Gojou Angst - Tumblr Posts

𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘔𝘐𝘎𝘏𝘛 𝘓𝘖𝘝𝘌 𝘏𝘌𝘙 𝘕𝘖𝘞, 𝘉𝘜𝘛 𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘓𝘖𝘝𝘌𝘋 𝘔𝘌 𝘍𝘐𝘙𝘚𝘛.

PAIRING: Gojo Satoru X Reader

GENRE: Angst

TAGS/WARNINGS: Hurt/Comfort (or not you decide hehe). Break-up. Falling out of love. Just hurtful shit. He loves someone else now but he didn't cheat. Can't explain shit omg just read sorry

NOTES: Listen to Madison Beer's new song Reckless while reading, the title is from the lyrics of this song !!

Hard as you try, there seems to be no anger in your heart. No burning rage that makes you want to set the whole world on fire. The urge to inflict the same kind of pain he's caused you not even making an appearance in your heart and mind. If it's resentment on the other hand, maybe you do bear some. Pain, too, if you're being completely honest. But you don't really feel like acting on it. Don't feel like looking for ways to release the negative emotions bubbling inside you. You just wanted to be at peace, wanted to cry everything plaguing your heart.

Maybe it's because he said it in such a soft voice, like he didn't want to hurt you but then not telling you at that moment will only make it worse, so he decides to. His palms were rubbing the back of his neck, eyes looking anywhere but you when he announced the feelings he's been desperately trying to contain.

"I'm in love with somebody else."

He wouldn't cheat on you. To the very bitter end he endured for you, and you knew that. He must've seen how desperately you were trying to save the relationship. How you still try to melt the cold that blankets over your relationship with your warm hugs, kisses lingering on his cheeks just a little bit longer than usual so you can make sure he feels the love that still blooms so beautifully in your heart.

"I understand." No matter how hard you swallow, the lump in your throat doesn't seem to go away, straining your voice. "I'll pack my things tonight and leave tomorrow."

"You don't have to go right away, Y/N," He looks at you sadly, almost pitifully, and you hated it—the fact that you're faced with the reality that it's all beyond saving.

He wouldn't run after you. Not this time.

You realized your high school days were over. He's not going to chase after you, hands on your waist saying sorry and kissing your neck under the rain every time you run away after an argument. He's no longer going to bring you flowers, thrusting it straight to your chest when he gets home because it makes him too shy to be even more sentimental than he already is.

Gojo Satoru is no longer yours.

"It's fine, Gojo." you smile at him, not missing the way he winced at the mention of his last name. Nothing like the usual "Satoru" he's been used to hearing for years. No baby's, no love's, just Gojo. Perhaps he deserved that. He's always been stupid with words, constructing sentences doesn't seem to be a thing of his. Yet this one request he was sure he would beg you for, if you were ever to refuse.

"Will," he begins, closing his eyes shut shortly after then taking a deep breath. "Will you share the bed with me?" He smiles at you sadly, guilt plaguing the beautiful frosted eyes you've always loved. "For the last time?"

Biting your lip to prevent it from shaking even more than it already it, you nod at him, heading to the kitchen as he looks at you with a confused expression. A sigh escaping his lips when you turn around to answer him.

"I'll cook us dinner before bed."

That night in bed, when you couldn't keep bottling it up anymore, you ended up crying in his chest. His arms around you as he runs his fingers through your hair. None of you spoke a word. After all, what do you say to a lover you'll be losing tomorrow? To another woman you think you probably will never be.

He assures you, though. It's not the fact that she's prettier, not that she's kinder, sweeter, or more well-spoken than you could ever be. It's just that he doesn't feel it anymore, doesn't hear his heart beat with you the way it did before—and he hates it, God, does he despise the realization. Yet, while he couldn't imagine his life without you, he thinks he also couldn't imagine a future without her.

You look up at him and he stares down at you, with eyes full of warmth and melancholy—but no longer of love. His frosted lashes almost a painful reminder of what your relationship has gone to—cold and unforgiving. His eyes speak to you the words he somehow couldn't bring himself to say.

He's sorry for hurting you, but he's not for loving her. After all, he just loved. Just started to harbor the same feelings he once did for you.

