Carth Onasi - Tumblr Posts
This is my fav Kotor fanfic
Chapters: 20/20 Fandom: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic (Video Games) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Carth Onasi/Female Revan Characters: Female Revan (Star Wars), Carth Onasi, Bastila Shan, Mission Vao, Zaalbar (Star Wars), T3-M4 (Star Wars), Canderous Ordo, Juhani (Star Wars), Jolee Bindo, HK-47 (Star Wars), Alek | Darth Malak Additional Tags: Romance, Slow Burn, Sarcasm, Trust Issues, Emotional Intimacy, Gray Asexual Character, Canon-Typical Violence, I Will Go Down With This Ship Series: Part 1 of Written Across the Stars Summary:
A series of moments in Carth and Velire’s relationship as they’re drawn together by forces beyond their control.
Multitudes
Look my heart desired to write some Old Republic so please have some Female Revan x Cath Onasi
(also i know he isn’t Carth but LOOK AT HIM?? IS HE NOT A GOOD CARTH???)
Revan stretched back in her seat, eyeing the sky cautiously. She knew she was viewed differently now that her past had been revealed to everyone- but she tried to see everything how she had once seen it as the dark conquerer.
Her feet rested on the dash of the Ebon Hawk. It was her turn to take the shift to fly- where once some of her crew mates would have been coming to pester her, keep her company. But a new kind of tension had been woven into the once tight-knit group who she was accustomed to and the had been keeping their distance. Not that she blamed them- it was quite the revelation, even for her.
Understanding as she was, it still stung.
Keep reading
I wrote a drabble because I'm going through something.
I took dialogue liberties.
KOTOR spoilers.
Carth x Revan
Brenwen loved the Ebon Hawk.
Just not so much when she needed privacy.
Between Sir Talks-A-Lot-Get-To-The-Point, Not Kid, Angry Carpet, and the Groupie it was a fraught and perilous journey to the female appointed cabin. Luckily, and to the betterment of her growing temper, Mission was busy attempting to teach Zaalbar Pizaak. That meant the chamber would be empty.
Using the stealth belt was a bit of an overkill, but it was enough to bypass the force sensitives of the group. Bless the little droid for silently following her movement with a swivel of its head, their attention returning to whatever droids did with downtime. Mando hardly glanced up while Murderbot toyed with his new rifle. Luckily Preachy wouldn't bother her with more... preaching. But in that lay half the problem. Bastilla was with Malak now- the bond they shared sensitive enough to know she was still alive. Just not where.
Leaving Brenwen alone with life-altering questions.
Revan.
The name alone drifted through her thoughts with sludge, slowing and twisting everything around it. How could that evil creature be her? She didn't have their memories. Did Brenwen even have her own? Brenwen tried to be good. Tried to placate the anger that pushed at the fringes of her mind. Tried to resolve the sadness that gripped her heart. Tried to subdue the guilt that weighed her shoulders.
Flyboy must hate her.
Unintended, but it was another betrayal. He told her so, accused her of horrible things. But Carth wasn't out of line doing so; a part of her had done those things. That must be the reason for his taut expression. Not her extended silence or cold demeanor.
Listening to Jolee was foolish. Allowing herself to the thought of even loving someone was... asinine. The Jedi wisely spoke against this kind of love. She felt shattered as the banter and off-handed quips suddenly stalled, revealing her attachment. It was hollowing, that space threatening to fill with despair. Brenwen couldn't allow grief as it paired with the anger that simmered just beneath the surface of her control. She wasn't proud of how her control had slipped over the past weeks. Blaming the sith influence of Korriban would only let her resolve fall further.
Forcing the blaster door to seal behind her, she attempted to meditate.
Slow breathing only amounted to further irritation as her mind proved unyielding. She was returning to a deep-set sadness within her soul—loss tearing at her heart with a disturbing physicality.
The door thumped, but still she pushed.
Eventually, the blaster door screeched open, but at this point the guise of a meditative stance was spiteful.
"Brenwen, is-" the husy voice stopped.
Now Brewnwen was committed, retaining her balanced levitation from the ground.
While functionally blind, the subtle scent of ambergris mixed with oiled leather and metal filled the room. Baiting her eyes to open, to take in the man awkwardly posing in the entryway. Instead, a cold emptiness caught her first. She had a retort: Lost? Or just hoping to get a peek? I could help with both. He would have laughed, blushed even.
Carth settled in front of her with a hearty crack of his knees, "if you're ready to talk, then... so am I."
She didn't focus long on how peculiarly heavy the hollowness in her chest grew.
