Hodgkins - Tumblr Posts

Moomintroll, what do you think specifically made Snufkin leave early? Also I don’t think it was really your fault :)

rmn

His father's son. But also his mother's.

Prequel answer

Ok THIS TOOK ME WAY TO LONG

(also I couldn't find the original picture for this so heres a shitty picture I took from my phone and before you ask yes I AM FUCKING CRYING ABOUT THIS) lol I wish I was joking

I blame @flowerbloom-arts for this /joking)

But I’m making a moomins au that is a bit of a butterfly affect one, what if muddler died? Now first thing you might be asking is “how and why would muddler die??” Simple answer led poisoning from the can of paint he fell into! Paint back in the day had a lot of led in it! Such amounts that could be lethal if swallowed and so on.

now hear me out people, if he died a lot would have changed! what would have happened with fuzzy? If he never met her and married her then that would be a bit of story changed, it would also mean no sniff ever came into existence, how would hodgkins act if he lost his nephew? Would he shut himself out from the rest of the remaining crew? Hes already a pretty quiet fellow, How would joxter react to this? It seems he cared about muddler and in my headcannon along with flower blooms they where childhood friends/each other’s love interests for a while! Would moomin papa care about the loss? All these things will be answered soon- in a short and sort of shitty fanfic I’m making! Yay! Hopefully this interests some one- though it probably won’t- lol

Part one to my moomins au

(not sure what to call this au yet but if any one has any ideas please leave a comment)

Chapter one. The last light (TRIGGER WARNING MENTION OF POISONING AND DEATH!) If any ones interested in this au but doesn’t want to hear the extra detailed bits just leave a comment and I can give you a brief summary without all the “gore” and I promise after this chapter there will be no more mention of detailed death at least)

Muddler had been lying in bed, sickly for the third day in a row, sick why you may ask?

Well you see, it first started when he was hoisted out of the coffee can and back on board the Oshun Oxtra, when he was first brought back up he flopped onto the floor of the deck and sat there, hunched over, coughing up all the paint he could. His coughing was moist like it was filled with phlegm, the type of cough you would get with a severe case of pneumonia, he was tossed around in that can like a bouncy ball let loose after all.

After he practically coughed his lungs out he layed there on his side curled up. Looking horrified and tired, his uncle bent down to his side;

“You alright muddler?” said Hodgkins in a deep worried tone.

“I-I’m... ok...” said the Muddler as he curled into a fetal position. “I’m sorry I made... such a fuss for every one...” he said through a congested voice before beginning to cough again. Moomin stood there. Unsure how to react or how to help he stood off to the side lines and Joxter looked at Muddler worriedly. Joxter then looked over to Moomin and said

“... towels?” Replied the Moomin

“Well, yes-! A few of them should be good-“

“Oh, of course...! Uhm, I’ll be right back-“ said the Moomin before going to the lower deck to grab some for the Muddler.

Hodgkins looked over at Moomin walking away then to Joxter, who approached Muddler a little.

“You’ll be alright Muds, we should get you cleaned up though-“ said the Joxter, trying to lighten the load of the current mood. Hodgkins gave a nod in agreement. “Mhm.”

Before picking up his paint covered nephew and bringing him to the make shift bathtub on the lower deck, Moomin was already boiling as much water as he could so muddler could have some warm water to wash off the paint with, he also set some towels down on the floor around the tub and left two folded towels to the side so Muddler could use them to dry off after. After Muddler washed off as much as he could he was still tinted pink, but that was the least of his worries. He luckily got the rest of the day off to rest up as he deserved, his joints and stomach hurt but every one including him thought it was just from being shaken around, things went on as usual, Joxter took a nap not too far from Muddler's can to keep him company and Hodgkins went back to steering his boat.

Things only got worse from then on; Muddler felt even more nauseous than the day before, spending half of his day near the edge railing of the boat to vomit over, he could hardly keep any food down, though it wasn’t like he had much of an appetite, Joxter tried to make sure he ate some thing though, Hodgkins soon became aware that things were only getting worse while Moomin was sure it was just something minor like a stomach bug or maybe just sea sickness. When Muddler wasn't throwing up he was laying down trying to sleep, Joxter tried to stay by his side to keep him company and more importantly keep him awake. Muddler became a bit irritable that day as well, I mean, who wouldn’t with his symptoms? And the pounding headache was worse than the day prior.

“Muds, please eat something- you haven’t kept any thing down all day!” said the Joxter

“Stop trying to give me food! I can’t keep it down and you're just wasting it on me right now!”said the muddler in a very unlike him snappy tone

Joxter went silent for a moment, very surprised at his tone “Okay... okay, I get it-“

“I’m sorry Joxter, I’m just... not feeling my self... I need some rest so please leave me alone, okay?” Said the Muddler before turning the other way and pulling his blanket over his head.

As the day went by and it got darker, Hodgkins went to check on Muddler and so did Moomin, who is now starting to worry about him.

“Muddler...? Are you feeling any better?” Asked Moomin as he went to Muddler's bed side.

“Not doing better at all... I was trying to get some sleep but I can’t even rest! All I can think about is that paint!”

“We can only wait it out.” said Hodgkins as he put a paw on Muddler's forhead to feel for a temperature.

Joxter stood in the door way, not going to Muddler's side just yet, he wanted to give him space because of that outburst from before but he still listened in.

“Moomin can you get Joxaren for me...?” Asked the Muddler rather tiredly.

“Joxaren...? Don’t you mean Joxter?”

“Yes, Joxter, sorry- you know what I mean... I’m just so tired...”

Hodgkins pulled over a chair and sat by his nephew in silence worriedly. Having a pondering look on his face, the Moomin nodded and turned to the door way and waved joxter over, he left as Joxter entered.

“Hey Muddler... you wanted to see me..?”

The Muddler looked as though he was about to cry and nodded 'yes'.

Hodgkins then got up and said “Gotta do something. I’ll be back.” then left the room.

Joxter sat where Hodgkins was sitting before and scooted the chair closer to Muddler.

“I’m sorry about earlier, I’m so sorry...” said the Muddler, about to break down sobbing.

“It’s alright, don’t worry about it! If anything, I’m surprised you’ve never snapped at me til now, after all I am pretty annoying-“ he said before putting a paw on Muddler's shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Jox, I feel like I’m dying...”

“Muds don’t say that-“

“I really mean it... everything... hurts... I’m not even able to eat properly... if... if I do die... I want you to take care of my tin- please-“

“Muds, don’t talk like this, please-“ said the Joxter in a more serious tone.

“Jox... if I die... please promise me... you’ll take care of my stuff... or at least put it to good use one way or another...”

“Oh Muds, you act like your old junk could help someone-“

“Maybe it can for all I know-! Well, I sure wish it could- who knows... maybe one day you’ll want to settle down...“

“Doubt that.“ chuckled the Joxter trying to keep this light “Not without you...“ he mumbled the last part, such a quiet mumble it was more of a thought.

“I want you to be happy even if I die.“

“Muddler for the Groke's sake, stop it! I get it! But you won’t die! Not on my watch! I won’t let you, but if it were to happen I promise I’ll keep your stuff safe, alright?”

The Muddler smiled weakly before moving his paws over Joxter's for a moment and fell asleep. Joxter smiled and was relieved Muddler was able to finally get some sleep, little did he know that sleep would last for eternity, the kind of sleep Muddler wouldn’t wake up from, the sleep that would contain his last breath at the break of the next sunrise. No one seemed to notice for a few hours, they wanted to let muddler rest since he had such a hard time sleeping, and Hodgkins was so close to landing the boat, he stayed up all night checking every map he had and using his telescope to look far across the ocean as much as he could since he had the goal of landing somewhere safe where he could hopefully get help for Muddler. Alas, by the time they landed and tried to get Muddler to wake... it was to late. Hodgkins was devastated, his eyes streamed with tears but no words came out, Joxter yelled at Muddler to wake up but to no avail, and Moomin... he tried to calm Joxter down as Hodgkins went back to his room to process what happened, to mourn a little before deciding where they should land and bury his now dead nephew.

SIDE NOTE THANK @flowerbloom-arts FOR HELPING ME OH LORD I had so many spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes until she swooped in and helped ✨

DM!memoirs au Chapter 2

(TRIGGER WARNING! Mention of burial/funeral, and well just over all emotional stuff?)

The boat had been landed for some time before anyone decided to step off...

Joxter, after bawling his eyes out for at least an hour straight and his voice had become hoarse from yelling, had now sat on the floor a small distance away from the cold corpse in simple disbelief, his head pounded from all of this all so suddenly. Moomin sat there with joxter not sure how to... help? How to react? He wasn’t as close to Muddler as Joxter or Hodgkins were of course but he still felt immense remorse and sorrow for the two.

“I... I shouldn’t have let him sleep...” mumbled the Joxter in a quiet, saddened voice.

“Don’t blame yourself, Joxter.” replied the Moomin, hesitantly patting Joxter's back.

Joxter stared at the covered body with a pained look “Maybe if I didn’t let him sleep he would have... He would've still been alive now-“

Moomin cleared his throat anxiously “Joxter... at least he died peacefully... maybe you should come get some fresh air with me outside...?”

“Do you really think right now is the right time? He’s already gone, don’t try to rip me away from him more.”

“I just mean this is unhealthy for you to just... stare... I’m not saying move on right this minute but at least get some air- try to bring yourself together-“

“Moomin, will you just- shut up and leave it be?! Leave ME be! If YOU want to leave then go right ahead! I need... time.”

The Moomin gave a nod, looking down guiltily he slowly left the lower deck of the ship to leave Joxter with his dead lover, he was thinking about checking in on Hodgkins but... He didn't know how Hodgkins would react to being comforted. He stepped out to the top deck of the boat and looked out to the new land they found themselves in, he decided to let down the ramp and get off, take a small walk around to see if he could find anyone to check if this place was inhabited.

Meanwhile the Joxter scooted closer to the Muddler's body partially wanting to uncover his face to see him one last time knowing it wouldn’t be long before he’s unable to see him ever again. Knowing the inevitability of having to bury his best friend, and the first person he had ever truly fallen in love with. he of course couldn't stomach the thought of uncovering his corpse, so he went ahead and held Muddler's cold paw for a moment instead, soon after quickly letting go. The sinking feeling of knowing there was no more life in that body... in the body that was once a living person... it was an awful feeling that was almost suffocating, he quickly ran out of the lower deck to the top deck unable to bear it any longer. He leaned over the edge of the boat, unable to comprehend his current feelings.

Meanwhile; Hodgkins had been sitting in the pilot-house suffering similarly but in silence. The young man he had raised just all of a sudden gone, from something so avoidable no less. Something he could easily blame himself for. He had been staring blankly out the window, he had watched when Moomin left the boat and he saw when Joxter stood hunched over the railing. Part of him wanted to go and comfort Joxter. But why would he? So he can inevitably fail at it? To make the situation worse? What was he to say? He never said much in the first place especially to Joxter and he and Joxter butted heads more or less since Joxter was young. But, since Muddler begged him to let Joxter stay with them, why shouldn’t he go comfort Joxter? He practically raised him as well since he was by Muddler's side for ages, yet he knew he couldn’t say he was as close to Joxter as he was with Muddler. He had a second awful feeling bubbling up, the feeling that he had failed as an adoptive father figure, to both Joxter and Muddler. He felt angry with himself for a moment and slammed his paws on his desk before shouting out loud:

“WHY?!”

