I Didn't Deserve That - Tumblr Posts

at my social work orientation and we're talking about school social workers and the job description was "working with students in exceptional situations" and i just can't stop thinking about myself and my friends in school and how we were so loudly mentally ill. we missed class, we disappeared to the bathroom, we missed assignments, we broke down crying at least weekly, we showed up with long sleeves and pants in summer, shit i showed up with visible cuts multiple times. i was genuinely screaming for help, i made almost no attempts to hide the fact that i was desperate for it. but i wasn't exceptional. i was in ib, i had mostly A's, i did sports, music, i worked a job, my parents were together, we were wealthy. i wasn't exceptional. and i know people needed resources more than me, i know they have so much less and priorities should be on them. but i can't help being furious. i was going through active abuse, there was domestic violence in my house, i had sexual trauma i wasn't aware of, i wanted to die with every fiber of my being. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE. i was terrified that if nobody helped me, i would not survive. but i couldn't just ask for with my words, not when i my parents would be called, not even everybody would be so surprised and disappointed. i deserved help too, even though my situation wasn't exceptional. i kept myself alive, my best friends kept me alive, this system that i am going to dedicate my life to did not keep me alive. i am forever proud of myself and proud of my community for keeping ourselves alive, but we shouldn't have been our only resources.