"I tried to hate you. I tried... I wanted to hold you responsible for all the things you've done. For my...my wife, Telos... for Dustil," his head shook, holding back a tone that was anything but sincere. But what was he meant to do when this woman remained focused on blocking him out? Could she hear him? Still, he pushed, "but I can't. I got the revenge I wanted when Saul died, but it hasn't brought me the peace I thought it would."
"Bren-," Carth's husky timbre reached a softness unfamiliar to them both. A calloused thumb ran over her knuckles, bringing her back to the ground. To her eyes opening, soon followed the unconscious recoil on Brenwen's part, disconnecting them, "I'd understand if you're angry. I accused you of some... unfair things in front of the crew. I was so blinded by my anger that I failed to think of the shock you were going through."
"You always were a little moody," it wasn't Bren's whole heart behind the teasing, but he would take it.
"You got me. But you didn't make it easy to talk." Avoiding him, suddenly not taking him along on missions. It was frustrating trying to get an edge on her. Especially when everyone else counseled giving her space while she infiltrated the sith, not that he needed it, he could tell something was wrong by her chilly demeanor. Forcing her to visit the academy the first time to 'rescue' his son had done enough damage. Requiring them to obtain the Star Map on a separate trip. Fate was cruel to make her return after learning what she was.
An intense flash of anger narrowed her pupils, but her tone came out at a controlled neutral, "I wasn't going to push you, Carth."
"That's- that's not the obnoxiously persistent woman I know," he retorted. Not so controlled.
"Because you weren't whinging about some trust issue I had nothing to do with," she replied harshly, "I had absolutely nothing to do with Telos. Revan or otherwise."
"I know," he replied honestly, this time taking her hand without a sudden recoil, "All I can think of now is the promise that I made to protect you from what's going to come. It's given me a reason to look past... everything. Despite whatever part of Revan is inside you, the... the darkness that must surely be there, it isn't who you are. That's why I can't hate you. You don't have to be Revan."
"I'm not that monster! I'm not Revan," for as angry as the Jedi liked to act, it sounded like a plea.
"You can be so much more. Whatever the Jedi did to you, they gave you that chance. You have this huge destiny waiting for you, and I just fear that if you're alone, it could swallow you whole," Carth stumbled, redness pushing at the tips of his cheeks, "I mean, is there room in there for me? Will you let me help you?"
"I don't want you hurt protecting me," she looked down, meekly attempting to pull away from him, "Carth, if I-"
"I think I would be hurt worse if I didn't try," he urged solemnly, "whatever's happened up to this point, there's going to come a time very soon where you're going to have to make a choice. And there won't be any turning back. I want you to make the right choice. I want to give you a reason to."
"Are you calling me a child, Flyboy?"
"I wouldn't dream of it, but-" his jovial tone faded, back into a softer monologue, "you gave me a future. I want to give you a future too...with me."
Brenwen didn't have a response; this entire conversation she had imagined going in a completely different direction. She had catastrophized that they were done, over- no more flirting or indomitable giddiness with his attention. It was a fair boundary to have, considering what she was.
"Really?"
Enough of her disbelief came through that he pulled her into him tightly, just holding her there. He was shaking, and she was shaking; they were a matching pair.
Carth broke the silence again, "I think I could love you, if you give me the chance."
Brenwen grinned foolishly. If they were going to do this whole confession thing, she wanted to test something first. Boldly she pushed back the tendrils of hair that always fell away from the rest of its brethren; withdrawing her hand, they followed it back. Letting her hand rest on his chest, she decided on trusting him back, "I think I could love you too."
Little doodle of Revan and Carth from a fanfic I’ve written a few bits and pieces of. (Whether you all will ever see said fanfic remains a mystery).
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One of my favorite commissioned art pieces of my Revan, Keira & Carth Onasi. The very talented & lovely @geirahood drew this beautiful artwork for me :-D
this was my first time properly drawing him so ty for the opportunity @sealeneee !!!
They wanna fuck each other so badly
Okay, so Carth keeps coming up lately, both by people who love him and people who don't, and I thought I'd throw my two cents into the ring.
People complain that Carth is sexist, a lot. And I get where that's coming from, I've got the same issues with his romance as anyone else. I love the bones of Carth's character and remember him very fondly – he's tied for my favorite character from KotOR I, even! But the writing is... flawed, to say the least, and in a way that goes past just 'poorly aged.' I don't think his lines themselves ever go worse than awkward, but there's some more fundamentally unhealthy stuff written into his relationship that I suspect wasn't intentional.