Such a shout had almost shaken the entire boat with it, Joxter heard it and decided to step off the boat as well, he had never heard Hodgkins yell like that before, and he didn’t want to see the details of it all, Joxter wandered alone on the new landscape.

He walked along the short stone walls to get a feel for where he was so he wouldn’t get lost so soon, so he could make his way back to where he was for the most part, he then came across Moomin again, who was talking to the mymble's daughter, asking questions about this place.

“This is the Autocrat's kingdom! How wouldn't you know that? Also I’m not allowed to talk to strangers, my mother will be upset-“ giggled the girl before opening the door and stepping out, Joxter went over to them. Moomin turned his attention to him.

“Oh, Joxter! Are you doing better?” Asked the Moomin.

Joxter looked down and shrugged “Better than Hodgkins at least... or... I think so anyways. Why are you talking to a little girl?”

“Ugh, you make it sound so weird- I’m asking her if anyone else lives here since no one else is around at the moment!”

“They're all at the king's party, including my mother and my siblings!” The mymble's daughter replied joyfully “I can bring you both there if you want!”

“No thank you. We have more important things to deal with currently... but may I ask what’s the party for?”

“It’s the king's 100th birthday! It’s very special, that’s why every ones there! Also, what’s more important than a big royal party?” replied the mymble's daughter

“I don’t think I should explain, sorry.“ said Moomin “But your mother really shouldn’t have left you alone like this-“ he added

“Well, young mymbles tend to be short from what I heard, maybe she’s old enough to be on her own at home and she just doesn’t look it-“ suggested the Joxter.

“Exactly! I’m actually 66!“ Said the mymble's daughter, obviously lying “Anyways, can you two come to the party with me?”

“Well, this might be one of the only times we'll be able to talk to the king about the situation and ask him for permission for a burial, so...” said Moomin to the Joxter

“This is all so complicated and frustrating...” mumbled the Joxter

“Tell me about it...” Moomin replied to Joxter quietly “Where do we go on from here?”

“Well, isn’t it obvious...?” said the Joxter

“Well yes, we have to ask for permission and then find a place to bury Muddler, but we need to find a place first... and get Hodgkin's input aswell...”

“... Maybe you should do that part.” said Joxter

“You mean talking to Hodgkins? But you’ve known him longer!” Retorted the Moomin

“He doesn’t talk to me much and trust me, I think you would do better... I think I need to do some more walking on my own for now.” replied the Joxter

“Are you just going to avoid the situation?”

“As much as I can. Yes.” answered the Joxter before walking off again into nearby wooded area far away from the rest of civilization on this island. He was planning to return later but he might as well walk around and try to clear away as many feelings as he could.

The Moomin paced around planning out what to say and do first to help get this all over with, the mymble's daughter had overheard his conversation with Joxter and skipped over to him.

“you need permission to bury some thing you said?”

“Yes I did, but why are you nosing around in others' conversations?”

“Well I can help you! You can ask the king for permission to bury whatever you want, he's an easy going guy but the hard part of getting to him will be the maze,”

“The what?”

“The maze and the puzzles to get to the garden of course! I can help you get there and through if you want!”

“I suppose it would be interesting to finally meet a real king...but I wouldn’t want to ask him during a party if we could... oh nevermind, I’ll figure it out on my own.” Moomin pondered

“And I won’t have to walk alone! Come on!” Said the mymble's daughter, trying to be convincing. Afterall, she didn’t know the details of what Moomin and Joxter were so wrapped up about, she assumed they were just having a bad day.

“Let me talk to my friend back in his boat first, I need to see what he says before I agree.”

“Oh fine... you adults are no fun-“ she went back to her hut and pouted as she waited for Moomin to get back.

Moomin went back to the ship finally working up the courage to try and console Hodgkins. He knocked on the door to the pilot-house, Moomin stood there for a minute or two before sitting by the door and began to talk through it.

“Hodgkins, sir, I know you're in there- I don’t know where Joxter went but he said he needed some time to walk around, I’m guessing to clear his head... I know you're... probably going through a lot with the current situation and I’m sad about it too of course but we can’t just sit around and let the body stay there... we need to find somewhere to bury him but we might need permission from the local king who runs this place- I ran into a mymble and she told me the king's having his 100th birthday party today and that’s why there’s not many people here right now- i just thought to fill you in on that, I know you don’t like to talk things out or talk much in general but... you get the point, we should go because it might be one of the few chances we can properly talk to him.” The Moomin then went silent for a few moments pressing his ear against the door, he then heard footsteps coming from the inside of the room and hodgkins opened it up and looked down at Moomin.

“Alright...” said Hodgkins before offering Moomin a hand up, he looked tired, and messy, his whiskers were all crooked aswell.

“Hrm...” Hodgkins stood thinking for a moment, he gave a nod 'yes' and walked ahead off the ship “If this is what it takes to get Muddler a proper resting place then fine.”

“There’s just one issue-“ Moomin piped

“And what would that be?” replied Hodgkins rather coldly

“There’s an entire maze we have to go through to get to the castle, so if we want to go through we will have to take the mymble girl with us to solve the puzzles.”

Hodgkins took a deep annoyed sigh and gave another simple nod in understanding. They went to tell the mymble's daughter they were ready to go and the three of them went on their way.

The mymble's daughter was excited and happy about the maze, there were painted eggs for them to find along the way, Moomin and the mymble's daughter stopped a few times to pick up the eggs. Moomin was trying to keep the mood light and maybe even cheer up Hodgkins a tiny bit trying to get his mind off of mourning.

“Come on Hodgkins, have some fun! You should grab that egg up there! Neither of us can reach it!” suggested the Moomin. Hodgkins grabbed it and held it between his pointer finger and thumb.

“That’s the spirit!” said the mymble's daughter, then Hodgkins stared at them and crushed the egg and tossed it to the ground.

Moomin's ears went down and so did his tail “Got it- let’s just rush through the maze then-“ he looked down and continued to pick up the pace.

The mymble's daughter was disappointed “what a buzz kill!” She retorted but Hodgkins didn’t reply and just continued. Eventually they ran into a bunch of pranks mostly involving fake mechanical spiders and things of that sort.

Hodgkins. Was not. Having it.

He crushed one of the fake spiders in anger “All of this just to ask for permission to bury my darn NEPHEW!”

The mymble's daughter fearfully walked ahead without them because of Hodgkin's clearly boiling anger and they where almost out of the maze anyway. They continued past a few more pranks and got through to their end goal: the King's birthday party.

As they entered moomin took in his surroundings seeing tables of food and a carousel and and happy cheerful faces and a very large old man sitting on a thrown with a crown he was amazed to be in the same room as royalty but hodgkins on the other hand was less then thrilled he got straight to the point and walked over to the king with a serious expression “excuse me your kingship I’m apologize for asking you this on your momentous 100th birthday but may I have your permission to bury my nephew on your Island.”

The King looked down at Hodgkins, lifted an eye brow then chuckled out loud thinking it was some sort of dark joke “Oh ho! Aren't you a strange one! Go ahead bury him where ever you want! Better yet, bury him in front of my castle! Hopefully he’ll come and haunt me!”

Hodgkins sighed, annoyed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Not a joke your highness. May I bury him on your island? Simple yes or no.”

The King's expression quickly, faded his eyebrows lifted in surprise his smile turned into to an awkward frown “Ho- oh my... uhm... of course- bury him where you would... like- uhm...” he cleared his throat because never in all of his 100 years of life had someone ever asked him such a blunt question especially one of this matter. Hodgkins then ended the conversation with a quick “Thank you.” And left.

He got the answer he needed.

Joxter had spent his afternoon scouting out the area, and along his walk he found a peaceful clearing right before the forest started but far away enough from houses and homes for it to be a proper resting place. He put some stuck some sticks out of the ground to mark the area and remember it before going back to the boat just to find he was the only one there at the moment. He decided to go to the pilot-house and rest on the couch in there until Moomin and Hodgkins returned from where ever they were.

(Sorry if it’s a bit messy I had technical difficulties while typing ✨because my phone hates meeees✨/slight joking)

End of chapter two. Illustrations being added soon-

Non triggering re-cap of chapter two of The DM!memoirs au,

After the tragic loss of muddler Hodgkins went to his pilot house to more or less suffer in silence, Moomin stayed with Joxter and tried to comfort him until joxter pushed him away, moomin papa went for a walk off the ship to see if any one enhabits the Island they where currently on, after a while Joxter was unnerved by the current situation and left the ship as well ending up in him bumping into Moomin again asking the mymble s daughter some questions about the island, she explained that it was the kings 100th birthday so every one on the island was at his castle Moomin suggests they go to get permission from the king for a burial and suggested to get Hodgkins input on it first before going, Joxter said that he wanted some more time alone and suggested that Moomin and Hodgkins go instead Joxter then spent his time wandering and looking for a decent place for the burial sight to be located so he would at least be doing some thing helpful while Moomin and Hodgkins did the hard part of talking to the king, Moomin talked to Hodgkins and got him on board to go to the party naturally Hodgkins only agreed because he needed and answer, the mumbled daughter helped them through the maze and the pranks and Moomin for the most part was trying to have fun and even convince Hodgkins to lighten up a bit and have some fun as well. Hodgkins wasn’t having it and destroyed one of the fake prank spiders along the maze out of anger before going into the party he cut straight to the point and walked straight up to king Jones to ask the question and at first king Jones thought the question was a strange dark humor joke after all no one has ever asked his permission to bury some one- he agreed awkwardly and since Hodgkins got the answer he needed he headed back to the ship with Moomin, meanwhile Joxter found a peaceful place that would be a nice resting place for muddler before heading back to the ship and laying down on the couch in Hodgkins pilot house while he waited for Hodgkins and Moomin to get back, (end of chapter two re-cap)

(Non-triggering version of joxter being emotional over the loss-)

Chapter three of the DM!memoirs AU

Slight trigger warning emotional stuff and talk of funeral/burial.

Moomin and Hodgkins went back to the boat as fast as they could, it was a silent speed walk all the way back til they finally got on the boat.

“I’m going to go check and see if Joxter is back on the boat yet-“ said the Moomin, breaking the silence.

“Mhm.” Said hodgkins before going back to the pilot house opening the door and seeing joxter there

“hes over here.” said hodgkins from the pilot house across the boat to moomin, moomin gave a nod and went over to the two over in the pilot house joxter rubbed his eyes just waking up from his nap.

“Oh, you two are back. So did you get the answer we needed?”

Hodgkins nodded yes.

