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He dreams about her yet...

His chest was aching, a lot. He barley could breathe and see. Everything around were blurry and confusing, tortuous and- "Damn! She was alive!", Darth Malak thought. He smiled for a bit and almost feint on his desk; his heart was pounding so hard that it hurt, it hurt to have a heart and feel again the turmoil of emotions he didn't believe they were dwelling inside after so many years.

It hurt to know she was alive after all this time, and he wasn't there; it hurt to realize he couldn't kill her as he had believed; it hurt to know he failed as Sith; and, it hurt to see the anger in her eyes.

More than hurt, it scared him. She could kill him before, and she could do it again, this time Darth Malak wasn't going to expect any kind of mercy and forgiveness like the last time they fought; this time he will see those angry eyes as she fights and tries to defeat him. The hatred and pain, the anger and betrayal, the love and regret, all that he saw through her eyes in the second Revan met him in the hallway, he was able to feel it ever since. And will feel all that once more when they meet for the last time. It was an intoxicating nightmare.

Revan was good in hide her feelings to the opponent, she tried to teach him, but wasn't the Jedi way. Adding the Mandalorian mask, it was completely imposible to know her reactions, to witness the madness inside of her. The few times she took the mask off Infront of him were in the most intimate and vulnerable moments they could share. During the war and after the new 'Sith' occupation, was short the time he could be with her as two simple beings enjoying their existence and their feelings; the feelings they used to have for each other before war.

He can feel her yet just closing his eyes, she's there in the same room, smiling, tired, given up to him and for anything Malak wanted to do. He opens his darkened eyes and she's still there looking at him as tired and surrendered as he reminds, comprehensive, waiting for something to hear to respond, ready to answer any question Malak had in mind. Revan was there willing for anything Malak needed.

But why she wasn't like this the day they fought? Where was her comprehension about the path he wanted to take for their government? Where was her willingness to follow him just like he did in all these years? Why she rejected him and tried to kill him? Why she rejected him?

Revan is still there with arms crossed looking for his eyes, waiting...

"Maybe I should try harder to convince you..." Malak said. "Maybe I should show you what I was capable to achieve for us..." He regrets. "Maybe I should have made an effort to learn from you and understand your vision like before..." He perturbs himself. "Maybe I should let you kill me because I wasn't good enough..." He confesses, looking at her saddened eyes as he tries to feel her shoulder.

"I wonder how your face did look the day you wanted me dead. I wonder If your eyes were like flames full of passionate hate or were empty and quiet like the mask you used to wear." He asks and then triggers his lightsaber ready to attack the phantom by his side.

My KOTOR sketch fic of Darth Malak’s reflections. (293 words)

Description: It’s that time when Revan hardly realizes what’s happening around while Malak thinks about her new personality and feels like he can turn a lack of her knowledge to his advantage…

Sorry for any mistakes. English isn’t my native language.

Are there a bit of revalek vibes? It is a matter of perspective, I think.:D

To express my opinion about possible relationship of Revan and Carth after the Star Forge battle, I could give a long talk why it wouldn't work. I guess that I'll write a short fic about that one day. But many years ago I found that fic that describes my view on revanasi perfectly!

I totally agree with how their relationship goes after Kotor 1 in this short story. The thing is that I see how Carth may love either the identity of amnesiac Revan or the 'mix' of her real self and the false one. But! The more Revan remembers her real past and realizes who she really is, the more complicated her relationship with Carth becomes because they like from different universes. Carth can't deal with all this Force stuff while for Revan it is the most natural thing (can't also forget she was a Kreia's student). He doesn't have neither enough power to support her, nor enough knowledge of Force sensitives and their problems. She has that 'dark past' behind and difficulty in mentioning it and some of the people who used to be the closest to her as, obviously, these are Carth's trigger points. Despite all the issues Carth dealt with, he is much closer to a normal person who's eager for a normal life while Revan often 'looks for troubles and new adventures' to her cost. Revan intends to get all the memories back, which might be pretty annoying for Carth. I'm not sure, he wants to lose the very woman he loved during the journey. I'm not sure, he can truly understand 'real Revan'.

So I'm not surprised their romance may be broken when Revan goes away to recover the memories and find out something concerning the Sith and the Emperor.

Thus, as for me, the phrase 'It's so much easier to love her when she's gone' is a real pleasure and makes sense when taking the above into account.

P.S. I completely understand that my opinion is also based on Revan I see. Actually, I can imagine different versions of Revan, but no one of them would say 'I'm not Revan any more... Don't call me that!' or something like that. Quite a long time ago I realized that I'd like to see Revan with a powerful Force sensitive person with a shared past who's also gone through hard times because of the Force, because of the Jedi Order and not only... in my headcanon that is Malak or might be the Exile. I'm wondering why there are only a few fics by the authors who see the Exile and Revan as a couple since it's such a reasonable way to go...

Hardly a Fairytale (fic)

Malak's thoughts on Revan, his relationship with her over time and some (friendly) confrontations between them. (1119 words)

Description: Their story is hardly a fairy tale. Otherwise, one would have to call it a complex fairy tale with an unhappy ending.