What I find interesting, and what a meme just very succinctly pointed out, is that many of the same people who have beef with Carth are cool with Atton. Who is definitely the more sexist of the two, both incidentally and deliberately. And it's a really interesting differentiation between the two pilots/f!PC love interests/earlygame buddies, because I think their palatability comes entirely down to how the games portray that sexism. So this is my attempt to figure out why one thing works and the other kinda doesn't.
Carth Onasi is introduced as a stand-up guy. He stays behind as long as he possibly can to save other survivors on the Endar Spire; he believes in the Republic wholeheartedly, he serves to protect and approves when you do the same, and other characters sing his accolades. He's supposed to be wholesome, but with PTSD-related trust issues that cause friction between him and you.
Atton Rand is the opposite of that. You find him in a jail cell, he's untrustworthy and a cad, at any given moment he's either abrasive or lying through his teeth, he complains when you help people, and when you get to the bottom of his trust issues, you find out he's a worse guy than you ever could have imagined.
It's much too oversimplified to say that Carth is supposed to be a good person and Atton is not, that's not where the problem comes from, but it will become relevant later.
When Carth starts flirting with you... okay. The biggest, most obvious problem is that the game wants you to be into it. Carth flirts and continues to flirt after you can tell him to stop. Sure, whatever; that's not egregious. You can respond to Carth's flirting positively or negatively, and that's great... but when you do respond negatively, the game loves to pull you into these playful insult exchanges where your PC shouts and pouts while Carth taunts you. There's where the issues start. Even when the player is trying to shut him down, they get dragged along for the ride anyway, and the narrative decides that this is also romantic. Thus KotOR I only has a shallow understanding that it's presenting a situation a woman may want nothing to do with. It's kind of impressive that you can actually call Carth sexist in-game, and yet it doesn't feel like the game actually understands that he is in fact being sexist.
Actually, no. Maybe I'm reading too deep into this, maybe this is why I'm so forgiving to Carth as a character, but I don't think the problem is Carth, I think the problem is that the game is being sexist in this particular spot. I was more annoyed by my own return dialogue options than anything Carth said to me - especially the ones where I was being mean. It felt like f!Revan was being pigeonholed hard into the writer's idea of 'women', that it was not an especially flattering or nuanced view, and there wasn't anything that I actually wanted to say. Definitely the writer did not understand my perspective as a player – but that's not a problem unique to K1 and it's one even the sequel is super guilty of at times, so I'll move on for now.
When Atton makes skeevy remarks, you always have at least one dialogue option to call him out for it, and you cannot ever react positively to what he says. Either you smack him down or you ignore him. This is extremely important. Yes, you could argue that it's not as accommodating to how different players might react... but what this establishes is that the game is self-aware. It does not think what Atton is doing is in any way attractive, or that it should be interpreted positively. Instead it acknowledges what a lady's probable reaction to his unwanted advances would be and encourages the player to express it, and the way that's written isn't a playful back-and-forth, it's the Exile snapping at him and Atton backtracking. Atton's being a piece of shit, but instead of stirring up chemistry, the narrative goes out of its way to mete out karma – hence everyone else on the ship mocking him, or the comically topical details like him being an unwashed loser who smells terrible and scratches his junk in public. Whether you like Atton or not, the game wants you to know that it thinks he sucks, and you are never left feeling like there is an unsettled score.
On the contrary, this lack of self-awareness is what makes Carth's romance in K1 hard to swallow if you didn't start out receptive to it. When you can react negatively to Carth's comments, it doesn't feel like you can do so in an intelligent way. The tone is very “Ugh, MEN, amirite” rather than “I don't like the turn this conversation has taken and would like to just be your colleague again” or just “Stop.” - which is probably what you wanted to say if you were just platonically enjoying or less-amicably bickering with your dorito-jacket companion when the gorgeouses started coming out of left field.
Worse, when you actually can shut Carth's romance down, it involves being a dick to him and stomping hard on his personal issues. Like I'd understand if a player was angry with him at this point, because again, you've been forced into a romance arc even when you were telling the game no as much as it would let you - but there's a huge difference between wanting to tell a guy to back off and wanting to shit on his dead wife or his Sith kid or his blown-up planet. I dunno, I'm not that vindictive! I think there's only a couple of options at the very end of his romance tree where you can turn him down... not even amicably, it's still rude, just without being a Grade-A asshole, and by that point, you have been through a lot of flirting you presumably didn't want to be involved with. Generally, the game won't let you break things off with him without being a dick, even if you never agreed to board that train in the first place. Now loop back to the way that K1 unfailingly portrays Carth as a great guy, whose flaws have nothing to do with his upstanding sense of morality, and there's where the dissonance comes from. Not only does the game push you into his romance after you said no, it makes you the bad guy for trying to get out of what he initiated.