“Fancy that, I found a place that would be nice for the burial...” said the Joxter.

The Moomin then asked “So are we going to do the burial now or tomorrow?”

“First thing in the morning.” said Hodgkins “The longer we wait the worse it’ll be...” he added, he didn't elaborate but it was pretty obvious he meant the body was going to turn rotten eventually and start stinking up the boat, a very vivid and gross smell he didn’t wish to smell ever again, nor did he want to see the decomposition of the corpse of his nephew aswell.

“Makes enough sense...” said Moomin “And who should dig the hole?”

Joxter put his paws in his pockets and replied “I could do it. After all, I was the one who found the spot.”

“We dig it out now. And I'm coming with. I want to make sure it’s as nice a spot as you say.” Said Hodgkins before going into the chest in the pilot house to dig around for a lantern or two since it was getting dark out by now.

The Joxter's brow furrowed in an irritated fashion when Hodgkins said 'to make sure it’s as nice a spot as you say', he felt particularly hurt by his choice of words. Does he not trust my judgment or what?! thought the Joxter.

“Why now?” Asked the Moomin.

“So we don’t waste time doing it in the morning.” said Hodgkins before pulling out two lanterns and passing one to the Joxter.

“Oh, alright- what about shovels? Do we have shovels on board?”

Hodgkins thought for a moment before sighing disappointedly and shaking his head.

Moomin then lifted his finger as he had an idea “Perhaps we can have dinner first and then afterwards walk back to the hut that young mymble is living in, maybe we can ask her if she has a shovel...? And possibly apologize for your outburst earlier-“

“Outburst...?” Asked Joxter.

“Nevermind that-“ replied the Moomin, wanting to get to the point “Good idea or not?”

“Not hungry. But we can wait until people start returning home from the king's party.”

“Alright, then it’s settled!” said the Moomin trying to be cheerful about the fact that they had most of this sorted out.

They soon after borrowed the shovels they needed and started digging in Joxter's spot, Moomin had the idea of finding a big rock they could use as a headstone for the burial, he wandered off half way through digging to find said rock, leaving Joxter and Hodgkins to silently dig together.

“Hodgkins?” asked Joxter to break the silence.

“What?” answered Hodgkins.

“... can I take a break?”

“Of course you ask to take a break. You can’t just finish a task without bothering someone or taking a break in the process, now can you?” Hodgkins said with animosity in his voice.

“No, I guess I can’t.” replied the Joxter as he stabbed his shovel into the ground and then sat down next to the hole.

Moomin somehow managed to role a big boulder to the burial sight and place it at one end of the hole, “We can paint his name and information on it-“

“Anything but paint.” Hodgkins cut him off coldly.

Moomin thought for a moment before realizing “Oh- oh goodness I’m so sorry!“

“Yes, how awfully ironic it would be.” commented the Joxter

The next morning was bright. Joxter, Hodgkins and Moomin brought Muddler's body to the grave they dug, Muddler was carried with care by Hodgkins and it was obvious Hodgkins and Joxter were both holding in tears they best they could. Joxter had a few handfuls of Muddler's buttons in his pockets because he planned on scattering them over his resting place after the burial, when they got to the grave and Hodgkins gently placed muddler in, the waterworks started to flow.

Hodgkins stepped back and so did Joxter, there was a moment of silence before Moomin unfolded a piece of paper he had in the palm of his paw, he looked it over before he started speaking:

“I have a few words to share... I may not have known the Muddler for that long but he was an interesting fellow. I wish I had the time to get to know him more and even though he’s gone, he will live on in the memories of those who cared about him.” There was a moment of silence before Joxter took off his hat out of respect and began to add on his own word of rememberance.

“Thank you Moomin. I of course have some words to say aswell, I didn’t write any of it down but... speaking from the heart... Muddler, I don’t know what death entails... where you or your soul may be right now, but you were... everything to me... and you still are. Even if you're 'gone', I’ll keep my promise to protect your things that were so important to you, and I’ll always cherish the memories you made with me, from the day you convinced Hodgkins to take me in to now, you’ll never be out of my mind, I swear by it...” he then scattered some of the buttons he had in his pockets down into Muddler's grave before taking a step back and covering his face with his hat to try and hide his ugly crying.

“... as everyone here knows, I’m not good with words... I’m not good with sappy things of any sort... But Muddler, my dear nephew, I hope you've been reunited with your parents... I hope this is a good enough resting place for you... and I hope... I hope you can forgive me for not being a better parent...” Hodgkins said and cleared his throat and choked back tears, and with those last words the funeral was done. Muddler's grave was burried and life for the rest of the crew went on.

Some time went by, Joxter ended up meeting and interacting with a large and jolly Mymble a few times and they quickly got along, perhaps romantically even, but Joxter didn’t push that part of there relationship too much. A few flings here and there with her sure but he was still stuck on losing Muddler. He wasn’t one to move on so quickly. He occupied his time with the Mymble's company and when he wasn't with her he was taking care of Muddler's can. He had taken it to a spot in the forest that was secure, a spot that became his sort of 'home' when he wasn’t wandering or getting along with Mymble.

Hodgkins shut himself out from both Moomin and Joxter shortly after Muddler's funeral. He kept to himself and applied to be the king's royal inventor and naturally he got the job for his great skill, he kept himself always busy to occupy his thoughts, hoping to push away all the negativity of grief and all desires of being close to anyone ever again, for his own sake.

Moomin ended up living on the Oshun Oxtra trying to think of what to do now that the crew was no longer together, he pondered the idea of going on adventures by himself, but what is the joy of adventure with no one to share it with? "Or should I get straight to writing my memoirs? But what sort of sad short memoir would it be if he never truly went on a great rounded adventure? Some thing feels missing..." he pondered the posibilities for days and weeks as he tried to write something or come up with what he should do until he met a lady moomin, a Miss Moomin to be exact, who he saved in an awful storm and they promptly fell in love. They lived on the ship together as they discussed their plans for there future together, they decided to get jobs in the kingdom to earn enough to travel together and perhaps go to London.

Things were going well for Moomin.

Things were going adequately for Hodgkins.

... And the Joxter felt out of place.

Little did he know that things were about to take a great turn for him.

(End of chapter three!- sorry if this chapter sucks i sort of rushed it, I was trying to end the super sad bits. but I promise after this chapter there will be bits of sad and angst but not as much as the past chapters, the next ones will mostly focus on the after affects such as how the butterfly affect of muddler passing changes how things would have originally been.) (special thanks to @flowerbloom-arts for helping me edit this thing properly

(Illustrations and non-triggering re-cap coming soon.)

Chapter four! DM!memoirs au, trigger free from what I can tell!

(Illustration finished!)

sorry if the chapter is shorter then usual. More coming soon!) Once again big thanks to @flowerbloom-arts for helping me edit it properly!)

It was a Sunday afternoon, Joxter was shining Muddler's buttons and dusting knick knacks when he heard a knock on the other side of the can's wall.

“Joxter? Are you in there?” said the familiar voice of the Moomin

Joxter popped his head out of the can “Oh, hey Moomin, what’s new?”

“What’s new? Oh, nothing... besides the fact that Hodgkins sent us invites to come aboard his new invention, the Amphibian!”

“Wait, what? That’s surprising-“ said Joxter as he struggled to get out of the can “Goodness I need to loose some of this weight... or at least get a stool- mind reading the invite for me?”

“Of course - AHEM; 'You are cordially invited to attend the launching of the royal inventor Hodgkins' flying ship, the Amphibian, as one of the few special passengers allowed on board. We hope for your attendance. Please arrive at king Jones palace at 12:00 pm on Monday.” Moomin then passed Joxter the fancy letter to keep hold of.

“Huh... welp, I'll have to think on it.”

“I know! This is amazing ri- wait, what do you mean 'think on it'?”

“You know exactly what I mean! He hasn’t talked to us in months and now he just sent a letter for this big thing out of nowhere! And... I don’t know... I think I might stay here with Muddler-“

“Joxter, come on, he seems to be making an effort! And I believe you mean Muddler's things.”

“Yes his things but I like to imagine he’s still with me in some way. Let a man dream, will you?”

Moomin sighed and shook his head “Please deeply consider it, maybe things can go back to normal again- or atleast normal as it can be.”

“I’ll think about it but I believe I know my answer already.”

“We all have to move on and face life the way it is sometimes, Joxter. Just remember; Monday- 12:00 pm, alright?”

“What day is it today?”

“Saturday, so you have about two days to decide.” Moomin answered then began to walk away.

“Thanks Moomin.” Replied the Joxter as he looked over the fancy letter just looking at how it was written and squinting at it before putting it inside the can. He closed the lid of the can and sat on top of it for a moment before flopping over on his back.

“What do you think, Muds? Should I go?” asked Joxter to the silence of nature.

“... I know you would probably tell me to go... wouldn’t you...?” he sighed. “But you have to understand... it’s just... difficult.”

He felt guilt well up in his chest and decided to curl up on the lid of the can and take a nap.

Hodgkins was in his work area in the palace, he was nervously wondering if Moomin and Joxter would attend the launching ceremony or not. One part of him regretted asking them to come but he would have been an awful person not to ask for their attendance. Muddler would have wanted them to be there. Muddler would have wanted everyone to get along still. And Hodgkins knew this. And Hodgkins thought of this now more than ever now that he had 'free time' now that his main project was finished. It was an unfair feeling he had. He decided to occupy his time once again, drawing up blueprints for extra un-needed things just to keep his mind somewhat away from the thought of other's feelings and his own.

Moomin was just thrilled with the news of the launching ceremony, and so was Miss Moomin since Moomin was planning on taking her as his plus one.

Two days passed and it was the day of the Amphibian's launching, Moomin and his new girlfriend got there to the palace an hour early out of pure excitement, preparations were being set up by the rest of the kingdom for the launching. when they got to the palace Moomin showed a guard his invite and they where escorted to Hodgkins' work room where he resided most days. The guard who walked them over knocked on the door for them. Hodgkins stood by the door when there was a knock thinking “That time already?” He opened the door and greeted Moomin. “Moomin.” was all he said as his greeting.

“Hodgkins! It’s wonderful to see you again! And on such a momentous occasion!”

“Good to see you too Moomin.” Hodgkins managed to force a little smile.

Miss Moomin then did a little bow with respect “Hello mr. hodgkins, I’m Miss Moomin!“ she looked up and smiled kindly.

“Oh? Nice to meet you aswell, Miss.“ he then looked back to Moomin wondering how much had happened without him.

“Uhm... oh where are my manors? Come in, both of you. You know if Joxter will be joining us for the launching today...?”

“I’m not to sure.” replied Moomin “But I think he decided on not coming- you know how he is.”

“Hm...” replied Hodgkins looking at his pocket watch “You came an hour early, so he still has time to get here.”

“Hopefully you're right- and, uhm, sorry for being so early!“ said Moomin, a bit embarrassed.