Notes:

Despite such a description the fic contains a couple of happy moments too.

Sorry for any mistakes. English isn't my native language. If you notice some mistakes, please, let me know if possible – it would help me to improve both the story and the language.

I wanted to mix fluff, drama and a bit of angst together in this revalek fic. I’d like to have a better version and a longer text one day, but even this version took much more time than I expected. Probably, one day I will write a sweet fluff for Revan and Malak as they deserve that.

Perhaps, I will add the second part dealing with Malak’s thoughts on amnesiac Revan one day… but I’m not certain of that.

I've just realized that I haven't published fics in English for quite a long time... So strange but it took much more time to write this short fic than I expected. I've recently added a couple of paragraphs to the text, which I was writing while listening to Dark Paradise and Summertime Sadness by Lana Del Ray, and now I like the final version of the fic a bit more than before. Many thanks, @navy-draws , for sharing these (and other) revalek songs with me!:)

I wrote a drabble because I'm going through something.

I took dialogue liberties.

KOTOR spoilers.

Carth x Revan

Brenwen loved the Ebon Hawk.

Just not so much when she needed privacy.

Between Sir Talks-A-Lot-Get-To-The-Point, Not Kid, Angry Carpet, and the Groupie it was a fraught and perilous journey to the female appointed cabin. Luckily, and to the betterment of her growing temper, Mission was busy attempting to teach Zaalbar Pizaak. That meant the chamber would be empty.

Using the stealth belt was a bit of an overkill, but it was enough to bypass the force sensitives of the group. Bless the little droid for silently following her movement with a swivel of its head, their attention returning to whatever droids did with downtime. Mando hardly glanced up while Murderbot toyed with his new rifle. Luckily Preachy wouldn't bother her with more... preaching. But in that lay half the problem. Bastilla was with Malak now- the bond they shared sensitive enough to know she was still alive. Just not where.

Leaving Brenwen alone with life-altering questions.

Revan.

The name alone drifted through her thoughts with sludge, slowing and twisting everything around it. How could that evil creature be her? She didn't have their memories. Did Brenwen even have her own? Brenwen tried to be good. Tried to placate the anger that pushed at the fringes of her mind. Tried to resolve the sadness that gripped her heart. Tried to subdue the guilt that weighed her shoulders.

Flyboy must hate her.

Unintended, but it was another betrayal. He told her so, accused her of horrible things. But Carth wasn't out of line doing so; a part of her had done those things. That must be the reason for his taut expression. Not her extended silence or cold demeanor.

Listening to Jolee was foolish. Allowing herself to the thought of even loving someone was... asinine. The Jedi wisely spoke against this kind of love. She felt shattered as the banter and off-handed quips suddenly stalled, revealing her attachment. It was hollowing, that space threatening to fill with despair. Brenwen couldn't allow grief as it paired with the anger that simmered just beneath the surface of her control. She wasn't proud of how her control had slipped over the past weeks. Blaming the sith influence of Korriban would only let her resolve fall further.

Forcing the blaster door to seal behind her, she attempted to meditate.

Slow breathing only amounted to further irritation as her mind proved unyielding. She was returning to a deep-set sadness within her soul—loss tearing at her heart with a disturbing physicality.

The door thumped, but still she pushed.

Eventually, the blaster door screeched open, but at this point the guise of a meditative stance was spiteful.

"Brenwen, is-" the husy voice stopped.

Now Brewnwen was committed, retaining her balanced levitation from the ground.

While functionally blind, the subtle scent of ambergris mixed with oiled leather and metal filled the room. Baiting her eyes to open, to take in the man awkwardly posing in the entryway. Instead, a cold emptiness caught her first. She had a retort: Lost? Or just hoping to get a peek? I could help with both. He would have laughed, blushed even.

Carth settled in front of her with a hearty crack of his knees, "if you're ready to talk, then... so am I."

She didn't focus long on how peculiarly heavy the hollowness in her chest grew.

"I tried to hate you. I tried... I wanted to hold you responsible for all the things you've done. For my...my wife, Telos... for Dustil," his head shook, holding back a tone that was anything but sincere. But what was he meant to do when this woman remained focused on blocking him out? Could she hear him? Still, he pushed, "but I can't. I got the revenge I wanted when Saul died, but it hasn't brought me the peace I thought it would."

"Bren-," Carth's husky timbre reached a softness unfamiliar to them both. A calloused thumb ran over her knuckles, bringing her back to the ground. To her eyes opening, soon followed the unconscious recoil on Brenwen's part, disconnecting them, "I'd understand if you're angry. I accused you of some... unfair things in front of the crew. I was so blinded by my anger that I failed to think of the shock you were going through."

"You always were a little moody," it wasn't Bren's whole heart behind the teasing, but he would take it.

"You got me. But you didn't make it easy to talk." Avoiding him, suddenly not taking him along on missions. It was frustrating trying to get an edge on her. Especially when everyone else counseled giving her space while she infiltrated the sith, not that he needed it, he could tell something was wrong by her chilly demeanor. Forcing her to visit the academy the first time to 'rescue' his son had done enough damage. Requiring them to obtain the Star Map on a separate trip. Fate was cruel to make her return after learning what she was.

