in a painful voice, you whipped your head back to the screen, meeting Quest's eyes.

"I have something to confess. I've known about it for a while but I was in denial, but now I feel that I just haven't admitted it to protect you. I truly care about you, you have been so caring, understanding, and loving. You make an amazing partner..."

You smiled at the praise as you held eye contact with your boyfriend through the screen before he broke it.

"But..."

"Not for me. I don't love you romantically."

He paused, again, it was still unnatural for him to let the silence shine, but you weren't focused on that. Your mind became a jungle gym for your anxiety. Possible ending for the sentence bouncing around your brain, making your heart race with all the exercise it was being put through. You waited for Quest to continue, begging him to shut down your anxiety. You watch as his eyes flicker back up to yours, then away, then again but this time he holds it. He finishes his confession, his voice emotional but still, matching his eyes.

Your breathing hiccups as your heart freezes, Quest sees your reaction but doesn't hesitate to continue, his voice now filled with guilt.

"I love you as a person, as a friend. I thought I loved you romantically but I realized I loved the idea of being loved. When you told me how you felt, I felt ecstatic that it was possible for someone to love me even after knowing about my life, my past. Though I realized I loved the care you had for me, and I tried. After I realized it wasn't romantic love I tried to fall in love with you, fake it till it came true, but-"

Quest pauses as you let out a loud sob, your hand flying to your mouth, imprisoning your voices. You see the pity on Quest's face, you nod for him to keep going.

"But when you started to plan a trip to visit me, I felt guilty, I knew I had to tell you before you spent all that money just to see a boyfriend who doesn't love you the way you thought he did."

You catch a glimpse of yourself, how messy the tears have made your face, you turn off the camera, ashamed. You watch Quest reaction through the clouded vision of your tears, his eyebrows crease together when he sees your face disappear, he recovers before continuing.

"I'm- I'm really sorry, I want you to know that, I know I hurt you and I understand that you need time, but please know that I still care for you, and I still want to be your friend and that I'm grateful for everything you've done for me."

Quest finishes talking, he waits for any resonance, but when he doesn't get one he sighs.

"I'll be going now, and once again, I'm sorry, for everything, you deserve better."

He leaves the call, leaving you alone, you don't bother leaving as you cry and scream, hoping no one joins the call.

my next WIP is part 2 of not your partner, so blooming panic fans should be happy