But there's another issue in the timing of the Carth relationship. He starts his flirting while he's expressing intense distrust and standoffishness with your PC. With Carth's nonstop skepticism about your trustworthiness, and constantly bringing up his issues with you... at least during Taris and Dantooine, it comes off more like his attraction to you is superficial and not as a result of him growing to like you, something that's pushed by how it's always focused on shallow hooks like your appearance or your 'cute' attitude. It's very awkward. I do not think this was the writer's intent. I think Carth's supposed to be captivated by what he's seen you do, and that's just going in recursive loops in his paranoid little brain and making things harder for him. By the end of the romance, it's extremely clear that Carth's into you for you. But it's clumsily handled at the start.
Contrast this with Atton, who starts off aggressively sexist towards a female Exile, fifty times more offensive than anything Carth ever does. Literally the first line he gets is leering at the PC's forced state of undress, mocking her vulnerability, and he continues in that vein for much of Peragus. He creeps on your nudity at least four times off the top of my head, he ogles you, he complains about women, he tries to hit on you, he even contemplates the possibility of Sexy Kreia (which is a level of dickery I can scarcely comprehend.)
But that tapers off and disappears around the time he starts showing actual romantic interest in your PC, like when Kreia threatens him and it's revealed how much your opinion matters to him, or when he asks Bao-Dur for advice. And a female PC never sees it again. This creates the opposite impression – that Atton's attraction is a result of your time together. Sure, he's still a pig, but it follows that he wasn't making serious passes at you on Peragus because his behavior now that he is actually interested in you has changed. And it implies that in an actual relationship, that would not be how he'd view or treat you, which I think is crucial for how willing people are to ship Atton with their Exiles.
Now, this is all a product of how K2 did not actually answer that question and let you romance Atton, because with Carth, it's the opposite and you see exactly how he behaves once he gets into a serious relationship. It involves spanking. Things could be very different if K2 actually had fleshed out romances. It's hard to say, because both the PC and the crew were very thoughtfully written (I will take a bold step here and say that K2's characters were on the whole written much better than K1's), but on the other hand, Atton is still the worst and I'm pretty sure the game would want to remind you of that if you agreed to play tonsil hockey with him. And it may have crashed into the same pitfall that Carth's did; if the game railroaded your interactions with Atton up to some point, it'd leave a bad taste in anyone's mouth who wasn't already signed up for the ship.
With the way things are, Atton not only gets a free pass to be interpreted as generously as his fans want and easily ignored by those who weren't keen on him, he even gets an interest boost from this because people will always want what they can't have.
Anyway. With a male PC, you'll continue to see Atton make sexist remarks towards other female characters and can even have a wingman chat with him that is entirely him projecting his issues all over women. He doesn't make these comments with a female PC, suggesting that he's on his best behavior... but that he'd still totally be a leering asshole if he wasn't trying to impress you. With a male PC and Carth, his sexism is nonexistent, again probably because he was never intended to be sexist and it's a product of clumsy/oblivious writing.
There's an additional layer with Atton and the question of how much anything he does is an act, but that doesn't exonerate him from any of the crap he says. I could write a separate essay on Atton and his relationship with women, but the guy is very much a womanizer who's terrified of the idea of intimacy and has a lot of shitty opinions that stem from his defensive need to believe that nothing emotional is ever real or relevant to him. He might've been casing the Exile on Peragus, but his chauvinism is genuine.
But I digress. The tl,dr; is that Atton acts less sucky the more he crushes on you and Carth acts more. Combo that with how their respective games make Atton pay for being creepy but give the strong impression they want you to go along with Carth's nonsense, and it's a little less mystifying why Carth gets so little benefit of the doubt while the King of Trash enjoys fandom sexyman status. His romance is almost predicated on the fact that he's a scumbag, where Carth's is very confused to whether the awkward parts should exist or not.
