He Was Sick - Tumblr Posts

There are quite a few posts floating around talking about jjong and they make me feel really uncomfortable.

As someone who has severe mental health problems its quite upsetting to read things that make it look like our way of thinking and acting makes total sense.

I just want to say that: yes, jjong did what he did bc he couldnt handle life anymore and i can relate to that feeling and understand that he felt hopeless.

But:

I absolutely dont think it was a good choice to make. Its not. Never…

Please keep in mind that his brain was physically damaged and !!!!his sickness!!!! decided what was good for him, not his rational and healthy part of mind.

Its srsly like you have a totally disgusting version of yourself living inside of you and you can lose the battle against that insane negativity.

What we saw was mostly the good side of him. What took his life was something only he truly knew about.

The jonghyun i love is the one who loved.

The one i hate is the one who hated.

And i hope people understand that what he did is so insanely sad and just shows how much power the hate you feel towards yourself can have.

Its nothing good. Its horrible…

The only good thing is that he wont ever have to hear that voice again.

But even that is not something positive.

At least not to me as someone who decided and learned how to fight this voice over three years of therapy.

Please dont make it look appealing to give in to the wish to die.

If you read this and you think about leaving this world, even if its just a little bit, please take it as a sign to continue to fight.

It breaks my heart to see so many people feel so hopeless. I gave up on my life 3 years ago and now im here…

I still dont want to give up. I have lost what was my reason to live for way too long. I lost the man who replaced my mother who died 3 years ago and she was literally my everything. I have watched her slowly die all my life and thought i could never live without her. I still kinda feel that way and jjongs death triggers me a lot and makes me feel just like i did years ago.

Im extremely depressed, i think about how i dont want to live in this sick world and can barely eat, what means i have lost almost all of the weight i have gained back while fighting my ED last year.

I talk too much…

But i want to show you that theres still hope.

I promise to try my best to learn to love myself and finally live a somewhat normal life in 2018.

I hope that you will try to find happiness within yourselves too. Its important and possible to do so, i strongly believe it.

Please stay strong and safe. I promise you that you are loved and that i love all of you. I care, truly care about every struggling soul on this planet and i want all of us to feel great.

Please reach out to someone and try to get help no matter how little you believe in healing or how uncomfortable it is.

I promise you that it helps.

I promise.

I truly promise.

You just need to be patient with yourself.

Be gentle, be kind.

I love you.