Miss Moomin added “Oh, I hope we aren’t intruding by coming early! He was just so excited to see you again! He was telling me how you two haven’t talked in ages and-“

Moomin looked over to Miss Moomin, flustered, and held her arm “Dear, please!”

“Oh sorry-“ she let out a small giggle “I didn’t mean to make you embarrassed, sweetie.“

“A-anyway, what have you been up to, Hodgkins?” Moomin asked.

“Work.” He replied simply.

“... What kind of work...? I mean besides inventing- like what kind of inventions have you been working on?” Said Moomin, trying desperately to start a real conversation with Hodgkins.

“Hm.” Hodgkins went to his desk drawer and pulled out some blueprints “These.”

Moomin and Miss Moomin looked over them, a lot of them commissioned by king Jones, mostly silly childish pranks, then different engine designs and such for the Amphibian, nothing too unexpected.

“How amazing!” said Miss Moomin, stunned by the designs and craftsmanship “It must be exciting to be a royal inventor!”

“I suppose.” replied Hodgkins plainly.

Meanwhile, Joxter had been wandering around the woods picking berries and putting them into his hat, still pondering the thought of attending the ceremony today, he thought and thought until he circled back to Muddler's can but when he got to it, he noticed the lid was off. He knew he didn’t leave it like that- he quickly kicked the side of the can as he suspected intruders “Hey! Whoever is in there, get out now! This can isn’t yours!” he said aggressively.

A frightened “Squeak!” Came out from the can, Joxter then peaked over the rim of the can and saw a fuzzy sitting there curled up looking scared “Oh pardon- pardon me! I’m so sorry! I thought this tin was abandoned!”

“It’s not abandoned so get out!” replied the Joxter, his pupils constricting with anger like a cat.

The Fuzzy stood up and dropped some buttons she had in her paws, they clunked and clanged as they hit the bottom of the tin. “I’m sorry! So sorry! Please don’t tell the authorities, I didn’t know!”

“Oh no not the buttons! They where organized a certain way! Look what you did! ... and I’m not going to tell the authorities, I hate authorities of any sort, especially park keepers, alright?”

“Oh thank goodness- I’m still so sorry, I could help you sort the buttons back if you would like- it’s the least I can do for causing trouble for you, sir.”

“Gosh don’t call me sir I hate that- the name's Joxter and goshdarn it you are going to stay here and put the buttons back in place just how you found them.” He ordered and proceeded to climb into the can with her.

“What did you want with this old junk, anyways?”

“Old junk? Some of it is junk but most of it seems like interesting treasures to me- very shiney! I’m guessing all of this is yours?”

“Yes an no.” replied the Joxter, carefully picking up the buttons and sorting them by color.

“How is it yes AND no?”

“It belongs to my friend the Muddler. But... he asked me to keep watch and take care of it for him while he’s gone so I’m keeping that promise.”

“How noble of you...!” replied the Fuzzy with an awkward smile.

“Not really noble, just sad that I’m this stuck-“

“Stuck?” squeaked the Fuzzy quietly.

“Oh nevermind that. What’s your name, anyhow?”

“Oh, my name is just my species' name, so Fuzzy is just fine.”

“Easy enough to remember. So Miss Fuzzy; what are you doing here in the middle of a forest alone digging through a giant coffee tin?”

“Oh-well- uhm- you see-“

“You know what? I don’t wanna know. Just- if I ever catch you stealing anything from here ever again I won’t hesitate to bite you.“

“Bite?!” the Fuzzy repeated, suddenly panicked.

“You heard me!” replied the Joxter who was in fact all bark and no bite “... ok I wouldn’t literally bite you but you get my point.” he admitted.

“I do get it-! Again, I’m so very sorry-“

“Hey, stop apologizing- okay, maybe I came off as to rude at first... but I am really curious as to why you're here. There’s an important ceremony for the royal inventor's Amphibian today, I heard everyone's going to be there.”

“Well... I could ask the same to you, why aren’t you there either, Joxter sir?”

“I’m trying to avoid it I suppose. Rather not go into detail.” replied the Joxter while he was polishing a particular button with his sleeve.

“Ah, same reason here...”

“Well er... yes and no-“ replied the Fuzzy

“Yes and no? How could it be both?” he teased

“I mean that... yes, I’m sad I can’t see the launching but also no, because, well... what I’m leaving behind won’t be missed by me and I won’t be missed by them, it’s for the better I think.“

“Me too but I’m guessing you're talking about some other folks and not who I’m avoiding but uhm- hey, cheer up! At least you got... uhm... Hm... I don’t know what you have actually-“ Joxter looked down at the buttons and thought sadly about Muddler “Miss Fuzzy, what button catches your eye the most?”

“What one? I... well I suppose this one that looks like a tiger's eye gemstone- it’s rather shiny and interesting.“ she said and pointed to the one she was talking about.

“Well then, you can keep it...” replied the Joxter with a tinge of hesitation.

“Wait, what? Are you sure? But won't your friend be upset if he comes back and finds that it’s missing?”

“He’s never coming back and I know it but it’s alright, he was a kind man, he would have happily given you one of his buttons.” said the Joxter in a melancholy tone “So just take it and stop questioning me before I change my mind.” Fuzzy smiled and took the button and admired it for a moment before putting it in her pocket and fixing the rest of the buttons in order “Thank you mr. Joxter.“

“Oh whatever, now run along! I've got things to do.” he lied, he really just wanted some time to himself.

Fuzzy got out of the can and did just that, she ran along to some other part of the forest trying to find a decent place where she could somehow camp out, she didn’t think through where she was going to go after leaving her family. She ended up settling for curling up in a hollowed out tree for the time being. She looked down at the button Joxter gave her and smiled as she admired it a bit while she thought of what to do next “Maybe I can find a job on the outskirts of town where my parents won’t find me... it’s not as if they would look for me... I hope...” She pondered sadly to herself.

The Amphibian launching went on without Joxter naturally and things remained a bit awkward with Moomin and Hodgkins, but Hodgkins told Moomin “You can always write to me if you want... don’t know when I’ll get to the letter but I’ll respond to them when I can.”

Moomin loved that idea, he decided on doing that of course, because he hoped it would help Hodgkins back into interacting with people again.

Joxter kept thinking about the Fuzzy he met, “She reminds me so much of Muddler...” the thought lingered in his head waving off the idea that “It was fate” or a “Sign”, it just happened to be some one who reminded him of Muddler, it was nice but not something to be wrapped up about.

Hey every one who’s been reading my DM!au fanfic, sorry for such a long delay on chapter five, I was just about done finishing it today- but then my phone died before I could save it- so I’m going to go do what the Oxtra crew did to dead muddler, burry myself for the rest of eternity (or at least until after thanksgiving break before I even attempt to re-write the chapter-))

(My current mood in drawing form)

Chapter five of the DM!Memoirs au, sorry it took so long to post! Trigger free!

Once again special thanks to @flowerbloom-arts for helping me properly edit all this ✨

Fuzzy had woken up bright and early from the hollow tree she spent the night in. It was rather uncomfortable naturally, so she stretched and took a few moments to really wake up. She brushed herself off to make sure no leaves or bugs were crawling on her dress, then she opened her basket and took out a comb brushing out her fur a bit. She put it back in the basket before trying to hype herself up for the day.

She was starting to feel the regret of leaving home sink in and she REALLY didn’t want it to sink in “Alright Fuzzy! You got this! All you have to do is get a job! That can’t be that hard...” she tried to reassure herself.

She walked into the outskirts of the kingdom far away from where her family lived and looked around for job opening signs, she sadly didn’t have any luck, and she was too embarrassed and nervous to go into shops herself and ask if they were hiring or would be willing to hire her. After a while she leaned against a stone wall and sighed trying to come up with a better game plan but came up with nothing.

Meanwhile, Joxter did what he normally did every day; he slept in. But when he did wake up his stomach growled and decided it would be a good idea to visit Mymble, hoping she would have leftovers from breakfast to give him. Ussually he would just stick to picking his own fruit and catching his own fish to eat but he was beginning to get sick of having that everyday.

Joxter made it to Mymble's home, he managed to knock on the door once before an avalanche of kids opened the door and trampled him. It was like a wave crashed over him and he was drowning, the kids were shouting and laughing and eventually Mymble came over asking loudly:

“What’s with all the commotion, children?” it wasn't an angry sort of loud, more of a normal sort of loud just so the kids could hear her.

The smallest child of the bunch spoke up “Mamma, your boyfriend Joxter is here!”

Joxter managed to reach a hand out from the pile of kids as though he was waving for a life preserver and Mymble was that life preserver in this case. She easily picked him up from the pile with her strong arms and chuckled.

“Are you alright, dear?” Mymble asked, Joxter was naturally gasping for air before he managed to say. “You should really get a leash for your kids-“ half jokingly, Mymble then laughed

“As if I haven’t tried! They chew through them to quickly.” She (hopefully) joked, she then put Joxter down and the kids went back to playing somewhere else “So what brings you over this time, Joxter? Do you want food or do you want to spend time with me?”

“A bit of both, of course...” replied Joxter

“I'm so sorry Jox, I did save you a plate of leftovers but I ended up eating them since you took so long to get here!”

“Darn.” replied Joxter disappointedly with a shrug, he wasn’t too disappointed about it but he was still hungry.

“Oh wait Joxter! While you're here, there's something important I wanted to tell you-”

“Just in a bit Mymble, you know how I am on an empty stomach, I can’t remember anything. I’m going to go get myself something to eat then I’ll come back later.“

“Oh! Alright then, if you say so, see you later darling.” said the Mymble as Joxter snuck off quickly so that the kids didn’t notice him leaving and try to trample him again.

Joxter walked around town trying to think of what to do to get something tasty around here until he caught a whiff of something sweet and delicious, he looked around and saw a pie sitting on a windowsill, most likely to cool down. Joxter thought to himself

'It's just a pie it won’t be missed to much...'

He casually walked closer to the windowsill, it seemed as though no one was there to witness him so he took his gloves out of his pocket, put them on and grabbed the pie (he put the gloves on just so he wouldn’t burn his hands if the pie was still to hot), and lastly he casually moseyed off with it so he wouldn’t seem suspicious- that is until the person who baked the pie came running out of his house with a rolling pin in hand shouting

“GIVE THAT PIE BACK RIGHT NOW YOU FILTHY JAY!”

Joxter's eyes widened and his casual walk turned into a fast sprint, he went faster than the guy chasing him but he still knew he had to get away somehow, he turned a corner and ended up running into a dead end of a stone wall. He could either run left or right along the wall until getting somewhere but he decided that both solutions were stupid, he'll just climb it! No one would expect him to climb over! He carefully put the pie on top of the wall and tried to climb it- the Fuzzy happened to be there, she was surprised and said “Mr. Joxter?”

Joxter turned his head “You're the fuzzy from yesterday, aren't you?”

“I am! But why are you climbing over the wall?”

“There's no time to explain! If you see an angry man with rolling pin tell him I went somewhere else!” he then said and climbed over the wall, taking the pie with him. Fuzzy was very confused for a moment but then the man with the rolling pin saw Fuzzy standing there at what seemed like a dead end, he looked at her and said

“Did you see where that scoundrel went with my pie!?”