The morning was both harder and easier than last night. The closure you got before the separation more than you could have ever asked for—a temporary solution to your breaking heart. However, the pain persists as you get closer and closer to leaving the house you've spent so many years with him so he can stay in it and make new memories with her.

The door is heavy, heavier than the luggage he's helping you to carry. Turning back to him when you've stepped a foot outside, your eyes catch the sight of the necklace hanging around a chain on his neck—your present to him for your first anniversary. He must have noticed, delicate fingers suddenly wrapping around the ring.

"I'm not taking it off," Gojo Satoru smiles, goodbye dripping from every syllable of every word coming out of his mouth. "So never take yours off too."

You reach up to him for a last hug, arms wrapping around his neck as you let your tears fall the moment your face is out of his sight. He was your best friend, your anchor, your life support. He was everything to you and you like to believe that once upon a time, you were too.

You whisper your last I love you before driving off in your car, the response you were used to hearing every single time not echoing in your ears this time.

Gojo Satoru was more than a lover to you. He's taken up more memories in your mind than the thoughts you have for yourself, your heart filled with nothing but a space for all the love you would have given him for the rest of your life, had you been given the chance. You spent years experiencing the beautiful kind of love he could give and maybe, this time, it's time for others to experience it too.

The same fantasy you once did.

The sun shines down through your windshield, reflecting on the ring shining on your finger as it grips the steering wheel. The shimmer a bittersweet reminder that while he might love her now, he still loved you first, and you guess—no, you believe, that it's enough.

To be loved by Gojo Satoru and bask in the affection he once offered.

casanova.

↳ gojou satoru/reader

gojou is far from a dream — he is a nightmare ready to swallow the entirety of your heart, only to spit it to your face so you could wake up to the reality that you and him are never once meant to be.

genre. angst, established relationship, student!gojou

cw. insecure!reader, babie!reader, asshole!gojou, hurt/no comfort, toxic relationship, falling out of love, suggestive, cheating, usage of alcohol, gojou does some really hurtful shit

notes. it’s finally here after two damn weeks of being on hold. yall had fun w dilf!gojou so how about i give you some pain lmao

masterlist -> part two

It came to a point where you believed that Satoru didn’t really appreciate you.

Two weeks since you’ve last seen him, you expected that he would at least act a little happy to see you again after what seemed like eons from the last. Satoru was a busy man—he constantly went on missions, participated in his school’s events, and probably exorcised cursed spirits for trying to become the world’s strongest sorcerer. You didn’t understand what he meant by his role in this said sorcerer topic, but as often as you would ask, he would respond with: the world is in shambles without me. Never questioning the lack of time that he was giving you was only for the very reason that you considered just how hectic his duties could be. He had a huge burden of responsibilities resting squarely on his shoulders. Putting you second in his priority list was something you learned to simply accept eventually, promising that he would give all of his sweet time with you whenever he did get a chance to.

But minus the lack of time, there were other factors that were affecting your relationship as a whole. It may be too early to think so given that you have only been dating him for a little over 9 months. You fondly reminisced the good old days when you first met Satoru while you were on a shopping spree with your friends at Shibuya. After asking for your number, the man would visit you every weekend in your apartment with a bouquet of flowers and sweet kisses.

Looking at the present tugged at your heartstrings because the sudden change was painfully obvious. How could you build a good foundation for this relationship to last when he wasn’t trying to make it work?

For one, Gojou no longer had gleam in his eyes whenever he reunited with you after a long period of not seeing each other. You imagined that his cerulean eyes would coruscate with love upon the sight of his girlfriend, but all that were present in those ocean orbs were cold and distant.

“Did you even put make up on?” was the first question he chose to ask when you met him outside of your apartment complex on a sunny afternoon. He didn’t say I missed you or I’m glad to see you, but had chosen to nitpick on your appearance from the second he saw you.

You would have gushed about how dapper he looked in his button-down and fitted jeans, but his pedantic fault-finding held you back from complimenting him. Not to mention that he had a disappointed peer on you from behind his dark sunglasses. “Y-Yeah, I did put some make up on.”

Was it not enough? Should you have used thicker foundation? You thought he always liked it natural so you only kept it light. Did he find you particularly unattractive today?

