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" i'm here. i'm real. " ( maren after she saves aggie :^)))))))))

hit 'em where it hurts. / accepting!

the mind is capable of a lot of things. some of the things it does and the why are still a mystery. in many ways, it's like a living computer, and like computers, something terrible can happen. something can break it, cause it to act strange, cause it to malfunction. things can easily cause the human brain to make someone see things that, to their dismay, aren't really there. ny herlighed has done it to her before and agatha was certain this time wasn't any different. she was imagining the commotion, she was imagining her girlfriend, here and still alive.

it has to be in agatha's imagination again... right?

she knows it is. that's all this can be: another hallucination. is she perhaps just that desperate to see maren again? even when she was convinced that she truly wanted nothing to do with the faerie, even when she was convinced she was dead? agatha's love for her never waned, never disappeared altogether. she still holds that torch, some part of her wanting desperately to believe that ny herlighed has been lying to her this whole time. why else would maren also want a child with her? what would she have really gained from tricking the faerie, making her believe she truly and wholeheartedly loved her, from having a child with her, from having a wonderful life together? why would she help to change agatha's view of herself, to raise her confidence and self esteem, why encourage agatha to get help, only for it all to to be one big ploy? and yet... the mind, even when tricked, is a powerful thing.

even as maren approaches, blood soaked clean through what was once a white suit, the faerie shies away from her. not because of the blood or her weapon, but because she knows she isn't there. she's just tired, she just wants this to be over. why can't this just be over?

she whimpers, tears pouring down her face despite how tightly her eyes are closed, feeling maren's bloodied hands cupping her face, hearing her plead with the faerie to look at her. but she can't, she won't. she won't open her eyes to another hallucination! if— if she just keeps her eyes closed, then she'll go away. right? because she's just in her head. she isn't here, she isn't real, she's gone.

no matter how hard she tried to will away what she perceived to be a hallucination, she opens her eyes to find the image still there. sometimes that happened when the hallucinogen was especially strong or when they gave her a little too much. maren would still be there sometimes, just as she is now, that same pleading look on her face as she tries to get agatha to realize this is real. she is real.

" m-maren? " she finally manages to get out, her jaw quivering, her eyes shiny with tears. where there once was nothing in her eyes, there is now a spark of life, a glimmer of hope. oh, gods, she so desperately wants to believe that she's real. please, please, let her be real. agatha wraps her arms around her, holding her tightly as she sobs against her, uncaring of any of the blood (that she knows couldn't possibly be maren's — she wouldn't willingly let any of these people touch her) getting onto her. that didn't matter, not right now.

" p-please, please take us home. p-please, maren. i-i— i j-just w-want to be home again w-with you a-and aurora. "