But The Fact That Blue Kept Having This Feeling Like They Werent The Only One In The Body Since They Formed - Tumblr Posts

bstroobery
1 year ago
"we got our first 'fakeclaim' today", the text, which is the thoughts of the girl depicted, reads, with this girl sitting at her computer.
"how can a stranger on the internet possibly know"; the text reads. the screen now shows the computer, although it is hard to distinguish the text on it.
"what someone experiences every day?" the computer screen is now distinguishable. it reads a comment written to the girl, mostly scribbled out, but part of it is legible, and it reads: "fake systems, like you."
"i talk about it so little." the view returns to the girl's face, who is looking off to the side in sorrowful thought.
"humans are so complex." the drawing shows a blank human with various thought bubbles, exclamation marks, and speech bubbles.
"and even if i wrote a million pages about every little detail of my life with OSDD-1b," the drawing shows the girl at a desk, writing on a sheet of paper. surrounding her are comically, and metaphorically, large stacks of paper, intended to represent the papers she has already written.
"would it be enough to shine even a fraction of light," the drawing depicts the girl now handing a stack to the blank human from before, who looks at her with curiosity.
"on what it is truly like to live that," the drawing shows the blank human reading one of the papers.
"...and not just to read it?" the drawing shows the blank human extending an arm of support onto the girl's shoulder. they are responding in a small speech bubble, but there are no written words. the girl looks at them with a mildly disappointed expression.
the drawing only reads three periods/dots, "..."
"i don't know," is written across the page by itself.
"but reading what they said feels like confirming doubts in my head," the drawing shows the girl looking at the comment once more, her expression sad, and reflective.
"the doubts saying they aren't real," the drawing depicts the girl standing, her arm awkwardly placed on her opposite arm. behind her are looming shadows, intended to be the other alters in the system she is apart of. they only have mildly distinguishing features, such as eyes, hair, and jawlines.
"but," the drawing stays the same, only the shadows behind the girl have begun to fade, and her eyes have closed.
"would that mean that i'm not real, either?" the shadows behind the girl are nearly invisible now, and she is looking at her hands in fear as she, too, is starting to fade.
"i'm just as 'made up' as the rest of them." the shadows behind the girl are gone now, and she has faded more, but is still visible.
"and i know my own thoughts, and values, worries, fears." the drawing only shows the girl sitting against a wall now, fully visible.
"hopes, dreams." there are two small drawings coinciding with each word. "hopes" depicts the girl petting with and smiling at a dog, who is wagging its tail and looking up at her happily. "dreams" depicts the girl with a cheerful, excited expression, a graduation cap on her head.
"and i know my dread every time i glance at the mirror," the drawing depicts the girl looking at a mirror, although the focus is on the front of her, so the mirror is not entirely visible. her expression is tired.
"at a body that isn't, and will never be, mine." the drawing now shows the mirror. in the mirror is the same pose as the girl, however the person in the mirror looks entirely different, with much shorter hair and different accessories.
"a body that i am trapped inside." the drawing shows the body that was in the mirror, covered in chains and tightly holding itself. there is a frown on its face.
"a body that i will never get to make my own." the drawing now shows a table with various items on top. one is a mannequin head with a wig over it, reminiscent of the protagonist girl's hair. beside it are a few items: an eye-shadow palette, an eyeliner pen, fishnet gloves, bracelets, and a toothbrush labelled "S".
"a body that i share with several others, who want to make a home out of it just as much as me." the drawing appears to be zoomed out. it still shows the items from before, but the table has extended to reveal two more "sets" of items. one shows another mannequin head with a different wig, with other makeup supplies and a stack of folded clothes, as well as a different toothbrush. the other shows a beanie hat with makeup supplies and astrology-themed folded clothes, as well as another pair of fishnet gloves, and another toothbrush.
"...part of me wants to listen to that stranger." the drawing only shows the girl's hand on the computer mouse from before.
"to stop trying to make sense of it and hope it just goes away." the drawing shows the girl holding a phone. the phone displays a pop-up requesting the confirmation of deleting an app. it only shows the app icon, an "&" ampersand symbol.
"but it's been nearly 8 years of being aware of some of our symptoms," the drawing shows the girl, looking down at the phone with a frown. a tear is falling down her cheek.
"and 2 years since finally accepting a label we'd been avoiding for nearly 5." the drawing shows a phone with an array of messages. most of them are illegible except for one, which shows a date, "january of 2022", and a message that reads, "i think i might have OSDD-1b."
"...we got our first fakeclaim today." the drawing shows the same close-up of the computer screen from the beginning of the post, with the fakeclaim comment depicted on it.
"I'm sorry, stranger," the drawing now shows an even more close-up of the screen, the mouse icon hovering over a delete button for the fakeclaim comment.
"i wish i were faking, too." is written across the screen by itself. the post ends.

"fakeclaim" — a personal comic about being in an OSDD/DID system.

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♡ reblog ♡ god that is such a mood we’re a newer accepted system but Blue had been having feelings about this stuff for awhile because I don’t think people without did or osdd constantly feel like they might be someone else sometimes it’s funny to think about because we told our brother and his first thought was maybe we’re faking it because we didn’t show any signs before accepting it but it’s so weird to think about we all want to be outside the body all of us in outer world and living a life side by side where we can all hang out together at restaurants or play video games together just be friends together outside of this inner world to be able to go to the movies together or to Dave and Busters together to laugh and have everyone else know we exist and that we all care for each other but the fact that Blue kept having this feeling like they weren’t the only one in the body since they formed how they would talk to us as if we were people out in the rest of the world how the line between fiction and reality blurred for them so often unable to distinguish if we were real or just imaginary because we acted on our own free will until someone finally pointed it out to them I wish we could all live separate lives in the outer world but still all be friends but I’ll settle for us sharing a body too even though the body doesn’t look like anyone here in the system anymore
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