He nodded with little care, urging you to start walking beside him before he added, “I think you stopped trying to look good for me, baby.”

Satoru had always been playful but tactless with his words. His condescending tone reflected just how much he didn’t give a damn whether you should take it as constructive or offensive. Deep inside, you were gearing towards the latter but you leaned more into taking it constructively on the external. Gojou was Gojou and you were you—he makes a comment, you take it with a grain of salt. That was the expected dynamic.

“I’ll try to look better for you next time,” you muttered, catching up to his pace and clinging to his forearm. He was unknown to the sting that his words have left behind, but you being pathetically in love, you pushed it back.

“If you love me, you should.”

Your casual dates often happened every Fridays until it cut down to just twice a month because he could no longer commit to the weekly agreement that you used to have. On the brighter side of the spectrum, you were glad to be with him despite the decrease in your supposedly constant dates. You were forced with the thought of being grateful enough that Satoru even spared some time to meet with you when he could have been resting in his free time. He chose you when he could have been laying in bed and saving his energy for himself.

And with those special days, you wanted to be as romantic and sweet to him as you could to show just how happy you were around him. To show just how thankful you were of your relationship with him. But one thing that prevented those expectations when you went out with him was how Gojou wouldn’t hold your hand in public.

He hated PDA. He always hated the idea of being openly expressive, hated when you get touchy with him when other people were around. Brushing it off or simply pulling away was a common occurrence whenever you tried to hold his hand before. You understood that there were people who didn’t prefer to show their affection in public and you couldn’t blame Satoru for being one of them. You shouldn’t. Still, in the back of your mind, you wondered if his distaste for PDA was the only reason he had for not holding his own girlfriend’s hand.

“Weather’s nice today, isn’t it?” he asked, leaning back on the barrier as you faced the water stream. The stillness of the river was as calming as the sight of the clear blue skies spreading on the horizon.

Tilting your head to peek at him, Satoru’s face sparkled with effulgence. You have loved this man for nearly a year and nothing ever stopped your heart from skipping a beat whenever you saw his radiant smile—the kind of smile that raised his cheekbones and formed a cute puff on the corner of his lips. This very smile brought you felicity because when Satoru was happy, you were happy.

“It is,” you responded, trailing off to follow his line of sight.

Except, you realized that the reason for his smile wasn’t because of you. It was because of the group of girls standing from a distance who all had a clear interest on him. The women exchanged looks, nudging each other as if they were deciding on who should approach your boyfriend first. Their intentions were clear as day, but your feelings were as clouded as an impending storm. “Satoru.”

He met your eyes for a split second. “What?”

It’s not fair that you’re looking at other girls while you’re with me. You sighed, “Can we just move somewhere else?”

It seemed that he had caught on and realized that your face was filled with jealousy. Truth was, Gojou hated it when you were jealous. He would get annoyed whenever you tried to bring up the fact that he had wandering eyes, telling you that it wasn’t his fault that girls would look at him. ‘You’re my girlfriend, isn’t that enough?’ you remembered these words he once told you before, causing his ire.

“Whatever. Let’s go,” he muttered, blasé about the insecurity in your eyes. Getting up to walk away, you followed his footsteps like a tail as you strode along the pathway to the riverside.

The crease on his forehead and the downward slope of his lips hinted his pique. “Satoru,” you called his attention once more, “I have the right to be jealous, you know.”

A moue was visible on his face. “It’s irritating. I don’t get jealous when you look at other guys.”

But that was because you never did. Not once did you pay attention to any other male because he was all you wanted. How could he not understand that? It was unfair. “Well, I just don’t like the way you’re looking at those girls—”

“Hey,” he interrupted, stopping in his tracks to face you with clear annoyance, “do you still wanna continue with this date or not? It’s a pain in the ass to keep arguing.”

Because you loved him, you let it go.

You made an excuse for his behavior because Satoru Gojou was not perfect and he had obvious flaws. Who were you to judge him when you weren’t perfect yourself, too?

You only wanted his attention and his love. Perhaps it was how you found yourself back in your apartment, pinned under your boyfriend with your legs on his shoulders as he rutted you like there was no tomorrow.

