Fuck Why Am I So Fucking Weird - Tumblr Posts

It's honestly baffling what can remind me of those memories. The ones that make me full-body twitch in remembrance. The awkward, the cringe, the mistakes. The ones that keep me up at night.

I was working retail a few years ago and a customer comes in with their dog asking to be shown where the Apple accessories were. The customer was looking for them, not the dog, to clarify. Anyway, she thanks me for showing her the way and I jokingly say (I hope it came across jokingly) something like: "You could let me pet your doggo as payment" or somesuch.

Now, for context, we were very used to having animals come into our store. We were right next to a pet store, so it was pretty normal to see dogs or cats just about every day. Now, could I have simply asked nicely "May I please pet your dog?" Yes. I don't know why I did this, and that's part of what keeps me up at night. I tend to say things without thinking, and that's what gets me into trouble most of the time. Kids, please think before you speak.

I guess I mumbled because she said "what?" and so I clarified, asking like a normal person. She said no, as her dog was in service animal training (honestly, I dunno how I missed the patch on its vest) and apologized.

The way I said it keeps me up at night. "You could let me pet your dog as payment" even in a jokey tone sounds really fucking weird. Why am I like this? Why did I say that?

Does this customer now forever remember me as the weirdo who tried to request to pet their dog as "payment" for doing their job? Am I the butt of jokes in her friend's group chat? Am I permanently seared into her memory as a villain, the same way I am permanently seared into mine as one?

Who the hell knows?

The Ballad of Bella Buttons (based on a true story)