There's a bit more that kinda hurts Carth. The flirting... well, from what I remember it just got “wow, okay then” later on, and I found it way more silly than offensive in any way, but him repeatedly bringing up how you remind him of his dead wife doesn't help the relationship much and suggests that Carth may be projecting someone else over you. I can live with that, drama's tasty and it doesn't prevent a real connection from burgeoning. You can make the exact same argument for Atton anyway, and I think his is way worse. My major issue is at the end of the game. Mr. Trust Issues does not react well to the events on the Leviathan, when it turns out he was right to have kept an eye on the PC all along. It's great payoff! And I absolutely adore his discussion after that, when he admits his struggles to reconcile you and Revan, how he tried but he can't hate you, how helping you gave him something real when revenge only left him hollow. Seriously, for all the shade it gets, there's some really great stuff in his romance too - you just have to stick it out long enough to see it. But then, on Rakata Prime, Carth seems to reconcile his crisis of faith and finally, wholeheartedly decide to love you in a way that falls flat on its face. He confirms you're a good person because you're not Revan anymore, like Revan is some purely evil part of you you've now cast off, when... that really seems more like denial than anything else, and not the foundation for anything healthy.
Seriously, I wish they'd handled that with more nuance. It would have counted for so much in my books.
All of that said. I know I just went after the man like a vending machine with a stuck bottle of chocolate milk, but I think the sexist vibes in Carth's romance are worst at the start and that he does not deserve the sheer amount of flack he gets. I've seen far worse offenders in the world of video game romances, and this might drive some controversy in and of itself, but I vastly prefer Carth x f!Revan to Bastila x m!Revan. There's a whole 'nother pile of issues in K1's other official ship (f in chat for Juhani), and I think those are much harder to deal with than the ones here. If anything frustrates me with Carth's romance, it's how unnecessary all of the bullshit is. I really want to get into it! The concept is perfectly fine! I love the character! There's good stuff in there! And when I replay KotOR, it's not that difficult to close my eyes to the bleh parts and enjoy the rest, especially once the first couple of conversations are past. Again, all Carth needed was a more conscientious writer at the wheel.
I'd be really interested in hearing other people's takes, both on how they interacted with either of those romances or where their interpretations differed from mine. I only have my own perspective and that of a few people I've talked to over the years, and I'm given to understand this is something of a fandom hot topic!
POV: you're watching Carth while he is so enraptured by some music that picked at the most recent space port you stopped at
I finished the game recently and I like him a lot
"Shoot me, if you really want."
Patreon reward of some Revanasi!
[Image Description: Digital artwork of Carth Onasi and Revan from Knights of the Old Republic, shown from the waist up. Revan is a slender, light-skinned woman with long black hair tied in a low ponytail and wearing black Jedi robes. She has taken Carth's blaster and pointed it at her own chest as she looks up at him with teeth grit and tears in her eyes. Carth is angry and upset, and his hand is also on the blaster, but his finger isn't near the trigger. /end ID]
this was my first time properly drawing him so ty for the opportunity @sealeneee !!!
You think bastila was losing her mind watching carth ineffectually flirt with the dark lord of the sith
"If I'm going to live past Saul, I need you to, as well. Let me protect you... from yourself, from the Sith... you have to let me try."
- Carth Onasi, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, 2003
A doodle depicting a scene in a fic I’ve written a few bits of but never posted. Since canon Revan and Bastila Shan had a kid, I figured it was totally plausible that Carth Onasi and Lady Revan could have one too.
If I ever finish said fic remains a mystery, but maybe I will! It’s a spare-Malak AU, so he gets to suffer through watching the worst person he’s ever met become a parent. : )
Coming to Terms - Chapter 1
Fandom: Star Wars KOTOR
Characters: Female Revan/Carth Onasi, Female Revan & Bastila Shan
Rating: T
Summary: With the Star Forge destroyed, the crew of the Ebon Hawk are hailed as the saviours of the Republic. As the sudden scrutiny threatens to bring dangerous truths of the mission to light, they must confront the past and the future.
—
The Republic’s losses had been harsh in the battle, but they were still standing. Rank had its perks, and Carth had never been more grateful for it as he weaselled into the Ast Yanthar’s medbay. Deep into second shift, the bay was relatively quiet, and he made his way along the familiar route he’d traced for the past two days. Through the general ward to the array of kolto tanks, third on the left. As he approached, he discovered a slender silhouette in front of Velire’s tank.
Bastila. A jolt of surprise ran through him. He hadn’t seen her since she’d surrendered herself to Master Vandar, and even now she looked like she’d toured all nine hells. The pale blue glow of the tanks stripped any returning colour from her face, emphasising the rings under her eyes. Her right arm was still in a sling, her hair loose around her shoulders.
It was hard to reconcile with either the prim and proper Jedi or the Sith apprentice he’d glimpsed on the Star Forge. But all he could see was the casualty lists he’d been staring at for the past few days—two thousand three hundred personnel and counting. Three dreadnoughts, eighteen cruisers and hundreds of fighters.
Somehow she was so caught up in monitoring Velire that she didn’t notice Carth until he was almost beside her.