He ran his fingers through his hair before he increased the roughness in his thrusts and left you whimpering like a “pathetic crybaby” as he described you. While you desperately held onto him, he indulged you with the kiss that you so badly asked for by merely connecting his mouth to yours.

There was little passion in his kisses—teeth nibbling your lower lip, tongue whirling around yours, and a suction from his mouth before he placed his palm on the flat of your cheek and pressed your face sideways on the mattress. It was to remind you of your place and the limit he was imposing with the affection he could give.

“A-Aah—Satoru! Slow d-down!” you whined like a wimp, only receiving his condescending chuckle because stuffing your core full of his shaft without any ounce of pity was all he cared about. He didn’t give a shit when you started crying, also didn’t give a shit when you asked to have your turn to cum, too. Gojou started to only care about his own pleasure.

“I’m tired, baby. Next time.” Soon as he was sated, he rolled the condom out of his length, tossing it to the bin before he climbed next to you.

You looked at him with those docile eyes, “Did I do well?”

Did you seriously just ask him if you did a great job at sucking his dick, letting him be balls deep inside of you like it was only done for his pleasure alone?

Yes, you miserably did. Gojou’s opinion was important. Gojou’s approval mattered.

“It was fine,” he answered, bored stupid. “You could do better.”

At least, with the decency of staying next to you, you tried to be oblivious to the pricks in your heart. How could you be hurting when he stayed to be right here with you?

Being seated on his lap—cradled on his chest as you pulled away to sit up, Satoru was busy on his phone as you lovingly traced his toned chest with your gentle fingers. His handsome face, messy white hair, and azure eyes left you blushing with the thought that such a man was all yours to have.

And yet, Gojou’s full attention was not with you even when you two were alone in bed after a night of rough sex. Little does he know, you could see the reflection of his phone’s screen through the mirror above the headboard.

And you could see with clear vision that he was scrolling through different girls’ Instagram pages, staring at bikini pictures longer than he should have. Even at that, you couldn’t bring yourself to call him out because you were scared that he would scream at you.

“Satoru,” you spoke, hiding the pain in your voice. With a still breath, you put his phone to the side and placed your head on his chest, allowing him to hug you and stroke your hair like he used to. “Do you still think I’m the prettiest girl in the world?”

He took a deep breath. “...Yeah”

Gojou guiltlessly lied to your face.

With all the promises he made, he had already broken most of them. Making you cry to your sleep every time he said something hurtful, making you wait for two hours at your meeting place and informing you by text that he couldn’t come, making you feel insecure about yourself because his eyes always looked for someone better, someone prettier.

The red flags were there, but you chose to see other colors thinking that you and him were match-made in heaven only given a challenge to make your relationship stronger. ‘Perhaps it’s just a test’ was an excuse you kept on telling yourself.

How do you not feel sorry for yourself? Gojou clearly did. Or no, he probably didn’t. He got sick and tired of having you clinging around him and being a complete pushover unlike the other confident women he had his eyes on.

The only time you ever gathered the courage to follow his whereabouts was on a Saturday night at a house party that he never told you about. If Getou hadn’t unintentionally informed you, you never would have thought that Gojou would be spending his fine night getting drunk and being around other women. Women that looked better, dressed better, and could probably make him feel better.

Your emotions weren’t as colorful as the neon lights when you stepped inside the house, squeezing yourself through the grinding bodies of intoxicated men and women to find the white-haired person you called your boyfriend. Knowing that there were familiar faces in the house, they were kind enough to direct you to wherever Satoru could be hiding.

At first, you found his best friend Suguru by the living room with a panicked expression as soon as his eyes landed on you. “Y/N,” the guy looked around, “you’re here.”

You offered a small smile, heart pounding in your chest. It was beating even louder than the booming sound from the speakers. “Where’s Satoru?”

“He’s—”

“Babe?”

A quick pivot on your heels allowed you to see a surprised Gojou descending from the nearby stairs. Arctic white hair was a tad bit messy, two of his buttons were undone, the hem of his shirt untucked, but it was the faint smear of lipstick on his mouth that caused your pendulum of a heart into an abrupt stop.