“S-scoundrel?” She replied

“YES! THE BUM WHO WENT BY THIS WAY! THERE'S NO WAY YOU DIDN'T SEE HIM!” Shouted the man. This startled Fuzzy and she pointed at the opposite direction.

“He- he ran along that way!” she lied in a shy voice.

The man fell for it and that’s what mattered but of course it dawned on Fuzzy that Joxter was stealing that pie.

“How hypocritical... That Joxter got mad at me for trying to take a few buttons from a tin but here he is stealing a pie!” She was curious as to why joxter was stealing a pie so she tossed her basket of belongings over the stone wall, climbed over aswell and went ahead to where she thought he might be, she made her way to the forest to the Muddler's old tin and looked around.

“Joxter sir? Are you around here?” She said as she cautiously walked around the tin looking for him, she didn’t think to look up until he replied.

“Up here.“ the familial voice said, she then looked up and spotted the Joxter sitting in a tree branch with the pie tin in hand and a fork.

“Oh-! Pardon me but be careful! You might fall!”

“I never fall! And if I do It’s on purpose. So it shouldn't be a problem.” He said casually before jumping down with cat like reflex, not dropping a single crumb of the pie. Fuzzy was startled by his sudden jump down and she stepped back a little.

“What brings you back here? Trying to steal more buttons?” asked the Joxter in a menacing tone.

“Oh! No no pardon me! Sorry! I just uhm... wanted to say I told the man you went the other way to get him off your track, l-like you told me to.”

“So you did?” replied the Joxter raising an eyebrow before walking over to the tin can and sitting with his back to the wall of it before taking another bite of pie “Thank you. But that still doesn’t answer why you're here. There must be some other reason.” Joxter said in a rather foreboding manner.

“I’m sorry but- I just... I wanted to ask...” the Fuzzy stammered “You stole that pie, didn't you...? I’m sorry but I only want to ask why...”

“I was hungry, that’s why! Why else would someone steal a pie?” the Joxter asked rhetorically and laughed.

“Oh-! I mean of course! I just- well-“

“What? Did you want to share the pie with me because you helped me not get caught? You can go ahead, I’ve had my fill.” He offered her the other half of the pie.

“Oh no thank you Joxter sir-“ she said as her stomach growled a bit on account of her not having dinner last night, or even breakfast for that matter.

“You sure, miss?” replied the Joxter.

"... Maybe just a nibble if that's ok with you...” she sat down a few steps away across from Joxter as he passed her the pie tin.

The Fuzzy took a bite before continuing to talk.

“What I really meant when I asked you why you stole the pie was... well... you got angry with me for trying to take a few buttons from your friend's tin but here you are stealing from someone aswell...” she said sheepishly before taking a few bites of the pie.

“I stole a pie from someone who is alive and well, someone who could easily bake another pie. Some one who has a roof over their heads and most likely enough money to go out and get more ingredients. It was dumb of him to leave a pie on a windowsill anyway, I’m pretty sure anyone would know the chances of a pie getting stolen if left on a windowsill like that, and lastly food is a necessity for most living things. YOU on the other hand? You tried to steal from a dead man- then again you didn’t know the details but you where stealing things that were far from necessary for living. Things that are more or less frivolous in its own way.”

“... Hm... I suppose that does make sense... and I'm sorry, again, for the trouble I caused you yesterday Joxter sir.”

“Alright hold on, so two things I need to say real quick; one, stop saying sorry, it’s fine, if anything it’s rather nice that I met you-“

“Really?”

Joxter nodded “Gives me someone new to talk to. And you remind me of someone close to me- but besides the point the second thing is if we are going to keep talking you need to stop calling me 'SIR', just call me Joxter! Or Jox! Or anything that isn't so formal!” he said sir dramatically in a funny mocking way.

Fuzzy smiled a bit “what ever you say jox-sir.“ she giggled and Joxter laughed a little too.

“Oh ha ha, a play on words on my name, real cute.“ he rolled his eyes in a lighthearted way.

“Sorry, sorry, was it to much?” asked the Fuzzy, a bit worried.

“Too much? Not at all, I can get used to that nickname I think, just until you can get used to calling me Jox or Joxter.”

The two ended up chatting and getting to know eachother a bit while Fuzzy finished the rest of the pie, after that they took a walk around the forest and Joxter told her all his happy and funny stories from when he was younger, his stories of pulling pranks on Hodgkins and digging through dumps to find things Muddler would like, and so on, the Fuzzy liked to listen to the stories, she wasn’t much of a talkative lady herself but she was enjoying the company and time with Joxter. After a while Joxter wanted to hear some more about Fuzzy.

“So, what about you?” asked the Joxter after finishing up one of his tales.

“Me?” asked the Fuzzy in slight surprise that someone would ask about her.

“Yeah, you must have atleast some interesting stories to tell, don't you? Or at the very least tell me a bit more about your childhood, you’ve been so quiet.”

“Oh, well... my childhood wasn’t to interesting like yours seems to be. I just did a lot of errands for my parents and worked a lot with them, they never even took the time to name me properly like they did with my other siblings...“

Joxter looked over to her a bit saddened by what she said “I’m sorry then, but look on the bright side! You have the rest of your life ahead of you to make your own path in life and find things or people who make you happy!”

“But that seems to be such a difficult thing to do! I don’t even know what I want in life! I just want to be stable, I suppose... live somewhere peaceful where people won’t take my things. I never got to keep many things to myself and all, and when I did get things of my own it was usually junk I stole or found- I hate to admit it since it’s so... un-lady like of me to steal.”

“Is that what the basket is for, then? Holding your little collection of things?” He said as he pointed at her basket.

“Yes it is! I carry it with me everywhere for that reason.”

“Even when you sleep...?”

“Especially then! Someone could take it from me otherwise!”

“Why don’t you find a hiding spot for it?”

“There are no good hiding spots..."

“I could watch over it for you if you’d like.” suggested the Joxter “Don’t worry, I don’t want more junk added to the tin pile so I won’t take anything from your basket.”

“That’s very kind but no thank you. I believe I’ll figure something out eventually.”

The Joxter shrugged “So... since you don’t have a lot of happy stories you want to share, how about you think about what you want to do with your life going forward and tell me about that, like a dream home and such?”

“Hm... I have thought of that plenty of times before... I want to get married someday to the perfect man, someone who will hold my paw and not get mad at me when I make mistakes... I want to live somewhere calm where I can have a garden and we’ll probably have a mostly self sustainable life but a comfortable one for sure. Maybe have a kid or two as well...”

“That sounds nice, so how would you want that how would you want that 'perfect man' to propose to you? I know most people want some sort of fancy elaborate proposal.“

“Oh I’m not one for anything too fancy, someone could give me a button on a twist tie for a ring and I would be happy.” She joked “But in all seriousness I think I would just want something thought out but not too extravagant. I wouldn’t want to think of the 'perfect proposal' because as long as it’s well thought out it would be perfect to me.”

There was a quiet but nice moment between them as they walked back to Muddler's can where they saw that the sun was starting to set.

“Oh goodness, it’s so late already...!“ mumbled the Fuzzy

“Would you... like me to walk you home? I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you, it’s a bit scary to be walking alone at night, or so I've heard.” he said kindly

“Oh, but I wouldn’t want to bother you!” replied the Fuzzy

“It really wouldn’t be a bother, it’s not like I have anything better to do and spending time with you was rather... 'refreshing', I suppose. I haven’t talked to someone for an entire day like this for a while.”

“Oh well... that’s sweet of you but may I be honest...? I don’t have anywhere to go... I left my family during the flying ship ceremony thing- last night I sort of spent the night in a hollow tree and today I was supposed to find a job but I couldn’t find anything until I ran into you-“

“Wait, you're living in a hollow tree-?“

“It’s not that bad! I’ll get on my feet eventually, I’m just lucky it hasn’t rained at all yet.” said the Fuzzy trying not to seem worried about the situation.

Joxter was thinking to himself for a moment and in his head it was like he heard Muddler talking as though he was being part of his conscience 'you can’t just leave her to sleep in a tree! Thats rather sad! Just because you're okay with sleeping in places like that doesn’t mean a lady like her should have to sleep in a tree!' Joxter furrowed his brow a bit before saying “Do you know how to pick berries or forage?”

“Well... no...“ answered the Fuzzy, slightly embarrassed

“Do you atleast know how to fish?”

“No, not that either...”

“I’ll have to teach you some time then, just so you can survive in the forest you know. And... if you want I suppose you can stay in the tin until you find a place of your own.”

“Oh goodness Joxter, I can’t just invade your privacy like that! That's just... Impolite!”

“I insist it’s better than you sleeping in a tree or getting rained on, you would catch a cold and I would feel guilty!”

“Can I really stay with you...?” Asked the Fuzzy

“Sure- as long as you don’t steal anything, I’m fine with it.”

The Fuzzy then started to tear up and hugged Joxter, that took him by surprise so he froze up.

“Oh thank you Joxter! This is the nicest thing anyone's done for me!”

After that, they moved some of the clutter in the can around so one half of the can was designated for Fuzzy. They made a makeshift mattress for her out of soft fabrics and blankets that were in the can and she slept the most comfortable she had ever slept in a while and Joxter was... surprisingly thrilled to have someone around again, when Fuzzy slept he sat outside the can and whispered to the calm noises of the night as though Muddler was there with him “I know I said before I shouldn’t be wrapped up about her but... I feel like you sent her my way a second time as a sign... so... thank you, Muddler.“

“Goodness, please tell me you're not talking to yourself again!“ said the Moomin catching Joxter by suprise.

“Can you not sneak up on me like that?! You damn near gave me a heart attack!”

“Well pardon me, no need to be so defensive! Just wanted to tell you that you missed a lot by not coming to the launching ceremony yesterday.”

“Missed a lot? Well to you, sure. But I had other plans yesterday and I had a lovely day today so I would rather you leave me be as to not ruin my mood.”

“Yes you missed a lot! Hodgkins actually asked if you were coming- I have a feeling he was bummed out when you didn’t come. And what were you doing yesterday, anyway? Going out with Mymble or something?”

“I wasn’t out with Mymble but that’s none of your business, anyhow!”

Fuzzy heard the racket outside the can so she poked her head out with tired eyes and saw the two talking “Pardon me, but what’s going on? Is everything alright?”

“Oh sorry Fuzzy- just a friend of mine coming to say hello. But I think he’ll be taking his leave right about now.”

“It’s alright, I’m going back to sleep now... good night..” She said tiredly before going back to lay down in the can.

Moomin was a bit surprised by the random fuzzy he had never met before

“Oooohh... a lady friend? But what about Mymble?”

“Just a friend. She has nowhere else to go.” said Joxter dragging Moomin away from the can by the arm to not bother Fuzzy's sleep even more.

