How Can He Be So Loyal - Tumblr Posts

It was getting colder, the leaves would be turning brown soon. I had started staying out a bit later after coaching, just so I wouldn’t have to face Samuel.

Being near him was almost painful, and I didn’t trust myself not to reveal everything, throw myself at him and beg for forgiveness. But sooner or later I had to go home.

Samuel had to leave as soon as I returned that evening, and I immediately took out the wedding picture as usual and put it on the table in front of me.

I had looked at it so many times in the last few months and I still didn’t recognise the two people staring back at me from the photo. It felt like a dream. I could barely remember half the wedding, I had been too anxious. Had I even been happy? Had Samuel been happy when we said the wows? Had he believed in us, believed in me?

I looked at the smile in his eyes, his smooth face. How had it only been seven years since this? We looked so painfully young. So stupid. The whole thing had been a fairytale, dreamt up in our minds with no basis in reality. Samuel hadn’t known me at all, I hadn’t even know myself. And I certainly hadn’t known or even cared who he really was.

And now it was too late. I saw the future stretch out in front of me, years and years of…

“Freya?”

I spun around. I hadn’t even heard the door.

“Sorry, I forgot my phone… Why are you looking at that?”

I scrambled to my feet.

“Oh! It’s nothing. I was just…”

My voice faltered.

He hesitated for a second. Then he came closer, and it felt like he was looking right through me.

I was frozen in place, had no idea what to say.

“I’ve seen the way you look at me, you know. At first I thought I was imagining things. I figured it couldn’t possibly mean anything. After all, you said you never loved me… But you also never looked at me like this before.”

He put his arms around me.

“Freya?”

I saw the question in his eyes and felt the solidity of his body against mine.

Unlike the photo, this Samuel was real, not fiction. And I loved him.

The first kiss was brief, tentative. My nose bumped into his and I felt his lips form a smile against mine. We began kissing with an intensity that had never been there before until we both had to stop for breath.

“Fuck,” he mumbled. “I am probably the biggest idiot who ever lived, but fuck if I don’t want you back.”

Tears started running down my cheeks and Samuel held me close.

“I’m so, so sorry”, I whispered.

“I know.”

He held me until I stopped crying. I wanted to burrow into his chest and never leave.

“Freya, my eyes. Look into my eyes. There. Tell me, what do you want?”

His eyes were almost black in the low light and it felt like I was standing on the edge of the edge, the abyss only a heartbeat away.

There’s a way out of everything, but there’s rarely a way back.

“You, Samuel. I want you back. I love you.”

His lips met mine again and I surrendered myself to him completely.

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