To make the situation worse, it was your friend Kellie who followed him behind with a minute of awkwardness bathing her amber eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me you’re going to a party?” you asked your boyfriend, backing against a wall with a hand stopping him from approaching you further. He noticed your accusatory eyes, but didn’t seem to be fazed by it.

“Baby, you’re my girlfriend not my wife,” he meant it as a joke, and although some of his friends chuckled, you didn’t.

Kellie tried to make herself clean, though. She gave you a hug of acknowledgment not realizing that you could smell your boyfriend’s scent on her skimpy dress. “Hey, Y/N. So glad to see you here,” she greeted, feigning innocence. “I was just showing Satoru around.”

Her breath smelled similar to Satoru—alcohol, lime, and whatever else they both had throughout the night. It seemed that no one was willing to address the elephant in the room, because for all its worth, you were just Gojou’s pathetic girlfriend who would make excuses for his actions.

With the looks his friends gave you, you knew they felt sorry. You knew they felt terrible. You knew they were aware of what Satoru had done or how long he was doing this.

Too busy to see you on a weekend? He was here with all the free time in the world drinking booze and fucking other girls. That was your cue to leave and walk out saying, “I’m going home.” Regardless of Satoru’s reaction, you no longer cared.

You were far too focused on keeping your composure as much as you were already shattered inside because Gojou cheated on you. He didn’t have to explicitly say it. You already saw it with your own eyes and there was no explanation that could save him from it.

It wasn’t like he defended himself, either. He simply followed you out of the house as you tried so hard to keep your tears in. Swallowing the weakness back in. Did Gojou care? He fucking didn’t. So why was he on your tail, walking on the street with you?

“Hey.” You felt his cold hand latching onto your arm, turning you around with a look of worry. He had always been indifferent to you, so why was he nervous now? Was it because the expression on your face scared him? Or was it because of your lack of acknowledgment towards his very obvious unfaithfulness? “Are you mad?”

You wanted to say yes, but you ended up saying “no.” Holding your breath and pulling your arm away, “I’m not mad, but you should’ve texted me.”

There was a look of relief that washed over his handsome face. He probably believed that he was off the hook when in truth, you were just beginning to form a stronger wall that he could no longer break.

“Sorry, the party was a last minute thing. You love me though, right?” He smiled, and you wanted to punch the smile off his face. You wanted to slap his cheek and yell at him, tell him how much of an asshole he was, how much of a liar and a cheater and a terrible boyfriend—no, you thought of something better.

“I do,” you answered, remaining in your stoic mien. “Do you still love me?”

He pulled you for an embrace, arms wrapped around your waist and his head resting above yours. “I do.”

“Do you still think I’m enough?”

“You are.”

“Do you still think I’m worthy?”

“Of course.”

“...Okay.”

“I cherish you.”

Gojou was made of lies after lies. Your questions needn’t be answered because you weren’t stupid, or at least no longer tried to be. How could a man like him be so unapologetic of his mistakes when he knew the painful truth veiled within his lies? How could he smile at your face after being inside another girl not an hour ago and act like you were his one and only?

“Okay...” you muttered in a low voice, pulling away from his hug and blinking the tears that welled up your eyes. “I’m gonna go home.”

You shouldn’t expect much because Gojou could only do the bare minimum for you. To think that he would take you home, jokes on you because he wouldn’t.

“Alright,” he simply said, kissing your forehead. “I’ll get you a cab.”

And when he did, you looked away from him as you got in the backseat while hearing him tell you to keep safe. Even as the car left, you saw his figure immediately walking back to the house without so much of a care if you were truly fine.

You had muffled sobs as the vehicle took you back to your apartment. You were weeping on your pillow as soon as you fell on your bed. Taking your phone out, there was not one text from Satoru to ask if you’ve arrived home safely.

There was no need to anymore. His name was erased on your contact list, his number blocked from your phone, and his photos deleted from your memories forever. Tonight was the last night you would ever let Satoru Gojou step on your heart and treat you like garbage, because from this day forward, you would change for the better.

You would leave him behind like a ghost, disappearing from his life forever.

Gojou was far from a dream. He was a nightmare ready to swallow the entirety of your heart, only to spit it to your face so you could wake up to the reality that you and him were never once meant to be.

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