Bastila startled. Her eyes, wide and white-ringed, fixed on him as if he were a nexu that had sprung out of the bushes. “Carth! I didn’t…”
“It’s all right. We’re all tired.” It wasn’t all right at all, but she didn’t disagree. After almost eight months of living with Jedi, he knew he shouldn’t have been able to take her by surprise. “I just wanted to check on Lire.”
There was no change from any of the other times he’d visited. Velire floated in the tank, sedated, her willowy limbs half-curled around her. The thin medical jumpsuit she wore barely covered the necessities and certainly didn’t cover any of the damage, while a breather mask obscured most of her face.
The sight never failed to make his bruised heart squeeze. He whispered, “Hey, beautiful.”
[Read on AO3]
My other Smut Wars 2023 entry - I finally played KOTOR and the Carth romance with the spanking banter killed me. I love them. Pilot/Jedi is the best dynamic for me. This is my smuttier version of the post 3rd Star Map dialogue, including some light spanking of course.
Explicit, No Archive Warnings, Carth/Female Revan
You Gotta Stop Rescuing Me
After a bad fight in the Lower City, Carth half-carries Kala back to their apartment. Spice ensues.
“You gotta stop rescuing me,” I said through gritted teeth while clamping my fist down on a bleeding wound in my side. Carth chuckled at my attempt to be tough. The man knew me too well by this point.
“Well, ya gotta stop getting in trouble, gorgeous.”
I raised an eyebrow and nudged him in the ribs. A stab of pain shot through me and I winced, cursing through clenched teeth.
“Pace yourself,” he quipped.
“Will do,” I said with a weak salute.
Carth Onasi was a puzzle I was still trying to solve. He was at once suspicious of me and saving my ass, clearly troubled and wanting to talk about it yet always claiming otherwise. Despite his mistrust, he was loyal to a fault.
“I can do it,” I protested, shrugging him off.
“Suit yourself.” I could hear the eye roll in his voice. In the weeks we’d been stuck on Taris, he’d become far too used to my stubbornness to fall for my tough-girl act.
As I limped along the street as inconspicuously as possible, Carth never strayed too far from my side. People were staring but I kept my eyes ahead. They knew what the upper level of their city was hiding, but that didn’t mean they were used to sharing their affluent spaces with their community’s undesirables. It made me sick. I couldn’t wait to leave this rock behind.
A sharp pain dug into my side and I cried out. In an instant, Carth was there, looping his arm around me and hefting me to my feet.
“I gotcha,” he murmured. My heart stuttered at his words. More than once he had worked his way into the spaces between my nightmares, leaving me to work through my frustrations in the shower as soon as I woke up.
“I know you do,” I retorted, trying to shove aside the sudden realization of how close we were. He just chuckled and readjusted his grip on me.
Don’t let go, I found myself thinking. As long as I lived, I would never let him hear me say that. Anything we had right now was temporary. I’d help him rescue Bastila, we’d get off this planet, and then we’d part ways. I was counting down the hours.
“D’you need a medpack? We’ve still got one left, I think—“
“No, I’ll be fine. Let’s just get back to the apartment,” I said quickly. He sighed.
“Stubborn, stubborn woman,” Carth muttered to himself.
“Yeah, but you know you like it.”
At long last we made it back to the apartment. I allowed Carth to lean me against the wall, keeping my eyes on his as he gently, carefully, slid his arm from around me. The ghost of his touch lingered, finding me through my reinforced armor, and I shivered. Worry darkened his warm brown eyes.
“You’re not gonna die on me, are you?” he joked. I barked out a laugh.
“Hardly. Death would be too easy.” I grinned. “Besides, I’m too stubborn for that.”
Carth rolled his eyes, but the corner of his mouth tugged up in a smile. “Good. I need you.”
My throat tightened. I gulped. Carth stiffened slightly, realizing the weight of his words. Clearing his throat, he dug around in his pack and brought out our last medpack and the keycard to our apartment.
“I need you to hold this for a sec,” he amended. While he turned away to fiddle with the keycard, I stuck the medpack’s needle into my thigh. This time, Carth let his grin break through. “You stubborn, stubborn woman.”
The door slid open and he took my hands, throwing my arm around his shoulder. I sucked in a breath at the feeling of his hand on mine. A second later I kicked myself for it. I wasn’t developing feelings for him—not by a long shot. We’d been through a lot, had formed a weird bond for just the moment, were stuck together as we tried to get out of a sticky situation. But even as we crossed the threshold, I knew that these were just excuses. Carth was dead weight—he could never lead the type of life I did, and I couldn’t waste my time worrying about someone else every time I got myself into a bad scrape.
