But HI I Care Them Deeply So Deeply........ Dandie N Rouxls Have A Lot Of Similar Shit I Think Even If They Handle It In Vv Different Ways - Tumblr Posts

Rouxls knows that one day, his cowardice will kill him. Or perhaps it will be his bravery.

Bravery not as in dying for a good cause, bravery like an unused muscle suddenly being asked to handle a great weight, atrophied in the way it was never used at all, and when it was; never to the extent that could dream of carrying what one day might be offered. offered to him. a stake that proclaims he must try, but an inability that demands he cannot. It was easier to run. Always easier to run. ( drawbridge uncrossed, the hesitation in him like a weed he couldn't pluck out; maybe didn't want to. music as a universal language, but he still doesn't voice what part of him wants to. asks to. refuses to. ) ━ but it gets harder, he's found, to justify. flight was easiest when he was alone, and very often, he was alone. but flight becomes it's own kind of challenge, now, as people hang to his trailing coattails and latch to his legs and ask him to stay; his own kind of bitter medicine, in a way, only made moreso when he finds it in himself to want to stay, unasked, when the sentimental part of him finds a connection; however unexpected; and says he should, despite it all, says he ought to.

this feels the same, a quiet part of him recognizes, because it is the same. no one asked him to play, and yet, and yet… ( the drawbridge uncrossed, his courage a fickle thing, but still; he reaches out a hand. he reaches, reaches, reaches. the water below like a threat. the water below like a boundary. the water below like a promise of something on the other side. )

the Duke listens. mindful, pale eyes resting gently upon her in an attentiveness often forgone, unknown, as a nail traces the grain of the instrument, thoughtful… his harsh silhouette cast upon the dark sky shifts as he turns to her, face a little more considering, and maybe a little more understanding. he looks to the flute, as though his true care is to it and not she, a minor salve to his pride, as he answers.

" while I doth not have such stake in thy 'homesickness', thine testament is undersold in mine opinion, if i might offereth, " Rouxls begins, eyes flicking over almost nervously, before forcing himself to continue whether it was asked of him or not ( if he didn't, it'd never be said ) ━ " a 'musical teacher' such as thineself is no simple task! and nay either doeseth it forbid you from such fears. "

he places a hand 'pon his chest and closes his eyes, as though to emphasize dramatics as a savior. " Ne'er waseth mine intention to befall as the young prince's warden, and yet, such a surprise doeseth circumstance bring! but, ah… " Rouxls pauses, glancing off to the side, considering and perhaps uncertain, before his eyes go back to Dandie. he allows himself, if only for now, to become something a little more real. just for now, just for now... " with such roles, t'is… expected, for dread or doubt to findst thee. "

" all wish to avoideth pains, minor or major, to those inest our'n keep despite how oft there is ever something unavoidable. t'is… " he searches for the right words, or perhaps, studies himself to offer a better answer than the one he had ( he can't help but think back to Lancer's father, his own cowardice to stand for the right, how it all played out… ) " a most unique kind of hell, I must admiteth fairly, especially in such unfamiliar lands… "

Rouxls takes a breath, steadying himself for a sincerity part of him tries to wriggle out of, and looks at her proper. reaching out, reaching out, and under him; the drawbridge offering it's sturdy wood forward beneath his heel; he acknowledges that he doesn't have the answers either, but it couldn't stop him from offering what he did. " but while agonies may be most difficult to keep at bay, they know their capability, and in thee, they have a great ally. "

" And nor is their pains the fault of your own-! we... we do what we can, and it must be enough. But they art strong, they shall wage well on their own, and in doubt, they know who to turneth towards. They have thus far, have they not? " he offers what he hopes to be a reassuring smile. neither of them have the answer to this question they ask, maybe no one did, but he knows to trust them. it's hard, it's unbearable, but so is growing up. so is living, living, living...

and then it's as though something occurs to him, and the sincerity is momentarily edged back with a now nervous grin, eyes flitting. ( wriggling, still, but he means what he said )

" ━ Ah, although, mayhaps keepeth such faith between us, yes-? I'd prefereth not to have the purple one bite at me for such admittances, or worse yet, she begin to gloat━ "

𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐧𝐞 wasn't an odd thing between them, although it had been spurred by her bardic tendencies, in the past. it was in her nature. sharing an earbud, plucking a string. her voice was nigh always raised in some fashion of song.

it was little wonder why the duke might offer music to her, this time. to the lightener, it almost seemed like music was magical, all on its own. a universal language. a salve to weariness.

" that's--…that's true. " she eyed the little flute and in that moment felt a connection. the dark world felt so foreign to someone who only knew "music class" and "teachers' lounge" and "crappy apartment at home." but, darkeners knew music. they knew puzzles. they knew how to throw down drawbridges and cross gaps and hold out their hand, when they met someone that resonated with them. perhaps there was a measure of comfort in knowing that, while opposite to home, there were similarities in the reflection.

that wasn't to say that she hadn't noticed rouxls' hesitation on the matter. the attempt to cheer her with music was sweet, but his feet hadn't crossed that drawbridge. and, ever introverted, dandie stayed on the other side. watching, quietly.

" uh…i guess that's pretty transparent… " her thick brows tamped downwards. always prone to fidget with her dulled claws, when she was on edge. " …i think it's homesickness, in part. but the other, bigger part is just…making sure the kids are safe. "

it was something that made her a brilliant teacher, of course, but her mother henning also brought on a shade of worry. how could it not? children kris and susie's age were starting to try to find themselves, in the world. it was scary. it was hard. and being somewhere like this, though they seemed to thrive, she couldn't help worrying for their well-being.

" i'm sure there are times where you worry about lancer, too. and--…i know that i'm just the music teacher, in the light world. but i still can't help but feel attached to kris and susie - even ralsei, at this point. i don't want something bad to happen to them. " a pause. a mirthless chuckle. " i don't think i'd forgive myself, if that happened. "