An intense flash of anger narrowed her pupils, but her tone came out at a controlled neutral, "I wasn't going to push you, Carth."

"That's- that's not the obnoxiously persistent woman I know," he retorted. Not so controlled.

"Because you weren't whinging about some trust issue I had nothing to do with," she replied harshly, "I had absolutely nothing to do with Telos. Revan or otherwise."

"I know," he replied honestly, this time taking her hand without a sudden recoil, "All I can think of now is the promise that I made to protect you from what's going to come. It's given me a reason to look past... everything. Despite whatever part of Revan is inside you, the... the darkness that must surely be there, it isn't who you are. That's why I can't hate you. You don't have to be Revan."

"I'm not that monster! I'm not Revan," for as angry as the Jedi liked to act, it sounded like a plea.

"You can be so much more. Whatever the Jedi did to you, they gave you that chance. You have this huge destiny waiting for you, and I just fear that if you're alone, it could swallow you whole," Carth stumbled, redness pushing at the tips of his cheeks, "I mean, is there room in there for me? Will you let me help you?"

"I don't want you hurt protecting me," she looked down, meekly attempting to pull away from him, "Carth, if I-"

"I think I would be hurt worse if I didn't try," he urged solemnly, "whatever's happened up to this point, there's going to come a time very soon where you're going to have to make a choice. And there won't be any turning back. I want you to make the right choice. I want to give you a reason to."

"Are you calling me a child, Flyboy?"

"I wouldn't dream of it, but-" his jovial tone faded, back into a softer monologue, "you gave me a future. I want to give you a future too...with me."

Brenwen didn't have a response; this entire conversation she had imagined going in a completely different direction. She had catastrophized that they were done, over- no more flirting or indomitable giddiness with his attention. It was a fair boundary to have, considering what she was.

"Really?"

Enough of her disbelief came through that he pulled her into him tightly, just holding her there. He was shaking, and she was shaking; they were a matching pair.

Carth broke the silence again, "I think I could love you, if you give me the chance."

Brenwen grinned foolishly. If they were going to do this whole confession thing, she wanted to test something first. Boldly she pushed back the tendrils of hair that always fell away from the rest of its brethren; withdrawing her hand, they followed it back. Letting her hand rest on his chest, she decided on trusting him back, "I think I could love you too."

idk if your still doing the number prompt, but i would love to see a Carth/Revan with 1 :)

“You’re staring at me again,” she growls, and his eyes narrow into a glare.

“I’m not staring at you,” Carth manages to spit out. She has this insane way of making everything sound like an accusation and to immediately put him on the defensive. 

Though, he is staring at her. Was staring at her. Now he’s staring at a wall, so she can’t catch him again. But sometimes - Sometimes he can’t help it. He doesn’t want to find himself attracted to her, but there’s something about this woman that does it. It’s more than her looks, but he can’t say she isn’t beautiful in some way. It’s her strength and terrible attitude and the way she laughs when she’s shooting at something shooting back at her.

“You’re kriffing doing it again.“ 

"No - No, I’m not. Your ego is amazing, if you think everything I do revolves around you.”

Her hands are on her hips now, eyes on fire as she stares at him. Challenges him. “You think about me at night, don’t you?”

Carth chokes.

“You do!” And she does exactly what he doesn’t expect her to do: she tosses her head back and laughs. Not in a mean way, not to make fun of him, no. There's delight in that noise, and if he didn’t think about her at night before (he does, he has, someone help him, she’s crazy and desirable), he definitely will now.

He rubs a hand over his face. “You will be the death of me.”

Bree laughs again, bumping her shoulder into his. “That depends on how you view death.”

She’s so close to him, and when had that happened? When had it changed from them exchanging insults to him thinking about her, anyway? When had she started looking at him with interest and something more than irritation?

“This isn’t - It isn’t a good idea.” He waves his hand between the two of them. “This, that is. This isn’t - you should just…”

There’s the barest flicker of disappointment over her face before she hides it behind an easy smile. She’s killing him, absolutely killing him.

“Don’t worry, Carth. I would rather kiss a wookiee,” she teases.

“I’d be better,” he tells her in his most serious tone. Why? Why does he even say that? What’s wrong with him?

“Let’s put it to the test. I’ll kiss Big Z and then come back to see if you’ve decided to change your mind.”

His face screws up for a second before he heaves a large sigh. “Wait, no. That wasn’t what I meant!”

She sighs as well, but doesn’t move away from him. Her breath is a warm puff against his cheek. “You’re making this difficult.”

“What!”

“You want to kiss me. So just kiss me.”

Carth chokes again. 

“Can I kiss you then? Just so we get this awkward sexual tension out of the way?” There’s that irritation again, winding through her voice, but there’s mostly amusement in her eyes, and he can see flecks of gold in the brown. 

She’s beautiful. Why is she beautiful, and why is she in his space, and why does she want to kiss him?

So he kisses her, a briefly chaste peck that does nothing to cool the desire weaving through his body.

She smiles anyway. “You’re such a wuss.”