But maybe…maybe I could enjoy myself a little…
“So, Carth, you said you needed me?”
“Well, yeah, but—I mean—”
I didn’t even wait for the door to slide shut behind us before my lips were on his. He gasped softly in surprise, paused for a second too long. I was about to step away and utter an apology when he wrapped his arms around me, returning my kiss with a passion I didn’t even know he possessed. I laced my fingers through his hair, tugging him closer, pressing my body against his. Carth broke away, causing me to growl softly in annoyance.
“Dammit, Carth—” I snarled.
“Hold your banthas, gorgeous,” he purred, shrugging out of his jacket. I nearly tore his shirt and undershirt off of him in my impatience to get him to bed.
“Don’t you ‘hold your banthas’ me, Onasi,” I growled.
“Impatient, are we?”
“Something like that.”
Truth be told, I was still running high on adrenaline and maybe a bootleg stim or two. We’d almost died, and that fear was taking me to a weird place I didn’t quite understand. It didn’t help that Carth was ruggedly handsome in a way that made me weak in the knees. I had seen him, once, on Mandalore some years ago. Even back then I’d wanted him in my bunk. That night I had settled for a Mandalorian from the local Cantina.
Carth picked me up and in a few short strides deposited me on my bed. Though our apartment had two beds, there was just the one room and the small bathroom, which made for an awkward moment whenever I had to get dressed. Ever the gentleman, Carth would turn away or even wait in the hall for me to finish; it was a radical change from the desire that had taken over and consumed him now.
His fingers worked deftly at my armor’s buckles and the top fell away, revealing a plain white tank-top underneath. He made quick work of this as well, tossing it aside. My plump, full breasts now sat exposed, nipples standing erect in the cool air of the apartment. Carth’s eyes darkened with a smoldering lust.
“Fuck,” he hissed. I laughed.
“Language, Onasi.”
He dipped his head to take a nipple between his teeth, drawing a moan from me as he flicked his tongue against my sensitive skin. I gasped and gripped his shoulders, digging my fingers into his solid muscle. He let out a ragged breath, his own grip tightening on me as he ground his hips into mine.
“You’re gonna be the death of me, y’know that?” Carth growled in my ear.
“Don’t worry, I’ll at least make it worth your while.”
“I should turn you over my knee right now—”
I laughed. He would never. “You don’t have it in you,” I purred.
Not even hesitating, Carth grabbed me and flipped me over. The pillow was cool against my cheek, and I curled my fingers into the blanket bunched up beneath me. Carth splayed one hand on the back of my head, toying with my curls, while his other hand ran across the span of my back.
“You really so sure about that, missy?” he said, leaning in close so that his breath fanned across my cheek. I just smirked. His palm stopped to rest at the small of my back.
“You’re too nice,” I teased. His hand on my back tensed, and I grinned. “That’s right, Onasi. I’m calling your bluff.”
SMACK!
I hissed at the abrupt contact. Carth ran his lips along the shell of my ear. “What’s that about calling my bluff?” He gave my stinging ass a squeeze. “I don’t think you’re in the position to talk back like that.”
“I like this side of you, Onasi. Maybe I should talk back more often.”
He slapped my ass again. “Nah, I wanna see what else that pretty little mouth of yours can do.”
“It can beg.”
He hummed in thought, rubbing the area he’d just slapped. “Don’t lie to me. We both know begging ain’t exactly your style.”
I shivered beneath him, biting my lip to suppress a moan. Where did this side of him come from? He was always the good little Space Scout, the upstanding Republic soldier who wouldn’t dream of stepping out of line. Regardless, I wanted more of this part of him.
“Gizka got your tongue?” Carth purred dangerously in my ear. I squirmed, this time unable to hold back my moan.
His hand rubbed a slow circle around my ass cheek, gearing up for another smack. I moaned, lifting my hips to press back into him. A thick bulge had already rented his pants, and I rubbed myself against it.
SMACK!
I cried out, and he pushed me back down on the bed.
“Not so fast,” he said, his voice curling deliciously in my ear as he gave me another smack. I moaned louder as he wedged his knee between my legs.
“Just fuck me already,” I gritted out, rubbing myself against his leg. One way or another, I’d get myself off.
“Language, darling.” Carth ran his hand up and down the length of my back again. I shivered, gasping, under his touch and rocked back against his leg. Chuckling, Carth leaned back down to whisper in my ear. “You’re not gonna be able to walk tomorrow when I’m done with you.”
