I - Tumblr Posts

is it really worth living though...?

always, even if it hurts.

to be frank and personal and without being preachy or graphic i was deeply, deeply suicidal during the last two years and did not expect to live. at one point i had 2$ in my account for weeks and would use it to buy one piece of bread which i'd eat slowly. i was lucky that my apartment lease was my friend's because anyone else would've kicked me out. i had a bug infestation which came from a hole in the wall and i slept with spiders and fur beetles with trash and dishes that i hadn't taken out for god knows how. during this time my friends were my greatest love even though i was unable to tell them how bad i had it until i was out of it. i went out for a walk every day and tried cataloguing birds and frogs i saw. and of course people have it way worse than me. i'm happier than i have ever been since early childhood right now. then again it might never have gotten better, so i guess it's easy to say. but i still think life is a gift, and i kept that belief back then too even if it was unbearable. i'm not calling anyone ungrateful for rejecting it. living is neutral too, and it's political. but life will always have an abundance of itself worth experiencing, help to offer to others, and communities worth finding.