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Savant

It just didn't make any sense. My friend Kiki was SUCH an airhead. She could barely choose which panties she wanted to wear in the morning; often she was so indecisive she never put any on. Her focus was short and easily distracted by anything shiny, which was tough because she loved wearing jewelry. I swear she'd forget her hair if they weren't long blonde extensions attached to her silly little head.

All that was adorable...but also reeeeeeally annoying. Because besides looking amazing all the time, Kiki was incredible at one thing: fantasy football. I considered myself a football fanatic but every year her picks put my team to shame. Of course I was happy for her and proud. But there's only so many times you can hear, "OMG I won?!?!? No waaaaayyyyy! Yay!" from a giggly bimbo before you start to question the meaning of life and why you bother trying so hard at fantasy games.

I've accepted that she's a savant. But I tried to learn from her...and got even more frustrated. She doesn't watch the games! I tried once with her and she spent the entire time twirling her hair or getting distracted from the screen by looking down at her huge boobies. She also doesn't even really know the teams. There's 'the orange kitty kats!' and 'the Tenny-see Titties!' and the 'the 69ers!'. I'd swear she was messing with me if she didn't look and act so honestly sweet and innocent all the time.

There's also no rhyme or reason to her thinking. For a draft strategy Kiki might pick a player 'cuz he's dating a totes cute celebrity!'. Sometimes she likes the team's uniform colors or mascot. Or even just because his name makes her giggle. It's all vibes with her and I can do nothing I can do but smile and shake my head.

Eventually we struck a deal. She would teach me which players to pick and how to think. I'd use that in other leagues to make money. Soon I was rolling in prize money and spending it all on her turning her into a bigger bimbo. Because she earned it and somehow it's making her better at these games. Besides, if I've learned anything from these lessons, a bimbo like Kiki is the best fantasy trophy anyone could ever hope to celebrate with.