Carth yanked my pants off the rest of the way, tossing them carelessly across the room. A groan escaped his lips as he freed himself from his military-issue pants. Our eyes met for a brief moment before he plunged himself into me. With every thrust I was shoved down into the bed, my moans muffled by the tangle of blankets beneath me. I pushed back against him each time, desperate to have his cock fill me up.
This was just what I needed—this desperate rutting in a small room on a foreign planet—after the misfortune that had dogged our every step since setting foot on the Endar Spire.
Carth reached down between my legs. One of his fingers found my clit and began rubbing circles in time with his thrusts. I sucked in a sharp breath. He chuckled, relishing the way he made me squirm beneath him. He bent down, his stubble tickling my ear.
“I wanna make you come,” he murmured.
Wrapping an arm around my waist, he pulled me up while managing to stay buried in me. He held me flush with his chest as he dragged kisses along my jaw and down my throat.
“I gotcha,” he said softly.
“Fucking hell, Onasi…”
As he worked my clit, he moved his other hand up to cup my breast, still holding me close. I whimpered and squirmed against him, completely at his mercy. Something deep in the pit of my stomach wound tight, threatening to snap as I chased after my pleasure. Carth murmured encouragement in my ear.
“That’s it, beautiful…”
I fell apart, crying out as I tipped over into that sweet oblivion. Carth captured my lips in a bruising kiss. I was far too sensitive beneath him, but he still worked at my core, nearly sending me over the edge again. He moved his mouth back to my throat, down to my shoulder, leaving a searing trail of kisses and nips along my skin.
Carth pulled out suddenly, causing me to yelp as he flipped me onto my back. He chuckled, running a hand across my stomach. “We’re not done just yet,” he said, flashing me that crooked grin of his.
He plunged back into me again, this time throwing one of my legs over his shoulder. I gasped at the sensation spreading through my veins like wildfire. I could feel everything, every delicious stroke of his cock. His hand found my clit again and soon I was seeing stars.
His rhythm began to speed up, his chest heaving as his thrusts grew sloppy, and I knew he, too, was approaching his own zenith. With a barely-restrained shout, Carth emptied himself into me.
He pulled out of me and sat back on his heels, his chest heaving as if he’d just run a mile. I forced myself to look up at him. The Republic pilot leaned his head back, eyes shut and dark lashes fanned out across his flushed cheeks. As always, he cut a handsome figure without even having to try. Unlike the Mandalorian from the cantina, I wanted to linger here in our post-fuck glow, but I couldn’t. Besides, Carth looked like the type to cuddle afterward and I wasn’t about to let him in like that. It was better for him, better for me.
I sat up and threw my legs over the side of the bed. Already my thighs ached, and I smiled. Carth was nothing if not a man of his word.
“Where you going?” he asked. My smile faded. I fought to keep my expression carefully neutral.
“I need a shower. Blood has a habit of getting everywhere,” I said.
“Ah.” The disappointment in his voice made me wince.
I refused to look behind me as I padded over to our small bathroom. The sheets rustled behind me, and I had to fight to keep my gaze forward.
A hand gently wrapped around my upper arm, and Carth’s stubble scuffed my skin as he pressed a kiss to my throat. I shivered.
“Don’t wait up,” I forced out with a laugh.
“Don’t tell me what to do,” Carth purred against my throat.
There was a hesitance in the way he let go, the way he stepped back. People had always been easy for me to read—it came in handy whenever I had to convince someone that what I wanted them to do was their idea or when I had to give some government lackeys the slip. But Carth was unreadable at the best of times; I wasn’t sure what to make of it now, when his walls were down and he seemed to reconsider letting his hand fall to his side.
When I stepped out of the shower, Carth’s soft snores filled the room. He lay on the bed, sheets wrapped around his hips and his legs kicked out at crooked angles. A frown creased his brow. He grunted softly, and then a name slipped out.
“Morgana…”
The guilt that had been gnawing at me fell away. My own walls came back up. I’d heard him say her name before, sometimes a murmur, sometimes a wail. But always, always, I knew that no matter what we were now, we could never be anything more.
Happy Halloween! Consider this my contribution for Fic/Fluff/Smut -tober, because I've been too busy to do 31 things. But I FINALLY managed to get this done.
Fandom: KOTOR
Pairing: Carth Onasi/Lady Revan ; Revanasi
Rating: E. This is just a pile of fluffy smut.
Summary: Carth Onasi and Lady Revan, Questra Karr, finally get some alone time on the Ebon Hawk.
Quotation: I got nothing of redeeming or nutritional value.