“Just a friend?! Joxter just a friend wouldn’t be sleeping in the same tin you sleep in! Mymble actually loves you I thought you were actually going to start setting up a life with her based on what she had told me!”

“I never made a 'relationship' with Mymble. So stop looking so deeply into it! Fuzzy's just my friend and Mymble is just... a person I care deeply about."

“Deeply enough to have flings with her but not to actually date her?”

“Shut up, Moomin! Just because you were ready to date some lady who washed up on shore doesn’t mean I should be ready to date Mymble just because she loves me! I don’t know how to feel, alright?! So leave it be-!“

Moomin sighed “Whatever you say Joxter, the reason I really came over was to tell you that I plan on moving away to London soon.”

“London? Really?”

“Yes! Turns out I have family over there! I have an aunt and she heard of me when hearing about Hodgkins' ship and she sent a telegram saying she was going to come out this way to bring me to London with her!”

Joxter looked down a bit not sure of what to make this 'oh look another person leaving you- first Muddler died then Hodgkins cut contact- oh wait then you had the chance you had at fixing your relationship with him and you ruined it and now Moomin's leaving too, you have no one now.' he thought to himself

“Great for you. Go home, pack your bags, do what you need. You leaving us won’t affect me in the slightest.“

“Well you don’t need to be rude about it, Joxter! Good luck having a sad little life in a can! GOOD DAY!” He started to leave dramatically

“Good day?! You mean good night mr. I’m so perfeCt wiTh my writing aNd readIng aNd whaTeVer-!” He stuck out his tounge at Moomin in a mocking way before going up in a tree to reflect on things until he fell asleep.

This-this right here? Yea I’m going to make so much fan art of this eventually-

Soooooo I had this quick-ish alternate universe idea and wrote it up for 4 hours straight. It is very much angst material but it's not super angsty until the end where it goes very hard.

Characters include the Oshun Oxtra (including the Nibling), takes place after the crew drift off to sea and this is about 3 thousand words long!

This may or may not be a part 1 but I'm not making promises as I've learned that I'm horrible at them.

So, yeah, hope you enjoy!

It was only very recently that the Oshun Oxtra had lost its anchor and set off to the great blue beyond of which Muddler felt ill to think the sheer vastness of, let alone of the things that lurk beneath the blue-green tinted darkness that stared back at him whenever he looked over the railing. Despite his best judgements and his wisdom, he couldn't help but be pulled toward the side of the ship every now and then just to peer into the sea that his uncle and apparently his father were fond of in concept, his imagination (or very little imagination, as according to most creatures) couldn't help but drift to picturing the unimaginable horrors that could live in the cold, empty, salty void that only the boat could be protecting him from, it was a guilty passtime between reorganizing and re-reorganizing his collection as he so often does, despite his obvious fear of the vast entity and his own imagination.

"See anything in the water?" asked the young stowaway Nibling from behind, indeed the one who had chewed off the river-boat's anchor in the middle of two nights ago "How come you keep looking over there?" he continued asking and approached the Muddler, too short to look over the railing himself.

The Muddler snapped away from his thoughts and looked down at the Nibling with embarrassment and even confusion at his own actions "O- oh, excuse me! I'm sorry! I'm not... I don't see anything, as of yet, I'm just checking the waters just in case... You- you know how there can be dangerous things there, right? Have to keep an eye out!"

"Uh...huh," the Nibling replied with a small hesitant nod and trotted his way to the Muddler's Maxell House Coffee™ tin in small, sticky steps.

Muddler's gaze followed the Nibling and was all too concerned about why he would go there, not wanting to seem rude, he silently followed the Nibling, making sure not to step on the Nibling's trail lest his gloved feet get stuck — or be left without footwear. The Nibling tried to claw up the tin with his small paws and Muddler simply crossed his arms and said "I'm... I'm sorry but I'm not going to let you inside the tin again! You made my playing cards into collage art and my silverware into a plate just from walking on them! I'm not sure if I can let you do something like that again...!" and suddenly guilt welled up and his meek conscience, he uncrossed his arms and held his mouth "Excuse me! Sorry! I hope that didn't seem too rude, Mr. Nibling..."

"I suppose that is fair, but I don't know how I can help it like I can't help from gnawing on the big rope! It's something I'm built with!" cried the Nibling.

"But the least you could do is try to learn from it and avoid it, right...? Try not bothering- I mean, stepping on things too much? Maybe I could find you a pair of socks you could wear while you're on board?" the Muddler offered.

"Do you think that would work?" replied the Nibling.

"We'll have to try! Though it might be a while before I could find a pair small enough for you... Don't suppose I hoarded some from when I was much smaller..." the Muddler pondered to himself before entering the tin.

The Nibling waited very eagerly as metallic and other sorts of noises clunk and banged from inside the enormous coffee tin, intermingled with Muddler's undecipherable mumbling and wordless exclamations. The eagerness subsided as it was clear this really was meant to take a while as Muddler hypothesized, so the Nibling eventually just sat beside the tin and waited patiently for the Muddler to return from his journey through the condensed junk yard found within the tin.

All the while, Hodgkins, the Muddler's aforementioned uncle and captain of this river-boat, and the Moomin, a very new person who had entered their lives and seemed much more interested in interacting with the captain more than anything, were holding operations and chatting in the pilot-house (it was more of a one-sided conversation with Moomin taking the lead, but still). Moomin was proudly steering the boat as Hodgkins made fixes and adjustments in the small tower, as the man much preferred to occupy himself with tweaking every little thing on his creation to make sure things run as smoothly as it can, especially as the river-boat was not meant to sail across the sea, it'd be safer if the Oshun Oxtra was more prepared as it went on.

They would also still need to ration their food and other supplies for this sort of trip, Hodgkins would have to warn Muddler, the crew's chef, cleaner and other things, about having to minimize the consumption and usage of the food supply in their meals, but of course they would have to take into account their food going bad, contamination, having an extra mouth to possibly feed, a plan B in case of miscalculation... Goodness, why did that Nibling have to stowaway and ruin everything like this? These are far too many variables to consider just for food of all things, they'd also have to worry about clean water and sanitation and potential danger and morale or sanity, most of which Hodgkins barely has a proper grasp on to even begin thinking on it!

"Wouldn't you think so, Hodgkins?" Moomin's voice suddenly broke through the train of thought.

"Hm?" Hodgkins turned around to face Moomin, utterly lost as to what he was talking about.

"Oh, perhaps I didn't speak too clearly- I meant that exploring such a vast place such as the ocean would be great for our prospects of being adventurers, right?" Moomin elaborated. And that was quite literally the opposite perspective from what Hodgkins was thinking of.

"Not quite," Hodgkins answered, attention going to the map on the pilot-house's wall "Considering all the practicalities that come with it. And the danger. Can't even be sure where we could be..." he landed a knee on the couch beneath the map and tried to pinpoint their location with his finger, he circled the North Sea as he was aware they were leaving the east of England, so it figures they would be in that particular part of the world "We're somewhere here, I think. Might be closer to our country, hard to tell. The area is too large to pinpoint, still, very likely rife with sea-monsters, or storms... I'm no expert," Hodgkins shrugged "We have to be prepared, don't want my nephew or Joxter or you to get hurt."

Moomin looked at Hodgkins and asked "What about you?"

"That, too," he replied and sat on the couch "Eyes where you're steering, Moomin."

"Oh, aye Captain," Moomin turned around toward the window, suddenly he noticed some dark clouds over the horizon and felt uneasy, he checked the barometer at his side "Hodgkins, I believe there might be a storm approaching if my eyes don't deceive me..."

Hodgkins tilted his head and noticed the dark clouds approaching, his ear flicked and he stood up "I'll consult Joxter, see if he has any input," he said and approached the door.

"Are you really going to think that Joxter would know how to tell the future?" Moomin said impatiently.

"Just for a gist, I trust his forebodings," Hodgkins replied and left. He could hear Moomin mumbling something under his breath before shutting the door.

Hodgkins went to Muddler's tin, ignored the Nibling sitting beside it and knocked on the lid for Muddler himself to peer out, Hodgkins leaned sideways to look his nephew in the eye "Storm approaching, we need Joxter's opinion," he said and lifted the lid up.

"Oh gosh! A storm?" exclaimed the Muddler and got out "I'm sorry that I couldn't find socks for you, Nibling, but this seems more important!" he apologized.

"It's alright! Storms are pretty scary, I think, I'd leave finding socks to do something else too if I were you," the Nibling said and turned the corner to look toward the dark clouds approaching and gulped.

Hodgkins basically dragged Muddler by the arm as the poor creature seemed so horrified at the sight of it that he froze, but of course he had to stumble in the direction Hodgkins was leading him, which was below deck.

Joxter had been sleeping in the, well, sleeping quarters for a few hours now as he usually did. He heard the two approaching from a above and slightly lifted his hat to see what they were intending to do there, then Hodgkins nudged Muddler to approach Joxter, which he did.

"Hey, sorry to wake you, Joxter..." Muddler said sheepishly.

"It's quite alright," he replied gently and sat up from his bed "Is anything the matter?"

"There's... There's a storm incoming, I think, and we hope that you might know if how bad it's going to be? Please?" Muddler answered. Joxter held a finger up to his chin with a very non-serious expression on his face "Joxter! This is serious!" Muddler added, unamused by this attempt at humour.

"Alright! Goodness!" Joxter said and got down from his bed, he walked past Hodgkins and said "Hullo to you too, captain Hodgkins," with a sarcastic salute jabbing at the lack of greeting from him. Hodgkins rolled his eyes and the three of them went above deck together, the storm noticeably being closer than before "Yep, that seems like an awful storm coming soon..." Joxter commented before a pain pierced his nose.

"Ah! Fiddlesticks!" he exclaimed painfully, holding his face "MMM... YES! Darn it! This will be an awful one indeed!" he cried. Muddler held Joxter worriedly and tried to hug his arm.

"I should get inside the tin, then-"

"I wouldn't recommend getting in the tin for protection, dear," Joxter interrupted Muddler and looked at him with a serious expression, then looked up at the sky cautiously.

Moomin broke the door open "The barometer is getting seriously low!" he yelled, looking (metaphorically) pale.

"I'll be steering," Hodgkins mildly yelled back and climbed the stairs to the pilot house "The rest of you go below deck until this is over."

"Excuse me! But what about the coffee tin!?" Muddler cried to his uncle.

"Afraid it can't be brought with you," Hodgkins said, and he was being very truthful in this as the stairway's entrance couldn't fit the coffee tin even if they somehow managed to carry it all the way there.

"NO!!!" screamed the Muddler.

Joxter held Muddler as he squirmed to approach Hodgkins "It will be alright!" he said, he proceeded to escort Muddler below deck. Moomin followed thereafter but not without giving Hodgkins a concerned look.

Hodgkins grabbed the steering wheel and then noticed the sticky sensation on the floor as he stepped on it, he turned around and saw the Nibling was sitting on the couch behind him "Since... When did you get here?" he asked.

"Since Muddler left with you," Nibling answered candidly.

