What Ifs - Tumblr Posts

sometimes it’s best to remember the past is just a memory…

pairing | kim seokjin x reader genre | angst, suggestive content, mention of a miscarriage words | 6,411

inspired by | Haruki Murakami’s short story “A Folklore for my Generation…”

listen to | Epiphany, Autumn outside of the post office and Tonight/This night

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If I could have given you more than a piece of my fragmented heart , would you have stayed to put the pieces back where they belong ?

healing isn’t linear, yes, but how long do i have to keep feeling a pinch in my heart at the mention of his name, seeing his name still on top of my contacts list, feeling anxiety bubbling within me when someone mentions his name, and dreading going to places we used to go to - some i considered my safe havens - in fear of crossing paths with him? it’s really so unfair how much he altered my life forever yet to him, i was just another notch on his belt. man, i just wanna get over this dude already :( but it’s so hard when he’s someone i used to genuinely loved, cared for, and rooted for so deeply.

do you guys have any similar stories like mine? i would love to read all about it and perhaps gain some insights and advice on how to completely surrender the what ifs with a person you loved wholeheartedly.

one day, i’ll write our story as a release from the what ifs.

healing isn’t linear, yes, but how long do i have to keep feeling a pinch in my heart at the mention of his name, seeing his name still on top of my contacts list, feeling anxiety bubbling within me when someone mentions his name, and dreading going to places we used to go to - some i considered my safe havens - in fear of crossing paths with him? it’s really so unfair how much he altered my life forever yet to him, i was just another notch on his belt. man, i just wanna get over this dude already :( but it’s so hard when he’s someone i used to genuinely loved, cared for, and rooted for so deeply.

do you guys have any similar stories like mine? i would love to read all about it and perhaps gain some insights and advice on how to completely surrender the what ifs with a person you loved wholeheartedly.

There are quite a few posts floating around talking about jjong and they make me feel really uncomfortable.

As someone who has severe mental health problems its quite upsetting to read things that make it look like our way of thinking and acting makes total sense.

I just want to say that: yes, jjong did what he did bc he couldnt handle life anymore and i can relate to that feeling and understand that he felt hopeless.

But:

I absolutely dont think it was a good choice to make. Its not. Never…

Please keep in mind that his brain was physically damaged and !!!!his sickness!!!! decided what was good for him, not his rational and healthy part of mind.

Its srsly like you have a totally disgusting version of yourself living inside of you and you can lose the battle against that insane negativity.

What we saw was mostly the good side of him. What took his life was something only he truly knew about.

The jonghyun i love is the one who loved.

The one i hate is the one who hated.

And i hope people understand that what he did is so insanely sad and just shows how much power the hate you feel towards yourself can have.

Its nothing good. Its horrible…

The only good thing is that he wont ever have to hear that voice again.

But even that is not something positive.

At least not to me as someone who decided and learned how to fight this voice over three years of therapy.

Please dont make it look appealing to give in to the wish to die.

If you read this and you think about leaving this world, even if its just a little bit, please take it as a sign to continue to fight.

It breaks my heart to see so many people feel so hopeless. I gave up on my life 3 years ago and now im here…

I still dont want to give up. I have lost what was my reason to live for way too long. I lost the man who replaced my mother who died 3 years ago and she was literally my everything. I have watched her slowly die all my life and thought i could never live without her. I still kinda feel that way and jjongs death triggers me a lot and makes me feel just like i did years ago.

Im extremely depressed, i think about how i dont want to live in this sick world and can barely eat, what means i have lost almost all of the weight i have gained back while fighting my ED last year.

I talk too much…

But i want to show you that theres still hope.

I promise to try my best to learn to love myself and finally live a somewhat normal life in 2018.

I hope that you will try to find happiness within yourselves too. Its important and possible to do so, i strongly believe it.

Please stay strong and safe. I promise you that you are loved and that i love all of you. I care, truly care about every struggling soul on this planet and i want all of us to feel great.

Please reach out to someone and try to get help no matter how little you believe in healing or how uncomfortable it is.

I promise you that it helps.

I promise.

I truly promise.

You just need to be patient with yourself.

Be gentle, be kind.

I love you.

I feel like s16 could’ve been on a more psychological darkness approach here me out… [pt 1 Rd idea]

All the members of the council have something they wish they still/‘should’ve’ had, but got taken from them, right?[For example, Vangelis talks of how Cole ‘took away’ His throne/Dad-daughter relationship with Vania/His people’s respect]. So what if the Overlord granted something like that whether it involved time manipulation(where each of them have their revenge happy ever after whatnot) or perhaps a dream state situation(where it’s more a trapped state process absorbing their negative energy as they’re in this HEA dream state). I mean it would’ve made a new more serious less villain vs hero approach.

deltarune au where everything is normal except spamtons benefactor never left so hes still popular when kris goes to cyber city and kris gets to, idk take his lunch money or give him ⏃ hug

⟟ think he really needs ⏃ hug considering his friends probs left him at that point and is decently lonely

...

imagine if someone turned this into ⏃ fic or tiny animatic or one of those posts with the many photos (comics right)