&&. Ic : Hyunseung & Simon. - Tumblr Posts
paradiscm.
there’s an internal battle, a pinch, a tug, a pull and press of nails, each self-inflicted, each intentionally mean when he faces hyunseung. his head is consistently unforgiving. though there’re moments, brief gulps of air at the surface where his head clouds with confidence (where his ego blooms an unnecessary amount) – the majority of his day is spent wallowing, throat tight and weighted and uncomfortable. and somewhere beneath all the discomfort, and the visible way he tenses at gentle compliments, hyunseung finds him – collects him, cares for him, all gentle, kind, lovely the way hyunseung usually is. all of it makes the rejection sitting on his tongue all the more bitter. simon wills it out – reminds himself that ripping the bandaid clean off speeds up the healing process, as opposed to doing it slow, torturous and fixated. he repeats it in his head like amantra, and his mind whirls, palms hot when they rub nervous against his thighs. “…hyunseung i –” simon sucks in a breath, notes the way heat climbs to his cheeks, notes how thick the air feels around them, “don’t think… i don’t think uh – i can… return your feelings. or. uh.” there’s a pin drop silence. “i just – i don’t know if i’m readin’ things wrong but. but… i just wanted to say that first. before um… before things get any… harder. ‘cause… ‘cause you’re important to me y’know..?” he tries to emphasize the latter, the hand closest to the other male hovering – tempted to slide over and press down with a reassuring pat. simon doesn’t.
clearly something was wrong with simon today at least that was what hyunseung had thought with the other male not really acting his usual self around him which led the socialite to think that he’d fucked up something between them that he might have said or done something that caused to the other to act in a way so out of character of him. which obviously led him to worry about the other and that he’d better do something in order mend whatever rift had formed between due to his actions or words prior to this interaction. thinking over the past few days in order to get to the bottom of whatever he did or say to simon to cause all of this hesitation inside of the other male.
the only problem though was that he couldn’t anything inside of memories that happened between them that would cause this now that could just be his rather inflated ego talking , but he’d been on best behavior so to speak towards the other especially given how new their relationship was and he had always treated simon with care giving him all of his attention and time at least as much as he could give to the other. until there it was the painful words had come out of the other hyunseung was pretty much expecting to hear those words today especially given how he was asked to come over on such short notice and to be honest it didn’t really matter to him he was even more surprised that those words didn’t come out sooner before things got even more complicated between them. " oh! i knew that you’d say that eventually. "