Hodgkins stared at the Nibling for a few seconds, then shook his head and looked forward at the storm.

Below deck, the three crewmates were waiting for the storm to pass. Joxter smoked and played solitaire with his deck of cards, Moomin was pacing around the room, and Muddler sat balled up in the corner of the room, anxious for both his uncle and his coffee tin. This went on with quiet uneasiness and downright paranoia for a few minutes before the boat started noticeably swaying and ruined the Joxter's game, though he merely shrugged off the loss as bigger priorities were in order. The crew could hear the coffee tin gliding across the ceiling in all sorts of directions above their heads, which didn't do much aside from giving the Joxter and Moomin a sense of how much the boat is swaying and putting Muddler on the verge of a heart attack, this went on for a several long minutes until Muddler couldn't bear the sound or thought anymore and decided to go above despite the others' urgent warning and his own logical reasoning.

The door to the exit was dripping with water and, with a shakey paw, Muddler opened it to witness the great rainstorm and raging tides that swayed the river-boat unfit for such weather. Muddler trembled and tried to lift himself up and saw his tin sliding past. Overcome with a near-animalistic impulse to protect his collection, he almost ran after it before his uncle yelled at him asking what he was doing there and that he told him to stay below deck. Muddler suddenly felt regret strike him through the spine but his attention was soon switched with the priority of his tin above even himself. It was a cartoonish goose chase around the deck as the Muddler would trip before catching his tin and his uncle was simply trying his best to keep the ship from capsizing.

Muddler finally managed to hold onto his tin in a moment of sudden calm and relief. The storm was fading into a shower, the weather became brighter, and Muddler was gasping for air from exhaustion.

He seemed proud of himself for such a foolish venture, he beat the storm and made it out intanct, he didn't lose anything, he was fine, everything was fine. He's alright. There's nothing he should be afraid of anymore. Muddler could slip and hit the ground comfortably knowing that the tin is safe.

The boat jossled and then a large thing which seemed like a pillar or a tentacle shot out by the boat's side from underwater and threw everyone on the boat in the air, including the coffee tin. The pillar retreated back into the sea and so did the boat violently rock from side to side. The coffee tin flew across the boat, hit the railing and before Muddler could catch up to it, it slid off into the depths, the lid opened and everything sank into the unknown darkness right before Muddler's eyes.

The boat finally stabilized again. The last few droplets from the big finale landed. Muddler stood frozen over the railing, arms reaching out below, breathing heavily, eyes widened.

Muddler was in shock.

What happened? What was that? Why? Questions echoed in his head. The thoughts were akin to a small child asking innocent questions about the event, and then it quickly descended into accusatory madness trying to come up with an answer himself. In only a few seconds his mind was barking a thousand hateful reasons as to why this happened to him, all pointing at him for the blame, all overwhelming him with spite, and he didn't like it. The thoughts hounded him like rabid dogs, saying that this is was a punishment for his misdeeds and idiocy, screaming that this was his inevitability after so long, and others would squeak back questions of whys and hows. These thoughts would clash and yell over eachother, echoing and repeating, growling and seething, whirling and reeling, they mangled every corner of his consciousness and left no room to breath, all weeping and wrecking every shred of love he had within him.

It wasn't only the loss of his coffee tin that made this happen; something similar happened with the loss of Hodgkins' house to the foot of Edward the Booble, but at the very least it was the tangible fault of someone else, and he had his things and his family, then after a long while after Hodgkins revealed his secret project, he almost choked him with a cogwheel over breakfast, then he painted the boat and got paint all over himself, then painted his tin, then slept in paint all night, then he had to prepare for moving away from a home he's known his whole life, then almost suffocated and drowned in his tin during a river flood, then wished for the Groke to have eaten a hemulen who was promptly taken away by Niblings right after, then he couldn't make any use of himself on the boat, and now he lost his precious collection that kept him sane through all of this. What's next? Losing Hodgkins and Joxter?

His thoughts continued to scream at him, the uncohesive riot slowly gained organization and turned into an angry choir of 'you deserve this', he deserved it for being so dumb, he deserved it for all the things he did over his blurry childhood, he deserved it for being so sensitive, he deserved it for making his uncle almost eat a cogwheel, he deserved it for not thinking ahead, he deserved it for wishing the Hemulen Aunt to be eaten, he deserved having everything taken away from him, parents, home, collection and soon, all. Existing felt like a painful thing after all of this. He just wants it to end now, this weight on his chest, this pain all over his mind and body, this oversensitivity toward everything, having to play both the angry parent and the hurt and guilty child at the same time. He pulled his thoughts together into a quiet desire to just disappear. To do a favor for everyone else and not bother them any longer. Dark, somewhat bloody tears flooded down his face (this is normal for him and his species, Muddlers have tears like dogs) like they do all the time when he feels this. He just wanted to go away, to leave everyone alone, to not have to deal with how he thinks or feels.

The dark clouds parted as the storm ended. Sunbeams shined through and lit up the Oshun Oxtra. Muddler, though, flickered in and out of visibility as the sun's rays expressed no desire to touch something so pathetic and undeserving of their light, and soon his face faded, then the rest of clothes, only leaving a floating saucepan in the air. Out of sight, out of mind, as the Muddler so quietly desired, but he was still physically present, he was there, you just couldn't see him.

Hodgkins rushed out the pilot-house and approached the floating pan where he witnessed Muddler disappear. He reached out a hesitant paw and felt Muddler's jacket where it was meant to be, but still couldn't see. The saucepan rotated in the air as if it turned to look at him, Hodgkins seemed completely lost on any of this.

"Muddler...?" he managed to let out very quietly, misty-eyed.

Joxter and Moomin got out from below deck when they sensed the storm passed, and Hodgkins tried his best to explain what happened without cracking.

POV:muddler has had ENOUGH anD just turns invisible-“

@flowerbloom-arts (go check out blooms fanfic fic for better context!)

Heya people!

The next chapter of the DM!Au will take a bit longer then usual to make, I want to work on my original series before I go back to making the fan fiction.

I absolutely love writing the fic but it’s time consuming and I have other things to balance, if any one has any sorts of questions about the au or the future of it please feel free to dm me! Or just add a comment!

(I will be posting doodles of Joxter and fuzzy along the way once in a while don’t you worry though!)

AND IVE ALREADY MADE FAN ART ✨ people reaD this fanfic it’s so good I just love that daily dose of angst ✨

Omnishambles

chapter 1

In which I, the Muddler, have become an invisible leech on my fellow crewmen, the Moomin tries to ignore the situation, my Joxter tries to salvage my visibility in any way he can, my uncle falls into a great sadness, and then I go to sleep.

-

Prologue

[Features the whole Oshun Oxtra. Full of angst. 3.5 k words long. Some Juddler (Joxter x Muddler) cuz I can't help myself.]

🥀

I sat there as my uncle explained to the others what had happened to me in an emotion I don't remember seeing him express before. He was normally so stoic, what happened…? I looked at the ground and only then noticed my legs weren't where they're meant to be.

Where was I? Was I… gone? As I tried to look for myself, my uncle finally explained that I seemed to have turned invisible.

Oh. So that's what this is.

I'm just invisible. Not gone – but not a ghost, either; they just can't see me under my still visible burnt saucepan. I didn't know how to feel about it. I was still trying to process what had happened, how my tin was gone. Just… Gone.

I still couldn't believe that.

I had that old thing for as long as I can remember… which, admittedly, isn't that much since I can't seem to remember much of my adolescence but, still, I'm pretty sure I've had that thing for a very long time, not to mention everything that was inside it: My penwipes, pipe cleaners, cookware, cutlery, gears, tools, pencils, clothes, jewelry… buttons… My poor buttons especially… Every one of those I've collected myself; some were gifts from my Joxter, yes, but I went to riverbanks and dumps – and you don't want to know where else – to get everything. I had to spend time walking, searching, and finding them, I had to take so many baths to clean off those horrible smells off my wretched self. All of that just to satisfy some unreasonable desire I can't even begin to describe.

And now, everything that I've gained from it is nothing but debris in the middle of nowhere, lost to rust, engulfed by the great unknowns of the abyss below our boat.

Now, I was worthless. At least, I felt so.

Hodgkins searched for my arm and lifted me up so I could stand, confirming that yes, I was there, just not able to be seen.

I looked at him as he gave me – or I suppose the ground or saucepan – the most disquieted look I've ever seen on that old blue face of his.

"Are you alright?" He asked gently.

I nodded, but all they could see was a pot tilting up and down. I looked at the others for the first time in this state.

Moomin tried to keep a serious expression but his eyes had a deep horror within them, and Joxter had such an expression of heartbreak that I desperately wished I could've mustered up an apology for him, but I'm completely voiceless as it turns out. I looked down and noticed the Nibling – I think he didn't know what to think, really, he was speechless with confusion, as we haven't known each other for long and had little to no bond.

Hodgkins' paw drifted down from above my elbow to my own paw and said "Let's take you to the pilot-house," as he guided me there.

I looked back at the crew one last time and then quickly turned back around before the guilt took hold of me. Despite this, it still eventually enveloped my heart knowing they held the same expressions as they watched us leave.

I sat down on the couch of the pilot-house and my uncle went to the chest to search for something. I looked at him and wondered why he's still bothering with doing anything to help me, still bothering to care at all. He only cares about important matters, he was always a practical man that I admired deeply, he was too big to care about little things. So why would he care about me if I wasn't at least useful? Now I'm just useless, why am I worth his time anymore?

He came up to me with a blue ribbon and snapped it in half with his claw. He kneeled before me and asked to place my paw on his, when I did so he tied the ribbon around my palm and tied it like a bracelet, he did the same to my other paw. This was so they can see where my paws are, probably so I wouldn't mess up without their foresight…

My uncle looked down at the ribbons silently and I could tell words were being discarded in his head for what he should say now, some part of him was also considering not saying anything at all, but finally he came up with a forlorn "I'm sorry…" in a tone I only heard when he rarely spoke of his past "I am so sorry…" he continued slowly "I… I shouldn't have let this… that… happen," he looked up at my pan and I noticed the mist in his eyes, this was so unlike him, I couldn't possibly muster a word if I was able to. He sighed heavily and asked guiltily; "Am I at fault?"

I shook my head decidedly, of course it's not his fault, what happened wasn't remotely controlled by him, why would he even ask this?

Hodgkins nodded sadly and patted my arm twice. He got up and moved his arm across his face, checked for tears and rubbed that part of his arm while he looked out the window. The rest of the crew was already gone by now, so he looked upward at the horizon and held onto the steering wheel.

"We'll find land," he muttered to himself and made a few things on the control panel click "We have to," he added "We have to…" he repeated more quietly and desperately.

I looked down at the floating ribbon hoops and felt sorry that this didn't go as I had hoped – I hoped that I could actually disappear, quickly and painlessly, but now I had somehow become more of an inconvenience and a reminder of things they think they've done wrong. I even made my own uncle cry, what person does that? Why is it so difficult to do anything right? I couldn't even stop being a nuisance right – at most they got to stop looking at my miserable face, but what good is that if they still had to worry about me over everything? My mind echoed apologies and I didn't have the voice to let it escape, I couldn't say sorry as I always did a million times a day, it was suffocating.

How was it that I felt more suffocated in open air than a cramped and crowded tin of metal and wood and plastic? Why did I have to be this pathetic and upsetting? Why was I like this? What was I like before? Did it matter what the answer was?

I was a wretched little thing – or rather, a wretched thing that wanted to be little. A disgusting wretched thing, really. I couldn't… I couldn't be any better if I tried. This isn't any better. Worse than I imagined, in fact.

My imagination really was rubbish.

Why must it be so difficult to not be myself for once? Why did I have to paint my tin when just the boat sufficed? I didn't even write its name properly, of course I didn't, my uncle was sparing my feelings – it was supposed to be Ocean Orchestra, not Oshun Oxtra, only an illiterate fool would call this work of craftsmanship an 'Oshun Oxtra', I didn't know at the time… if I wasn't so sensitive Hodgkins would've corrected me and I wouldn't have made this boat so laughable like myself. I was… he… he cares so much for nothing, doesn't he.

Gosh. What a mistake that must be…

I tried to curl up into a ball to muffle my own thoughts somehow and the sliding sound of my invisible paw against my saucepan alerted my uncle, he knew what I was trying to do just by the position of my paws and my headgear. I was upset, and I was trying to stop being upset, so he left the steering wheel and came over to help.

Silent as he is, he moved my paw aside and I looked at him. He wouldn't know from looking but I was on the brink of crying like a small child, but as we'd learned our song and dance from doing it over and over, he could sense it. His ears lowered and he sat next to me, being careful not to step or sit on any part of me. He crossed his arms and leaned on his legs while having some difficulty thinking of what to do or say again.

It really must be hard for a man like him to walk in a room full of eggshells that made nonsensical noises…

Out of an inability to do anything else, I slowly and hesitantly hugged his arm and back, hoping it'll make up for the lack of apology. He really seemed to need one, to me atleast, apologies were the only thing I had to offer him. My slow breathing turned into sniffles as I choked back tears thinking about how awfully insufficient or ill fitting this must be for him, and finally I cracked and started crying on his shoulder – goodness gracious, he was literally my shoulder to cry on.

Hodgkins noticed this and held my arm with a paw. "Hey hey it's alright, I'm fine, you're fine, sorry for not saying anything, I really should learn how to," he told me and rubbed his thumb on my arm "Please don't cry… I didn't mean…" his voice hollowed out and he left himself in silence.

I continued weeping and held a tighter grip on him, hoping this painful feeling could go away if I did. Hodgkins' paw moved to my back and he twisted his position so he could hug me properly.

I felt my eyes widen and then looked down, this was the first time in a while he hugged me, I was too afraid to be touched since the Booble incident. Tears welled up and I buried and rubbed my head against his chest, making the saucepan slide off. It tumbled down and hit the ground with a large bang which made both of us flinch.

The sound rang in my ears. I had ruined it, I ruined this hug and now Hodgkins will have to pick it up for me. Why did it have to be ruined? Why did I have to ruin this moment? Why…

Hodgkins didn't seem to care, he only pulled me in closer and held my head "It's fine," he muttered and continued in silence.

I felt a strange mix of emotions, but above them… I just… I really did miss being hugged by him and feeling the world melt away.

…

Is it too selfish to wish this could last longer than it should?

I wanted to be able to ask him if we could stay like this all day… but at the same time I didn't.

I didn't want him to do something he didn't want to do because he pitied me. Then again he probably did most things out of pity for me. Yet this is probably a stressful time for him, having an invisible nephew on his boat, pretty sure I'm the last member of his family that could be here with him… that's really not the best luck to have, is it?

I wanted to let go, but I didn't, but I did. It was just too nice of a hug to break out of, and I was too scared I'd hurt his feelings if I did, but also he could possibly be wishing we'd stop already. Hodgkins had a job to be the ship's captain and I was keeping him away from it. He probably really wants to check if his boat is in good condition after that horrendous storm, it should be his first priority, not me, anything but me.

Why should I be?

…

The comfortable silence was broken by Moomin's yelling below deck; "Do you really think any of this is going to work!?"

He sounded frustrated. Hodgkins and I looked at the floor and my immediate reaction was to go down and try to defuse the situation or help with what's going on, and so it also was Hodgkins' reaction awell, apparently.

He put an arm up against me as if to say I should stay here, but of course I didn't, it probably had something to do with my Joxter, after all! And he and Moomin didn't get along very well, they could get into a fight! I picked up my fallen saucepan, put it on and silently followed Hodgkins from behind to see what's going on down there.

"Muddler should be fine! He's just not visible!" I heard Moomin cry from below deck "I don't think it's worth searching for lost junk like a madman!"

We passed the Nibling looking down worriedly at the entrance (he wasn't allowed in there especially after the night he stowed away and made literally everything all sticky) and went down the stairs. Hodgkins stopped to look at the situation and I peeped behind him, holding his back. He felt my grip and looked at my saucepan but didn't say anything, both of us looked back at the scene between Moomin and Joxter.

"That's because you didn't give a jonk's whisker about him in the first place! Muddler's my friend! You're just a tag-along Hodgkins met right before we got launched into this mess of an adventure!" Joxter replied and went back to searching for something in a drawer. Moomin was holding a slightly wet fishing net and had the most offended look I've ever seen on his face.

"Tag-along!? I've worked to be a valuable member of this crew while you lazed about doing nothing but smoke and eat and sleep! If anything, you're the tag-along here!" Moomin accused. Joxter scoffed and didn't reply, only continuing to search in the drawer. Moomin was getting even angrier "Did you not hear me!?"

"Not sure about Joxter. But we heard from above deck," Hodgkins said.

Moomin's ears shot up. He dropped the fishnet and turned around to look up at my uncle and gestured toward my Joxter "Hodgkins!! Thank goodness you're here! Could you please knock some sense into this creature! He tried to recover Muddler's junk with your fishing net and that obviously didn't work, now he's trying to scrounge up anything he can to give it to Muddler, thinking it'll fix him somehow!"

He's doing that for me…? He rarely gets out of his way to do anything, and he's searching for things… for me?

"First; pick up the net," Hodgkins commanded calmly.

Moomin froze and bent down to do so "Ah, right, sorry-"

"Second; Joxter is doing what he can for what he cares about. Don't dare discourage it," Hodgkins said sternly.

"Thank you!" Joxter exclaimed exasperatedly, still looking through the drawer, he gave up and closed it in favour of the one under it. Moomin growled, irritated at this, and folded up the fishnet.

"Well if he's being 'useful', what are we meant to do?" Moomin asked.

"We… should check for damages. That storm was harsh," Hodgkins suggested and put his arm behind to pat my back, he looked down at my saucepan and asked "Do you want to stay with Joxter?"

I nodded. I felt like I needed to stay with him if he's putting in so much effort just to help me, but I still held a tight grip on Hodgkins' jacket.

Hodgkins' eyebrows and ears lowered and he lightly pushed me forward toward Joxter "It'll be fine. You're the only person he never bites."

I looked at him and slowly turned my head to look at Joxter, he seemed to be trying to analyze my saucepan and ribbons for the context of where I am. I shrank back at his gaze, yet I stepped forward shyly and held my paws together. He sat on the floor and watched me approach him slowly, he patted the ground silently, signaling that I should sit down with him. I kneeled on the wooden floor.

Hodgkins, upon seeing this interaction, felt sure enough to ascend up the stairs. Moomin followed behind, shooting us a quick glare before disappearing up himself.

I stared silent at the closed entrance. I heard rattling next to me and turned to discover it was just Joxter frantically emptying his pockets of everything he had found so far, he seemed almost excited to present them to me.

He picked up a loose cogwheel from the small pile and held it between his pointer and thumb "Look! I know it's not much but I know that the reason you turned invisible is because you lost your tin – or at least that's the thing that pushed you into it – so my thinking is that if we rebuild the collection, perhaps it can make you feel better and you can turn visible again? Maybe it wouldn't help entirely but I'm hoping that it would be enough until you can properly communicate and take the rest from there? Maybe? A whisper at least?" he maundered and offered the cog to me.

I hesitated. It reminded me too much of the time I accidentally almost choked my uncle for breakfast by dropping one in his omelette. I strongly didn't want to be reminded of it, but I didn't want to hurt Joxter's feelings either. I pushed aside my irrational feelings about it and grabbed it anyway. I felt a great lump in my throat as I examined it.

"I knew a chap once who turned invisible," Joxter began, he always knew a 'chap' who did something related to anything, I always wondered where he keeps finding them "It was because he felt very unhappy about his mistreatment and his mother forbidding him to see a good friend was enough to make him wish he could disappear, I don't think I ever saw him after he muttered his story to me like the whistling wind and ran off into a forest,"

He cupped his paws over mine which held the cogwheel "As much as I don't care for worries and do my best to simply live, I want to live with you. I can't bear the thought of never seeing your face again because some storm decided to be especially cruel."

It wasn't some storm.

"I'll try my best to help you as best I can, I'll even take over your duties on this ship if it means you can recollect yourself and have time to recover."

Please, don't force yourself.

"I owe you after every little thing you've done for me,"

No you don't.

"you are wonderful,"

I'm not.

"and I love you."

… I wanted to say 'I love you too' so badly and out of habit. But I also didn't want to. What's wrong with me?

My whole body shook and I knew he felt it as he held my paw, he was extremely puzzled as to what emotion the shaking is conveying.

"Are… are you alright, dear? Do you need to lie down?" He followed the path of my arm up to my shoulder and held it "Goodness, you're shivering! We should get you in the sleeping quarters this instant, you hear?"

I couldn't do anything but agree, I was shaking, I felt a well of awfulness bursting from my stomach, I was tired, afraid, I couldn't handle another terrible thought about how wretched everyone on this boat is, I couldn't handle myself and anyone for that matter, I wanted- no, needed to sleep.

Joxter lifted me up by the paws and guided me to my bed. I sat down on it. I fell sideways on it. I didn't feel the necessity to change my clothes even if I felt disgusting already. I needed my mind to shut up in my unconsciousness and I needed it to do so as soon as possible.

Joxter threw a blanket over me and looked at the inside of my saucepan in an attempt to make eye contact "Do you want me to stay with you?"

No.

I shook my head and waved my hand side to side.

"Alright then… oh, and we can't forget about the saucepan, you're going to wake up with an awful ache if you keep it," Joxter said and slid the pan from my head and placed it on the nearest surface. He looked at the pit on my pillow kindly "Sleep well, Muds."

I nodded, rolled over to face the wall, and slept.

But I didn't sleep well.

Out of concept sketch dump! Then a drawing I made of kid muddler and hodgkins

@flowerbloom-arts sun dog au has inspired me so I made this ✨ yes it’s gender bent moon goddess hodgkins